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it just sucks
It just keeps getting harder the more time that passes the harder it gets. I can normally get through a day with saying atleast I was lucky enough to have true love for 21 years. But today all I can do is miss him with every ounce of energy I have. It sucks why would god give him to me just to take him away. I don't think…
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It's been a while
It has been along time since I have posted on this or any other site. Since losing my husband of almost 40 years I have been dealing with a lot of stuff. I thought the hardest thing I have ever done was take care of him, or watch him deterierate from the cancer and watch him die. BUT the hardest seems to be learning to…
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kitchen towels
I was cleaning out the linen closet this morning (a job long overdue) and I found a set or brand new kitchen towels, and potholders that my mom had bought me some years back. That made me smile and want to cry, but mostly smile. It's like she was saying, see I'm still here, still looking out for you. It's so hard to…
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Here we go again...
A mom's hug lasts long after she lets go. ~Author Unknown Mother, RIP - May 19, 2011 Husband, RIP - May 27, 2011 I knew that this time of year was going to be very difficult to get through... but I really wasn't prepared for being slammed up against the wall once more with all the devastating feelings of loss again. Then…
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Can we skip tomorrow?
Hi I am feeling so much dread right now. I wish tomorrow would just go away. My beloved Mother passed away on Valentines Day this year and I just miss her so. My daughter is expecting me to come over for a BBQ dinner to celebrate Mother's Day. I really do not want to go. I told her why it was hard for me, she feels that it…
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Loosing Them Twice
Almost six months now since she passed. AS I become numb to each grieving ache it seems another ache appears. I have begun feeling like I'm loosing her again. As each day / month passes the freshness of the memories are fading. A sense of slow motion watching her disappear . Guess that's what it feels like when reality…
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Too much to handle
My dear Mum died yesterday of a massive brain hemorrhage. We had 1 week warning this would happen. My Dad died 4th March of Brain cancer. I am absolutely in total shock. I can't absorb what has happened at all.
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Journaling & Grief
Journaling has saved me throughout my 2 years of self discovery. The first year was through my husband's diagnosis of melanoma which ended in death on May 27, 2011. I can tell you that 2 people were grieving during that time. My husband supported me in my writing and until he couldn't read well at the end I read to him. My…
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Not A Good Day
It's a nice day today, and I just keep thinking what my husband and I would be doing on a day like this if he were here. Some days the loneliness is all consuming. I try...get together with friends, run races, joined the garden club, but nothing fills the void. He has been gone almost 2 yrs. and I miss him so very much,…
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My mother died of ovarian cancer two years ago today!
My mother was only 68 years old. All she had was a stomach ache. It wasn't until she couldn't hold any food down and became dehydrated that her cancer was detected. However, it was in an advanced stage and five months later, we lost her. I thought after two years, things in my life would relatively get back to normal, but…
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Three Month Mark
I can not believe it's been three months since my husband passed away already! it was an emotional couple of days leading up to today but I managed to get through it. Visited his grave and brought him some flowers. It's surreal to go there knowing that someday I might be there too. I do probably go up there too much but he…
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My Rhonda has passed
Four years ago when I joined this network I never thought that I would be posting here. My love, my joy, my best friend, and my wife passed on 4/20/12. It has been a hard time getting back on my feet but I have gotten back to work and our sons and I, are getting back to the "new normal". I would like to thank all of you…
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My mother passed away... I am so sad... Support?
My mother passed away five days ago. The funeral was organized two days ago. My mother had cervical cancer with metastasis changes on her lungs. She survived almost 5 years. My only comfort is that she didn't have some exaggerating suffer at the end. I think that she had a quality life during this period. She had a great…
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SHATTERED!!!!!
Hello I am new here but i have been watching the boards for awhile now, i switched from reading Hopeful stories to this so i guess this was the worst Outcome.. My Mom Passed 3/18/12 from Lung Cancer with Mets to the Brain, she was Diagnosed 3 weeks Before she passed ( even though her Death Certificate Says 5 months) she…
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Not Coming As Often
I find myself coming less often to these boards. I remember I came several times a day after Doug died. Now, I come only once a week or so. I think that is probably some kind of progress. Now, I come to help others rather than to help myself. I do answer PM s quickly because I get a notification on my email. So, what I am…
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If only... We knew what to do, why didn't we just do it?
Other short stories about cancer, grief and loss here http://hoogenakker.net/ feel free to share - Steve Teri’s dad, Don has a certain way around small kids. Whenever a toddler or baby was crying, no matter where we were, Don could take the baby up in his arms and within a matter of minutes, the baby was quiet and usually…
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Lost
I lost my husband & best friend almost a month ago. We did everything together and were happiest when it was just the two of us. It was a soul-mate, true to the heart love that I am so blessed to have been able to experience. That sweet man went through so much pain and suffering for 18 months that I found myself praying…
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My "Firsts"
It's been a while since visiting this site. I just celebrated my birthday without my sweet husband. I guess I survived it but missed him terribly. I had come across the last B-day card that he gave me last year. I don't even know why I saved it and put it where I would find it this year. Lots of weird things happening.…
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Overwhelming sadness
Hi I am overwhelmed with sadness. My sweet wonderful Mom passed away on Feb 14. She was in hospice for one week. I was there for her almost all the time, the last five years. During that time my only brother died suddenly too. I have put off my own treatment since last fall to be available for my Mom. I just feel so…
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Dad and I
Exactly 2 weeks ago (4th March), I lost my father to a malignant brain tumour. He was my everything in life, my friend, financial advisor and most of all my dear daddy. I grew up as his only daughter and we shared a very special father/daughter bond and regardless of the fact that I was now in my 30's, he still treated me…
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coming up on what should be our 16th anniversary
Well survived Valentines day , even broke down and got a new computer. Boy have I missed this site and all the wonderful support. March 11 was four monthes without my Butch, March 27 is the 16th anniversary of him proposing to me. H0ow can 4 monthes seem so much longer than 16 years. Beautiful sunny day 72 degrees on St.…
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I miss her so bad!!
I can barely even type right now I'm crying so hard. I didn't know where else to turn to let this out. I don't share these moments with friends. I think it would make them feel uncomfortable. This week has stunk. Just challenges of life but I forged through it. Then two hours ago I did something stupid. I had tons of…
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I cry crocodile tears for Mark
Hello all, I went back to the time I first started posting on CSN to reread what I have wrote and all the great replies. I saved them to my computer to reflect on the Journey that my loving husband took in 2011. I still miss him so much. I have a journal that I write in daily to Mark. I constantly cry crocodile tears from…
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How to I survive my Mom's death?
It won't be much longer now before my Mom leaves this world forever. One week ago, I am stressing about changing her depends, days later its switching her to very soft foods, and now she is practically in a coma. I am a MESS as you can imagine. A few days ago we had a foley catheter put in. It really relieved my Mom's…
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Thank God this day is almost over
I need to vent. Please forgive me if it's too much but I've got to release all of this. I really thought I'd be able to handle this day. Granted it hasn't even been 2 weeks since I lost mom but I really did think I could handle this Christmas. Lets just say the hollow feeling is horrible. I think I've cried at least 5lb's…
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Your children/child
How are your children handling the loss of their parent? I have a daughter-she was 24 when my wife, her mother died, 18 months ago. She is our only child. I sometimes worry how she is processing her mother’s death. She and her mom had a “bond” I cannot replicate. I am a believer in the maternal bond, a woman carries a…
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Is there an international sign for back off?
what a horrible few minutes. Things have changed so much since my partner died 8 1/2 weeks ago that I have to change my language even. I used to say what a great day or what a long afternoon. Now I have to look st things in terms of emotional roller coaster moments. We spent so much time trying to live life normally that I…
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Let me grieve!!
I am doing well. Thats my phrase I tell everyone who asks how I'm doing. My skin actually crawls when I hear that question because they don't really want to go through all the layers of emotions I'm feeling so I give them what they want to hear. I do often wonder what their reaction would be if I unleashed some of those…
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30 days today I lost my Michael
Well it is 30 days today I have gone back to work well only for two days. This week I will try to do 5 days, his parents are having a mass for him On Nov 15th it will be in Italian I don;t understand Italian, and I feel I should go, but I don;t want to. For me I feel like we will be having a the funeral all over again, I…
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Sadly I am new to this particular section
After two plus years since my husband's diagnosis he passed away under the care of Hospice on January 14th. It was such a horrible experience. I don't think I will ever get over it. I miss him and am lost without him. We would have been married 40 years this April. I miss talking to him and waking up in the middle of the…