My mother died of ovarian cancer two years ago today!

mom2jared

My mother was only 68 years old. All she had was a stomach ache. It wasn't until she couldn't hold any food down and became dehydrated that her cancer was detected. However, it was in an advanced stage and five months later, we lost her. I thought after two years, things in my life would relatively get back to normal, but nothing is the same. I'm in my early 40's, divorced and a single mother. My son who is ten, misses his grandmother. It doesn't help that she's buried out of state and I can't visit her grave as much as I would like to. Especially a day like today when it is her death anniversary. My father has moved on with his life by dating again and my sibling is newly married. I am the only one who is having trouble moving on. I lost so many friends because of my current state of depression. Before you ask, yes, I'm seeing a grief counselor and taking meds. I feel like I have done everything I can to move on, yet I can't. I basically had no closure with my mom's death because it happened so fast. She was in and out of the hospital and the last time she was in the hospital was after her third chemo. She was recuperating and lively. I told her I would see her in the morning and that night she turned blue and was rushed to ICU. She never woke up. I didn't get to say goodbye to her. There was so much I wanted to say to her. We had trouble getting along and I wanted to try to make amends with her, but I ran out of time. It hurts that my parents withheld the true extent of her illness from me and my sibling. We were told she would have the chemo and would be fine, but that wasn't the case at all. I know my mother was trying to protect us, but I feel cheated because if I knew she had such a short time left, I would have made the best of it. Instead I took it for granted. Why is this so hard, even after two years?