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Checking in
Just checking in. I haven't disappeared totally. I have been traveling with family so I have just started lurking again. I am trying catch up. Fay
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Can his family really hijack my husbands last wishes
Apparently they can. Hello- to those that don't know me- my husband passed last Tuesday May 24th, with lung cancer and mets to the brain. His family were totally absent during this time even when my daughter came from the UK every month to Texas to support us when they found it unbearable to come from one hour away. Less…
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Daddy Dearest
It was a long, hard battle which lasted for a little over a year. It's been a very emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Unfortunately my father succumbed to cancer early Thursday morning. His cancer originated in his right lung, but eventually spread to his other lung, esophagus, spine, brain, and liver. He ended up…
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Please Help
My mom died on June 27th. I had to make the decision to pull the plug on mom, but she still wanted to fight. She was just too weak to fight. I seen how scared she was when she couldn't breathe. I was also there when the doctor told her that she was dying. I also seen how scared she was. The doctor gave her hours at best,…
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The Floodgates Are Open... Let The Work Begin!
"Feeling the pain follows accepting the loss. Trying to avoid pain is natural, but only prolongs the process. You may try to cut off your feelings, to keep yourself too busy to feel or think, or to dwell only on pleasant memories. The pain will eventually appear in another form, such as depression or illness. Feeling the…
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When Does The Hurting Stop?
Hi Everyone: I thought I was doing great. Of course I had some sad days. I've avoided this board because I guess I just didn't want to be reminded of my own grief. I know I let some of you down by not supporting you. I'm really sorry about that. It's been almost 6 months since my husband passed and 7 months since my sister…
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I know we will be together again!
You know when a great friend or loved one has come for a visit? And you have a wonderful time? You cook and have drinks, talk about the old times, laugh and cry together? And then it is time for them to go back home? Maybe you take them to the airport, or just help them pack their car. And then you kiss and hug and say…
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Relatives... who knew?
Let's see... I got to get a handle on this or this will drive me crazy and I will do something I will regret later. I can't be the only one going through this. Some of you will remember my husband is a "Harley" rider... we took summer vacations on the rode, the most exciting one was "Sturgis" in South Dakota, the biggest…
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Father's Day
My dad passed away (I've written numerous posts about it) on January 19th, 2011 at 56 years old from sarcoma tumors in both lungs. This Sunday is Father's Day, and the 5 month anniversary of his death. My heart is broken...the tears have been close the falling. With warmth, hugs, and prayers...
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The Black Hole...
I could get lost in it... if I let myself, this darkness. There is still so much to do for my husband's Celebration of Life on June 18th, and I have gone back to work. There certainly has been enough to keep me occupied during the day but my nights are dark and quiet... my heart aches for him. The space beside me lies…
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Joy in Life
How does one find that joy for life again after losing your spouse? I lost George just over 4 months ago we were married for 38 years. He was my best friend and the one person I could depend on. He had just retired and we'd completed building our dream home in the country when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer so we had…
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post vacation blues
So I spent a week in Berkeley with my brother and SIL and that was WONDERFUL! Getting some distance did help, as I was not constantly surrounded by memories and associations with Frank. Not to mention that helping with 7 month old twin babies (only 4 in their premie adjusted ages) does not leave much room for sitting…
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It's been a month already
This morning marks one month since Frank passed. I am missing his physical presence acutely; I miss talking to him, sleeping next to him, walking down the street hand in hand with him. I am going about my life, working, socializing, keeping myself busy...but Frank is in my thoughts constantly and I am partly living in a…
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Checking in....
Hello to everyone. I know it's been well over a month since I've been here to visit. Hard to say why exactly. Part of it is just because of sheer overload in every day life. But to be honest, part of it was not wanting to face the emotions that would inevitably be brought out here. All of April and a lot of May was a tough…
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Life Celebration Over... What Now?
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weed, Forever I have been avoiding my computer, my one outlet of release has been writing and expressing my feelings and then sharing them with Bob, the one person who could…
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Severe Grief
I cannot believe the amount of grief I am experiencing over my wifes cancer. It just doesn't seem to stop. However I do need to cope with it to look after her and my children without doing anything stupid due to the extreme emotions I am going through. My wife was driving a car little more than 4 weeks ago. Today she is…
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I still can't believe she's gone
This still seems like a horrible dream even as I write this. I have had double tragedies in my life months apart. Late last year, my mum started feeling numbness in her right leg. She then went to an orthopedic doctor who quickly diagnosed it as sciatica. He put her on some nerve stimulating drugs which helped for…
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My son's wedding
My son will be getting married next weekend. It will be a bittersweet event as his father, my husband's absence will be very much felt. I can't help but picture myself sitting in the front row alone and thinking about what should have been. Trying very hard to be strong and upbeat because I don't want him to look back at…
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And it all came unravelled
It is now 17 months since hubby passed. I dont post often but do lurk and drop a line once in a while. As some of you may know in the first 8 months after hubby passing I had to get the girls and myself a new place to live and I also changed jobs. The one year mark was hard but I thought I was doing ok, getting better at…
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Forever Changed
Can you see the change in me? It may not be that obvious to you. I participate in family activities. I attend family reunions. I help plan holiday meals. You tell me you're glad to see that I don't cry anymore. But I do cry. When everyone has gone, when it is safe the tears fall. I cry in privacy so my family won't worry.…
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Support group
I lost my husband, best friend and soul mate almost 4 months ago. We had been married for 38 years. I started to attend a support group and after the first meeting we were asked to bring a photo of our loved one to share with the group. This I did and it was Ok however our assignment for the next meeting is to share with…
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I want to be normal again!!!
My husband died March 22, 2011 and I am so lonely. He was only 55 and we worked together everyday. I have lots of friends and family, but I constantly miss him so much. We were married 37 years and he told me everyday that he loved me! I will never hear that again! I want to be normal again but I dont know where to start.…
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bad week
This week is probably the hardest week yet. Tomorrow makes 3 months since Patrick has been gone, and Wednesday the 18th is/was our wedding anniversary. We would have been married 4 years. I'm all over the place emotionally. Had a spectacularly good day Sunday as I made it through his clothes without too much of an issue.…
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Going It Alone
It will be a year June 14 that my Terry left this world. It has been very hard pushing forward, working, taking care of the house, dealing with finances. As difficult as it has been,I can definitely see progress. I did something I have never done before...went to the movies alone. Saw the Bridesmaids, which was pretty…
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I can't find my illudium Q-36 explosive space modulator . . .
It almost seems like I'm doing worse than I was a month ago. I don't get it. Was ok for all of it, but now it hits me. So now I'm trying to find the piece of the puzzle that puts everything back into place so I don't feel like I'm living in a house of cards. I would say like things were before, but that's such a loaded…
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Woke up with hot flashes
I lost my 85 year old father to colon cancer back in Feb. Even before he died, I was in constant overdrive; taking care of him, watching his decline, knowing that he was going to leave me. Thank goodness for Hospice, friends, and family; they got me through some really tough times. After his death, the big push was getting…
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Memorial Day
This is the second big holiday to pass without Patrick here. In this house, St. Patrick's Day does count as a major holiday. As the unofficial start to summer, for the first time ever I'm having a barbeque. Everyone that is coming knew my husband and most of them weren't at his service in February (has it been that long…
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One Year
It's hard to believe that in a few days I will have the one year anniversary of my husband's death. I'm not sure whether the year went fast or slow. In fact, looking back I have no recollection of the year passing, it just did. I made it through all of the firsts: graduations, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays...but, now…
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My Birthday
Today is my birthday. Last year at this time my parents hosted a 50th birthday brunch for me at a beautiful waterfront resturaunt. It wasn't so much the milestone (50, but that is which I hated) but their generous attempt to make a memory for to keep with me. Hank was doing great that day, loved the food and the company…
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Panic Attacks
It has been three months since my dad passed away. My grief is going through various stages, and various feelings. I have been having intense panic attacks whenever I remember that I will not see my dad again in this lifetime. He was 56 when he passed away, I am 28. I feel panic that he won't see me get married, and be…