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CSN update
I apologize to everyone for not having communicated sooner. You have been more than patient under the circumstances. At this point, all of the content that was missing following the upgrade has been restored with the exception of private messages. There has been an ongoing investigation for several weeks that has yielded…
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Missing my husband
Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since my best friend, soul mate and husband died from metastatic melanoma. It was Thanksgiving day at 12:15 pm that he left us. My children and I were with him, standing around his hospice bed and telling him how much we loved him, he stretched out his arms and exhaled one last time. It was a…
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I Have Realized
No matter how long I live, the rest of my life I will miss her more with each passing day. It's been over a year since she passed and I have become numb to the heartbreaking pain. It doesn't go away. It sits there like a jagged scar on your heart. Numbed, not healed by time. Truly, of all that which wreaks havoc on our…
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losing a father at 18 years old
My father passed away from lung cancer early Sunday morning, July, 15. He fought the strongest battle he could for 10 months before he passed away from tumor complications. The cancer had metastasized to his brain last month. In the past month, he also suffered from swallowing problems to the extent of them putting in a…
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Devastated
December 28 was one month since my husband, Brian, died. For me, it feels like an eternity. I miss him so much I almost can't function. I was very composed for his funeral, but I seem to be getting worse with each day. I am surrounded by people that want to help me and my daughters and I just want everyone to go away. They…
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Need help -Oligodendroglioma Grade 3
Hi I am new to this so not sure if I am posting in the right place...I have been visiting this site every now and then and I see that everyone wants to help each other..I am hoping to find some help too...my brother in law 28 years old was diagnosed with Oligodendroglioma Grade 3...he was doing just fine after his…
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Conflicted feelings about attending holiday memorial service
Well, I did it last night. After much wavering, I called to RSVP for a Christmas candlelight memorial service this Sunday sponsored by Compassionate Friends, a national organization for parents who have lost a child. I have been so conflicted about attending. On one hand, I want to go. They print a program with your…
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Finding "normal"
Ohhh normal where are you ??? anyone have a map i dont think its possible to find normal.oh we well normal is overrated and nonexistent anyways.It kind of makes me wonder why people say oh things will get back to normal in no time.Well i dont want to break it to you but theirs but their bis probably no such thing as normal…
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trying
Today is four weeks since my son David died. The pain feels intense, overwhelming, sharp, like it was yesterday, but it seems like months....a year...since I lost David. So I'm trying. Trying to piece some sort of a life back together. I know my old, sweet, beautiful life is over and I can never have it back. I'll never be…
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I hate the holidays
My dad sang in the church choir for 30 years. He died on Dec. 19, several years ago. My grand mom died on Dec. 17. Then my 12 year old nephew died on dec 19' three years ago. My Best friend, my husband of 43 years, died 2 years ago. I'm alone. I was in Bed bath etc. two days ago, they were playing carols on the speakers.…
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Husband lost his battle
My husband Richard lost his battle with Pancreatic Neuroendocrine Carcinoid Caner on October 3rd. We were married for over 26 1/2 years. Have 6 children and 10 grandchildren. I still have two at home that are 14(twins). Just take a moment at a time and trust that the Lord is guiding us through. Richard was 53 years old.…
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I hate the holidays
My dad sang in the church choir for 30 years. He died on Dec. 19, several years ago. My grand mom died on Dec. 17. Then my 12 year old nephew died on dec 19' three years ago. My Best friend, my husband of 43 years, died 2 years ago. I'm alone. I was in Bed bath etc. two days ago, they were playing carols on the speakers.…
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Got through Thanksgiving
Well, I made it through Thanksgiving. It was very hard and very sad but not as bad as I expected. I went to the cemetery the day before Thanksgiving and cried so long and so hard that I was totally exhausted. I actually had trouble walking back to my car. I must have looked like a crazy woman, all muddy and dirty from…
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First Thanksgiving Miserable
I just had to endure one of the worst holidays without my husband of 40 years. I just wanted to stay home but agreed to go to a friends house as that is what my kids wanted to do. I didn't even get to sit with them so what was the point of my being there? I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up until February 1st. Too…
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Well I made it- I guess?
Well I got past my first Thanksgiving without my mother. She passed away this past June from bladder cancer at the age of 55 leaving me (28) and my younger brother and sister (25). My sister has Autism. I swear during the whole summer I felt dead inside. There's no other way for me to put it. I haven't worked since June 4,…
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The Love of my life
I am a mother of two boys age 7 and 9 and I just lost my husband on October 2nd 2012 to Refractory Diffuse Large B-Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. He fought hard, as it was already stage 4 when diagnosed in November 2011. I miss him. The pain hurts and I have no time to grieve, as I will have to return to work to support my…
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My mom died almost 1 year ago.
I'm 22 years old and on May 5th of 2011 I lost the most amazing person and woman I have ever known. My mommy. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001, my dad left which left my sister and I to take care of her with the help of my grandparents. I was her main caregiver throughout my teens and in 2007 on my 18th…
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Dreading the holidays
I'm already dreading the upcoming holidays. Was in the local Kmart and there are Christmas stuff out already, This will be our first Christmas without our son...we are now at the six month mark. We were thinking it would be good to go somewhere very "unChristmas like" for the holidays. My nephew lives in Grand Cayman and…
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It's Starting to Really Hit Me She's Gone
Yesterday marked the 2 month anniversary of my mom's passing and as the time goes on, the void starts to feel bigger. My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer in late 2005 which later metastasized to the bones, liver and then brain. I flew home to spend her final days with her in hospice and it just broke my heart…
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not sure how to grief
Tommarow around 12:23pm my mother has been dead for 3 weeks.Early summer of 2012. My ma was diagnosed with stage 3 liver cancer.first they tried a experimental treatment were the injected radiation beads. Into her liver. But this was with no sucess Next they tries chemo therapy. She was on that till around Aug 16 When she…
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Three Years Now
It is hard to believe that I lost my husband three years ago today. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday. Other times it seems like forever. I cherish the good memories we made together and the family we raised. He will forever be a part of who I am. He is still one of the first things I thing of every morning, and the…
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David's burial and memorial
We had a private gravesite service for David on Thursday--family only. We have a large family so it wasn't a real small gathering. We buried David in a small pioneer cemetery out in the country, up on a hill, under a huge oak tree, only a few feet away from his best friend, my closest friend's son, who was killed in a car…
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When will memories bring comfort?
It's been six since our son died.. I think it took several months for reality to sink in. In fact, I'm starting to think our grief has two parts. I am still grieving the last year of our son's life. I keep reliving all those difficult months of caring for him, and how it was watching him endure all the losses his brain…
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Missing my mom..
My passed away about 2 months ago after a 3 year battle with ovarian cancer. My grandfather (her father) passed away exactly one month after she did. I have been trying to keep myself occupied but ever so often (today, for instance), I just have a really terrible day and I can't exactly put words to it. I'm 23 years old…
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without my bestfriend, my mama.
Hi there, My name is Chantal, I am 20 years old and I've lost my mama back in April this years (6months ago). My mum was diagnosed with cancer on her spine in november 2011. Everything started to move really quickly, radiation, chemotherapy and lots of hospitilaztion. She soon found out she had a tumour on her left lung…
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Lost my mother 8 days ago
October 5th will never be looked upon the same by me and others in my family. The worst part is that we were given this false hope for months now, and the reason for it is we believed my mom was suffering from something else. Since June, my mom complained of pain on her side. She started to get medical advice when the pain…
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Delayed Diagnosis????? How Many Mammograms Before Diagnosis?
Curiously I am wondering how many woman waited for their diagnosis, due to doctor failing to order additional diagnostic tests needed, to rule out breast cancer or any cancer. How many mammograms did you have before your diagnoses? Stage 0 and stage 3 is the difference between fighting off cancer and fighting for your…
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The Silence
is relentless. The sounds of a home are long gone. Friends and family have gone back to their lives. The love that lived here is fading and now it's just a house. The memories are here but they have become muted without her voice to remind me of what was. Nine months without the sound of her laughter. I try desperately to…
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What CSN Means to Me
I often recommend these boards to others because they have helped me through the hardest time in my life so far. I will always be thankful that I found them even though I wish I had found them sooner. I came here often while my husband was fighting his last battle with cancer. The support I was given by those who…
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Feeling worse the second year
My husband of 38 years passed away in Feb. 2011 from stomach cancer. The first year was very difficult as it is for all of us but I was allowing myself to go through the grieving journey. Then in April of 2012 I was diagnosed with anal cancer. This brought back so many memories of my husbands fight with cancer and I was…