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Sadly I am new to this particular section
After two plus years since my husband's diagnosis he passed away under the care of Hospice on January 14th. It was such a horrible experience. I don't think I will ever get over it. I miss him and am lost without him. We would have been married 40 years this April. I miss talking to him and waking up in the middle of the…
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Lost my mom a month ago to cancer, and not sure how to deal with it..
Hello. My name is Julia and I am new to this site. On December 1st at 6:30 I lost my mom to leukemia. My mom had gone through a lot and it was so hard to watch her deteriorate before my eyes. She was diagnosed in March and the doctors all said that because shewas 50 that she had a really good chance on fighting and…
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My first Valentine's Day without him
Well, I just spent my first Valentine's Day without my sweet husband... I guess I survived it ok. First thing was to visit my husband's resting place and give him some more flowers since it was a few weeks ago since I was there last. then I signed off on his car and went to the first Liver Cancer Support Group. Sadly I was…
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donations
I was just wondering where I can donate so many medical supplies that my late husband has not used. A lot of track supplies. suction machine, and the tubes that you use to suction out the track. Also a lot of can food that I have left, cases and cases. I have boxes of supplies that are sitting out in my garage not even…
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The Long Drive Home
I don't know what it is but driving home after work every time is so emotional for me. I swear I can feel my moms pressence in my truck and see her little head ( my mom was a very tiny woman 4ft 6 and no she wasn't a midget and I feared for anyone who would ever ask her that LOL ) looking all around our the windows…
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Even Walmart makes me cry!!!
My dear Don left this world on Oct 5th 2011. He was diagnosed on May 26th 2011. I brought him home from the hospital on the evening of Oct 3rd. The dr said he had 2-3 months. 30 hours later he was gone... After 30 years, it's so lonely. I know God is with me and I'm not alone. I know he is happy and healed. But sometimes…
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My dad was *EVERYTHING* to me...!!!
It's been five *IMPOSSIBLE* years without him...! My dad was/is my Superman. Any fears that I had as a child were immediately obliterated when I thought about him. Even as cancer tried to take him over, it couldn't take that. My father fought with cancer for twenty... years... I was a *kid* when that dirty word bombarded…
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The cost of your loved ones treatment
I am wondering if when your loved one had cancer, did you sweat over the bills for their treatment? I wanted my wife to get the best care, and I believe she did. However, it was sobering when I saw bills for her chemotherapy alone that averaged $50,000 per treatment. She was covered on my group plan thru my employer and…
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Why, why, why!!!
I continue to visit my husbands grave once/twice a week. Today there was a new grave. It was for a 10 yr. old little girl who died of brain cancer. The same monster that took my husband. Two headstones away is the grave of a 19 yr. young man who also died of GBM. I wanted to scream, WHY. This makes no sense to me that all…
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Dad is no longer suffering
Hi everyone, I just wanted to let you all know that Dad is no longer suffering. He passed away on January 12th. (I will go ahead and say I have to type this somewhere. It has been a really hard year, and you may not want to read as I recount the last weeks and hours.) I had posted that we had to move to hospice care after…
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How can we explain to friends and family what we're feeling and by the way what AM I feeling? A hope
A short story that in a somewhat light fashion (and who can't use a little of that now and again?) will help you frame yourself and tell friends and family what you might be going through. The blog is heartfelt,powerful and a little edgy with some offbeat cancer humor because it we don't laugh we'll cry right? Anyway, here…
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There IS hope - The Color of Rain This is really helping me with the loss of my young wife
The link to the story is here: http://hoogenakker.net/?p=534 This site is personal and there are a few short stories that are different than other posts. They're heartfelt and powerful, but nobody ever says they're depressing (well maybe the Hospice story) If you get any relief from this, or know of anyone who can, please…
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I am trying to stay sane.
I guess this is the place. I posted a month ago about my husband talking about death. Well, every week-maybe once, he talks about dying. Then suddenly he starts talking of all of these plans about going places and doing things around the house. Last two weeks he started talking about how he wants his funeral. Then one day…
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Are You Suffering From Post Traumatic Stress?
What many of us are suffering from is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This is separate from the grieving. There are (3) phases to recovery: 1. Impact phase - victims react to protect themselves and the lives of others - a natural reaction; or, may be stunned and unable to protect themselves. Stressors during this…
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Can't look at moms picture
Today it is exactly 1 month since my mom has been gone. I remain puzzled at all that took place. Last year at this time she was completely healthy. At least she appeared healthy at this time last year. Febuary was the month we began our journey into the depths of hell. This feels so odd but I can't look at her photos for…
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Does he remeber me?
Okay 4 weeks and 2 days I must being doing something right because I am still somewhat functional. Everyone wants me to talk to cry and so on. Oh I do. Two days ago I go to wal mart for groceries 7am not many people to deal with. Some poor man says to me Smile it Christmas and Santa is watching. I looked at my cart and all…
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Can't cope with mum's death
I lost my mum last month. She had stage IV NSCLC but died from an infection while on chemotherapy. Even though I miss her so much, I can somehow handle that part of it. I just can't cope with how she must have felt when she was dying, knowing she was leaving us all. I'm haunted by the images of her suffering during her…
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Need to Talk
Hello all, I just need to talk and let some of this pain out. Sometimes I wonder why things happen. No one said that life was fair, but it has been so cruel and cold to me. I now know exactly what Pink Floyd was singing about in that one song Comfortably Numb. I guess this would be the best way to describe it. I was never…
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My dad is at peace.
My dad passed away on 1/19/2011 at the age of 56 from Sarcoma of the lungs. He went on Home Hospice in October. Decisions were made (not by me) to bring him to the hospital in his final days. I was with him in the hospital and I was able to recount memories, tell him how much I loved him, and comb his hair one last time. I…
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Lost my mom - lost without her...
I lost my mom on September 15th. It is the hardest thing in my life. Early July, she has a little stomach pain, sharp pain, we went to ER and after waiting 14hrs, they tell us it's probably a cancer that spread. She had a mass in her pancreas, colon and metastatic a bit everywhere in her lungs. They gave us an appointement…
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I lied to Mark
I lied to my Markie, I am NOT okay! I am a trainwrecked trainwreck everyday! I HATE CANCER!!! Thanks for listening! ~Kelly wife of Mark Scoville- RIP (nsclc w/ mets) 11/14/11.
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is there something wrong with me
I lost my mom a little over 2 yrs ago (uterine cancer) and I've been doing well for the most part as have my sisters, rest of family. Her diagnosis came out of nowhere.. stage IV, thought there were little signs and symptoms that her drs. ignored and we naively believed them. Anyhow, every once in awhile, it happened this…
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Did your love one prepare you for their death?
I know that a lot of you in this section have either walked through the love one dying. I want to know if your love ones prepared you for their dying by talking about death? My husband on two ocassions this week has talked about his funeral and body preparation-sort of? Share please.
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Why do people think you have to get rid of everything?
People are driving me nuts!!!! I have had to have a couple things repaired already. My hubby has only been gone 3 weeks and people are looking around and saying you aren't going to use that you might as well get rid of it. That's like new you aren't going to use it. Don't have that installed go ahead and sell it this was a…
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Lost my lovely man 3 weeks ago, don't know what to do
Hi Everyone, I lost my man 3 weeks ago to bowel cancer with peritoneal mets. He was ok for a while then suddenly went downhill. He was in hospice and died just over a week after he got there peacefully. I am totally filled with despair. I don't know what to do or who to turn to, since the funeral everyone has been going…
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Dreams of spouse
I’m am not certain if this has been posted before but I am wondering if any of you have recurrent dreams of your departed spouse/partner/significant other. In my dream my wife is back in my life and I know it is not supposed to be this way. I ask myself how her doctor could be wrong, the death certificate with her name…
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Things you wish you had shared with your spouse
Just wondering if any of “Us” have regretted not talking about “Things” with our spouses before they died? I regret not sharing how I felt when I first met her in 1975. She knocked me over with her beauty, long black hair to her knees and how shy and bashful I felt just sitting next to her. I wish I had told her that yes I…
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happy birthday Marsh
My love my life-Happy birthday I miss you each and every day-This marks the third Bday without you and it will be our 3rd christmas apart. I know as Mom faces the same you went through U are with us. Thank you for my life. You showed me the world and sent me on my path with destiny. Life is grand-Just a little lonley and…
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I was on Caregiver board and Lung cancer board, now look where I am....
Hello, I lost my husband on November 14th, 2011 at 11:32 am (Monday) from Advanced Stage IV lung cancer with mets all along his aorta. I was there when he passed. To me he passed in a bad way. We did get to say our "I love you's" but he was suffering. I miss him so much. I know it has only been a few weeks but this really…
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Thanksgiving
I hope we all get through this day and the holiday season with love, good memories, and a sense of peace. I know it is not easy especially for those facing the holidays for the first time with grief in your heart. I am thankful for all of you and for this board. I am blessed with wonderful family and friends. This year, I…