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First birthday alone
I lost my husband ,George 3 months ago after a 2 year battle with stomach cancer. We had been married for 38 years and he was my rock, best friend and reason for living. Yesterday it was my birthday and one of the worst days since I lost him. These past couple of weeks have been really bad seems like I'm going backwards.…
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Dealing w/Mom's Passing
My mother passed in February, 2011 and I am having a difficult time. She was diagnosed with lung cancer last year, and died suddenly at home from a blood clot. It was the most horrific thing I have ever experienced and I am not dealing with it very well. She had been to her Oncologist that very day, was having trouble…
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unraveling
I need an answer, some way to understand This feels so convincing and a little out of hand So tell me one thing who gave you all those scars? That took away your innocence You push away with everything you are, I can't take this anymore I'm tired of breaking, I'm tired of faking I want the world to see you sold a broken…
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Another weekend, here we go again....
Weekends are hard because I do not have my work, which give me focus. I'm trying to stay busy this weekend because I've learned that I need planned activity! I'll be planting flowers today (Saturday) in memory of my husband. Sundays are always hard, but I purchased tickets to a show for my son and me. We'll also go to…
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The Sign On My Front Door
NOTICE TO ALL WHO ENTER HERE --------------- I am not broken. I am simply grieving. Please do not try to fix me. I WILL talk about my departed husband. He is still a huge part of me and always will be. I am being very self-indulgent and compassionate with myself at this time. Don't be surprised if I still have on my…
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No one talks about my husband
Recently, I have spent time with family, friends and co-workers, and I noticed that no one mentions my husband. If I bring up something about him, they gloss right over it. I hate that! It makes me feel so isolated. He will always be a part of me. I would love to hear some of their memories of him - funny stories. Lately,…
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my dad died this morning
I am joining all of you with your loss. I lost my dad this morning to Stage 4 Esophageal Cancer which metastasized to his liver. He was 61 years old. Please tell me this gets easier over time. Jonathan
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12 Weeks Tomorrow
tomorrow marks 12 weeks...three months...at this moment in time, somehow I feel like I am sadder than he is...I feel like he went on and I have not...it makes me sad and for one brief moment just a little angry...but the anger quickly dissolves to tears and sadness...I know neither of us ever wanted this...what has…
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trouble
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTuh41W9dwU I'm feeling a bit irritated. I feel incredibly taken advantage of by someone who does know better. I will admit to some of this being my own fault - I got taken in. But on the other hand, for one this person should know better and for two if you tell me one thing and do another…
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Pets
Some of us have talked about our pets before and how they are helping us through this time. I just thought I'd give the cat some face time, just to show I'm not strictly a dog person. Fay
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Their gifts
It has been just nine months since my wife of 32 years died. In 1975 I was struggling in a private college in San Diego. I was working full time as a nurse’s aide while trying to navigate 15 units living in a dorm. I was struggling. Last week, 36 years later, I flew down to Sand Diego on business and returned to my…
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"What hurts the most"
RASCAL FLATTS "What Hurts The Most" I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house That don’t bother me I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while Even though going on with you gone still upsets me There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok But that’s…
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Tomorrow
Tomorrow is our Relay for Life, and I am the speaker for the opening ceremonies. It's a little scary. I have done some public speaking so I know I can do it. I think it may be a bit hard, though. Just keep me in your thoughts. This group is so supportive, I just thought I'd ask for your help. Fay
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weekend
I am feeling very shaky this morning. It's my first weekend without Frank. We always spent our weekends together. I have plans for lunch with friends and then will come back to my mom's. I am clinging to her like a child. Tomorrow I am going to get back into my routine and go to the gym, and to a yoga class. Then I have to…
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and so I join the grief and bereavement board
Frank died yesterday morning. I spent the night at my mother's apartment. I was afraid to come home this morning but I finally did (had to feed the cats). I know I can't avoid being home, I have to get used to being here alone. Since Frank did not want a funeral or service, there is nothing I have to do. I am planning on…
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How are you handling Easter?
My husband and I always traveled around Easter, so I am reminded of where we were last year and how happy we felt. Sundays are always hard for me because he died on a Sunday, but I think Easter Sunday will be very painful. I picture us sitting in a restaurant last year with no thought of the possibility that it would be…
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tired of being lost
I have gotten used to people I love dieing, that bothers me so much I'm 27 and understand death more than life. I'm just so tired of feeling loss and telling myself to acsept it and move on. Anger seems to be the only thing that makes me feel in control. I am better than that, I know. I am over letting things slide, I…
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Good Friday Thought
My daily devotional included this thought for Good Friday that I wanted to pass along to those of you who share my faith tradition. "On this sad and solemn day, we remember that a tiny baby and a mighty God have already conquered death." May we all have a blessed Easter. Fay
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Vacation
Well, tomorrow I leave for a four day cruise to the Bahamas. I haven't been on a vacation in two years. Every sick day, vacation day I have had has gone to caregiving for my mom first,then her funeral, then my husbands illness, then his funeral and the paperwork afterward. I vacilate between feeling super excited and then…
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2 yrs saturday
That my love lost his battle with colon cancer Angels mom lives in california and could not come to az for her son she was so upset crying alot i bought 10 white ballons and 2 black and some roses and a mixed flowers haley my 9 yr grand daughter came with me we let the white ballons go saying a little something as each…
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Can't believe this s$@%!!!
Went out of town to visit my grandparent, who raised me until I was 15. Thought I needed the time away and they always offered to pay for the train ticket (not happening) and asked repeatedly when I was coming up. Think this was the biggest mistake I have made so far. My grandmother has been almost itching for a fight…
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Sometimes I wake up & wonder how I will get through the day
Today is one of those days. I woke up to the thought that I will never see my husband again in this life. It was searing pain!!! My husband was my best friend, my rock, and the love of my life. I have to go to work and at least function on a minimal level, but I really feel like curling up in a fetal position. It's going…
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Fields Of Gold...and Yellow Brick Road
Hi All, Just wanted to say a message to my Mum and everyone, yes I am feeling sad and low and all that stuff but , I wanted to say Yes I know my mum will stay with me and its not fields of gold but Mum it is fields of strawberries, and yes it is in the thunderstorm because it was wonderful mum. I can not watch Wizard Of Oz…
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Does anyone find themselves becoming a little reckless
I know that sometimes when we suffer a loss of this magnitude we may start doing things that are out of character from who we normally were. Mine has become shopping. Now mind you I have lost 35-40 pounds since my husbands passing (can't say I totally unhappy about being a size 4) amd needed new clothes but now I keep…
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Okay Until I Found The Letters
I was in a great mood today. Lots of energy - just like my old self so I started cleaning out the attic for a huge garage sale I'm having Sat. when I found Paul's letters that he had written to me from Viet Nam (before we were married). I was so happy to find them since I thought they got lost in one of our moves. I put…
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people making light of cancer
While i myself have not lot anyone to cancer (yet, and hopefully it will remain this way). There are two people i've come across who are making light of this disease. http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=question&id=1533818919938&qa_ref=nac&post_id=1541371508748¬if_t=like Renel: "meant the link was in reference to that.…
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Another weekend!
This is when I feel the loss of my husband 24-7. Weekends used to be so wonderful. We didn't have to do anything special - sometimes on a rainy day, we would just curl up on the sofa and watch old movies. Now, I'm trying to find projects (anything) to stay busy.
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Still can't believe she's gone
I and my mother and sister and a few friends that had been caregivers to my sister went to a benefit last night. I had a great time but they showed a slide show of races for ovarian cancer and at the end a memorial of those that had passed. I cried like a baby. When will it feel real? I still expect her to come out of her…
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thinking
Linkin Park - Waiting For The End Waiting for the end to come Wishing I had strength to stand This is not what I had planned It's out of my control.... Flying at the speed of light Thoughts were spinning in my head So many things were left unsaid It's hard to let you go... (Oh!) I know what it takes to move on, (Oh!)I know…
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2 yr coming up
Who would of thought that in 10 days 2 yrs ago my husband would die. I miss him as much as i did the minute he died. rest in peace honey i love u and miss u. michelle