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A first of many, I am sure
Last night I took a chance and went, with my daughter, to listen to my girlfriend's band at a little bar. This was something my love and I did often, in better days. We would dance the night away! I was scared. Scared of how it would feel to be there without him, scared of how I would feel to see other couples dancing,…
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How do I help??
My friend who lost her husband is having such a hard time. I just read several of your posts and know so many of you can relate. Thank you so much for sharing your stories. I am a 3X cancer survivor so have been on this site for some time. I am encouraging her to pop on here and read similar stories....but in your opinion,…
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Awake since 5 am
Even with the Ambien I take, I find myself waking up around 5 am every morning. A few times I have been able to go back to sleep. My heart has decided that bedtime is the time for it to remember, to grieve. I usually pray and recall our life when I go to bed. And fall to sleep. Haven't had but 2-3 dreams since my love…
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First time alone
This morning I spent the first moments alone since my love passed away. I thought that it was something I needed, as I have been surrounded with love and care continuously since Dec. 20th. I've cried, I've danced with my arms raised as in holding him. I've asked him why did he leave me. I've asked God why did Dennis have…
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2010
Well, this is the last day of the last year that my Daddy was alive. I thought I would be happy to see this year go but, I feel a little more sad. I hate cancer.
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Add Insult to Injury
Or the other way around actually. Was trying really hard to make it through the holidays and stay strong. But...on Christmas Eve I fell on the stairs and broke my foot!. The ER doc at the small country hopital said he couldn't really tell but thought I had a minor fracture and sent me home with instructions to stay off it…
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Just thinking out loud
Its coming up on 9 months since I lost my husband to lung cancer..... I have tried every option available to me to deal with this loss....the whole in my soul is vast. I made it though the holidays mostly by simply zoning myself out....moments of interest about the season but mostly wanting it to all just go away. I have…
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The mornings
Is it just me or is anyone else finding early morning, when you first wake up a miserable time of day? I find myself waking up between 4 and 5 and every worry, stress and lonely feeling is right on the surface. It is probably the worse time of day for me. I usually just get up and start cleaning or something. Just wonder…
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Today
Today is our precious granddaughter's 2nd Birthday and my heart is so sad that grampy won't be here! Made it through Christmas and new year, but today I am missing him so! 14 days, and there are moments that my mind thinks he is going to come through the door. I know that God is holding me right now, but today I actually…
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I'm new to this and need someone or something....
My name is Misty. I watched my father lose his battle with kidney cancer. He recently passed away 10/01/2010, in my home. He was diagnosed with cancer November 2009. Dec 23 2009 we found out it was stage four renal cell carcinoma. He was the strongest man I have ever known. I was responsible for his funeral arrangements…
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He went with Jesus, yesterday!
My Love, Dennis, went to be with our Lord yesterday. It came fast, he suffered but two days with pain, continuously told me he loved and adored me, held me and kissed me until I told him to take Jesus' hand and go. I told him how sad I would be, but because of his love I will continue. Thank you dear friends for all of the…
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How do you do it
As I have posted before some of you may know I lost my husband to rectal cancer in July. How do the rest of you do it. The holidays, for me, just intesified the loss and how much I miss him. My family and friends are very supportive, I am doing all of the things I thik I can do, coundeling meds etc, and nothing seems to…
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Has anyone else???
Have you gotton any Christmas cards addressed to you and your loved one that has passed on? I have and even though I know they just don't know, or haven't heard yet it doesn't lessen the pain I feel in my gut. If only it was both of us together like always.....God I never thought this would happen to me and I really don't…
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Bring on 2011!!!!!
It has to be better, right?? I am so ready to see 2010 go away, I lost both my mother and mother in law, both way to soon and quickly. So far I have "made" it through Thanksgiving, my moms bday, and Christmas. I'm thinking there are more hard times to come, but perhaps things will not feel so "raw" and I will be able to…
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Peace during this holiday
Just wanted to wish all of you a Merry Christmas. Hopefully we can find some level of peace during this holiday...enjoy some time with the loved ones that are still with us and keep those that are no longer here in our hearts. Hugs to all. Becky
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Merry Christmas From Heaven
Merry Christmas From Heaven I still hear the songs I still see the lights I still feel your love On cold wintery nights. I still share your hopes And all of your cares I’ll even remind you To say all your prayers I just want to tell you You still make me proud You stand head and shoulders Above all the crowds Keep trying…
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How are the holidays going for you?
I know this is hard to talk about, but I havent seen many posts lately on this board and I am wondering where everybody is and how we are doing. For me, it really hasn't been too bad but next weekend is Doug's family's Christmas party. I don't communicate or see them too much because they are 2 hours across the state and…
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Feeling like the wicked witch of the west~
~~I'm Melting!!!~~ Too many meltdowns the past couple of days. Cannot get a grip and seem to keep being drawn to things that I know will prevoke a meltdown. As if I am looking to wallow in despair and pity..... All that is left of blood is my 85 year old Mimi, my brother and my 2 sons. If it weren't for my oldest (21) I…
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Hitting a low
Having one of those mornings. Getting tired of waking up every morning feeling like I am stuck in this life I don't want. Miss my buddy, my life with him. Miss being happy. Well just venting...on to another day.
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Not sure I like who I have become and I KNOW my husband does not!!!
Obviously, I knew from the day mom was dx that I would be forever changed, then once she past, again, forever changed in a new way. Not sure I like me. I am cold to my husband. Everything he does irks me. I don't know why, but today I saw it all clear and will TRY to make a conscious effort to change. Just for a little…
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Just checking in
Thinking of all my "discussion board" friends...hope you can find some level of peace during this very difficult time of year.
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Im new/ Recently Lost my mom!
Hi All, My mom battle cancer for 3yrs it started in her colon, then moved to her lung,liver,brain,and hip. Our Journey started in October 2007 she was told she had colon cancer had the surgery removed it and we kept fighting, shortly while my mom was recovering with me we was told my stepdad had lung cancer, he was on…
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Made It
through Thanksgiving. To tell the truth I really just wanted to stay home in bed and forget the whole thing. But everone pushed me so I did it. Wet up to my parents, had the traditional turkey dinner (my husbands favorite dish) went with my parents and brothers to cut down their Christmas trees (something we couldn't do…
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1 year tomorrow
Tomorrow will be the anniversary of my Paramjeet's passing. I have had flashbacks over the last 2 weeks of the last 2 weeks of his life. I was hopeless last week and am feeling better this week but my heart aches for the memories he will not share as our 2 beautiful girls grow up. I often feel him around ...so near yet so…
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Made it through Thanksgiving and Mom's Birthday.....
Not sure how exactly, but we did. I have never made the entire Thanksgiving dinner, until now. I did pretty good, even on the age old family tradition of homemade noodles! It was sad and different without mom. Even more so, my brother decided to go out of town to our step sisters for the holiday and my stepdad wanted to…
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Thanksgiving
I just wanted to wish all of my discussion board friends a peaceful Thanksgiving. We enter the holidays with such an absence and sadness. Surround yourself with loved ones, don't try to go it alone. Best wishes to all. Becky
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I lost my boyfriend.
I lost my boyfriend to esophageal cancer on 8/18/10. He was diagnosed in April 2010 and it progressed very quickly. I am so lost. We are both in our late 40's and had a whole life time to live. We have only been together for 3 years, but dated in our early 20's for awhile. I loved him with everything I had and will miss…
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Question RE: Bereavement Groups
Hello. What exactly goes on in a bereavement support group? My husband's cancer center offers such a group. Hatshepsut
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Her name is Laura and I miss hee ever day she's not by my side
Her name was Laura, and she was my girl, and I loved more than anything in this damn world. we got married young. Both of us were 18. But we defied the odds and made it work. Ours....was a not a perfect marriage, but we tried and we made it through the tough times. 20 years we were together 'til the demon cancer took her…
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My mom's birthday is today :(
My mom passed away a little over a year ago and still to this day the pain is unbearable. I am still suffering from a broken heart and constantly have a heart ache. I feel so empty and lost without her. I have a repetitive blank feeling that seems to never get better on days like today. I was only 14 when she was diagnose,…