A first of many, I am sure

luz del lago
luz del lago CSN Member Posts: 449
edited March 2014 in Grief and Bereavement #1
Last night I took a chance and went, with my daughter, to listen to my girlfriend's band at a little bar. This was something my love and I did often, in better days. We would dance the night away! I was scared. Scared of how it would feel to be there without him, scared of how I would feel to see other couples dancing, scared that it would be too soon, scared of spending another night isolated at home! Scared that some may think bad of me for being out at a bar so soon after his passing. You may ask, with all those fears, how did you ever get out the door? I looked at it as a "baby step" in the direction of my future.

It was wonderful to see all of my friends again. To feel their warm and comforting embraces. Yes, there were some difficult moments for me, a particular song that we always danced to, seeing another couple dance so happily, was not easy. But I thought of the years that I had the gift of our dancing and that brought a smile to my lips.

Didn't stay till the end as we always did, but listened for two sets and headed back home. My daughter and I both needed to be out amongst others, hearing music and conversation. I know that it will not be easy every time, but I am praying that soon I will begin to see that I have a life that continues and my love would wish for it to.

I pray for all of you to begin to make these "baby steps" in your lives. For you to begin to use the strength and determination that you had for your loved one on yourselves. For better days.

Lucy

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay CSN Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    Good
    Good for you! I know how hard those firsts are. Even going back to church for the first time was a challenge for me, but I knew I would be loved and cared for by those who were there. Each first will make the next one just a little easier. Sometimes the anticipation is worse than actually doing it. You're right baby steps are called for. Even when we end up taking a step back now and then our journey continues. You were very brave. Fay
  • luz del lago
    luz del lago CSN Member Posts: 449
    #3
    grandmafay said:

    Good
    Good for you! I know how hard those firsts are. Even going back to church for the first time was a challenge for me, but I knew I would be loved and cared for by those who were there. Each first will make the next one just a little easier. Sometimes the anticipation is worse than actually doing it. You're right baby steps are called for. Even when we end up taking a step back now and then our journey continues. You were very brave. Fay

    Fay
    Thank you. Your words have always brought me reassurance. I keep hearing these little whispers of "you matter", "your time here is of relevance", "live for yourself, your loved ones, for God". I am here for a purpose, and each day I ask God to guide me in His direction.

    Blessings to you,

    Lucy
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom CSN Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #4
    wonderful
    It is wonderful to hear about your "baby step". It is encouraging and inspiring, Lucy.

    Now, walk until you run!

    Hugs!

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