Stupid stuff people say about us having Breast cancer.
Comments
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A funny one too...pitt said:I've been reading every
I've been reading every single post. I clearly am wound a little tight this week (coming off of a bad chemo week) and I want to hunt them all down and point out how stupid they are!!!
Having said that, being able to laugh at these is great medicine indeed! Here's my personal favorite and happened to me this week:
A "friend", who wants me as her token cancer girl, decided to throw a shopping party in my "honor." They have a clothing boutique and were advertising a "Breast Cancer Awareness Sale" where a portion of the night's proceeds would go to Susan G. Komen in my honor. She called me up and told me to be there Wed night from 6-10. (Never was I consulted about day/time; I was told not asked; I've only met the person a couple of times.) I politely called back and explained that as I have just had a treatment, I am now neutropenic and can't be around a bunch of strangers during FLU SEASON AND my body is still reacting from the chemo and I run to the bathroom every 5 minutes!!! And I'm too tired for a party...I have been going to bed at 7:00!!!!!!!
I have never been so irritated in my life. If I actually thought this person was trying to care about me instead of making a buck I might feel guilty for my attitude...BUT I DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
Here'a a happier one:
When i met my surgeon, I had to choose between a lumpectomy vs. a mastectomy. When I told him I might be leaning towards a mastectomy he said, "Well you do have small breasts. You could have an augmentation if you go that route!)
Really?! I always thought my breasts were perfect for my frame...a B or C is considered small now days?
Gotta love it!0 -
If we put these together...pitt said:A funny one too...
Here'a a happier one:
When i met my surgeon, I had to choose between a lumpectomy vs. a mastectomy. When I told him I might be leaning towards a mastectomy he said, "Well you do have small breasts. You could have an augmentation if you go that route!)
Really?! I always thought my breasts were perfect for my frame...a B or C is considered small now days?
Gotta love it!
Well, Token Cancer Girl, perhaps there's a connection: Perhaps your oh-so-caring "friend" was wanting you to come to her boutique to try to outfit you to "help" you hide your pitifully "small" breasts? :-)
I say that anyone on chemo should use it as an excuse (when it's true, as in your case...or even when it's not) to get out of ANYTHING that doesn't feel right for us, or that we just plain don't want to do!
Liz, you talked on another thread about focusing on friends who help you feel positive or make you laugh, and enjoying time with your kids -- I truly think you're setting a great example for all the other Chemo Chicks!
Traci0 -
Education!TraciInLA said:If we put these together...
Well, Token Cancer Girl, perhaps there's a connection: Perhaps your oh-so-caring "friend" was wanting you to come to her boutique to try to outfit you to "help" you hide your pitifully "small" breasts? :-)
I say that anyone on chemo should use it as an excuse (when it's true, as in your case...or even when it's not) to get out of ANYTHING that doesn't feel right for us, or that we just plain don't want to do!
Liz, you talked on another thread about focusing on friends who help you feel positive or make you laugh, and enjoying time with your kids -- I truly think you're setting a great example for all the other Chemo Chicks!
Traci
Well, Lovely Ladies, I have gained quite an education reading through all of these posts--hopefully it will help me cope with such comments that are sure to be in my future! I'm thinking of compiling them in a document (anonymously, of course) and printing them out to give to people when they say something stupid . . . "Here, you might want to read this so you'll know what NOT to say next time you see me!"
Sheesh.
I have to admit that so far _I_ am the one telling everyone that I am going to be fine. I am working on maintaining a positive attitude. However, I haven't been through chemo yet, and I can see that I probably won't feel like telling people I'm going to be fine during those weeks-months . . . and clearly, _hearing_ "You're going to be fine," is going to be irritating, so I am soooo glad I read all these comments!
I like the suggestion (sorry, I've lost track of all the posters' names) to stop someone who begins to tell a story about someone else who got cancer and tell them not to tell you of a negative outcome. That's really smart. This all reminds me of the horror stories some women would share about childbirth with a woman who is pregnant for the first time . . . DON'T!!!
I have to add that I also don't like to hear, "Oh, how awful! I'm so sorry!" (in tones of utter doom, as if it's the end of the world) when I tell them I've been dx'd with BC.
I'd really rather people would just say, "I don't know what to say." Then I could tell them what I want to hear from them; guess I'd better tell them, "At least today! I don't know what I'll want to hear in xx weeks!"0 -
Can't help but laugh......TraciInLA said:If we put these together...
Well, Token Cancer Girl, perhaps there's a connection: Perhaps your oh-so-caring "friend" was wanting you to come to her boutique to try to outfit you to "help" you hide your pitifully "small" breasts? :-)
I say that anyone on chemo should use it as an excuse (when it's true, as in your case...or even when it's not) to get out of ANYTHING that doesn't feel right for us, or that we just plain don't want to do!
Liz, you talked on another thread about focusing on friends who help you feel positive or make you laugh, and enjoying time with your kids -- I truly think you're setting a great example for all the other Chemo Chicks!
Traci
At some of the stupid things people say to us......I love the "token cancer friend" thing...For some bizzare reason when I read Traci's response......"well token cancer girl" I Absolutely laughed my butt off and I am still laughing........I think I am going to use that line on a few people......"I'm your token bc cancer friend! Care to join me in a trip down memory lane, since you think this is just a bump in the road for me?"
My best friend who is fighting brain cancer, went to a support group lead by a BC survivor RN.....she told them to use their cancer for a life time of "Oh I can't do that, I had cancer"......Oh, no, I can't possibly do that, I had cancer...." She said she'd be in trouble if someone asked how long ago.....as it had been 16 years...... But she told the group, cancer sucks.........and we DESERVE to use it to help us avoid things we didn't want to do.....best excuse in the world!0 -
Traci's responseTraciInLA said:If we put these together...
Well, Token Cancer Girl, perhaps there's a connection: Perhaps your oh-so-caring "friend" was wanting you to come to her boutique to try to outfit you to "help" you hide your pitifully "small" breasts? :-)
I say that anyone on chemo should use it as an excuse (when it's true, as in your case...or even when it's not) to get out of ANYTHING that doesn't feel right for us, or that we just plain don't want to do!
Liz, you talked on another thread about focusing on friends who help you feel positive or make you laugh, and enjoying time with your kids -- I truly think you're setting a great example for all the other Chemo Chicks!
Traci
I have to say, when I read Traci's response I was laughing out loud! Apparently, I have an incredible coping mechanism in place. I should mention that my surgeon in overtly gay so I figured regarding the "small breast" comment, really what does HE know?!?!?!??!?!?!?
Thanks for the rest of your post. That made me feel good. :-)
Liz0 -
Are we a little more testypitt said:Traci's response
I have to say, when I read Traci's response I was laughing out loud! Apparently, I have an incredible coping mechanism in place. I should mention that my surgeon in overtly gay so I figured regarding the "small breast" comment, really what does HE know?!?!?!??!?!?!?
Thanks for the rest of your post. That made me feel good. :-)
Liz
Are we a little more testy during this time? I think I am, and due to fatigue and all the other extra additions which accompany this treatment, I find myself not overlooking and feeling more irritable with comments made by others. There was a time when I'd just say, what the heck and let it go, but now I'm saying, "what the heck are you saying". A friend started 3rd degreeing me about my white counts, and I simply said, I dont have the energy to answer your questions, lets talk about something else. I said to my husband, "what does she think she is, a doctor?", and he roared and so did I.0 -
stupid comments
I have heard so many I can't remember many right now. The latest was, Oh, you have breast cancer. That's not so bad. A lot of people get that now and live.
Of course, I didn't want to jump into the mire, so I did NOT say, Yeah, and a lot of people still die.
cheers,
donna peach0 -
Stupid questions, comments, actions, etc.
I'm laughing and crying here as I read these!
A number of years ago a co-worker had a mastectomy and this 95 year old man who knew her brought her a bag of his long-dead wife's old, yellow, falling apart prostheses. He thought he was being very helpful. Good thing Linda had a great sense of humor....Plus I guess you can't really hit an old man, no matter how much you might want to...
When I was trying to decide whether to have a double or single mastectomy, my oncologist suggested I ask the surgeon for a discount on the second breast, as he would be there already, and it wouldn't take more than 15 minutes to remove the other one, too.0 -
I have two sons and i canj916 said:Stupid and Sweet....
Stupid...
MAN!!! I'm going to have to PAY for it if i want to get a boob job!!!
(oh really? ya wanna trade??)
Sweet:
I had to tell my son over the phone that I was going to have a mastectomy. He said...ok, and EXACTLY what is that...and i said..it's where they remove the entire breast...he was silent for a minute and then said very loudly.....ARE THEY GOING TO PUT IT BACK?!?!?!?
I cracked up laughing....just what i needed.
Gotta love our kids!!!
I have two sons and i can totally understand that comment. Reading what you wrote made me laugh out loud. Lately that does not happen very often. thank you0 -
WOW - DiscountsFran1947 said:Stupid questions, comments, actions, etc.
I'm laughing and crying here as I read these!
A number of years ago a co-worker had a mastectomy and this 95 year old man who knew her brought her a bag of his long-dead wife's old, yellow, falling apart prostheses. He thought he was being very helpful. Good thing Linda had a great sense of humor....Plus I guess you can't really hit an old man, no matter how much you might want to...
When I was trying to decide whether to have a double or single mastectomy, my oncologist suggested I ask the surgeon for a discount on the second breast, as he would be there already, and it wouldn't take more than 15 minutes to remove the other one, too.
If that option comes up when its time for me to make my decision, I hope I'll remember to ask for a discount on the second one. Who would'a thought of that, and only 15 minutes more. What a deal!!! LOL (Think this might qualify as one of the top ten most stupid things). I'm definitely writing these all down. Thanks for making me laugh!0 -
Discounts are good...Fran1947 said:Stupid questions, comments, actions, etc.
I'm laughing and crying here as I read these!
A number of years ago a co-worker had a mastectomy and this 95 year old man who knew her brought her a bag of his long-dead wife's old, yellow, falling apart prostheses. He thought he was being very helpful. Good thing Linda had a great sense of humor....Plus I guess you can't really hit an old man, no matter how much you might want to...
When I was trying to decide whether to have a double or single mastectomy, my oncologist suggested I ask the surgeon for a discount on the second breast, as he would be there already, and it wouldn't take more than 15 minutes to remove the other one, too.
...but I'd really rather have a free set of Ginsu knives, or maybe 2 Chia Pets for the price of one if you call your surgeon in the next 10 minutes....
"This second breast, ladies and gentlemen, is a special offer not available in stores, so call now!"
:-) Traci0 -
Glad this was bumped cuz I've got one to add
Many of you know that my dad passed away from cancer a week ago and my mom lost her battle over a year ago. Well, one of my co-workers (not close by any means)who knows I'm battling breast cancer just had to comment - "That makes you an orphan" when she found out he had died. I literally could not come up with an answer, it shocked me so much. Thank God for a very caring individual who took me to her office right after this and let me cry. How stupid can people be. Yes, I know I've lost both my parents, so nice of you to remind me of this. Just had to vent.0 -
My sister told her sonlovelylola said:Glad this was bumped cuz I've got one to add
Many of you know that my dad passed away from cancer a week ago and my mom lost her battle over a year ago. Well, one of my co-workers (not close by any means)who knows I'm battling breast cancer just had to comment - "That makes you an orphan" when she found out he had died. I literally could not come up with an answer, it shocked me so much. Thank God for a very caring individual who took me to her office right after this and let me cry. How stupid can people be. Yes, I know I've lost both my parents, so nice of you to remind me of this. Just had to vent.
My sister told her 20-year-old son that I was going to be having a bilateral mastectomy and he kept saying, "what?" And then he told her he thought she said a VASECTOMY, and he couldn't understand why his AUNT was going to have a vasectomy. My sister and I had a good laugh over that one.0 -
I'm glad this thread got
I'm glad this thread got bumped up for us 'newbies'! I joined this site just after this thread died out in October so it's new to me. The dx of bc hit me like a curveball. As many of you experienced, it comes out of the blue sometimes. What? Me? I have no risk factors, I eat healthy, ... and so on. But my husband and I told anyone who was close about it right away, even before we knew much. My family practitioner could only tell me it was ductal carcinoma, since she had only gotten a phone call and had not seen the report. As you probably know, I was desperate to know if it was IDC or DCIS because the treatments can vary widely. Not knowing drove me crazy, so I went to the center that did the biopsy and picked up the report myself the next day. Stupid family practitioner just wanted the telling of "you've got breast cancer" off her plate, regardless of the details she left out.
We sent out an email since all our relatives live out of state, and we didn't want anyone complaining that, "you called so-and-so before you called me". My mother in law's (she's 81) response was, "What's happening to my family?!!!" She had lost her oldest son 10 years ago in a car accident with a repeat offender drunken driver, her youngest son died 5 years ago in a drug induced shoot out with police, and now I had cancer. My husband's remarks were along the line of: it's always about her, everything is about how things affect HER. I understood, though. It was the closest she could come to sympathy and I appreciated it. As the universe would have it, her only daughter died unexpectedly of gall bladder surgery complications two months after my dx. My husband and his older brother are "The Last Men Standing" in his family.0 -
I have dealt with you lookcrselby said:I'm glad this thread got
I'm glad this thread got bumped up for us 'newbies'! I joined this site just after this thread died out in October so it's new to me. The dx of bc hit me like a curveball. As many of you experienced, it comes out of the blue sometimes. What? Me? I have no risk factors, I eat healthy, ... and so on. But my husband and I told anyone who was close about it right away, even before we knew much. My family practitioner could only tell me it was ductal carcinoma, since she had only gotten a phone call and had not seen the report. As you probably know, I was desperate to know if it was IDC or DCIS because the treatments can vary widely. Not knowing drove me crazy, so I went to the center that did the biopsy and picked up the report myself the next day. Stupid family practitioner just wanted the telling of "you've got breast cancer" off her plate, regardless of the details she left out.
We sent out an email since all our relatives live out of state, and we didn't want anyone complaining that, "you called so-and-so before you called me". My mother in law's (she's 81) response was, "What's happening to my family?!!!" She had lost her oldest son 10 years ago in a car accident with a repeat offender drunken driver, her youngest son died 5 years ago in a drug induced shoot out with police, and now I had cancer. My husband's remarks were along the line of: it's always about her, everything is about how things affect HER. I understood, though. It was the closest she could come to sympathy and I appreciated it. As the universe would have it, her only daughter died unexpectedly of gall bladder surgery complications two months after my dx. My husband and his older brother are "The Last Men Standing" in his family.
I have dealt with you look good, to arent you over that yet? someone didi nt invite me to their wedding because they had "it" in their family and they were frightend and guilty because they were so happy. I did post earlier on what the jeweler said. Which I though was hysterical "Well lookks like youve been going through some crap" My SIL did say she wondered if I know how lucky I was because I was in abetter position than the cancer pts she drew blood on. This was after, mastectomy, reconstruction, 6 months of chemo , local recurrance radiation. 2 samll children to care for etc... that was 15 years ago I dont know what she says now, i dont bother to talk to her. I am sending my avatar to chemo this thurs do you think they will notice??????0 -
My four year old baby cousin
My four year old baby cousin saw me this Christmas with my bald head (the hair is growing back, but basically bald). She didn't recognize me even though she had seen me in early October (four days after my first chemo) with a full head of hair. After several hours, she came up to me and made me kneel down. She looked at me with these incredibly innocent eyes and asked if she could feel my hair. I tilted my head and she rubbed her little hand gently over my baby fine growth. Then she looked at me and said "Are you a boy?" Kids...gotta love 'em.0 -
Last week went in for chemoSicilia929 said:My four year old baby cousin
My four year old baby cousin saw me this Christmas with my bald head (the hair is growing back, but basically bald). She didn't recognize me even though she had seen me in early October (four days after my first chemo) with a full head of hair. After several hours, she came up to me and made me kneel down. She looked at me with these incredibly innocent eyes and asked if she could feel my hair. I tilted my head and she rubbed her little hand gently over my baby fine growth. Then she looked at me and said "Are you a boy?" Kids...gotta love 'em.
Last week went in for chemo with my husband and daughter. I have not had a good time of it withthe bumm issues that persist etcc.... He saw me in the waiting room and said what number is this? I said 8 he said boy that went fast. My daughter said you should have seen your face. i just said not for me!!!! grrrr0 -
chenheart...I remember you !chenheart said:You Can't Fix Stupid
One of the stupidest things said to me was : "How awesome~ you must be thrilled you have curly hair now; it was always so straight before!"
Yeah, that surgery, chemo and radiation was sooooo worth the curly hair! What? I couldn't have just gotten a perm????? LOL
Hugs,
Chen♥
Hi chenheart, I remember you from a loooooong time ago, we used to talk to "Hummingbird", remember? Please let me know if this is you? My old name on ACS was "banker". I have not been here in while.0 -
stupid things...
*** my hair is finally growing slowly after chemo tx....
so people tell me what a nice haircut....
not a haircut...but i just smile now....
*** am i going to color my hair???
don't know yet since i don't have much yet....
*** done with chemo, rads and just started taking Tamoxifen...
so people assume i'm healthy and ready for a normal life....
they will never be normal life anymore....0
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