Stupid stuff people say about us having Breast cancer.

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  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #82
    TraciInLA said:

    BUMP IN THE #$%*& ROAD?!?
    I'm speechless over that one -- you've got to be kidding me.

    My "bump in the road" is 6 months so far, with several more months to go....So many people think you just go in for a little snip snip, back to work after a few days, maybe then some radiation, but that's just like getting an x-ray, right? A month or two, tops, for this cancer thing, right? >:-(

    I wouldn't be able to keep myself from smacking someone who said "bump in the road" to me.

    At least "Cousin Natly" and I don't hear that from "our" clueless relatives! :-)

    Traci

    Hey "Cousin Traciln" our
    Hey "Cousin Traciln" our relatives dont talk about bumps in the long road we have to walk, they just tell us we'll be fine like all their friends, and then proceed to talk about their headaches, buttaches, footaches, eyeaches and whatever else. Today I told someone my hair is coming out in handfuls, the reply was a shocking really? I said yes did you think it would not fall out. Like I said earlier, it just fries my lardy grits. My good news today, if my white blood cells exceed 1.9 by Monday,and my cellulitis has improved, I get to do my 2nd a/c cocktail on Tuesday. How lucky can I get. :)
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #83
    TraciInLA said:

    Me too!
    Sue, it really helps me to hear that you hate the "you look so good" thing too....because I get that all the damn time, and no one seems to understand why it pisses me off so much!

    Part of it is that mine always comes with a "but," to wit:

    ***Person asks me how I feel right after my surgery. I say, I'm still in a lot of pain. "But you look good!"

    ***Person asks me how I feel during chemo. I say, I feel like cr*p, thank you. "But you look good!"

    And so on. It's like they don't really believe that I don't feel good, because, if I REALLY didn't feel good, I'd look terrible. So I must be a lying little wimp.

    Traci (who looks really good! :-)

    OMG, I wasn't going to post because....
    I really have had nothing stupid said to me. Everything has been only encouragement and positive conversations. Then it dawned on me over the "but you look good!" remark, Traci. I look horrible after all I been through. But, I guess it is good that they don't point out how bad I look, but now I wish I heard THAT perticular stupid comment. They haven't said anything stupid, but by not saying anything, may have confirmed the way I feel.....worn out and put through the wringer. Sigh. ♥Pammy
  • aurora2009
    aurora2009 Member Posts: 544 Member
    #84
    tasha_111 said:

    Just ONE MORE!
    It'll Take Just one more person to get all mushy on me about my positive attitude before I KICK THEM! By feeling down and depressed I am encouraging this illness?......Give me a break!
    There are some total wankers out there who would never understand anything..........Sod 'Em!

    Hugs jxxxxxxxxxxx

    What I Like Is
    When my male co-workers ask how I'm doing and I reply with okay ... and they respond while looking at my boobs, "well you look like you're doing okay to me"

    Dah I guess they're tring to figure out which one had cancer?
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #85
    TraciInLA said:

    Me too!
    Sue, it really helps me to hear that you hate the "you look so good" thing too....because I get that all the damn time, and no one seems to understand why it pisses me off so much!

    Part of it is that mine always comes with a "but," to wit:

    ***Person asks me how I feel right after my surgery. I say, I'm still in a lot of pain. "But you look good!"

    ***Person asks me how I feel during chemo. I say, I feel like cr*p, thank you. "But you look good!"

    And so on. It's like they don't really believe that I don't feel good, because, if I REALLY didn't feel good, I'd look terrible. So I must be a lying little wimp.

    Traci (who looks really good! :-)

    I know Traci and everyone
    I know Traci and everyone says it all of the time! I am so sick of it!

    Usually, I just say thanks and smile. What else can I say? Someone said I should say " Thank you, this is the face of cancer." But, I somehow didn't find humor in it.

    Sue :)
  • brenda247
    brenda247 Member Posts: 124
    #86
    heres one??
    i think the most stupid thing was said to me was how are ya?? im ok why?? i heard you had breast cancer. yes! and.... how you get it?? well my mom had it year and half before i did dr said it runs in my family.. is it catching?? HOW STUPID IS THAT~
    brenda
  • e_hope
    e_hope Member Posts: 370
    #87
    aurora2009 said:

    What I Like Is
    When my male co-workers ask how I'm doing and I reply with okay ... and they respond while looking at my boobs, "well you look like you're doing okay to me"

    Dah I guess they're tring to figure out which one had cancer?

    I've had that one after you
    I've had that one after you tell someone you had a double mastectomy.. they look right at your chest.... had one woman then say... you don't look like it... okay..
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #88
    e_hope said:

    I've had that one after you
    I've had that one after you tell someone you had a double mastectomy.. they look right at your chest.... had one woman then say... you don't look like it... okay..

    What do they expect?
    That you lift your shirt to show them? I think some people do not know about reconstruction so they think that if you have had a double mastectomy you will be flat-chested. But to actually stare at your breast and then act incredulous is unbelievable! Jeez.

    Mimi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #89
    brenda247 said:

    heres one??
    i think the most stupid thing was said to me was how are ya?? im ok why?? i heard you had breast cancer. yes! and.... how you get it?? well my mom had it year and half before i did dr said it runs in my family.. is it catching?? HOW STUPID IS THAT~
    brenda

    My grandfather's mom said the WORST!
    After he was dx'ed with colon cancer (eventually, it took his life at 57),his mom tured to his wife and said "He MUST have gotten it from you, there is none of this in OUR family!!!!"

    Hugs, Kathi
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #90
    KathiM said:

    My grandfather's mom said the WORST!
    After he was dx'ed with colon cancer (eventually, it took his life at 57),his mom tured to his wife and said "He MUST have gotten it from you, there is none of this in OUR family!!!!"

    Hugs, Kathi

    Doesn't run in the family...
    Oh my, Kathi, that's awful. People get so hung up on assigning blame, it's crazy. Like anyone asked for hereditary cancer or mutated genes. My mom does this often, too. She will say that I cannot get fat because there are no overweight people in OUR family. Well, my dad could lose a few that's for sure!

    Mimi
  • elm3544
    elm3544 Member Posts: 748
    #91
    They ask how I am but they don't listen!
    My ex mother in law calls and asks how I am. I usually say "OK" and she always says "OH COME ON!"
    "How are you REALLY?" But she doesn't let me talk if I do begin to tell her anything. Every time she calls she tells me all about how she knows exactly what I am going through because another of her daughters in law and a friend both had bc and she was "there" for them.
    Then there's my mom. I tell her what is going on and how I am feeling and she always says "good I'm glad the you are fine." She NEVER listens! She always tells me about her boss who is a younger woman who went through "the same thing" and passes on this woman's advice and words of encouragment such as "don't worry your hair will grow back". She always tells me how this woman worked throughout her treatments and she was "fine". It makes me wish she had been here during chemo week just once to see how "fine" I was. She came to visit once and it was the week before chemo and I was feeling OK. So she assumed that was how it always is.
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #92
    elm3544 said:

    They ask how I am but they don't listen!
    My ex mother in law calls and asks how I am. I usually say "OK" and she always says "OH COME ON!"
    "How are you REALLY?" But she doesn't let me talk if I do begin to tell her anything. Every time she calls she tells me all about how she knows exactly what I am going through because another of her daughters in law and a friend both had bc and she was "there" for them.
    Then there's my mom. I tell her what is going on and how I am feeling and she always says "good I'm glad the you are fine." She NEVER listens! She always tells me about her boss who is a younger woman who went through "the same thing" and passes on this woman's advice and words of encouragment such as "don't worry your hair will grow back". She always tells me how this woman worked throughout her treatments and she was "fine". It makes me wish she had been here during chemo week just once to see how "fine" I was. She came to visit once and it was the week before chemo and I was feeling OK. So she assumed that was how it always is.

    Moms...
    Elm, I think sometimes our mothers (and fathers) can't deal with the reality of what's going on. Remember Sam's dad asking her to wear her wig around him to spare him the sight of her bald head. So, whatever you say, they will filter that into "she's fine." That's all they are capable of hearing. My mom was like this for a while, too. She only wanted to hear good news and would get really upset if I was down or not feeling well. Then I had the added pressure of consoling HER. At one point, she started chirping that after my treatments were over I would be "back to normal." The way she would say it over and over was really annoying, with all this gusto and fake cheeriness. I finally told her to knock it off, and she has listened. She is much more responsive and sensitive now, even talking about the "new normal." Sometimes I think I created a monster. LOL. But anyway, your mom may be going through a denial phase herself and might come around later. Hope so.

    Mimi
  • Wolfi
    Wolfi Member Posts: 425
    #93
    e_hope said:

    I've had that one after you
    I've had that one after you tell someone you had a double mastectomy.. they look right at your chest.... had one woman then say... you don't look like it... okay..

    Been there, done that
    There are some days at work when I'd like to just walk in there all dressed up in my work clothes but without my "padding" under my shirt. I chose to not have reconstruction and am fine with how I look (all flat and everything).

    I have also noticed that when tell people I have bc they end up looking at my chest. I suppose if I told them I had a broken ankle they would look down at my foot. I feel bad for guys who have to tell people they have prostate cancer....
  • j916
    j916 Member Posts: 141
    #94
    mimivac said:

    Moms...
    Elm, I think sometimes our mothers (and fathers) can't deal with the reality of what's going on. Remember Sam's dad asking her to wear her wig around him to spare him the sight of her bald head. So, whatever you say, they will filter that into "she's fine." That's all they are capable of hearing. My mom was like this for a while, too. She only wanted to hear good news and would get really upset if I was down or not feeling well. Then I had the added pressure of consoling HER. At one point, she started chirping that after my treatments were over I would be "back to normal." The way she would say it over and over was really annoying, with all this gusto and fake cheeriness. I finally told her to knock it off, and she has listened. She is much more responsive and sensitive now, even talking about the "new normal." Sometimes I think I created a monster. LOL. But anyway, your mom may be going through a denial phase herself and might come around later. Hope so.

    Mimi

    Usually stops them mid sentence
    When i'm talking with someone, and i hear them start up with the familiar...."You know, my ___________(insert mother, sister, aunt, friend, brothers wife's friends co-worker) had breast cancer and....." I stop them right there..and say...please don't tell me if they had a negative outcome. I am focusing all of my energy on embracing being a survivor, and I love it!!
    If they WERE getting ready to tell me a negative story....they stop...if they sort of try to continue, i repeat myself....but typically they stop....and then will actually say something positive.
    I've heard SO MANY STUPID things, i decided enough was enough!!!
    POWER TO THE PINK!!!
    jeanne
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    #95
    j916 said:

    Usually stops them mid sentence
    When i'm talking with someone, and i hear them start up with the familiar...."You know, my ___________(insert mother, sister, aunt, friend, brothers wife's friends co-worker) had breast cancer and....." I stop them right there..and say...please don't tell me if they had a negative outcome. I am focusing all of my energy on embracing being a survivor, and I love it!!
    If they WERE getting ready to tell me a negative story....they stop...if they sort of try to continue, i repeat myself....but typically they stop....and then will actually say something positive.
    I've heard SO MANY STUPID things, i decided enough was enough!!!
    POWER TO THE PINK!!!
    jeanne

    Laughter is the best Medicine
    Sorry girls, but this post is cracking me up. I'm new to all this but already have heard quite a few of these from "well-meaning" people. I think I can come up with some good responses from your stories. Right now its "Well, you look great anyway!" Most of the time its "How do you feel" before the "Well, you look great anyway". Or don't worry, "You'll be fine". So far, I just smile and say "thank you". But the day may come when I say "How do you know. Are you God or someone who knows everything?" (Does that sound nasty enough?)
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #96
    Sunrae said:

    Laughter is the best Medicine
    Sorry girls, but this post is cracking me up. I'm new to all this but already have heard quite a few of these from "well-meaning" people. I think I can come up with some good responses from your stories. Right now its "Well, you look great anyway!" Most of the time its "How do you feel" before the "Well, you look great anyway". Or don't worry, "You'll be fine". So far, I just smile and say "thank you". But the day may come when I say "How do you know. Are you God or someone who knows everything?" (Does that sound nasty enough?)

    Sunrae thats exactly what I
    Sunrae thats exactly what I thought but never said. "how do you know I'm going to be fine, I really dont want to know about your friend this is difficult enought to deal with".
  • redriverartist
    redriverartist Member Posts: 54
    #97
    chenheart said:

    You Can't Fix Stupid
    One of the stupidest things said to me was : "How awesome~ you must be thrilled you have curly hair now; it was always so straight before!"

    Yeah, that surgery, chemo and radiation was sooooo worth the curly hair! What? I couldn't have just gotten a perm????? LOL

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Just after my mastectomy and
    Just after my mastectomy and just prior to beginning ACT, a so-called do-gooder brought me a plastic bucket to keep in car. She said it was a puke bucket and she had used hers often. I just tossed it into the trash when she left and cried. Sheeeeeesh........
  • redriverartist
    redriverartist Member Posts: 54
    #98
    Wolfi said:

    Visit cut short
    MAJW,

    When that woman said she had to come back for her Aunt's funeral and then asked you how you were feeling it would have been funny if you could have just crumpled to the floor at her feet and lay motionless for a while. THAT may have freaked her out enough to think twice before she speaks next time.

    Love that one! I also
    Love that one! I also thought the gal who recommended watching 'The Bucket List' showed a lot of class. And it was a wonderful movie but she had wanted me to watch prior to ACT treatments so I would know what I was facing. She must be a self-appointed nurse of doom & gloom.
  • redriverartist
    redriverartist Member Posts: 54
    #99
    natly15 said:

    Sunrae thats exactly what I
    Sunrae thats exactly what I thought but never said. "how do you know I'm going to be fine, I really dont want to know about your friend this is difficult enought to deal with".

    The oncologist wasn't much
    The oncologist wasn't much better. I got a pat on the shoulder and told to be strong. Would love to see that little SOB take a few doses of ACT and see what would make him feel better.... Bet it would be a pat on the shoulder...........
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    #100
    redriverartist said:

    The oncologist wasn't much
    The oncologist wasn't much better. I got a pat on the shoulder and told to be strong. Would love to see that little SOB take a few doses of ACT and see what would make him feel better.... Bet it would be a pat on the shoulder...........

    Doc wasn't much either
    When my primary dr called to tell me the results he said "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst". I know he was trying to be thoughtful and caring but right away I thought I was dying immediately, the way he said it. I didn't know quite how I should prepare for the worst so quickly but I thought about it for about a week. Then after I didn't die in a few days I thought "Well I prepared myself for the worst and it didn't happen so now I'm hoping for the best, which is easier than preparing for the worst, don't you think?
  • pitt
    pitt Member Posts: 387
    #101
    I've been reading every
    I've been reading every single post. I clearly am wound a little tight this week (coming off of a bad chemo week) and I want to hunt them all down and point out how stupid they are!!!

    Having said that, being able to laugh at these is great medicine indeed! Here's my personal favorite and happened to me this week:

    A "friend", who wants me as her token cancer girl, decided to throw a shopping party in my "honor." They have a clothing boutique and were advertising a "Breast Cancer Awareness Sale" where a portion of the night's proceeds would go to Susan G. Komen in my honor. She called me up and told me to be there Wed night from 6-10. (Never was I consulted about day/time; I was told not asked; I've only met the person a couple of times.) I politely called back and explained that as I have just had a treatment, I am now neutropenic and can't be around a bunch of strangers during FLU SEASON AND my body is still reacting from the chemo and I run to the bathroom every 5 minutes!!! And I'm too tired for a party...I have been going to bed at 7:00!!!!!!!

    I have never been so irritated in my life. If I actually thought this person was trying to care about me instead of making a buck I might feel guilty for my attitude...BUT I DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

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