Stupid stuff people say about us having Breast cancer.
Comments
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Oh God help those caringe_hope said:The worst thing ever said to me was by my hubby...
** during a fight with my hubby.... months after the double mastectomy and chemo started... and money was getting tight.. told me I cost the family over $20 thousand dollars.. need less to say.. I flipped out and we didn't talk for weeks...
** I was told my the radiologist, after they were done discussing my diagnostic mammo and ultrasound.... "Just think you can now participate in those really neat 3 day walks.." WTF.. My husband and I were just dumb founded
** and as we all heard... my favorite... "ITS ONLY HAIR"... my god I hate that statement.. yes we know its only hair.. doesn't mean we want to lose it... i once told a woman who said that to me.. well if its only hair and not a big deal.. than why don't you shave yours off... she just stared at me... not knowing what to say... :-)
Oh God help those caring individuals who put their feet in their mouths all in an effort to minimize what we are going thru, saying things they think will make us feel better, or actually make us better. For those who say can I do anything, I say, if they really wanted to help, they would take it upon themselves to really do something.
Or the ones who say, my friends Millie, Tillie, Billie and Willie have all been thru it, and they did just fine. They had lots of energy, and looked great. Millie and Tillie had radiation no chemo, and got thru it with flying colors. Millie and Tillie didnt need chemo, why do you? Billie and Willie lost their hair, but always looked beautiful,and had no problem loosing their hair, and they also watched their 10 grandkids, and kept their 7 day a week jobs while they were going thru chemo.
When they ask how you feel, and you really tell them, they change the subject and the topic switches to "all about them", their aches and pains and the people and things they really want to discuss which is certainly not us.
I also like the know it alls, who say you know there are natural treatments, have yu tried acupuncture, why arent they giving you X,Y and Z treatment. The psychoanalysts who say well you know cancer is all about attitude, what is the first thing you think about when you get up in the morning, did you get a 2nd opinion, etc, etc, etc.
Pat I'm so happy you suggested this. I thought I was the only one getting cranky with all those stupid comments all in an effort to make me feel better.0 -
By the way I feel a heck ofSam726 said:Lets see...
My dad said to me...."keep your head covered when im around, I dont want to see that"....real sensitive Dad!!
This is a good one too....my aunt said "well think of all the weight you will lose"...Id rather be fat but thanks. Besides, Im not losing weight...Im gaining, LOL..
By the way I feel a heck of a lot better now that I've expressed some of my frustration with "caring people".0 -
Thanks, Pat. I've also
Thanks, Pat. I've also heard several of these and some people never cease to amaze me with their dumb comments. One of the ones I remember directed at me was "well, you always wanted to have a boob job". Well, yes, I had thought about it but at 55 years old I never did it and certainly didn't think because I had breast cancer that a boob job was in order. I actually had a lumpectomy so...I still have no boobs to speak of. I guess I'll continue to hear this one. LOL!!0 -
We must know the same people!natly15 said:Oh God help those caring
Oh God help those caring individuals who put their feet in their mouths all in an effort to minimize what we are going thru, saying things they think will make us feel better, or actually make us better. For those who say can I do anything, I say, if they really wanted to help, they would take it upon themselves to really do something.
Or the ones who say, my friends Millie, Tillie, Billie and Willie have all been thru it, and they did just fine. They had lots of energy, and looked great. Millie and Tillie had radiation no chemo, and got thru it with flying colors. Millie and Tillie didnt need chemo, why do you? Billie and Willie lost their hair, but always looked beautiful,and had no problem loosing their hair, and they also watched their 10 grandkids, and kept their 7 day a week jobs while they were going thru chemo.
When they ask how you feel, and you really tell them, they change the subject and the topic switches to "all about them", their aches and pains and the people and things they really want to discuss which is certainly not us.
I also like the know it alls, who say you know there are natural treatments, have yu tried acupuncture, why arent they giving you X,Y and Z treatment. The psychoanalysts who say well you know cancer is all about attitude, what is the first thing you think about when you get up in the morning, did you get a 2nd opinion, etc, etc, etc.
Pat I'm so happy you suggested this. I thought I was the only one getting cranky with all those stupid comments all in an effort to make me feel better.
Oh my goodness, Natly -- every single thing you mention, I've heard at least once -- I guess we know all the same people!
Or maybe we both live in especially clueless places...but then, what does that say about us? :-)
Traci0 -
Even supportersfauxma said:I remember one person who
I remember one person who knew that this was my 4th cancer saying, Well, at least you get the treatable ones. Yes, I am so grateful to have had uterine, bladder, skin and breast cancer. Bless that cancer fairy for treating me to all of this.
And my sister had one of her coworkers tell her they should go wig shopping together and then when Patti started wearing her wigs, she would to and they would be like twins. My sister had planned on wearing hats and scarves instead of a wig. She had already tried wigs on and didn't like the way they looked or felt. She told her coworker this and that she already had some hats and scarves she would be using to which this insensitive clod replied, "Oh, that's because you just want to draw attention to yourself". I was so mad when my sister told me about this. I told my sister she should have told her, "Shave your head, do chemo and have your breast removed, then we'll be twins". If this "friend" had only said the first comment I would have written it off as stupidity, but that second comment was just nasty. But karma is out there and it will get her someday.
Stef
My sister before mastectomy - "you have a small (B) breast anyway".
My friend ask me if I want to make extra money by sewing curtains during my chemo.
My very supportive husband suggested on improving my computer skills (Advanced Excel, Accesses) because I was at home.
Two weeks after mastectomy my another friend suggested on"expanding my horizons" because I have extra time and should not focusing on my illness. " go to the public library for researching a new interesting topic,it would take your mind away from BC".0 -
oh sorryj916 said:Stupid and Sweet....
Stupid...
MAN!!! I'm going to have to PAY for it if i want to get a boob job!!!
(oh really? ya wanna trade??)
Sweet:
I had to tell my son over the phone that I was going to have a mastectomy. He said...ok, and EXACTLY what is that...and i said..it's where they remove the entire breast...he was silent for a minute and then said very loudly.....ARE THEY GOING TO PUT IT BACK?!?!?!?
I cracked up laughing....just what i needed.
Gotta love our kids!!!
best laugh i have
oh sorry
best laugh i have had all week
tj0 -
MILMyTurnNow said:Thanks, Pat. I've also
Thanks, Pat. I've also heard several of these and some people never cease to amaze me with their dumb comments. One of the ones I remember directed at me was "well, you always wanted to have a boob job". Well, yes, I had thought about it but at 55 years old I never did it and certainly didn't think because I had breast cancer that a boob job was in order. I actually had a lumpectomy so...I still have no boobs to speak of. I guess I'll continue to hear this one. LOL!!
I didn't hear from my MIL at all from the time I found out about the cancer or through the whole 16 weeks of chemo. Not ONE time. Her excuse? She didn't want to ask the wrong question. Really? Even if she didn't care about me, she could have least cared enough about her grandchildren to see how they were. I received an email from her last month telling me that I was now a mother of leisure since the kids were back at school and was I thinking of going back to work.
I didn't answer that email.
As much as she bothers me, my story is nothing compared to some of the remarks you ladies have received. Wow.
Patti0 -
Those are good ones.New Flower said:Even supporters
My sister before mastectomy - "you have a small (B) breast anyway".
My friend ask me if I want to make extra money by sewing curtains during my chemo.
My very supportive husband suggested on improving my computer skills (Advanced Excel, Accesses) because I was at home.
Two weeks after mastectomy my another friend suggested on"expanding my horizons" because I have extra time and should not focusing on my illness. " go to the public library for researching a new interesting topic,it would take your mind away from BC".
Sewing curtains during chemo to make extra money - of course, why didn't I think of that? It's not like you would be TIRED or anything.....
Expanding horizons is always good. (Haven't our horizons been expanded enough tryin to keep up with all the bc info?) Some days I feel like I am taking on a study in medical terminology on top of my regular desk job.
Great comments!0 -
Tracilin do you and I haveTraciInLA said:We must know the same people!
Oh my goodness, Natly -- every single thing you mention, I've heard at least once -- I guess we know all the same people!
Or maybe we both live in especially clueless places...but then, what does that say about us? :-)
Traci
Tracilin do you and I have the same relatives? Most of those comments were made by my clueless relatives, thank God they live several states away! These are some of the people who supposedly love me. Yikes who wants enemies. LOL0 -
It's not like....patti anne said:MIL
I didn't hear from my MIL at all from the time I found out about the cancer or through the whole 16 weeks of chemo. Not ONE time. Her excuse? She didn't want to ask the wrong question. Really? Even if she didn't care about me, she could have least cared enough about her grandchildren to see how they were. I received an email from her last month telling me that I was now a mother of leisure since the kids were back at school and was I thinking of going back to work.
I didn't answer that email.
As much as she bothers me, my story is nothing compared to some of the remarks you ladies have received. Wow.
Patti
I was told I needed a positive attitude because it was not like I had been in a car accident or lost a limb. No, I just got hit by the bc freight train and when is a breast not a body part?
On being diagnosed with my third cancer I was told I had to stop making it all about me....yss, where is my cancer stand in?
Ladydi0 -
Young/oldKathiM said:By the time I started BC treatment.....
My close family and friends had already suffered thru the rectal cancer treatment with me, so things were a bit less sensitive...still....
One said "Gee, I didn't know you could get cancer more than one time!" (Yeah, see, it's like chicken pox...you develop an immunity...I hear they are actually creating a vaccine)
"Well, you didn't lose your hair last time, so you won't this time" and (same person)
"Why didn't the treatment for the rectal cancer cure the breast cancer" (OK, so I let the first comment slide, but felt obligated to explain, in quite a bit of detail, the cancer treatment experience...including the barfing and the pink, burny pee (Adriamycin).
"Aren't you grateful that you have a nice shaped head?" (Goes without saying...)
"Well, at least your getting your cancer over with while you are still young" (WHAT????? Just like you getting your ignorance over while YOU are still young?)
And many, many more....sigh...
Hugs, Kathi
Kathi,
I was laughing through this whole post. Get your cancer over while you're still young? Right, like it would be ANY better if you were older?
The chicken pox one was what got me laughing so hard (still laughing - maybe I'm overtired).0 -
Oh,I have to laughnatly15 said:Oh God help those caring
Oh God help those caring individuals who put their feet in their mouths all in an effort to minimize what we are going thru, saying things they think will make us feel better, or actually make us better. For those who say can I do anything, I say, if they really wanted to help, they would take it upon themselves to really do something.
Or the ones who say, my friends Millie, Tillie, Billie and Willie have all been thru it, and they did just fine. They had lots of energy, and looked great. Millie and Tillie had radiation no chemo, and got thru it with flying colors. Millie and Tillie didnt need chemo, why do you? Billie and Willie lost their hair, but always looked beautiful,and had no problem loosing their hair, and they also watched their 10 grandkids, and kept their 7 day a week jobs while they were going thru chemo.
When they ask how you feel, and you really tell them, they change the subject and the topic switches to "all about them", their aches and pains and the people and things they really want to discuss which is certainly not us.
I also like the know it alls, who say you know there are natural treatments, have yu tried acupuncture, why arent they giving you X,Y and Z treatment. The psychoanalysts who say well you know cancer is all about attitude, what is the first thing you think about when you get up in the morning, did you get a 2nd opinion, etc, etc, etc.
Pat I'm so happy you suggested this. I thought I was the only one getting cranky with all those stupid comments all in an effort to make me feel better.
I am not alone.I think I have heard 99% of all theses.I forgot to add that my grown son who I adore said when my cancer was brought up.He looked at me after I told him about how many treatments I needed,and said well at least your not dead.Some how at that moment I was able to nod my head and agree.They just don,t get it do they.See we are not alone.Even when we feel like it sometimes.I am going to kick but with this beast of BC and i want to volenteer for ACS.I would love to do something to help other women going through this.Thanks everyone.Love and prayer.(Pat).0 -
Manroseann4 said:There have been several "stupid" comments...
This one was the worst. I was telling a friend that I had good new that my cancer was early and I could have breast conserving surgery...She said, "So far."
Roseann
Did you say thanks for making me feel better ha.You probly like me and most of us said that to your self.(Pat)0 -
I am so impressed and amazed
I am so impressed and amazed at the attitudes displayed on this page! I'm not even the one the comments of your "loved ones" were directed at and I feel like tracking them all down and yelling at them! What grace and dignity you've all displayed!!!! And it truly does go to show how a sense of humor can help you keep your sanity (I of course am still trying to find mine -- sanity that is)!!!0 -
How selfish....ladydi1 said:It's not like....
I was told I needed a positive attitude because it was not like I had been in a car accident or lost a limb. No, I just got hit by the bc freight train and when is a breast not a body part?
On being diagnosed with my third cancer I was told I had to stop making it all about me....yss, where is my cancer stand in?
Ladydi
Ladydi,
Yes, how SELFISH of you to think of yourself just because you've been diagnosed with cancer three times. My word, just who do you think you are anyway? Important? Special? A darn nice, caring person who deserves as much respect, compassion and love as any other person? You are ALL of these things and more so it IS all about you. Who else do you know that could put up with all the junk you've had to deal with and still come out of it with such a good attitude (and great avitar picture)? I can't think of anyone.
We should all have a cancer stand in - I have yet to see mine (maybe they are on strike).
Thanks for the post. It's too bad that some people (who are suppose to be our family or friends) can't think before they speak.
Wolfi0 -
Aw sam that is terrible.Sam726 said:Lets see...
My dad said to me...."keep your head covered when im around, I dont want to see that"....real sensitive Dad!!
This is a good one too....my aunt said "well think of all the weight you will lose"...Id rather be fat but thanks. Besides, Im not losing weight...Im gaining, LOL..
That is awful and comming from your dad.When I see your post I always think you are beatiful with your hair buzzed.I was going to say men are really insensitive but so are some women as we see.My sister is the worst about hurting my feelings and she has has BC>I don,t get that at all.take care.(Pat).0 -
thanks everyone of you.
I am sorry that any of us had to hear this stuff.We tuff it out together.Thank God for you wondeful people that help keep me going on my darkest days and my good days.I do have one more to add sorry guys.I was talking to my sister who is a BC surviver mind you,she has said the meanest of all things to me.Anyway we were talking on the phone and I said I will be anxious for spring.She said why and I said well I will have my treatments behind me and maybe even have my hair back.She says now you know the winters around here(Ohio) are really long .She says well they seam like they are 10 months long.She said this about 3 times.I said well I got to go.By and hung up,with out saying any more.I can be feeling real good about things and talk to her 5min. and she has me in a not so good a mood.I love her but some days i just can not be arond her.Thanks everyone.(Love and Prayers).0 -
The worst I've ever heardbuddrfly11 said:I am so impressed and amazed
I am so impressed and amazed at the attitudes displayed on this page! I'm not even the one the comments of your "loved ones" were directed at and I feel like tracking them all down and yelling at them! What grace and dignity you've all displayed!!!! And it truly does go to show how a sense of humor can help you keep your sanity (I of course am still trying to find mine -- sanity that is)!!!
I feel like buddrfly does toward what I think is the single absolute worst comment I've ever heard. It was posted on this board months ago -- by Calleen, I think I remember? Weigh in here, Calleen, if I'm wrong!
The woman who posted had just had her mastectomy, and was lying in her hospital bed connected to some type of medical device. A co-worker came to visit her in the hospital, pointed to the device, and said, "Oh, we're suing the manufacturer of that device -- someone died while using it."
That person should be banned from speaking to anyone, for any reason, for the rest of her life.
Traci0 -
oh lord
there are some doozies. I had a co-worker immediately tell me about her neighbor with colon cancer who was "definitely going to die." When I weakly proposed that they might be able to treat her cancer, she said to me, firmly, "No, they are just keeping her alive so that her 3 year old daughter will have some memories." Nice. Thanks for telling me that. Then this same woman handed me a plastic bag one day at work after my lumpectomy. What was it? Her USED bra. She thought I could use it. What?! I guess she thought I didn't own bras or couldn't afford one. Who gives a person diagnosed with breast cancer a used bra for god's sake?! Love all your stories.
For e_hope whose husband accused her of costing the family money. That's just an awful remark. Your life is worth a hell of a lot more than 20,000 measly dollars. It's priceless and any man that doesn't realize that is a fool. What did he want, that you should die instead? Sorry for raggin on your husband, but I'm mad about that one. Don't you feel guilty for one moment.
Mimi0 -
My soon to be ex told memimivac said:oh lord
there are some doozies. I had a co-worker immediately tell me about her neighbor with colon cancer who was "definitely going to die." When I weakly proposed that they might be able to treat her cancer, she said to me, firmly, "No, they are just keeping her alive so that her 3 year old daughter will have some memories." Nice. Thanks for telling me that. Then this same woman handed me a plastic bag one day at work after my lumpectomy. What was it? Her USED bra. She thought I could use it. What?! I guess she thought I didn't own bras or couldn't afford one. Who gives a person diagnosed with breast cancer a used bra for god's sake?! Love all your stories.
For e_hope whose husband accused her of costing the family money. That's just an awful remark. Your life is worth a hell of a lot more than 20,000 measly dollars. It's priceless and any man that doesn't realize that is a fool. What did he want, that you should die instead? Sorry for raggin on your husband, but I'm mad about that one. Don't you feel guilty for one moment.
Mimi
My soon to be ex told me chemo was no big deal and people have it all the time. He also said you didn't expect me to miss Karate this week just because you have cancer. Another thing he said right after my first round of chemo was I'm not staying home from work and losing $160 just because you don't feel good. His Mom who has never once asked how I was told my kids that they should have compassion for their father.0
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