Stupid stuff people say about us having Breast cancer.

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  • kathyrcady
    kathyrcady Member Posts: 27
    #62
    Wolfi said:

    There are so many.....
    1. My father said to my (16 year old) daughter - "Your mom will have to get reconstruction or wear prosthetics in order to look normal." Thanks, dad. (I guess he would be too embarrassed to be seen with me if I just wore a shirt and was myself.)

    2. "Well at least you only have to have radiation and not chemo." (I know chemo can be very bad, but not much of this stuff is very much fun.)

    3. "At least you won't lose your hair." (but losing both breasts is ok?)

    4. "Are you ok?" (this is followed by a "concerned" look and staring at me for at least 5 minutes) This is almost always asked by someone who I know doesn't really care about how I am and just wants info so they can tell everyone else.

    5. "You look tired." Usually said by the same people who say #4.

    are u ok
    wow, that one you said "are you ok" followed by the concerned stare,,usully by peopkle that just want to get the gossip and pass it along,,oh yeah! that is a kicker,,Like I just want to say bug off,I was so glad you mentioned this,,I was thinking it was irritating but when I read your take on it I felt better,,,lots of stupid folks out there.
  • elm3544
    elm3544 Member Posts: 748
    #63
    shortly after I told my
    shortly after I told my brother and sister in law that I had breast cancer, my sister in law had a suspicious spot on her breast. They naturally were pretty terrified but luckily she does not have cancer. When I said to my brother,"I'm sorry for what you and Yvette had to go through, I know how scared you must have been", he answered, "You have no idea." I was speechless!
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #64
    elm3544 said:

    shortly after I told my
    shortly after I told my brother and sister in law that I had breast cancer, my sister in law had a suspicious spot on her breast. They naturally were pretty terrified but luckily she does not have cancer. When I said to my brother,"I'm sorry for what you and Yvette had to go through, I know how scared you must have been", he answered, "You have no idea." I was speechless!

    you have a lot of free time
    During Chemo and radiation I heard from several people the same question "What have you been doing all days long?" I tried to answer "I cook, go to the doctor, physical therapy, range of motion exercises,...'
    "You are too much into your cancer. You need to do something else".
  • Wolfi
    Wolfi Member Posts: 425
    #65
    New Flower said:

    you have a lot of free time
    During Chemo and radiation I heard from several people the same question "What have you been doing all days long?" I tried to answer "I cook, go to the doctor, physical therapy, range of motion exercises,...'
    "You are too much into your cancer. You need to do something else".

    too much time on my hands....
    New Flower,

    These are good ones. When I got back to work after surgery (after being off for a month) some people asked if I had "fun" on my time off? Yeah, fun was the word I was looking for....

    The same people ask me that now when I take the day off (for dr. appointments). When I come back they ask if I did anything fun on my day off. What do they think I'm doing, having mini vacations?
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #66
    fauxma said:

    Oh, Mimi. What did you say
    Oh, Mimi. What did you say to her? I would have burst into laughter. Maybe she thought you hadn't been wearing a bra and that she was helping to cure you. Isn't there a big study going on about not wearing bras and cancer? Okay, I made that up. Do you still have the bra? You could return it with a note that it really helped. Or better still, tell her that you have been reading about rectal cancer and you wanted to give her something that will help with prevention and then give her a pair of panties, some nice new huge white briefs. Then when she looks at you dumbfounded you can tell her it's supposed to help as*holes. Sorry about that, but that was so ridiculous of her.
    And E_hope, I am so sorry that your hubby was so insensitive. Life is indeed priceless. I only hope that he has apologized over and over for this remark. Sometimes we shot our mouths off without thinking but this goes beyond that.
    Ladies, It just shows that people open their mouths and stuff spews out. I know I have been guilty of talking without thinking but I am trying to do better.
    Stef

    oh my god, Stef!
    That is hilarious! If I had the balls to pull that off, I would definitely give her a pair of granny underwear. A used pair with holes in it! I love it. I was too stunned to say anything to her at the time. I think I just stammered a "thank you." I threw away the bra when I got home. A used bra. Gross.

    Mimi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #67
    Wolfi said:

    too much time on my hands....
    New Flower,

    These are good ones. When I got back to work after surgery (after being off for a month) some people asked if I had "fun" on my time off? Yeah, fun was the word I was looking for....

    The same people ask me that now when I take the day off (for dr. appointments). When I come back they ask if I did anything fun on my day off. What do they think I'm doing, having mini vacations?

    MAN! Do I remember THAT!!!!
    And, of course, that led to me feeling guilty about being gone, so I worked too hard, and landed in the hospital with IV fluids....lesson learned...

    We warriors must remember that even tho our minds may be saying 'slacker!', our bodies are fighting the most horrific battle they will ever fight....would you whip a horse who had fallen when it's pulling a load?

    Hugs, Kathi
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #68
    Ritzy said:

    Not sure
    I am not sure if I should laugh at some of these, cry or be mad. Soooooooooooo, I did all of them. lol

    The ONE thing that I hate the most and I hear it all of the time is "Omg, you look so good!" or, "You look great!" Like what am I suppose to look like? Death?

    I hate that!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sue :)

    Me too!
    Sue, it really helps me to hear that you hate the "you look so good" thing too....because I get that all the damn time, and no one seems to understand why it pisses me off so much!

    Part of it is that mine always comes with a "but," to wit:

    ***Person asks me how I feel right after my surgery. I say, I'm still in a lot of pain. "But you look good!"

    ***Person asks me how I feel during chemo. I say, I feel like cr*p, thank you. "But you look good!"

    And so on. It's like they don't really believe that I don't feel good, because, if I REALLY didn't feel good, I'd look terrible. So I must be a lying little wimp.

    Traci (who looks really good! :-)
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #69
    TraciInLA said:

    Me too!
    Sue, it really helps me to hear that you hate the "you look so good" thing too....because I get that all the damn time, and no one seems to understand why it pisses me off so much!

    Part of it is that mine always comes with a "but," to wit:

    ***Person asks me how I feel right after my surgery. I say, I'm still in a lot of pain. "But you look good!"

    ***Person asks me how I feel during chemo. I say, I feel like cr*p, thank you. "But you look good!"

    And so on. It's like they don't really believe that I don't feel good, because, if I REALLY didn't feel good, I'd look terrible. So I must be a lying little wimp.

    Traci (who looks really good! :-)

    Traci,
    You look good, girl! Hee hee. I get what you're saying, though. People so often assume that what's on the outside is the whole story. Also, I think they are trying to say something positive and their only knowledge of cancer is the image of a pale, sick, emaciated, bald woman lying in a hospital bed.
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    #70
    What the ???
    "Find support elsewhere". I think of all the nice things people/family have done for me that is the one thing I will always remember.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159 Member
    #71
    It has thankfully been a
    It has thankfully been a long time now since my dx, but re-reading some of your replies made me remember that because Reggie and I had been dating less than a year at the time of my dioagnosis, his mom suggested that it would be a great time for Reggie to get dump me me and find a younger, HEALTHY girlfriend! Funny, I still don't feel all warm and fuzzy when I'm around her~ I wonder why that is! LOL LOL LOL

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #72
    chenheart said:

    It has thankfully been a
    It has thankfully been a long time now since my dx, but re-reading some of your replies made me remember that because Reggie and I had been dating less than a year at the time of my dioagnosis, his mom suggested that it would be a great time for Reggie to get dump me me and find a younger, HEALTHY girlfriend! Funny, I still don't feel all warm and fuzzy when I'm around her~ I wonder why that is! LOL LOL LOL

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Oh my god
    Chen, that's awful. I can't believe she would suggest that. I have to say though that my own MIL would also have suggested this if she thought Simon would be receptive. And she is a minister! She thinks my usefulness as a wife has been compromised now that I may not be able to have kids and am costing him money! I remember a woman here (or on another site, maybe) who had bc many years ago in her early twenties. Her fiance at the time and his family quickly abandoned her since they thought that she was on her way out. She is now alive and well and over 60. The ex-fiance has since passed away.

    I don't feel so warm and fuzzy around my MIL either. Hugs to you.

    Mimi
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #73
    OY!
    For me...........if ONE MORE PERSON SAYS......."Oh, you'll look back at this as just a bump in the road!!!!!!" I swear the next one that says that.......I'm going to look them square in the face and say........"When YOU find your lump, not bump, get back to me on that bump in the road thing!" This has been one heck of an 8 month bump in the road!

    Had one woman say as we were talking about her recent visit to see her new grandbaby..."Well I had to cut my visit short.....I had to come back for my Aunt's funeral, she died of breast cancer......." Then she says......."oh and how are you feeling?" grrrrrrrrrr
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    #74
    fauxma said:

    Oh, Mimi. What did you say
    Oh, Mimi. What did you say to her? I would have burst into laughter. Maybe she thought you hadn't been wearing a bra and that she was helping to cure you. Isn't there a big study going on about not wearing bras and cancer? Okay, I made that up. Do you still have the bra? You could return it with a note that it really helped. Or better still, tell her that you have been reading about rectal cancer and you wanted to give her something that will help with prevention and then give her a pair of panties, some nice new huge white briefs. Then when she looks at you dumbfounded you can tell her it's supposed to help as*holes. Sorry about that, but that was so ridiculous of her.
    And E_hope, I am so sorry that your hubby was so insensitive. Life is indeed priceless. I only hope that he has apologized over and over for this remark. Sometimes we shot our mouths off without thinking but this goes beyond that.
    Ladies, It just shows that people open their mouths and stuff spews out. I know I have been guilty of talking without thinking but I am trying to do better.
    Stef

    ROFLMAO!!!!
    Stef, that is soooo funny! thanks for a good belly- roller ha ha. Mimi oh, please do find a HUGE pair of white briefs for your coworker the as*hole!!!
    loved it,
    hugs, jackie
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #75
    mimivac said:

    oh my god, Stef!
    That is hilarious! If I had the balls to pull that off, I would definitely give her a pair of granny underwear. A used pair with holes in it! I love it. I was too stunned to say anything to her at the time. I think I just stammered a "thank you." I threw away the bra when I got home. A used bra. Gross.

    Mimi

    Mimi,
    Do you do secret
    Mimi,
    Do you do secret Santa's at your work? If you did then you could rig it to get her name and give her the panties then. I love your addition of the holes and used. Too funny. I also tend to just stammer when these moments occur and then after I think of the perfect snappy retort. By the way, how did she know that this used bra was even going to fit? Oh, I have another scathingly brillant idea (from one of my fav movies). Get a used bra and decorate it like a belly dance bra with sequins and tassels, wrap it up and return it to her. Just tell her it took you awhile to figure out what she needed done with it. That should leave her speechless.
    You truly win the most bizarre thing that someone has done. But it did make us all laugh, although I am sure that was not her intent.
    Stef
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #76
    MAJW said:

    OY!
    For me...........if ONE MORE PERSON SAYS......."Oh, you'll look back at this as just a bump in the road!!!!!!" I swear the next one that says that.......I'm going to look them square in the face and say........"When YOU find your lump, not bump, get back to me on that bump in the road thing!" This has been one heck of an 8 month bump in the road!

    Had one woman say as we were talking about her recent visit to see her new grandbaby..."Well I had to cut my visit short.....I had to come back for my Aunt's funeral, she died of breast cancer......." Then she says......."oh and how are you feeling?" grrrrrrrrrr

    BUMP IN THE #$%*& ROAD?!?
    I'm speechless over that one -- you've got to be kidding me.

    My "bump in the road" is 6 months so far, with several more months to go....So many people think you just go in for a little snip snip, back to work after a few days, maybe then some radiation, but that's just like getting an x-ray, right? A month or two, tops, for this cancer thing, right? >:-(

    I wouldn't be able to keep myself from smacking someone who said "bump in the road" to me.

    At least "Cousin Natly" and I don't hear that from "our" clueless relatives! :-)

    Traci
  • m_azingrace
    m_azingrace Member Posts: 399
    #77
    TraciInLA said:

    BUMP IN THE #$%*& ROAD?!?
    I'm speechless over that one -- you've got to be kidding me.

    My "bump in the road" is 6 months so far, with several more months to go....So many people think you just go in for a little snip snip, back to work after a few days, maybe then some radiation, but that's just like getting an x-ray, right? A month or two, tops, for this cancer thing, right? >:-(

    I wouldn't be able to keep myself from smacking someone who said "bump in the road" to me.

    At least "Cousin Natly" and I don't hear that from "our" clueless relatives! :-)

    Traci

    Bump in the road?
    It's more like a pothole... No, make it a sinkhole...a huge gaping maw, just waiting for me to drive into it if I'm not careful! Doesn't it make you wonder where people get their philosphies--silly-ophosies?
  • Wolfi
    Wolfi Member Posts: 425
    #78
    MAJW said:

    OY!
    For me...........if ONE MORE PERSON SAYS......."Oh, you'll look back at this as just a bump in the road!!!!!!" I swear the next one that says that.......I'm going to look them square in the face and say........"When YOU find your lump, not bump, get back to me on that bump in the road thing!" This has been one heck of an 8 month bump in the road!

    Had one woman say as we were talking about her recent visit to see her new grandbaby..."Well I had to cut my visit short.....I had to come back for my Aunt's funeral, she died of breast cancer......." Then she says......."oh and how are you feeling?" grrrrrrrrrr

    Visit cut short
    MAJW,

    When that woman said she had to come back for her Aunt's funeral and then asked you how you were feeling it would have been funny if you could have just crumpled to the floor at her feet and lay motionless for a while. THAT may have freaked her out enough to think twice before she speaks next time.
  • patti anne
    patti anne Member Posts: 101
    #79
    Wolfi said:

    Visit cut short
    MAJW,

    When that woman said she had to come back for her Aunt's funeral and then asked you how you were feeling it would have been funny if you could have just crumpled to the floor at her feet and lay motionless for a while. THAT may have freaked her out enough to think twice before she speaks next time.

    wolfi
    Now that made me laugh! Funny.
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #80
    patti anne said:

    wolfi
    Now that made me laugh! Funny.

    Just ONE MORE!
    It'll Take Just one more person to get all mushy on me about my positive attitude before I KICK THEM! By feeling down and depressed I am encouraging this illness?......Give me a break!
    There are some total wankers out there who would never understand anything..........Sod 'Em!

    Hugs jxxxxxxxxxxx
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #81
    Victoria1566 said:

    My sister, who is very into
    My sister, who is very into control, criticized me at my first Race For The Cure as a survivor for drinking a Diet Coke. Somehow in her mind she has decided that me drinking a couple of Diet Cokes a day for the past few years resulted in me getting breast cancer. I just laughed because she hasn't changed since childhood: she never passes up a chance to criticize and she always needs to be in control. So, if she doesn't drink Diet Coke she won't get sick. lol

    sisters
    My sisters were convinced it was my diet too. Then they got breast cancer too. We are always wanting to think that this stuff can't happen to us, aren't we?

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