Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water, I was bitten by Jaws! So to speak...

chenheart
chenheart Member Posts: 5,159 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
If this post seems stilted, I trust you will forgive me! I copied and pasted it, with some parts removed, from a letter I emailed to my friends and family outside of CSN. And truth be told, I just didn't want to compose another letter~ I know all of my Kindred Spirits here will understand!

I had my gallbladder removed on May3~ it seemed everything was fine, except it wasn't. It was taking me a long time to heal, and I had 2 follow ups with the surgeon. Three days ago I had blood drawn, and he didn't like how the results looked, so he re-ordered them. Still not good results, so he ordered an MRI of the site to see if some errant gallstones were lodged in a duct or something.
I wish.....

Turns out it is liver mets, two visible lesions ...one of the places breast cancer can spread to is the liver, and sure enough, 7 years later, it has. I will be having a PET scan early next week, and then a liver biopsy ( tho really, cancer is NOT being ruled out) it is more of a formality. Then, mega doses of some type of aggressive chemotherapy, with hopes that it will shrink/destroy the tumors. Surgery is not an option; liver resections for this are not done . And yes, I asked the surgeon!

Don't know what else to say...I am writing because I am not really in a conversational mood, as you might imagine. Just when I think I have a handle on this, my emotions kick in, and I am a mess. I am not asking any of you for anything except positive thoughts for successful treatment!

Reggie is still here, as he says "for the long haul" so my heart and mind are in a good place, and that is a big emotional relief as you might imagine.

Well, I have to pull myself together and concentrate on beating this damnable Beast one more time! Which I have every intent of doing!

Hugs,
Chen♥
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Comments

  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #2
    Hello Chen/Claudia
    I am very sorry to hear your news. You have been a soul of this board and helped many people. I hope I can help you somehow. I can come to Santa Barbara if you need help, since it is only 2 hours away.
    At this point sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.
    Hugs
    New Flower
  • Dot53
    Dot53 Member Posts: 239 Member
    #3
    So sorry to read this news
    So sorry to read this news Chen... sending positive thoughts and hugs your way..

    Best,
    Dot
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #4
    Dear Chen, I want you to
    Dear Chen, I want you to know how much you mean to me and I will help you carry the weight however I can. Sending every single bit of love and courage your way. xoxoxoxo Lynn
  • ladyg
    ladyg Member Posts: 1,577
    #5
    SORRY
    Sorry to hear that things are not going well. I will keep you in my thoughts as you fight this battle and win the war.

    Hugs
  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    #6
    ladyg said:

    SORRY
    Sorry to hear that things are not going well. I will keep you in my thoughts as you fight this battle and win the war.

    Hugs

    I had to read that twice
    to make sure I was comprehending. I am so sorry. This disease is horrible and I'm tired of it chewing on people.

    You are obviously a fighter and you will fight again and you will WIN. We are all here for you. If you want cheering up, I'm only a five (ish) hour drive away and I can be really entertaining or I can be serene and hold your hand. Or a combo.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers and will stay there.

    Victoria
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #7
    Hugs.
    You've said the words we all hate to hear. I don't understand how it can sneak back like that. I'll send positive thoughts that the chemo kicks tumor butt right outta there.
    Hugs sent your way.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159 Member
    #8
    Marcia527 said:

    Hugs.
    You've said the words we all hate to hear. I don't understand how it can sneak back like that. I'll send positive thoughts that the chemo kicks tumor butt right outta there.
    Hugs sent your way.

    All of your thoughts and
    All of your thoughts and kinds words are soo meaningful~ I have tears running down my face. I truly felt sorry for the surgeon~ he really, really wanted to tell me that he needed to do an endoscopy and move those pesky gallstones from whatever duct they were hiding. To have to give me potentially much more devastating news was obviously difficult for him.

    I hope to be Stronger Than and Not Angry At,as well as Doing What I Have To Do So I Can Do What I Want To Do....

    I love you all, Kindred Spirits!
    Chen♥
  • Dawne.Hope
    Dawne.Hope Member Posts: 823
    #9
    Dear ChenHeart,
    Cancer is a
    Dear ChenHeart,

    Cancer is a bit#*! I am so sorry. You have been/are such a blessing to me personally and to everyone on this board. I know that nothing I can say is going to make the ache in your heart go away, but know that I am praying for you. I do know that there is a chemo drug now made for liver metz. There are drugs out there that can kick cancer's a**. That, along with your fighting spirit and the big C is going to go running kicking and screaming out of your body.

    Know that you are in my prayers. One day at a time, one step at a time. You are a warrior and we're all standing with you.

    Much love and hugs,
    dh
  • Different Ballgame
    Different Ballgame Member Posts: 868
    #10
    Difficult
    Dear Chen,

    Second time around - the cancer slapped you right in the face. I know the emotions you are going through right now, being that my second time around came 3 years later. Hearing that it returned is a shock, especially for you 7 years later.

    The best advice that I can give you is to contine to write to us telling us what you feel...the positive and the negative. I can imagine anger creeping inside of you. As you know, it is OK to feel anger.

    I wish you with all my heart a successful treatment plan for this new cancer. I am sending you my strength, love, hugs, and kisses.

    Most affectionately,
    Janelle
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #11
    chenheart said:

    All of your thoughts and
    All of your thoughts and kinds words are soo meaningful~ I have tears running down my face. I truly felt sorry for the surgeon~ he really, really wanted to tell me that he needed to do an endoscopy and move those pesky gallstones from whatever duct they were hiding. To have to give me potentially much more devastating news was obviously difficult for him.

    I hope to be Stronger Than and Not Angry At,as well as Doing What I Have To Do So I Can Do What I Want To Do....

    I love you all, Kindred Spirits!
    Chen♥

    Our Dear Kindred Spirit...
    Damnable Beast!!! For all you have given so freely to so very many, for so long - you will get back tenfold. Even more than that. Heartfelt hopes & prayers, support & encouragement. Positive vibes, good thoughts, best wishes.

    You have been, continue to, and always will be, an exquisite inspiration. An ultimate Pink Warrior. Now, we will inspire you. In spades.

    I am truly heartbroken by this news. Yes, what we all fear. After seven years. Seven frickin' years...

    You probably have no idea how many times your own perfect mantras - Be Stronger Than, Not Angry At and We Do What We Have To Do So We Can Do What We Want To Do - have been repeated by countless numbers of us here, countless times. I'll add another favorite - borrowed from our Irishwhispers: I Will Not Be Broken.

    You Will Not Be Broken, dear Chen, dear Claudia.

    We'll be here for you as you face this second battle. Just as you have been here for us. And we'll celebrate, too, when the Beast has again been beaten back into submission.

    Sending loving, warm cyber hugs... And always with...

    Kindest regards, 12/25
  • Christine Louise
    Christine Louise Member Posts: 426 Member
    #12
    So sorry
    I am so, so sorry to hear of this awful surprise. You are a fighter and I know you will do battle again. Best, best wishes to you.
  • camsgram
    camsgram Member Posts: 106
    #13
    Kick it's a%%% Chen. Your
    Kick it's a%%% Chen. Your strength has touched me so many times on these boards. You are loved by all, I really admire you. You can do this and I am so sorry you have to. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong pink warrior.
    Kathie
  • laurissa
    laurissa Member Posts: 773
    #14
    Chenheart
    I'm sorry to hear this. I know you'll be ok. You're very strong and positive.
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398 Member
    #15
    I too am sorry
    Chen,
    Your strength and courage have helped us all through the years my dear friend. I know that you too will face all you have to and carry on from there. No I did not know that breast cancer was known to spread to liver...
    My thoughts are with you and I will keep you close at heart. Know that we are here for you as you have always been there for us my dear.
    Be good to yourself always,
    Tara

    Having good relationships with family and friends carry us all places we would never be able to get to on our own. Support is the best meds of all...
    T
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #16
    Damn it!!!
    I am in shock. Life is so unfair. I am pissed off that this beast continues to wreck havoc on the lives of my Kindred Spirits not just once but years down the road. Claudia, I feel so bad for you. You are the epitome of grace and strength. I know you will beat this beast again, I'm just so sorry that you have to deal with it. Thank godness for your wonderful support system. They will get you through this along with the support of your Kindred Spirits here. We're with you all the way!!!
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    #17
    MyTurnNow said:

    Damn it!!!
    I am in shock. Life is so unfair. I am pissed off that this beast continues to wreck havoc on the lives of my Kindred Spirits not just once but years down the road. Claudia, I feel so bad for you. You are the epitome of grace and strength. I know you will beat this beast again, I'm just so sorry that you have to deal with it. Thank godness for your wonderful support system. They will get you through this along with the support of your Kindred Spirits here. We're with you all the way!!!

    I agree
    I agree with "MyTurnNow" when she said DAMN IT! It just isn't fair. None of it is. I'm sure you know we are all here for you and when you want to talk ... vent .. whatever ... we're here with our cyber hugs for you and your wonderful Reggie.

    love,
    Teena
  • Third_Generation
    Third_Generation Member Posts: 121
    #18
    Oh Chen, I am so sorry that
    Oh Chen, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this...you are one of my favorite post-ers on this site and have made me feel so welcome since I joined this great group.
    My very best wishes for you at this time,
    Lots of love,
    Brenda
  • heidijez
    heidijez Member Posts: 441
    #19
    so sorry to hear of your new challenge
    Chenheart, you are an inspiration to many of us here, so believe me when I tell you that tons of prayers, good wishes, and positive energy are being sent you way.

    I wish nothing but the best for you, Heidi
  • pattimc
    pattimc Member Posts: 431
    #20
    heidijez said:

    so sorry to hear of your new challenge
    Chenheart, you are an inspiration to many of us here, so believe me when I tell you that tons of prayers, good wishes, and positive energy are being sent you way.

    I wish nothing but the best for you, Heidi

    I can't believe what I read...
    Oh, Chen, I am so deeply and profoundly sorry that this beast has come back. It is the fear that we all live with but you'd think after 7 years that it would just go away....

    Sending you blessings, love, hugs, and positive thoughts. Your are the epitome of a Pink Warrior and are an inspiration to many.

    Stay strong my Pink Sister.

    Love, Patti
  • TawnyS
    TawnyS Member Posts: 144 Member
    #21
    I am sickened to hear about this
    I am just so sick and saddened to hear this. This is news that no one wants to hear. I just hate it for you. You are, as so many others posted before, such an amazing woman full of such grace and courage. I know you will fight this beast again and you will come out victorious again! Please know we are all here for you! Big hugs! Tawny

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