giving up?

Skeezie

MNLynn said:

Tara . . . I am so in
Tara . . . I am so in agreement with your statement that " . . . doctors have a way of minimizing how we are feeling . . ." I know that they are so concentrated on getting us through the physical part of cancer - and I know that they need to do that. We won't win this battle unless they can do that for us. But it does seem that even they, as much as they deal with cancer, don't comprehend the emotional toll it takes on us. (I hope that's the case, and that they are not intentionally ignoring the emotional part.)

This has been said over and over, and I'm going to say it again - THANK HEAVENS for this site - even though most of us have never met face to face, we DO have such wonderful support from each other. NONE OF US is alone in this battle . . . I hope that each one of us takes that thought with us through the day.

With thankfulness for all of you, and with many thoughts & prayers . . .

♥ Lynn ♥

I am so inspired by all of the wonderful, caring
and powerful thoughts and advice from this wonderful army of pink warriors! I remember those dark days when I couldn't get out of bed, I remember asking my husband if I was going to die (from the chemo). My onc stopped my chemo after 4 cycles saying 4 was the protocol and the other two would have been extra. I knew I had to go on and that there would be a lite at the end, hopefully. And there was! It did end, hair is growing back, strength is returning...

We all know giving up is not an option....but if feels wonderful to think it, to think we still have some control, but it can also be a danerous, seductive thought that we could stop treatment and start feeling good again... But lets imagine how we would really feel, knowing we stopped the life-saving treatment and now we have to live everyday wondering how much it's growing and spreading. That would be impossible to live with.

We just have to take each day, step by step, some are emotionally better than others, for some the road is longer and harder, but know that whatever whatever we are facing that SOMEONE here has already been thru it/faced it and is ready to help and offer advice from experience and a strong shoulder. We will try and help carry you when walking seems impossible. A week ago, for the second time since I joined, I asked for some advice about an upcoming bone scan and I was overwhelmed with the love and caring answers that came. You were all right too, it was a breeze by the way. Words can never say how wonderful you all made me feel, so cared for from fellow sisters from around the coutry...thank you.

Please Heide, Meena, Betsy, let us know how you are doing and anyone else feeling the same, put it in writing, we are here.

Hugs, Judy :-)

Angie2U

Skeezie said:

I am so inspired by all of the wonderful, caring
and powerful thoughts and advice from this wonderful army of pink warriors! I remember those dark days when I couldn't get out of bed, I remember asking my husband if I was going to die (from the chemo). My onc stopped my chemo after 4 cycles saying 4 was the protocol and the other two would have been extra. I knew I had to go on and that there would be a lite at the end, hopefully. And there was! It did end, hair is growing back, strength is returning...

We all know giving up is not an option....but if feels wonderful to think it, to think we still have some control, but it can also be a danerous, seductive thought that we could stop treatment and start feeling good again... But lets imagine how we would really feel, knowing we stopped the life-saving treatment and now we have to live everyday wondering how much it's growing and spreading. That would be impossible to live with.

We just have to take each day, step by step, some are emotionally better than others, for some the road is longer and harder, but know that whatever whatever we are facing that SOMEONE here has already been thru it/faced it and is ready to help and offer advice from experience and a strong shoulder. We will try and help carry you when walking seems impossible. A week ago, for the second time since I joined, I asked for some advice about an upcoming bone scan and I was overwhelmed with the love and caring answers that came. You were all right too, it was a breeze by the way. Words can never say how wonderful you all made me feel, so cared for from fellow sisters from around the coutry...thank you.

Please Heide, Meena, Betsy, let us know how you are doing and anyone else feeling the same, put it in writing, we are here.

Hugs, Judy :-)

Praying for Heidi, Meena and
Praying for Heidi, Meena and Betsy! We will be here to support and encourage you every step of the way.

Hugs, Angie

KayNYC

For you Heidi and Meena,
Considering all we go through in our treatments, I can understand and have felt similarly at times, during my treatment. As long as there is a tomorrow, there is hope for a better day. Ride this big bad wave today.You will land on your feet, strong and victorious.
As others have said, this too will pass although it sometimes feels that this is true for others and not for ourselves.There will be better times and days ahead. Take a few moments to do something you enjoy and plan for fun moments throughout your week.
Allow others to help you. Ask for assistance when you need it. Delegate and take some "me" time for yourself.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.We are all there behind you and with you in spirit on your journey.
Hugs, K

KathiM

Betsy13 said:

today is better.
Ok. I woke up this morning with an attitude of gratefulness. Gratefulness to be alive. I now am faced with a choice. I am going to choose to be happy. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, I can do about my so-called friends and family. It is time for me to reach deep within myself, give it back to God, and get on with my life. Lay down when I'm tired, not worry about anything. God is in control. I need to remember that and stop taking it back from Him. Also remember, life is about choices. I am choosing to be happy.

I still don't know the results of my CT scan, but it is what it is. I am strong enough to do this. Yes, I am.

Thank you all for your support. Together, we can!

That's the ticket!!!
A wise man once said "Everyday you have a choice when you wake up. You can be happy or sad. It's totally your choice!"

I choose to be happy. Some days are easier than others. But, even on the 'bad' days, since I start out happy, it takes alot more to totally take the wind out of me...

Hugs, Kathi

(BTW, because of the position of my tumor, my rad/onc warned me that from then on, I will have a piece of my left lung permanently damaged. To get all the tumor site, one radiation position zapped it. At first, I had the same symptom you are...shortness of breath...now, not so much, but I still warn my radiology techs when they do an x-ray....)

carkris

KayNYC said:

For you Heidi and Meena,
Considering all we go through in our treatments, I can understand and have felt similarly at times, during my treatment. As long as there is a tomorrow, there is hope for a better day. Ride this big bad wave today.You will land on your feet, strong and victorious.
As others have said, this too will pass although it sometimes feels that this is true for others and not for ourselves.There will be better times and days ahead. Take a few moments to do something you enjoy and plan for fun moments throughout your week.
Allow others to help you. Ask for assistance when you need it. Delegate and take some "me" time for yourself.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.We are all there behind you and with you in spirit on your journey.
Hugs, K

yes and am so sorry about
yes and am so sorry about the car

heidijez

carkris said:

yes and am so sorry about
yes and am so sorry about the car

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

Betsy13

KathiM said:

That's the ticket!!!
A wise man once said "Everyday you have a choice when you wake up. You can be happy or sad. It's totally your choice!"

I choose to be happy. Some days are easier than others. But, even on the 'bad' days, since I start out happy, it takes alot more to totally take the wind out of me...

Hugs, Kathi

(BTW, because of the position of my tumor, my rad/onc warned me that from then on, I will have a piece of my left lung permanently damaged. To get all the tumor site, one radiation position zapped it. At first, I had the same symptom you are...shortness of breath...now, not so much, but I still warn my radiology techs when they do an x-ray....)

Kathi,
Thank you for letting me know about your radiation. I am waiting for the results of my CT scan. My rad. onc. still thinks it is a combination of fatigue/depression/anxiety. I am on a higher dosage of effexor now. I had already been on it for my hot flashes so they just upped it. I have been taking one tylenol 3 plus ambien cd plus my effexor before I go to bed and this seems to be helping me sleep more comfortably. I am off bedrest now but am being exceedingly cautious so as not to overdo it again and end up back on bedrest. Had another break down Saturday night and sobbed.

Today, once again, I am choosing to be happy. It is a beautiful day and the sun is shining! God is good.

Also, my thought for the day today is ~ "The God who invented time will answer before it's too late."

Go us!
Betsy

Betsy13

heidijez said:

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

got the same kind of boss
Hi Heidi,

I have the same kind of boss. I was told I couldn't take any more time off because I had missed 14 days...I only missed 3.5 days, she made me miss the rest of them going to meetings. Then she told me after I was diagnosed with cancer, to do what I need to do. Do you think I got mixed messages? So, I worked until I just couldn't any more and then started working every other day. I had to get the FMLA paperwork, get an excuse from my rad. onc. AND on my leave forms, I wrote cancer, radiation therapy, doctors orders.

Life happens...

Oh, and the best part??? She was off for maternity leave. Nice, huh?

Have you contacted Susan G. Komen and/or American Cancer Society regarding your prescriptions and copays? It is my understanding that they have something in place that can help.

I feel the same way as you do except mine is physical and emotional. Fortunately, I have wonderful insurance, that I pay for, that is covering all but $5 per doc visit and $10 per prescription. I am blessed to have this type of insurance even though I pay for half of it up front.

Take care of yourself and keep venting!
Betsy

Noel

heidijez said:

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

You have so much to deal
You have so much to deal with Heidi and I am so very sorry. I am glad that you found this great site to vent. You know that we are always here for you. Praying that you continue with your treatments and that some good will come into your life very soon.


♥ Noel

Bella Luna

Heidi... you're right it is
Heidi... you're right it is hard. Treatment can be punishing and grueling. I went through surgery, chemo and radiation. I finish with Herceptin in August.

This is a process, it takes time and a boatload of patience. You are getting through treatment and... you'll be on the other side of it in time. Hang in there, you will get past these major hurdles.

It is no wonder we are known as Survivors! We are certainly not wimps, that's for sure. Take care, God bless.
BL

KathiM

heidijez said:

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

I can sympathize there, too...
I am a self-employed owner of a computer consulting company. I had no one to 'step in' and help...just did as much as I could when I felt good enough. I was also the mother of 2 special needs daughters (one has since passed...sigh), with no financial help from their dad possible...he was out of work.

I ended up paring way back on what I bought, most going to the insurance company for my monthly premium. My landlord was kind enough to not raise my rent during this time. If I needed something that was beyond my checking account, I charged it! Now, I was VERY conservative about this....but if it was necessary for me or for my daughters, I did it! I paid it off after my treatments were done.

I also accepted help, when offered (THIS was the HARDEST!), from people. Like some of my computer clients...they were GRAND!!!

I'm sorry to hear about your car...is there something you could barter with to get it fixed? I did that as well...computer work for a haircut, for instance...

Hugs, Kathi

RE

heidijez said:

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

Just saw this thread
Good morning Heidi, I was gone for the weekend and just saw this thread and my heart just leaped. I have not read all the responses so if I repeat forgive me. I cannot imagine working and going through what you are going through. Adriamycin is a strong drug with some rough side effects, if you have not please tell you doctor about the side effects there are meds that can ease some of the discomfort. I realize you are having financial devastation and feel you must work, however the most important thing is that you must survive! Chemo lowers our white cell count and being in the public puts you at risk for secondary infection due to the germs all those around you have, also the energy you are expending while working is not to your benefit either. You may well need to go on permanent disability which will give you medical which will pay for a lot of your medication and costs although it does not do so immediately but I feel it is something you should look into. I am so sorry your support system seems lack luster at best, perhaps your friends do not realize you are struggling and need their support, they are not going through this and they tend to forget so ask them to help you you may be surprised at their response. If this does not appeal to you ask the American Cancer society to help you, they have volunteers who understand what it is like and want to help all you need do is ask. Contact your creditors and tell them what is going on, they may be willing to work out a financial plan to help so you can alive on 60 percent of your income while you strive to survive. You are fighting for you life right now Heidi your boss is of little or no importance, her ignorance alone proves that much. Cancer is a brutal beast to fight, it changes us forever we are never the person we were before and we always have to be aware that it can come back that is simply our new reality, that said I know life can be lived after cancer and it can be good. I am rambling and am sorry for that I just want you to know there is hope of life without daily cancer thoughts, pain, constant doctor appointment and I believe you can get there you just need to find some support please call the ACS and your local social security office to see what options you may have. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

♥ RE ♥

Ritzy

heidijez said:

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

Glad that you are ok Heidi
Glad that you are ok Heidi after the accident. Depression does make you physically and mentally exhausted. I wish you would talk to your oncologist about just trying antidepressants. I am not on them, and, don't ever want to be, but, they help so many deal with their lives. Or, maybe, just an anti anxiety pill? That might help you too.

Sorry that your family, friends and your ex were not supportive. That makes this fight so very hard. But, you have all of your sisters in pink here..right here for you!

Just focus on the big picture..you are fighting the beast and you will be victorious!


Sue

Kylez

mwallace1325 said:

Your words sound so familiar
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Feel free to come here and vent as much as you need to. They (the medical community) should tell us to expect this feeling at some point during treatment and maybe they're afraid telling us would be a self-fulfilling prophecy. My moment was after the lumpectomy, 4 rounds of A/C and 8 weeks of taxol. I went in for blood work the day before round 9 and burst into tears, telling everyone within earshot that "I quit". I couldn't stand being tired, I hated all the side effects, I was even tired of sleeping and laying around and aside from work, that's all I did. I was so pathetic the nurses ran to get my oncologist and clinical trial nurse. The Dr said I could quit, then I started crying that if I quit was I going to die??? How's that for a moment of mental stability. Anyway, I ended up finishing and I was the talk to the hospital for about two weeks. I was surprised because I figured a break-down was inevitable, but they told me mine came later in treatment than usual.
Please don't give up. If you choose to stop treatment, do it after careful thought. Perhaps the onc can adjust your dosage or maybe you can take time off work.
Hope my story at least lets you know you're not alone in feeling like this.
Now six months after chemo and rads are finished, I'm feeling like the new "normal me" and do actually enjoy the things I used to do and I'm happy to be me again. You will feel better too, I'm just sorry it's not right now for you.

marge

It is alright to have a bad
It is alright to have a bad day, or, bad days. Just don't stay there too long. If you need help, please talk to your doctor.

susie09

heidijez said:

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

So sorry about the accident
So sorry about the accident and that you have such a crappy boss. I really wish that there was more I could do for you. I do offer you my support and prayers Heidi!

Pinkpower

heidijez said:

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

I wished I live close to
I wished I live close to you, I cant imagine going thru this without any help. I understand financial devastation. I just lost my job last week, luckily my health insurance is thru my husbands job, but it still hard, $25 everytime I see a doctor or get a new test done + Im stuck with 20% of what ever the insurance doesnt pay. And with 2 kids still to raise, feed and clothe,and many other bills I dont know how we are going to pay, I see bankruptsy in my future. But, Im alive and I still have so much love to give so Im grateful for that. Hang in there and keep venting with us. We dont mind. Thats why we are all here, to support and give advise anyway we can.
Lupe

DebbyM

heidijez said:

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

Praying that you can get
Praying that you can get your life back to the normal that you want and need.


Hugs, Debby

mom62

heidijez said:

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

Help
Don't be afraid to get help where it is available. If you are having money troubles. If you have cc debt claim bankruptcy. It's not as devistating as everyone thinks. If you need help apply for food stamps etc. There are a lot of agencies out there to help people like us and not just the ones who abuse the system. You pay into these programs so get some help. You can get your phone reduced and heat reduced as well if you qualify. Do what you need to because the financial part will eat you up till you get rid of it. I'm much better now that I took some of these steps.

mom62

heidijez said:

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

Help
Don't be afraid to get help where it is available. If you are having money troubles. If you have cc debt claim bankruptcy. It's not as devistating as everyone thinks. If you need help apply for food stamps etc. There are a lot of agencies out there to help people like us and not just the ones who abuse the system. You pay into these programs so get some help. You can get your phone reduced and heat reduced as well if you qualify. Do what you need to because the financial part will eat you up till you get rid of it. I'm much better now that I took some of these steps.

mom62

heidijez said:

just to clear things up
first of all, i am okay after the accident with the deer on thursday morning - the car is not so good ;(

secondly, i am not depressed. this is not an emotional giving up - it's physically and financially giving up. physically, i am exhausted. financially, i am devastated.

i am going through this on my own - my family has been of no use - never were, so this is not a surprise to me. had some good friends that were very supportive when this all started in mid-december, but they have drifted away. their lives continue as before, i don't blame them. the love of my life (or so i thought) decided he could not deal with this and walked away when we found out the first chemo hadn't worked and that the cancer spread. yes, i know, if he couldn't handle this it is better that he is gone.

i am having a difficult time with the physical side effects of adriamycin - and trying to maintain my life as normal as possible. i am working (i have to, remember - financial devastation)- i have a boss that does not have an ounce of compassion. she makes me feel as though i got cancer just to annoy her. cannot go on disability - it's only 60% of my salary and i can't make ends meet on 100% (because of prescriptions and copays).

so rest assured, i am not planning anything drastic - just venting that i want this all to be over!!!

Help
Don't be afraid to get help where it is available. If you are having money troubles. If you have cc debt claim bankruptcy. It's not as devistating as everyone thinks. If you need help apply for food stamps etc. There are a lot of agencies out there to help people like us and not just the ones who abuse the system. You pay into these programs so get some help. You can get your phone reduced and heat reduced as well if you qualify. Do what you need to because the financial part will eat you up till you get rid of it. I'm much better now that I took some of these steps.