giving up?

Options
1246

Comments

  • sohardbnme
    sohardbnme Member Posts: 129
    #62
    Options
    I start chemo Monday
    Heidi,

    I keep asking my self am I dreaming...I am so lost...I want to start to get it over with...But...My immediately future looks bleak...uuuggghhh...The fear of the unknown is...I came on to share my fears and I seen your post...I fear what you are experiencing now...PLEASE TELL ME I AM DREAMING...PLEASE SOMEONE...(teary eyed)
  • sohardbnme
    sohardbnme Member Posts: 129
    #63
    Options
    sohardbnme said:

    I start chemo Monday
    Heidi,

    I keep asking my self am I dreaming...I am so lost...I want to start to get it over with...But...My immediately future looks bleak...uuuggghhh...The fear of the unknown is...I came on to share my fears and I seen your post...I fear what you are experiencing now...PLEASE TELL ME I AM DREAMING...PLEASE SOMEONE...(teary eyed)

    Thanks for all your replies to Heidi...
    I had to heed and internalize the supportive and comforting advice, suggestions, thoughts and heartfelt expression conveyed to Heidi...
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #64
    Options
    heidijez said:

    when it rains it pours
    yesterday morning on my way to work a deer ran into my car! just what i didn't need! i have no money and now i have to have the car fixed so i can get to and from work. $500 deductible on insurance, so that will have to come from i don't know where.

    i know i can't give up, but it's getting harder to keep going. trust me, i am a totally pollyana person, this is not me. the drugs are messing with me big time.

    thank you for all the love and support it means more than you know.

    OMG
    Like you needed this to happen. We have many deer where I live and frequently see them dead by the road. I often wonder what does the car look like that collided with that deer?! I hope you are all right. Sending {{hugs}}. You will get through this.
    Char
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #65
    Options
    heidijez said:

    when it rains it pours
    yesterday morning on my way to work a deer ran into my car! just what i didn't need! i have no money and now i have to have the car fixed so i can get to and from work. $500 deductible on insurance, so that will have to come from i don't know where.

    i know i can't give up, but it's getting harder to keep going. trust me, i am a totally pollyana person, this is not me. the drugs are messing with me big time.

    thank you for all the love and support it means more than you know.

    Thank God you are ok from
    Thank God you are ok from the accident Heidi. That is what is important.

    Praying your life gets better for you soon!


    Hugs, Megan
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #66
    Options
    2Floridiansisters said:

    I know how you feel heidi
    I hate all this cancer crap too. I can't even make up my mind which way to go.................I'm sorry you are having a bad day, I hope it gets better for you.

    I am so sorry Heidi that you
    I am so sorry Heidi that you feel this way. I think we all do at some time, but, you cannot give up on fighting. Please continue your treatments and look forward to a life without cancer in it, because there is one!

    Hugs, Diane
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #67
    Options
    sohardbnme said:

    Thanks for all your replies to Heidi...
    I had to heed and internalize the supportive and comforting advice, suggestions, thoughts and heartfelt expression conveyed to Heidi...

    You keep the fight going to
    You keep the fight going to Meena! If you need some help, we are here to support you!


    Hugs, Diane
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #68
    Options
    fauxma said:

    Try to take this just one
    Try to take this just one day at a time. It is harder, I think, when you try and project getting through everything. Each day, one at a time. There is a future out there and you will reach it and then you can hopefully look back on this and move one. Aortus and Moopy are right on target and had a tough time and a long row but they have come through it and so will you. I will keep you in my prayers that you gather the strength you need to continue.
    Stef

    Never ever give up Heidi! I
    Never ever give up Heidi! I know this is hard, but, just take it one day a time. You can and will get through this! You have all of us holding you up!
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    #69
    Options
    I am sorry
    Your not alone because I am sure there are a few of us who felt exactly like you did. I went through years of being sick and tired and ill and unlike you couldn't work since very physical job and shift work.
    I am sorry it seems helpless but I encourage you to please fight for the QUALITY your life so deserves. None of us should have to suffer and maybe it is time for some self HELP. I did the phsycology thing and councelling along with a support group. I wasn't getting the support I needed at home since NO ONE could understand the pain not even the doctors. Yes it is enough to make us feel CRAZY but actually we aren't. Remember this please because doctors have away of minimizing how we are feeling and the Pain we are experiencing. Know this for sure that anxiety and depression do not cause physical pain and illness it is truly the other way around. Fight for what you know your life should be and not settle for what doctors believe. After almost 3 years of fighting for help I finally found it and yes there are diseases that are the direct result of treatments that can plague us and often while being treated doctors want to ignore these since the seem to just be par for the coarse. NOT TRUE tolerating and having a life are important maybe not to them but definitely for those of us who's health is truly failing. There is help out there because I finally found it and went on to do things no expected I would ever be able to do include working. I am sorry and hope that you keep posting and getting that crap off your chest.

    Tara
  • ckmcclelland
    ckmcclelland Member Posts: 47
    #70
    Options
    Betsy13 said:

    giving up...
    yep, I am right there with you. I haven't even been at it anywhere near as long as you. I am ready to give up. Finished with radiation on 5/28 and still having shortness of breath. Having a CT scan on Friday to see if it hurt my lungs. I CAN'T take this anymore. It seems all I do is sit and cry. I am angry, frustrated, and depressed. I feel like I am just sitting here and life is going on without me. I have summers off because I'm a teacher and I can't do anything. Glad you had the courage to speak up...

    depression
    If you are truly depressed, tell one of your doctors, I assume your oncologist, because there are medications that will help (Effexor helps depression and hot flashes). Don't be afraid to take an anti-depressant. Two of my friends with recent breast cancer had to (take antidepressants), two of the most upbeat people I know. I had depression twice, both because of meds or lack of meds, and the depression has been a big problem for me. It seems like my DCIS caught very early should have only been a bump in the road but that's not the way it's been. I guess cancer is that way. I finished radiation on March 1st, am still sore & having trouble wearing a bra (my radiation oncologist, very caring and compassionate, says I'm very unusual for healing to be so delayed), have taken tamoxifen and Arimedex and am still searching for the hormone therapy that I can tolerate (side effects are bad for me). Will really be glad to find the hormone therapy that's right for me and move on. I'd like to complain because it's been 9 months since my diagnosis but I know I'm going to beat this and be OK. I have a sister and friends so much worse off with other chronic illness that I can only be thankful.
  • ckmcclelland
    ckmcclelland Member Posts: 47
    #71
    Options
    Betsy13 said:

    giving up...
    yep, I am right there with you. I haven't even been at it anywhere near as long as you. I am ready to give up. Finished with radiation on 5/28 and still having shortness of breath. Having a CT scan on Friday to see if it hurt my lungs. I CAN'T take this anymore. It seems all I do is sit and cry. I am angry, frustrated, and depressed. I feel like I am just sitting here and life is going on without me. I have summers off because I'm a teacher and I can't do anything. Glad you had the courage to speak up...

    depression
    If you are truly depressed, tell one of your doctors, I assume your oncologist, because there are medications that will help (Effexor helps depression and hot flashes). Don't be afraid to take an anti-depressant. Two of my friends with recent breast cancer had to (take antidepressants), two of the most upbeat people I know. I had depression twice, both because of meds or lack of meds, and the depression has been a big problem for me. It seems like my DCIS caught very early should have only been a bump in the road but that's not the way it's been. I guess cancer is that way. I finished radiation on March 1st, am still sore & having trouble wearing a bra (my radiation oncologist, very caring and compassionate, says I'm very unusual for healing to be so delayed), have taken tamoxifen and Arimedex and am still searching for the hormone therapy that I can tolerate (side effects are bad for me). Will really be glad to find the hormone therapy that's right for me and move on. I'd like to complain because it's been 9 months since my diagnosis but I know I'm going to beat this and be OK. I have a sister and friends so much worse off with other chronic illness that I can only be thankful.
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #72
    Options
    meena1 said:

    i feel like giving up also,
    i feel like giving up also, there is just no end in sight for me

    When I look at this new pic
    When I look at this new pic of you and your family, I know you won't give up. How could you ever not look at your husband and that beautiful grandchild and not keep fighting?

    That is my pep talk Meena. Hope it worked!
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #73
    Options
    carkris said:

    I dont know how many times I
    I dont know how many times I said, I quit, and my husband said "get in the car" it seems endless endless endless. but it the end of treatments will come and you will be glad you made the finish line. then you will feel you've done everything you can. It stinks while you are going through it. but you can and you will finish and live a happy healthy life. Hugs hugs hugs, been there! We get it.

    I know you feel like giving
    I know you feel like giving up. We have all been there, done that. But, none of us did, and, you shouldn't either. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Please keep going towards it.
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    #74
    Options
    2Floridiansisters said:

    Betsy did you have the ...
    shortness of breath before doing the rads, or is this all new? Hearing stuff like this scares me even more, I hate the thought of doing radiation. I wonder if I can just skip it but still get a lumpectomy, heck I'm even willing to do extra chemo if I have to. Cancer sucks.

    No, I didn't have shortness
    No, I didn't have shortness of breath before rads. I had a CT scan the other day. Waiting for results. Rad. onc. thinks it is a combination of fatigue, stress, and/or anxiety. I have absolutely no help and no support. I am going through this all by myself. There is no support in my area. My friends and family have disappeared. My rad. onc. is being careful and making sure nothing is wrong with my lung.

    If I had to do it over again, I would have a mastectomy. Yeah, I would be dealing with the loss of a breast, but I wouldn't have to deal with the fatigue. When you're dealing with both physical and emotional at the same time, well, let's just say it's more than I can handle.

    I have been resting a lot lately and my shortness of breath is better. I just let everything go. I figure if there's no food in the house, someone will go to the store. If there's no clean clothes, someone will do them. I don't know what else to do.

    My husband and kids are starting to pick it up. Both my parents are deceased. Haven't heard from my cousin or in-laws...not only does cancer suck, life does.
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    #75
    Options
    Marcia527 said:

    plan a vacation
    Some others have said what got them thru is a special vacation after treatment is over. That way you've got the vacation to look forward to and you can spend time planning it while in treatment. Hang in there!

    That would be nice. All I
    That would be nice. All I get to look forward to is going back to work. I'm a teacher...
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    #76
    Options
    smalldoggroomer said:

    Ladies
    Please post something so we know you are OK. We are all over this country cheering you on. come on join us here let us know how you are doing. We all love you and we are with you all the way. Your sister Kay,

    nope, not ok. on a higher
    nope, not ok. on a higher dosage of anti-depressant, find out CT scan results Wed. or Thurs. It's not breast cancer thats kickin my butt, it is being invisible to family and friends. Where are they? There is no support. Believe me, I've checked.
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    #77
    Options
    Betsy13 said:

    nope, not ok. on a higher
    nope, not ok. on a higher dosage of anti-depressant, find out CT scan results Wed. or Thurs. It's not breast cancer thats kickin my butt, it is being invisible to family and friends. Where are they? There is no support. Believe me, I've checked.

    today is better.
    Ok. I woke up this morning with an attitude of gratefulness. Gratefulness to be alive. I now am faced with a choice. I am going to choose to be happy. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, I can do about my so-called friends and family. It is time for me to reach deep within myself, give it back to God, and get on with my life. Lay down when I'm tired, not worry about anything. God is in control. I need to remember that and stop taking it back from Him. Also remember, life is about choices. I am choosing to be happy.

    I still don't know the results of my CT scan, but it is what it is. I am strong enough to do this. Yes, I am.

    Thank you all for your support. Together, we can!
  • MNLynn
    MNLynn Member Posts: 224
    #78
    Options
    24242 said:

    I am sorry
    Your not alone because I am sure there are a few of us who felt exactly like you did. I went through years of being sick and tired and ill and unlike you couldn't work since very physical job and shift work.
    I am sorry it seems helpless but I encourage you to please fight for the QUALITY your life so deserves. None of us should have to suffer and maybe it is time for some self HELP. I did the phsycology thing and councelling along with a support group. I wasn't getting the support I needed at home since NO ONE could understand the pain not even the doctors. Yes it is enough to make us feel CRAZY but actually we aren't. Remember this please because doctors have away of minimizing how we are feeling and the Pain we are experiencing. Know this for sure that anxiety and depression do not cause physical pain and illness it is truly the other way around. Fight for what you know your life should be and not settle for what doctors believe. After almost 3 years of fighting for help I finally found it and yes there are diseases that are the direct result of treatments that can plague us and often while being treated doctors want to ignore these since the seem to just be par for the coarse. NOT TRUE tolerating and having a life are important maybe not to them but definitely for those of us who's health is truly failing. There is help out there because I finally found it and went on to do things no expected I would ever be able to do include working. I am sorry and hope that you keep posting and getting that crap off your chest.

    Tara

    Tara . . . I am so in
    Tara . . . I am so in agreement with your statement that " . . . doctors have a way of minimizing how we are feeling . . ." I know that they are so concentrated on getting us through the physical part of cancer - and I know that they need to do that. We won't win this battle unless they can do that for us. But it does seem that even they, as much as they deal with cancer, don't comprehend the emotional toll it takes on us. (I hope that's the case, and that they are not intentionally ignoring the emotional part.)

    This has been said over and over, and I'm going to say it again - THANK HEAVENS for this site - even though most of us have never met face to face, we DO have such wonderful support from each other. NONE OF US is alone in this battle . . . I hope that each one of us takes that thought with us through the day.

    With thankfulness for all of you, and with many thoughts & prayers . . .

    ♥ Lynn ♥
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #79
    Options
    24242 said:

    I am sorry
    Your not alone because I am sure there are a few of us who felt exactly like you did. I went through years of being sick and tired and ill and unlike you couldn't work since very physical job and shift work.
    I am sorry it seems helpless but I encourage you to please fight for the QUALITY your life so deserves. None of us should have to suffer and maybe it is time for some self HELP. I did the phsycology thing and councelling along with a support group. I wasn't getting the support I needed at home since NO ONE could understand the pain not even the doctors. Yes it is enough to make us feel CRAZY but actually we aren't. Remember this please because doctors have away of minimizing how we are feeling and the Pain we are experiencing. Know this for sure that anxiety and depression do not cause physical pain and illness it is truly the other way around. Fight for what you know your life should be and not settle for what doctors believe. After almost 3 years of fighting for help I finally found it and yes there are diseases that are the direct result of treatments that can plague us and often while being treated doctors want to ignore these since the seem to just be par for the coarse. NOT TRUE tolerating and having a life are important maybe not to them but definitely for those of us who's health is truly failing. There is help out there because I finally found it and went on to do things no expected I would ever be able to do include working. I am sorry and hope that you keep posting and getting that crap off your chest.

    Tara

    today is my daughter's 17th
    today is my daughter's 17th birthday, the first time I was diagnosed she was 8 months old!!!! Keep fighting. sometimes we go through periods of time that just suck. then it gets better. I think some of this depression is hormonal. I almost feel like I go through my "cycle" even though I dont get my period. I get bitchy and depressed and then its better. I also take an antidepressant -a very small dose helps and I talk to a therapist. I do what I need to -quality of life is very important. I have many beautiful things in life and when I get sad, I either withdraw for a while or talk to someone. exersize REALLY helps. As far as people on the street, I know I dont look like I had cancer, how do I know what they are going through? A saleswoman at the clothing store I go to, looked awesome and had stage 4 breast cancer, the chemo had worked on her bone and liver metastasis.
    Also ... and I'll get off my soapbox, if you feel that this is "unlike" you , then you should seek additional help, but I also think the feelings are totally normal, lets face it nobody would ask for this and it just sucks!!!! keep posting we care. probably next week you guys will be telling me this, UGH!!!
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    #80
    Options
    MNLynn said:

    Tara . . . I am so in
    Tara . . . I am so in agreement with your statement that " . . . doctors have a way of minimizing how we are feeling . . ." I know that they are so concentrated on getting us through the physical part of cancer - and I know that they need to do that. We won't win this battle unless they can do that for us. But it does seem that even they, as much as they deal with cancer, don't comprehend the emotional toll it takes on us. (I hope that's the case, and that they are not intentionally ignoring the emotional part.)

    This has been said over and over, and I'm going to say it again - THANK HEAVENS for this site - even though most of us have never met face to face, we DO have such wonderful support from each other. NONE OF US is alone in this battle . . . I hope that each one of us takes that thought with us through the day.

    With thankfulness for all of you, and with many thoughts & prayers . . .

    ♥ Lynn ♥

    Focused
    Your right I know it isn't intentional but some just do not have the capacity for unfortunately I have seen it in most male doctors. 14 years ago I saw only female doctors and most nurses were female and found this to be totally different than being seen by a male. I had my breasts removed a year apart since having stage 3 with 11 out 21 nodes and my mother really suggested it since it would be too hard on me to do both already very ill. I never listened to my mother but this time I did and she probably saved my life since nearly dying from raging staph infection turned to blood.
    My point is that male doctors always say it isn't going to hurt and having my mastectomy was no different but in fact with the nerve disorders I have it was horrid and only giving tylinol when demoral would help. He even told me it wouldn't hurt and tell me how that can be when every nerve ending seems to come out our breasts think about it.
    I have heard male doctors say giving birth isn't painful. I didn it naturally and my advise now is take everything they give, LOLOLOL.
    Male doctors actually complain they have to see menopausal women with all these problems but actually if they looked they might see it isn't meopause at all but they just get off the hook with that word.
    Doctors do not like to be told, even at the cancer clinic but I tell you this if we do not stand up and fight for our health we often will be caught way too late.

    Tara
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    #81
    Options
    carkris said:

    today is my daughter's 17th
    today is my daughter's 17th birthday, the first time I was diagnosed she was 8 months old!!!! Keep fighting. sometimes we go through periods of time that just suck. then it gets better. I think some of this depression is hormonal. I almost feel like I go through my "cycle" even though I dont get my period. I get bitchy and depressed and then its better. I also take an antidepressant -a very small dose helps and I talk to a therapist. I do what I need to -quality of life is very important. I have many beautiful things in life and when I get sad, I either withdraw for a while or talk to someone. exersize REALLY helps. As far as people on the street, I know I dont look like I had cancer, how do I know what they are going through? A saleswoman at the clothing store I go to, looked awesome and had stage 4 breast cancer, the chemo had worked on her bone and liver metastasis.
    Also ... and I'll get off my soapbox, if you feel that this is "unlike" you , then you should seek additional help, but I also think the feelings are totally normal, lets face it nobody would ask for this and it just sucks!!!! keep posting we care. probably next week you guys will be telling me this, UGH!!!

    Happy Birthday to HER
    And To YOU congradulations for a long survival and glad you are still here showing others it is possible.
    The Sun Does Shine Again.
    Tara

Discussion Boards