Is anyone still scared?
Comments
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As Roosevelt said, "There islanie940 said:i agree. I will continue to
i agree. I will continue to be afraid also.
As Roosevelt said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself". I think of a recurrence often, and immediately send myself to another place. I know that sounds really stupid, but the least amount of time I spend thinking about cancer, the more time I have to live my life to its fullest. I have decided that cancer is not going to be how I am defined, to the outside world, nor to myself. It took a while to master this art, but once I decided that I wasn't going to die today, I took the next day as an added blessing, and so on, and so on. Every day I wake up, I feel there is something that needs to be accomplished, or someone needs my help, or something equally as profound. However, this attitude has given me my life back. There are good days and bad days, but they are days. What more can you ask for. The fear is always lurking out there somewhere, but until it slaps me in the face, I am going to turn my back on it and dance a dance. Wishing all of you success in conquering the fear, and know that there is a little bit of it in all of us survivors. Hugs,
Judy0 -
Our biggest fear is
Our biggest fear is recurrence. Seems to me that once you get a cancer diagnosis, the peace of mind is no longer there. But you need to put everything in perspective and not let fear rule your life. Put it in the back of your mind and let it stay there. We shall be ok. Hugs, Lili0 -
You know,mmontero38 said:Our biggest fear is
Our biggest fear is recurrence. Seems to me that once you get a cancer diagnosis, the peace of mind is no longer there. But you need to put everything in perspective and not let fear rule your life. Put it in the back of your mind and let it stay there. We shall be ok. Hugs, Lili
in a way,I feel like cancer has only made us stronger. Not everybody has to face the beast like we do. To me,it says something about us- that yes,we are scared of the unknown,but we are tough and won't back down to this awful disease!0 -
Welloutdoorgirl said:You know,
in a way,I feel like cancer has only made us stronger. Not everybody has to face the beast like we do. To me,it says something about us- that yes,we are scared of the unknown,but we are tough and won't back down to this awful disease!
Ofcourse we all are scared and think of a recurrence in the back of our minds. But, you can either choose to let it take over your life and live in fear, or, you can just let it pop in your mind every now and then, but, go on to live the best life you can possibly have. I choose the latter. :-) Like someone said, I have cancer, cancer does NOT have me!
Lex♥0 -
Still scaredAlexis F said:Well
Ofcourse we all are scared and think of a recurrence in the back of our minds. But, you can either choose to let it take over your life and live in fear, or, you can just let it pop in your mind every now and then, but, go on to live the best life you can possibly have. I choose the latter. :-) Like someone said, I have cancer, cancer does NOT have me!
Lex♥
I am still pretty scared. But, I think that is because this is all still so new and I am just starting rads. Once I finish rads and am done with my treatment, I am hoping that my fear will diminish. I am not fearful of rads, they are fine, just of a recurrence. But, I am still living my life to the fullest and I will continue until my last breath. Noone and nothing is stopping me!
Sue
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I know how you feel. I have
I know how you feel. I have a good prognosis and in April it will be 4 years since my diagnosis but yet I still struggle with the fear of a recurrence. I think that time does help, but for some of us the fear never goes away. I think we have to kind of try to put it in the back of our minds and not focus on it. It's hard though. I do find that time helps. Until recently I really was preoccupied with breast cancer. I started seeing a psychologist and taking an antidepressant. These things are helping quite a bit. Hang in there. I wish you strength and peace.0 -
My thoughts on fears may
My thoughts on fears may seem a bit contradictory to the majority who have posted on this topic. But then I am probably a longer term survivor than most of those who have said that they still have fears. And make no mistake, I wholly agree that the passage of time can help lessen them.
I am an 8 year "thriver" and I no longer have fears. That first 6-12 months, post treatment, I had many, but along the way in my emotional healing process, I decided that I did not want to give any energy to fears about the "what ifs". And I had plenty of those playing all over my emotions back then. In reality, the "what if's" are really all the fear is...until we KNOW something differently. We could sit round and think up scenario's for days on end if we let it take us there. For me, even a few hours is a few hours too many to spend in fear about cancer.
Fear is certainly a big part of our lives once we are dx'd and for most of us, through out treatment as well. Even for some time beyond treatment, it can linger, nag and play games with our emotions. And why not? There is plenty to be afraid about, once we are dx'd!!! The best medical treatments we have today are almost savage, at best. Some refer those treatments as the slice/dice, poison and burn approach. But by any name, it's all we have. So we buck up and get through, if we do happen to choose the medical treatment approach. That, dear sisters, requires courage and a lot of bravery. It also requires faith that the treatments will work for us. Trust, that the treatments won't finish us off, while trying to cure us. Hope that we will not suffer debilitating side effects and that we will survive and be ok once again. Fear of the unknown is a big factor when we are dx'd too...like how sick will we be during treatments, etc.. I have not heard of one soul who took a cancer journey without the companionship of fears, whether they chose alternative, complementary or traditional treatment(s)! Not one.
If my cancer returns, if I get a new cancer...well, I will deal with it at that time and I will be the first to know...if you don't count the person in pathology who actually does the testing, and my doctor, who would again, deliver the news that would totally upset my apple cart of life.
Yes, we need to be vigilant (but not hyer-vigilant), we need to listen to and take excellent care of our bodies. Be kind to ourselves and live our lives fully. Not spend time bound up in fears. And it's true, we know better than anyone (who hasn't been there), what it's like. We know the miseries of surgery, chemo, rads, reconstruction and the energy required to get educated quickly and make our treatment decisions. We understand the tears in the wee hours. The physical pains and the emotional turmoil. Looking at our loved ones and crying inside, so they don't see how afraid we are that we may leave them. We were forced to look our mortality straight in the eye balls and our only choice was to continue to stand and fight. Fight yet, with weapons that terrified us almost as much as the disease itself. All the fears that overwhelmed us during those early days of dx and treatment. We know them well. The anxiety, the depression, the anger, all accompanied by more fears. We coped with a lot. But we also learned a lot. We came through wiser and learned many valuable things. There are silver linings in some of the darkest clouds that ever existed. We are proof of that. Even if I live to be 90, I will give fears about cancer NO energy. Not before I have any reason to do so. And the fact that I had it once is not a good enough reason for me.
I fully accept that a certain percentage of us will experience a recurrence or a new cancer at some point in our lives and we may or may not survive a 2nd or 3rd time round. But we're just as likely to survive and thrive, yet again. I believe that to be the facts. We cannot know these things in advance. Why worry about it in advance? I have no crystal ball (and I don't think anyone else has one...not the docs, not the scientists and not the people who compile so many "statistics"). All I can really do is take the positives I gained from cancer forward with me and leave the negatives behind, right where they belong, as part of my history. When we heal, emotionally, I think the fears begin to subside but sometimes it can take a lot of mental/emotional work to put them where they belong and get to where we want to be. Fearing cancer rearing it's ugly head again, will NOT get it dx'd any sooner or get me into treatment modalities any quicker. There is no magic test to reveal cancer when it first begins and truthfully, until we have symptoms or something develops which can be detected by our doctors or ourselves, (evidence)then those are the facts. I accept those facts and spare myself the worry and the stress of unnecessary fears. I keep my appointments. For me, those appointments confirm that I continue to have NED. Cancer can be sneaky, yes. Another fact we accept. But we probably all remember that we didn't see it coming the first time either and we didn't get stressed at our mammo's or other tests, pre cancer...at least I didn't. I never gave cancer much thought, although I knew perfectly well why I was having a mammo or PAP for all those pre-bc years. When I have my annual mammo's and annual gyn visits, annual onc visits, etc., I don't stress. I show up and have it done, just as I always have. I don't anticipate or expect any issues. If something scary pops up, well, I'll save my energy for when and if it does. In the meantime, I've a life to live and overt worries about cancer are not part of it. Cancer takes what it takes from us while we're battling it and that's all it's entitled to, in my opinion. It need not haunt us for the long term. Peace can be ours. If we can get to reconciling the terrifying emotional blow of our cancer experience, and eventually let it go, then we can find the kind of peace within our spirits which roots out fear and exposes it for what it is. It's each of our lives...we must live them, love them, care for them and work to make them what we want them to be. If that means changes in thinking, attitude,thoughts and/or feelings, and some hard looks at our reasoning...well, the sooner we get to work on it, and begin to make adjustments, the better. Don't let those fears begin to grow moss.
Love, light & laughter,
Ink0 -
Hubba Hubbainkblot said:My thoughts on fears may
My thoughts on fears may seem a bit contradictory to the majority who have posted on this topic. But then I am probably a longer term survivor than most of those who have said that they still have fears. And make no mistake, I wholly agree that the passage of time can help lessen them.
I am an 8 year "thriver" and I no longer have fears. That first 6-12 months, post treatment, I had many, but along the way in my emotional healing process, I decided that I did not want to give any energy to fears about the "what ifs". And I had plenty of those playing all over my emotions back then. In reality, the "what if's" are really all the fear is...until we KNOW something differently. We could sit round and think up scenario's for days on end if we let it take us there. For me, even a few hours is a few hours too many to spend in fear about cancer.
Fear is certainly a big part of our lives once we are dx'd and for most of us, through out treatment as well. Even for some time beyond treatment, it can linger, nag and play games with our emotions. And why not? There is plenty to be afraid about, once we are dx'd!!! The best medical treatments we have today are almost savage, at best. Some refer those treatments as the slice/dice, poison and burn approach. But by any name, it's all we have. So we buck up and get through, if we do happen to choose the medical treatment approach. That, dear sisters, requires courage and a lot of bravery. It also requires faith that the treatments will work for us. Trust, that the treatments won't finish us off, while trying to cure us. Hope that we will not suffer debilitating side effects and that we will survive and be ok once again. Fear of the unknown is a big factor when we are dx'd too...like how sick will we be during treatments, etc.. I have not heard of one soul who took a cancer journey without the companionship of fears, whether they chose alternative, complementary or traditional treatment(s)! Not one.
If my cancer returns, if I get a new cancer...well, I will deal with it at that time and I will be the first to know...if you don't count the person in pathology who actually does the testing, and my doctor, who would again, deliver the news that would totally upset my apple cart of life.
Yes, we need to be vigilant (but not hyer-vigilant), we need to listen to and take excellent care of our bodies. Be kind to ourselves and live our lives fully. Not spend time bound up in fears. And it's true, we know better than anyone (who hasn't been there), what it's like. We know the miseries of surgery, chemo, rads, reconstruction and the energy required to get educated quickly and make our treatment decisions. We understand the tears in the wee hours. The physical pains and the emotional turmoil. Looking at our loved ones and crying inside, so they don't see how afraid we are that we may leave them. We were forced to look our mortality straight in the eye balls and our only choice was to continue to stand and fight. Fight yet, with weapons that terrified us almost as much as the disease itself. All the fears that overwhelmed us during those early days of dx and treatment. We know them well. The anxiety, the depression, the anger, all accompanied by more fears. We coped with a lot. But we also learned a lot. We came through wiser and learned many valuable things. There are silver linings in some of the darkest clouds that ever existed. We are proof of that. Even if I live to be 90, I will give fears about cancer NO energy. Not before I have any reason to do so. And the fact that I had it once is not a good enough reason for me.
I fully accept that a certain percentage of us will experience a recurrence or a new cancer at some point in our lives and we may or may not survive a 2nd or 3rd time round. But we're just as likely to survive and thrive, yet again. I believe that to be the facts. We cannot know these things in advance. Why worry about it in advance? I have no crystal ball (and I don't think anyone else has one...not the docs, not the scientists and not the people who compile so many "statistics"). All I can really do is take the positives I gained from cancer forward with me and leave the negatives behind, right where they belong, as part of my history. When we heal, emotionally, I think the fears begin to subside but sometimes it can take a lot of mental/emotional work to put them where they belong and get to where we want to be. Fearing cancer rearing it's ugly head again, will NOT get it dx'd any sooner or get me into treatment modalities any quicker. There is no magic test to reveal cancer when it first begins and truthfully, until we have symptoms or something develops which can be detected by our doctors or ourselves, (evidence)then those are the facts. I accept those facts and spare myself the worry and the stress of unnecessary fears. I keep my appointments. For me, those appointments confirm that I continue to have NED. Cancer can be sneaky, yes. Another fact we accept. But we probably all remember that we didn't see it coming the first time either and we didn't get stressed at our mammo's or other tests, pre cancer...at least I didn't. I never gave cancer much thought, although I knew perfectly well why I was having a mammo or PAP for all those pre-bc years. When I have my annual mammo's and annual gyn visits, annual onc visits, etc., I don't stress. I show up and have it done, just as I always have. I don't anticipate or expect any issues. If something scary pops up, well, I'll save my energy for when and if it does. In the meantime, I've a life to live and overt worries about cancer are not part of it. Cancer takes what it takes from us while we're battling it and that's all it's entitled to, in my opinion. It need not haunt us for the long term. Peace can be ours. If we can get to reconciling the terrifying emotional blow of our cancer experience, and eventually let it go, then we can find the kind of peace within our spirits which roots out fear and exposes it for what it is. It's each of our lives...we must live them, love them, care for them and work to make them what we want them to be. If that means changes in thinking, attitude,thoughts and/or feelings, and some hard looks at our reasoning...well, the sooner we get to work on it, and begin to make adjustments, the better. Don't let those fears begin to grow moss.
Love, light & laughter,
Ink
Ink, this is an amazing article. I wish it could be published in every magazine in every onco's office in the world, as well as a hundred and one other places where every cancer survivor and 'thriver' (LOVE that...wish I had thought of it) will see it.
I am a 23 year survivor. Had 3 dx over a span of 10 years. NED for about 7 years now. But due to the mental and emotional 'side effects' of cancer and divorce and a couple of other sucker-punches, I have had a hard time being a 'thriver' until recent years. That was primarily because, for various reasons, I did not avail myself of the help that was available for treating and dealing with these issues. Your 'self-talk' article is amazingly right on the money, but I would suggest that, for some of us, it is hard for us to believe what we say to ourselves. That is when things like counseling and well-prescribed medications can be a great help in getting us to the place where peace resides in our spirits, as you so aptly describe the fearless mind-set we all so desperately desire.
Once again, congratulations on a great contribution to our board.
God bless.0 -
Question???zahalene said:ohilly,
I did not have a recurrence in the true sense.
I had a new cancer in the other breast 1 1/2 years after the first one. I found them both by self exam.
The third diagnosis was a bone lesion which showed up on a chest x-ray at a regular check-up at the site of my first cancer. But it was also a separate tumor, not a recurrence of the original cancer on that side.
What was your
Question???
What was your original treatment? Lumpectomy or mastectomy?0 -
We have nothing to fear but fear itselfinkblot said:My thoughts on fears may
My thoughts on fears may seem a bit contradictory to the majority who have posted on this topic. But then I am probably a longer term survivor than most of those who have said that they still have fears. And make no mistake, I wholly agree that the passage of time can help lessen them.
I am an 8 year "thriver" and I no longer have fears. That first 6-12 months, post treatment, I had many, but along the way in my emotional healing process, I decided that I did not want to give any energy to fears about the "what ifs". And I had plenty of those playing all over my emotions back then. In reality, the "what if's" are really all the fear is...until we KNOW something differently. We could sit round and think up scenario's for days on end if we let it take us there. For me, even a few hours is a few hours too many to spend in fear about cancer.
Fear is certainly a big part of our lives once we are dx'd and for most of us, through out treatment as well. Even for some time beyond treatment, it can linger, nag and play games with our emotions. And why not? There is plenty to be afraid about, once we are dx'd!!! The best medical treatments we have today are almost savage, at best. Some refer those treatments as the slice/dice, poison and burn approach. But by any name, it's all we have. So we buck up and get through, if we do happen to choose the medical treatment approach. That, dear sisters, requires courage and a lot of bravery. It also requires faith that the treatments will work for us. Trust, that the treatments won't finish us off, while trying to cure us. Hope that we will not suffer debilitating side effects and that we will survive and be ok once again. Fear of the unknown is a big factor when we are dx'd too...like how sick will we be during treatments, etc.. I have not heard of one soul who took a cancer journey without the companionship of fears, whether they chose alternative, complementary or traditional treatment(s)! Not one.
If my cancer returns, if I get a new cancer...well, I will deal with it at that time and I will be the first to know...if you don't count the person in pathology who actually does the testing, and my doctor, who would again, deliver the news that would totally upset my apple cart of life.
Yes, we need to be vigilant (but not hyer-vigilant), we need to listen to and take excellent care of our bodies. Be kind to ourselves and live our lives fully. Not spend time bound up in fears. And it's true, we know better than anyone (who hasn't been there), what it's like. We know the miseries of surgery, chemo, rads, reconstruction and the energy required to get educated quickly and make our treatment decisions. We understand the tears in the wee hours. The physical pains and the emotional turmoil. Looking at our loved ones and crying inside, so they don't see how afraid we are that we may leave them. We were forced to look our mortality straight in the eye balls and our only choice was to continue to stand and fight. Fight yet, with weapons that terrified us almost as much as the disease itself. All the fears that overwhelmed us during those early days of dx and treatment. We know them well. The anxiety, the depression, the anger, all accompanied by more fears. We coped with a lot. But we also learned a lot. We came through wiser and learned many valuable things. There are silver linings in some of the darkest clouds that ever existed. We are proof of that. Even if I live to be 90, I will give fears about cancer NO energy. Not before I have any reason to do so. And the fact that I had it once is not a good enough reason for me.
I fully accept that a certain percentage of us will experience a recurrence or a new cancer at some point in our lives and we may or may not survive a 2nd or 3rd time round. But we're just as likely to survive and thrive, yet again. I believe that to be the facts. We cannot know these things in advance. Why worry about it in advance? I have no crystal ball (and I don't think anyone else has one...not the docs, not the scientists and not the people who compile so many "statistics"). All I can really do is take the positives I gained from cancer forward with me and leave the negatives behind, right where they belong, as part of my history. When we heal, emotionally, I think the fears begin to subside but sometimes it can take a lot of mental/emotional work to put them where they belong and get to where we want to be. Fearing cancer rearing it's ugly head again, will NOT get it dx'd any sooner or get me into treatment modalities any quicker. There is no magic test to reveal cancer when it first begins and truthfully, until we have symptoms or something develops which can be detected by our doctors or ourselves, (evidence)then those are the facts. I accept those facts and spare myself the worry and the stress of unnecessary fears. I keep my appointments. For me, those appointments confirm that I continue to have NED. Cancer can be sneaky, yes. Another fact we accept. But we probably all remember that we didn't see it coming the first time either and we didn't get stressed at our mammo's or other tests, pre cancer...at least I didn't. I never gave cancer much thought, although I knew perfectly well why I was having a mammo or PAP for all those pre-bc years. When I have my annual mammo's and annual gyn visits, annual onc visits, etc., I don't stress. I show up and have it done, just as I always have. I don't anticipate or expect any issues. If something scary pops up, well, I'll save my energy for when and if it does. In the meantime, I've a life to live and overt worries about cancer are not part of it. Cancer takes what it takes from us while we're battling it and that's all it's entitled to, in my opinion. It need not haunt us for the long term. Peace can be ours. If we can get to reconciling the terrifying emotional blow of our cancer experience, and eventually let it go, then we can find the kind of peace within our spirits which roots out fear and exposes it for what it is. It's each of our lives...we must live them, love them, care for them and work to make them what we want them to be. If that means changes in thinking, attitude,thoughts and/or feelings, and some hard looks at our reasoning...well, the sooner we get to work on it, and begin to make adjustments, the better. Don't let those fears begin to grow moss.
Love, light & laughter,
Ink
This was very well written, Ink.
I have a long road ahead of me. I only just had my mastectomy and am going to be starting treatment very soon. I won't say that I don't have moments of fear and times when fear seems to take over me, but only for a short period of time. I have often told my children when they were younger and feared death that they can NOT 'live' life in fear of dying. There is no point to life if we live every day fearing losing it. We are put on this earth to live a good, happy & fulfilling life. I am one that truly believes that 'everything happens for a reason' and if my time has come, whether it be this time, next time or worrying about it does nothing to change it. Living life should be everyone's priority; living life in fear is not living!
Don't worry... be happy! Good song
Marlene0 -
Wow Ink!inkblot said:My thoughts on fears may
My thoughts on fears may seem a bit contradictory to the majority who have posted on this topic. But then I am probably a longer term survivor than most of those who have said that they still have fears. And make no mistake, I wholly agree that the passage of time can help lessen them.
I am an 8 year "thriver" and I no longer have fears. That first 6-12 months, post treatment, I had many, but along the way in my emotional healing process, I decided that I did not want to give any energy to fears about the "what ifs". And I had plenty of those playing all over my emotions back then. In reality, the "what if's" are really all the fear is...until we KNOW something differently. We could sit round and think up scenario's for days on end if we let it take us there. For me, even a few hours is a few hours too many to spend in fear about cancer.
Fear is certainly a big part of our lives once we are dx'd and for most of us, through out treatment as well. Even for some time beyond treatment, it can linger, nag and play games with our emotions. And why not? There is plenty to be afraid about, once we are dx'd!!! The best medical treatments we have today are almost savage, at best. Some refer those treatments as the slice/dice, poison and burn approach. But by any name, it's all we have. So we buck up and get through, if we do happen to choose the medical treatment approach. That, dear sisters, requires courage and a lot of bravery. It also requires faith that the treatments will work for us. Trust, that the treatments won't finish us off, while trying to cure us. Hope that we will not suffer debilitating side effects and that we will survive and be ok once again. Fear of the unknown is a big factor when we are dx'd too...like how sick will we be during treatments, etc.. I have not heard of one soul who took a cancer journey without the companionship of fears, whether they chose alternative, complementary or traditional treatment(s)! Not one.
If my cancer returns, if I get a new cancer...well, I will deal with it at that time and I will be the first to know...if you don't count the person in pathology who actually does the testing, and my doctor, who would again, deliver the news that would totally upset my apple cart of life.
Yes, we need to be vigilant (but not hyer-vigilant), we need to listen to and take excellent care of our bodies. Be kind to ourselves and live our lives fully. Not spend time bound up in fears. And it's true, we know better than anyone (who hasn't been there), what it's like. We know the miseries of surgery, chemo, rads, reconstruction and the energy required to get educated quickly and make our treatment decisions. We understand the tears in the wee hours. The physical pains and the emotional turmoil. Looking at our loved ones and crying inside, so they don't see how afraid we are that we may leave them. We were forced to look our mortality straight in the eye balls and our only choice was to continue to stand and fight. Fight yet, with weapons that terrified us almost as much as the disease itself. All the fears that overwhelmed us during those early days of dx and treatment. We know them well. The anxiety, the depression, the anger, all accompanied by more fears. We coped with a lot. But we also learned a lot. We came through wiser and learned many valuable things. There are silver linings in some of the darkest clouds that ever existed. We are proof of that. Even if I live to be 90, I will give fears about cancer NO energy. Not before I have any reason to do so. And the fact that I had it once is not a good enough reason for me.
I fully accept that a certain percentage of us will experience a recurrence or a new cancer at some point in our lives and we may or may not survive a 2nd or 3rd time round. But we're just as likely to survive and thrive, yet again. I believe that to be the facts. We cannot know these things in advance. Why worry about it in advance? I have no crystal ball (and I don't think anyone else has one...not the docs, not the scientists and not the people who compile so many "statistics"). All I can really do is take the positives I gained from cancer forward with me and leave the negatives behind, right where they belong, as part of my history. When we heal, emotionally, I think the fears begin to subside but sometimes it can take a lot of mental/emotional work to put them where they belong and get to where we want to be. Fearing cancer rearing it's ugly head again, will NOT get it dx'd any sooner or get me into treatment modalities any quicker. There is no magic test to reveal cancer when it first begins and truthfully, until we have symptoms or something develops which can be detected by our doctors or ourselves, (evidence)then those are the facts. I accept those facts and spare myself the worry and the stress of unnecessary fears. I keep my appointments. For me, those appointments confirm that I continue to have NED. Cancer can be sneaky, yes. Another fact we accept. But we probably all remember that we didn't see it coming the first time either and we didn't get stressed at our mammo's or other tests, pre cancer...at least I didn't. I never gave cancer much thought, although I knew perfectly well why I was having a mammo or PAP for all those pre-bc years. When I have my annual mammo's and annual gyn visits, annual onc visits, etc., I don't stress. I show up and have it done, just as I always have. I don't anticipate or expect any issues. If something scary pops up, well, I'll save my energy for when and if it does. In the meantime, I've a life to live and overt worries about cancer are not part of it. Cancer takes what it takes from us while we're battling it and that's all it's entitled to, in my opinion. It need not haunt us for the long term. Peace can be ours. If we can get to reconciling the terrifying emotional blow of our cancer experience, and eventually let it go, then we can find the kind of peace within our spirits which roots out fear and exposes it for what it is. It's each of our lives...we must live them, love them, care for them and work to make them what we want them to be. If that means changes in thinking, attitude,thoughts and/or feelings, and some hard looks at our reasoning...well, the sooner we get to work on it, and begin to make adjustments, the better. Don't let those fears begin to grow moss.
Love, light & laughter,
Ink
Sue:)
Wow Ink!
Sue:)0 -
Oh, zahalene, kudos to youzahalene said:Hubba Hubba
Ink, this is an amazing article. I wish it could be published in every magazine in every onco's office in the world, as well as a hundred and one other places where every cancer survivor and 'thriver' (LOVE that...wish I had thought of it) will see it.
I am a 23 year survivor. Had 3 dx over a span of 10 years. NED for about 7 years now. But due to the mental and emotional 'side effects' of cancer and divorce and a couple of other sucker-punches, I have had a hard time being a 'thriver' until recent years. That was primarily because, for various reasons, I did not avail myself of the help that was available for treating and dealing with these issues. Your 'self-talk' article is amazingly right on the money, but I would suggest that, for some of us, it is hard for us to believe what we say to ourselves. That is when things like counseling and well-prescribed medications can be a great help in getting us to the place where peace resides in our spirits, as you so aptly describe the fearless mind-set we all so desperately desire.
Once again, congratulations on a great contribution to our board.
God bless.
Oh, zahalene, kudos to you in your thriver-ship! You are my heroine! And I know what you mean...those sucker-punches in life can put us off keel in a hurry. When that happens, it's another time in our lives when we must get to work and get the help we need, so we can get back on track and back to thriving in our lives. You are a shining example of that, after many tough blows. You are proof that we can get through, that we can be even better than just ok...we can find perspective, let go of the pain and fears and live our lives with peace. I hope that many more here will read your story so that they may be inspired and encouraged by it, as I certainly am. I only pop in to read once in a while anymore, and sometimes, I see a post which I feel I need to respond to, in the hopes that someone may take away just one small thing, which may be helpful in some way. Keep up the GREAT work and keep on thriving!!!
Love, light & laughter,
Ink0 -
Love your attitudeMarlene_K said:We have nothing to fear but fear itself
This was very well written, Ink.
I have a long road ahead of me. I only just had my mastectomy and am going to be starting treatment very soon. I won't say that I don't have moments of fear and times when fear seems to take over me, but only for a short period of time. I have often told my children when they were younger and feared death that they can NOT 'live' life in fear of dying. There is no point to life if we live every day fearing losing it. We are put on this earth to live a good, happy & fulfilling life. I am one that truly believes that 'everything happens for a reason' and if my time has come, whether it be this time, next time or worrying about it does nothing to change it. Living life should be everyone's priority; living life in fear is not living!
Don't worry... be happy! Good song
Marlene
Hi Marlene_K,
I so love your attitude. Hang onto it and trust in your belief system and continue to draw strength from it. Accept those fearful times as part of the process. It is clear that you are working to keep them in check and that is a huge accomplishment. I so agree with your statement that: "Living life in fear is not living". Fear can rob us of so much and we deserve better than that. You are way out front in your attitude and I find that so empowering. Hope you'll continue to share here often so that (particularly) our newly dx'd sisters may benefit from your words.
I'd like to recommend that when you have a few minutes, if you're interested in (what I think) is a truly empowering clip: go to YouTube.com and type in Cancer Crusade Survivor Movie. It's message is awesome and I hope you will enjoy it.
Warm (and gentle) hugs and I hope that you are feeling ok, post mastectomy, and that the surgery went very well. Hold on to that wonderful attitude and continue to draw strength from it in the coming months. The road can seem long, when we first begin and we feel every single bump along the way, but someone once said: "A journey of a thousand miles, begins with the first step". And you have that first step in this journey behind you already. So many of our sisters here will share and offer support whenever you need it. CSN was important for me during my treatment and I learned so very much from every single sister who shared so generously here. We laughed together, cried together, got angry together and the most important thing was that we hung in with each other...always. A good resource...and we cannot have too many good resources.
Love, light & laughter,
Ink0 -
Thank YOU!inkblot said:My thoughts on fears may
My thoughts on fears may seem a bit contradictory to the majority who have posted on this topic. But then I am probably a longer term survivor than most of those who have said that they still have fears. And make no mistake, I wholly agree that the passage of time can help lessen them.
I am an 8 year "thriver" and I no longer have fears. That first 6-12 months, post treatment, I had many, but along the way in my emotional healing process, I decided that I did not want to give any energy to fears about the "what ifs". And I had plenty of those playing all over my emotions back then. In reality, the "what if's" are really all the fear is...until we KNOW something differently. We could sit round and think up scenario's for days on end if we let it take us there. For me, even a few hours is a few hours too many to spend in fear about cancer.
Fear is certainly a big part of our lives once we are dx'd and for most of us, through out treatment as well. Even for some time beyond treatment, it can linger, nag and play games with our emotions. And why not? There is plenty to be afraid about, once we are dx'd!!! The best medical treatments we have today are almost savage, at best. Some refer those treatments as the slice/dice, poison and burn approach. But by any name, it's all we have. So we buck up and get through, if we do happen to choose the medical treatment approach. That, dear sisters, requires courage and a lot of bravery. It also requires faith that the treatments will work for us. Trust, that the treatments won't finish us off, while trying to cure us. Hope that we will not suffer debilitating side effects and that we will survive and be ok once again. Fear of the unknown is a big factor when we are dx'd too...like how sick will we be during treatments, etc.. I have not heard of one soul who took a cancer journey without the companionship of fears, whether they chose alternative, complementary or traditional treatment(s)! Not one.
If my cancer returns, if I get a new cancer...well, I will deal with it at that time and I will be the first to know...if you don't count the person in pathology who actually does the testing, and my doctor, who would again, deliver the news that would totally upset my apple cart of life.
Yes, we need to be vigilant (but not hyer-vigilant), we need to listen to and take excellent care of our bodies. Be kind to ourselves and live our lives fully. Not spend time bound up in fears. And it's true, we know better than anyone (who hasn't been there), what it's like. We know the miseries of surgery, chemo, rads, reconstruction and the energy required to get educated quickly and make our treatment decisions. We understand the tears in the wee hours. The physical pains and the emotional turmoil. Looking at our loved ones and crying inside, so they don't see how afraid we are that we may leave them. We were forced to look our mortality straight in the eye balls and our only choice was to continue to stand and fight. Fight yet, with weapons that terrified us almost as much as the disease itself. All the fears that overwhelmed us during those early days of dx and treatment. We know them well. The anxiety, the depression, the anger, all accompanied by more fears. We coped with a lot. But we also learned a lot. We came through wiser and learned many valuable things. There are silver linings in some of the darkest clouds that ever existed. We are proof of that. Even if I live to be 90, I will give fears about cancer NO energy. Not before I have any reason to do so. And the fact that I had it once is not a good enough reason for me.
I fully accept that a certain percentage of us will experience a recurrence or a new cancer at some point in our lives and we may or may not survive a 2nd or 3rd time round. But we're just as likely to survive and thrive, yet again. I believe that to be the facts. We cannot know these things in advance. Why worry about it in advance? I have no crystal ball (and I don't think anyone else has one...not the docs, not the scientists and not the people who compile so many "statistics"). All I can really do is take the positives I gained from cancer forward with me and leave the negatives behind, right where they belong, as part of my history. When we heal, emotionally, I think the fears begin to subside but sometimes it can take a lot of mental/emotional work to put them where they belong and get to where we want to be. Fearing cancer rearing it's ugly head again, will NOT get it dx'd any sooner or get me into treatment modalities any quicker. There is no magic test to reveal cancer when it first begins and truthfully, until we have symptoms or something develops which can be detected by our doctors or ourselves, (evidence)then those are the facts. I accept those facts and spare myself the worry and the stress of unnecessary fears. I keep my appointments. For me, those appointments confirm that I continue to have NED. Cancer can be sneaky, yes. Another fact we accept. But we probably all remember that we didn't see it coming the first time either and we didn't get stressed at our mammo's or other tests, pre cancer...at least I didn't. I never gave cancer much thought, although I knew perfectly well why I was having a mammo or PAP for all those pre-bc years. When I have my annual mammo's and annual gyn visits, annual onc visits, etc., I don't stress. I show up and have it done, just as I always have. I don't anticipate or expect any issues. If something scary pops up, well, I'll save my energy for when and if it does. In the meantime, I've a life to live and overt worries about cancer are not part of it. Cancer takes what it takes from us while we're battling it and that's all it's entitled to, in my opinion. It need not haunt us for the long term. Peace can be ours. If we can get to reconciling the terrifying emotional blow of our cancer experience, and eventually let it go, then we can find the kind of peace within our spirits which roots out fear and exposes it for what it is. It's each of our lives...we must live them, love them, care for them and work to make them what we want them to be. If that means changes in thinking, attitude,thoughts and/or feelings, and some hard looks at our reasoning...well, the sooner we get to work on it, and begin to make adjustments, the better. Don't let those fears begin to grow moss.
Love, light & laughter,
Ink
Thanks for the encouraging words and inspiration. I'm definately saving this one to my favorites so I can go back and re-read it throughout my treatment. I'm in the beginning stage with chemo to finish and then rads. I'm very optomistic and this definately puts things into perspective for me. Thanks, again!!0 -
Thank you...MyTurnNow said:Thank YOU!
Thanks for the encouraging words and inspiration. I'm definately saving this one to my favorites so I can go back and re-read it throughout my treatment. I'm in the beginning stage with chemo to finish and then rads. I'm very optomistic and this definately puts things into perspective for me. Thanks, again!!
Hi, MyTurnNow,
Thank you for your kind comments. I am over-joyed if anything I shared of my experience was helpful.
I'm happy to know that you're feeling optimistic. That's so very important. (My path was surgery, chemo and then rads, so sounds like you have a similar tx plan) Keep the faith and remember to keep doing whatever things you enjoy that help you to relax, relieve stress and keep you focused. And in your sprare time, baby yourself. (I never really learned how to "baby myself" until I had bc)Remember to make time for smiles and, BTW, a good ole belly laugh is certainly not out of the question either. If one gets close enough, grab it! LOL
Big hugs and best wishes that tx will go very well. Soon, this will be part of your history and you can again focus on thriving. For now, try to relax into the treatments which lie ahead and put your energies into taking the absolute best care of yourself possible.
Love, light & laughter,
Ink0 -
zahalenezahalene said:I was diagnosed...
in 1986 at age 38.....
in 1988 at age 40.....
in 1996 at age 48.....
I am now in stable health....
at age 61.
Yes, I get scared.
No, I do not let it ruin the rest of my life,
because TODAY I am ok.
Next time you get scared you have my permission
to go into your zen meditation with this mantra
on your lips....
ZZZZZAAAAAAHHHHHHH........
ZZZZZAAAAAAHHHHHHH........
ZZZZZAAAAAAHHHHHHH........
LOL
God bless!
Zahalene, thanks for the morning laugh!
Ohilly, to answer your question as to how did we know when it has spread. I was diagnosed in 1999, age 36, with invasive DCI, stage 1, no lymphnodes. Had chemo, rad. and on tamoxifen for 5 years. Then my back started to ache when I road a bike, thought it was the angle I was sitting, and then off and on my back ached in the upper, middle and lower areas. All random and would come and go. This went on for about 3 years. Thought it was arthritis, (my Mom has it) thought I strained it. My doctor never asked any questions directly about my health, just 'How's it going' types of questions. Never thought to tell him about my back. My doctor never had me have a bone scan, ct scan, pet scan or anything after my treatment was over. Then in February of 2008, after constant pain for 6 months, and being misdiagnosed by 2 doctors, they found it had spread to my spine. In 11 vertabrae.
So my suggestion to you is to pay attention to your body. Ask more questions. I have heard of some doctors doing bone, ct scans more often than mine. Take advantage of this. Mabey get one every year or two if you can.
But, by all means don't obsess about recurrance. Life is way to short!
Oh, and am I scared? Heck, yea. But fear doesn't run my life. Hope does.
and now......ZZZZZAAAAAHHHHH...........0 -
I had radical mastectomyMCJ said:Question???
What was your
Question???
What was your original treatment? Lumpectomy or mastectomy?
in 1986, followed by 10 months of chemo.
Another rad mast in 1988 followed by 11 months of chemo and 5 weeks of rads. Then 7 yrs of Tamoxifen.
In 1996 oncoman decided to try to shrink bone lesion (in right rib cage) with megase (oral) and it worked! No further treatment required after 5 yrs on that med.
All stable since 2001.0 -
I may be in denial
but I have not been scared. If I had to describe my feelings, I was annoyed. I had plans for 2009 that I knew would be postponed until I was through with treatment. My initial reaction to my diagnosis was the same as if I had appendicitis....remove the XXX thing, give me follow up medicine and let me get on with my life.
Having said that, it is totally understandable that a person would be scared. I'm just a bit different from other folks.0 -
Yes, I still get scared...
Yes, I still get scared. Sometimes I feel nauseous just thinking about it, so I try not to dwell on the subject for too long. I try and keep busy. I have a husband and daughter who need me to be strong and positive.
You know, I see this as a bump on the road. I will get through this. My life has taken a detour, but God, family, and friends will see me through this. You, too, will get through this. My best to you.
Bella Luna0 -
Hey Kylez,
Of course I get
Hey Kylez,
Of course I get scared. That is perfectly normal. I try not to let it bother me too much, but sometimes, late at night, when everyones asleep, I can't help but think about what would happen to them. Then I get very sad. I love my family dearly, and the thought of not being around to watch them grow up and have families of their own is almost unbearable! But, I also know that you can not dwell on the "what ifs". That is no way to live your life. Now, I have a long way to go myself, alot of healing to do, physically as well as emotionally. But, I also know that what ever happens, God healed me, so that I could be here a little longer with my kids. I hope I will be here to see them grown up, married to their soul mates, and with babies. That is my wish. One thing that cancer has taught me is to not sweat the "small" stuff. Nothing seems as big as cancer is. Know what I mean? Life is precious, and I want to live it to the fullest extent possible.
Ink said it beautifully. That was awesome Ink! Well said.
Hang in there!
Hugs, Cheyenne0
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