I am so dissapointed in my family

rjjj said:

Moopy, Rita and all that posted
Thank you so much for your kind words. I guess I did not realize had so much pent-up resentment at the rest of them for not being there for my mom, and now me. You have all made me realize that it is OK to just let this go and move on. I think I will write her a letter as Debi said, we do not E-mail. That way I can choose my words carefully not to hurt her, but so she can think about things a little (maybe)

I have been trying to eliminate negatives in my life. That is why I told her I had to go and how (I was cooking on the stove but had it been one of you sweet gals or a real friend I would have turned the stove off and had a good conversation. I do have a wonderful family in my husband Bob and my children. They also get upset with my family for not being there for me. But it is me who usually says it's Ok because I have all that I ever need with them.
God Bless you all
Jackie

j916 said:

So Glad
My nameis Jeanne, which matched another member on this board, so i didn't use it as my user name so it wouldn't cause confusion.
This subject is possibly the hardest part of what i've been going through with the treatments and everything. My sister, we are not close at all, when she was told of my diagnosis by my mom via email, her response was....well, that's great news for you and me, huh mom?....um, what???? I have ONE more chemo treatment to go, and i feel as if i have become Old News. I had chemo this last friday, and one person called to see how i was. I live alone, and it is very hard dealing with the ups, downs, pain, etc., while living alone, as i'm sure some of you know. Even my mom "texted" me to see how i was doing. ????? I'm hurt...i have another friend who i have considered a sister for over a decade actually tell me that she just has to live in denial because she can't handle the fact that i have this disease...again....what???? I have found out who my real friends are, which was narrowed down to basically 2, and the rest....well, i'm afraid that permenant damage has been done. I am getting rid of all negativity in my life, and looking out for me first, for the very first time in my life. Am i resentful...**** yes....and i working on letting the resentment go? Of course, but the pain is quite real.

dbs1673 said:

are we related?
As I read some of these posts I'm convinced we come from the same family! Seriously, with the exception of my younger brother and his wife, my other siblings and mother are useless. My mother had breast cancer and I had asked her to have the genetic testing done 2 years before I was diagnosed. She refused and told me I need therapy if I'd consider it. Well when I did have the testing done (without therapy) it was negative and I never told her. 2 years later when I was diagnosed all she could think about was did she give this to me. She and my sister were more concerned about keeping their trip to Disney as scheduled 3 days after I came home from my mastectomy. My older brother is a medic and his wife an ER nurse who live less than 2 miles away....never a phone call in the last year. My little sister is the classic complainer about how "things are so rough, you just can't imagine" as she seems to go from vacation to vacation. The constant slaps in the face seem to sting even more because they all live within 5-10 miles of my house. I had surgery again in April and all they were worried about was "you are making the Easter candy, right"? Their reactions do not surprise me any more but what the head knows does not heal the heart. I'm sure they view me as strong so now I, like many of you, just need to be strong enough to care for ourselves.

dawn

mimivac said:

Ugh.
Jackie, I am sorry this is happening to you and that your sister cannot be more supportive. Of course, she should be. They should be be taking care of and supporting you now. You have been the family caretaker and it's your turn. I guess sometimes when you take on a certain role in the family (being the reponsible one, for example. Or, in the case of your sister, the baby of the family with no responsibilty, perhaps), it is difficult to change. Seeing you, the one who always took care of others, need care yourself is probably disorienting and scary for your sister. She might not be capable of shifting her place in the family.

Given all that, I think Rita is right on the mark. You cannot change your sister and it will hurt to even try. The best you can do is to tell her sincerely how her actions have made you feel and hope that she can find it within herself to change. If not, you must let it go. Once you give up the idea that you have control over this issue, maybe you can find some peace with it. I don't know. I can feel your pain in your posts, but maybe try to accept that this is all your sister is capable of giving, for whatever reason. That is not to say that her actions are acceptable or that you have to put up with it. You can choose to limit contact if that's the way to protect yourself, but know that her actions are HER issue, not yours. You are doing the right thing. I'm sorry this has made you feel so bad.

Mimi

j916 said:

So Glad
My nameis Jeanne, which matched another member on this board, so i didn't use it as my user name so it wouldn't cause confusion.
This subject is possibly the hardest part of what i've been going through with the treatments and everything. My sister, we are not close at all, when she was told of my diagnosis by my mom via email, her response was....well, that's great news for you and me, huh mom?....um, what???? I have ONE more chemo treatment to go, and i feel as if i have become Old News. I had chemo this last friday, and one person called to see how i was. I live alone, and it is very hard dealing with the ups, downs, pain, etc., while living alone, as i'm sure some of you know. Even my mom "texted" me to see how i was doing. ????? I'm hurt...i have another friend who i have considered a sister for over a decade actually tell me that she just has to live in denial because she can't handle the fact that i have this disease...again....what???? I have found out who my real friends are, which was narrowed down to basically 2, and the rest....well, i'm afraid that permenant damage has been done. I am getting rid of all negativity in my life, and looking out for me first, for the very first time in my life. Am i resentful...**** yes....and i working on letting the resentment go? Of course, but the pain is quite real.

CR1954 said:

I understand Maureen....
I understand Maureen. And I thank Heaven for my husband, my biggest cheerleader!

In my case, my sisters and I were very close, both literally and emotionally. We all live within a couple of miles from each other.
So, when the one closest in age to me, the one whose kids are closest in age to mine and who all grew up together, almost as brothers and sister, it hurts that there is no communication. It hurts that she appears to go the other way when she sees me now. And it hurts that even her emails have stopped coming.

But even though it hurts, I think that her reaction is out of fear. Fear that it could happen to anyone. I can't imagine any other reason for her reaction.

So, if and when she ever decides that she wants to re-establish that bond again, I will be here.

CR

Marcia527 said:

Hey Mimi
I see it as a way to exercise my brain to figure out what word it should be. It's a puzzle.