I am so dissapointed in my family
Comments
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Dear JeanneJeanne D said:I am sorry Jackie if you
I am sorry Jackie if you thought that I meant that you weren't entitled to have the feelings you are having. I didn't mean that at all. You have every right to be mad at them and to cry, cuss or do whatever you feel like. I just hated to see you or anyone waste one second on selfish, self centered, insensitive people, family or not, when you are in the fight of your life. I guess I just wish I could make everyone feel good and be happy. I wish you only the best dear Jackie. Love, Jeanne
p.s. and good luck again with your radiation treatments wednesday. if i can help in anyway, just ask.
Please don't think I was upset with you. I was just so angry last nite and I am usually not like that. It took all i could do not to call her and tell her what i thought but instead I vented to you all. I am sorry, if I said things wrong. I do know what you were trying to say sweet Jeanne. Today is a new day and the sun is shining! I do have many (including you all ) that care and I am not going to dwell on this. Thanks for listening though.
Thank you for remebering my radiation treatment on Wed. you have already helped more than you can imagine.
hugs, Jackie0 -
Moopy, Rita and all that postedritazimm said:Family
Hi Jackie,
I am sorry that your loved ones are so self-centered. I have experienced both sides of this coin. I have 5 brothers and sisters and most of them have been very supportive. I don't know what I would have done without their support! All of them live in different states but their love, support and prayers have really seen me through. But I also have one brother that has called me one time (possibly twice) over the past 18 months since I told everyone about my diagnosis. For YEARS I have also reminded him that he has some responsibility toward our mother and father and that just a phone call, a couple of times a year, would go a LONG way at easing their worries about him and his family. He is also a minister so he is fully aware of Gods view on this but it does no good. I have stressed about it for years as well because I am the only one that lives near my parents (I'm the youngest) and I therefore am the only one that bears the front of their anxiety over him. But since the cancer, I have realized that I will no longer let the behavior of others upset me. Not his poor behavior or my parents anxiety over it. When my mother starts ****ing to me about him, I just tell her that I have no control over him and that she should just get on the phone and call him to complain. I have also given up on thinking that he will change. I have no idea what his issues are, but they are HIS issues and not mine so I cannot change them. I have realized that I am taking on too many things that I cannot change so I am giving them up. Of course this isn't easy to do but it is one of the few things that I have learned from this terrible beast. I am done enabling others to upset me. Even thouse that I love.
(Now that I have said that, let me give a possible excuse on my brothers behalf. I have written a blog so that my family and friends could know what is happening with me so that they wouldn't have to call me all the time wondering what is happening. He might be reading my blog and keeping up with what is happening with me, but he has not commented or called about any of the good or bad things that have happened. So much for no longer being an enabler, huh?)
I am so sorry that your family hasn't been supportive and are so very selfish. I cannot even imagine the hurt that they are causing you. Even though you love them dearly, try not to let them hurt you. It really is time for you to focus on yourself and the people that are helping you through this. If they cannot be there to support you now, then they just beed to be put aside for a time and just focus on yourself and those that are there for you. And the hardes part is DON'T FEEL GUILTY FOR DOING THIS!!! You need to keep the positives in your life and purge as much of the negatives as you possible can.
Good luck and God bless!
Rita
Thank you so much for your kind words. I guess I did not realize had so much pent-up resentment at the rest of them for not being there for my mom, and now me. You have all made me realize that it is OK to just let this go and move on. I think I will write her a letter as Debi said, we do not E-mail. That way I can choose my words carefully not to hurt her, but so she can think about things a little (maybe)
I have been trying to eliminate negatives in my life. That is why I told her I had to go and how (I was cooking on the stove but had it been one of you sweet gals or a real friend I would have turned the stove off and had a good conversation. I do have a wonderful family in my husband Bob and my children. They also get upset with my family for not being there for me. But it is me who usually says it's Ok because I have all that I ever need with them.
God Bless you all
Jackie0 -
Nobody will ever steal your joy, Jackierjjj said:Thanks Joe
I still am very hurt by all of this and i can't believe they would be this way. I would/could never! but i guess these are the cards i have been dealt!! I do so appreciate your optimistic attitude I can just see me prancing up to my sis and telling her that i kicked it in the ****.. and looking beautiful (with Hair and strong) Maybe i am dreaming with Jeanne........... but i will not let anyone still my joy. I love you both and thanks for replying,
God bless, Jackie
That's right, Jackie. Nobody will ever steal your joy.
Look at all of the unfair things that have happened to you in your life - the loss of your mom and then of your first husband, for example - and you just pull up your "big girl panties" and go forward. No complaining or sniveling - just your conviction that life is worth living and you, for one, are going to live it.
I had you pegged the first time I ran into you on this board. You reminded me exactly of Moopy's big sister Jackie, who is exactly the same way as you: a kind, generous, fun person blessed with tremendous courage and a great joy of life. Sometimes Moopy's sister gets walked on because of her eagerness to be there for other people, but over the years Moopy has coached her in avoiding the emotional black holes of other people (read: her two whacko daughters-in-law).
So there is hope for you too - since you're part of our family now, I'm sure Coach Moopy will give you the same family discount she gives her big sister!
Love,
Joe0 -
Family Eh?rjjj said:Moopy, Rita and all that posted
Thank you so much for your kind words. I guess I did not realize had so much pent-up resentment at the rest of them for not being there for my mom, and now me. You have all made me realize that it is OK to just let this go and move on. I think I will write her a letter as Debi said, we do not E-mail. That way I can choose my words carefully not to hurt her, but so she can think about things a little (maybe)
I have been trying to eliminate negatives in my life. That is why I told her I had to go and how (I was cooking on the stove but had it been one of you sweet gals or a real friend I would have turned the stove off and had a good conversation. I do have a wonderful family in my husband Bob and my children. They also get upset with my family for not being there for me. But it is me who usually says it's Ok because I have all that I ever need with them.
God Bless you all
Jackie
My Mum was just great, Dad was too, but my one and only sister.......well!!
I phoned my mum when I was in the middle of chemo, she put my sis on the phone (as they were having lunch there) My sis said "Hi, How are you feeling???" then before I could answer she said "Hey if I don't get back to the game NOW they're going to deal me out, great to know you're OK.Love you. Byeeeeeee"
I cried for about 3 hours after that.
Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and she loves me very much, but she has her own life. I guess I was just a little over-sensitive at the time...
Hell No I wasn't.......Aortus was right......a self-absorbed little twit! Does suit her, sometimes.
Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxx0 -
So Gladtasha_111 said:Family Eh?
My Mum was just great, Dad was too, but my one and only sister.......well!!
I phoned my mum when I was in the middle of chemo, she put my sis on the phone (as they were having lunch there) My sis said "Hi, How are you feeling???" then before I could answer she said "Hey if I don't get back to the game NOW they're going to deal me out, great to know you're OK.Love you. Byeeeeeee"
I cried for about 3 hours after that.
Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and she loves me very much, but she has her own life. I guess I was just a little over-sensitive at the time...
Hell No I wasn't.......Aortus was right......a self-absorbed little twit! Does suit her, sometimes.
Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxx
My nameis Jeanne, which matched another member on this board, so i didn't use it as my user name so it wouldn't cause confusion.
This subject is possibly the hardest part of what i've been going through with the treatments and everything. My sister, we are not close at all, when she was told of my diagnosis by my mom via email, her response was....well, that's great news for you and me, huh mom?....um, what???? I have ONE more chemo treatment to go, and i feel as if i have become Old News. I had chemo this last friday, and one person called to see how i was. I live alone, and it is very hard dealing with the ups, downs, pain, etc., while living alone, as i'm sure some of you know. Even my mom "texted" me to see how i was doing. ????? I'm hurt...i have another friend who i have considered a sister for over a decade actually tell me that she just has to live in denial because she can't handle the fact that i have this disease...again....what???? I have found out who my real friends are, which was narrowed down to basically 2, and the rest....well, i'm afraid that permenant damage has been done. I am getting rid of all negativity in my life, and looking out for me first, for the very first time in my life. Am i resentful...**** yes....and i working on letting the resentment go? Of course, but the pain is quite real.0 -
Jeannej916 said:So Glad
My nameis Jeanne, which matched another member on this board, so i didn't use it as my user name so it wouldn't cause confusion.
This subject is possibly the hardest part of what i've been going through with the treatments and everything. My sister, we are not close at all, when she was told of my diagnosis by my mom via email, her response was....well, that's great news for you and me, huh mom?....um, what???? I have ONE more chemo treatment to go, and i feel as if i have become Old News. I had chemo this last friday, and one person called to see how i was. I live alone, and it is very hard dealing with the ups, downs, pain, etc., while living alone, as i'm sure some of you know. Even my mom "texted" me to see how i was doing. ????? I'm hurt...i have another friend who i have considered a sister for over a decade actually tell me that she just has to live in denial because she can't handle the fact that i have this disease...again....what???? I have found out who my real friends are, which was narrowed down to basically 2, and the rest....well, i'm afraid that permenant damage has been done. I am getting rid of all negativity in my life, and looking out for me first, for the very first time in my life. Am i resentful...**** yes....and i working on letting the resentment go? Of course, but the pain is quite real.
I know exactly how you feel. It hurts like hell for a while, then you just accept how shallow people are, and why friends are suddenly off your christmas card list.
I lost so many "Good Friends" who were more scared of my cancer than they were fond of me.
Like you say, you find out who your true friends are during this process.
Go ahead.... Vent all you like. You will eventually get over the hurt and disloyalty that is on display and surround yourself with REAL people.
I was totally devastated by my treatment of some of my closest friends and even relatives..but they have been replaced by other friends and relatives who really care.
I wish you well. Hugs Jxxxxxxxxx0 -
are we related?tasha_111 said:Family Eh?
My Mum was just great, Dad was too, but my one and only sister.......well!!
I phoned my mum when I was in the middle of chemo, she put my sis on the phone (as they were having lunch there) My sis said "Hi, How are you feeling???" then before I could answer she said "Hey if I don't get back to the game NOW they're going to deal me out, great to know you're OK.Love you. Byeeeeeee"
I cried for about 3 hours after that.
Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and she loves me very much, but she has her own life. I guess I was just a little over-sensitive at the time...
Hell No I wasn't.......Aortus was right......a self-absorbed little twit! Does suit her, sometimes.
Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxx
As I read some of these posts I'm convinced we come from the same family! Seriously, with the exception of my younger brother and his wife, my other siblings and mother are useless. My mother had breast cancer and I had asked her to have the genetic testing done 2 years before I was diagnosed. She refused and told me I need therapy if I'd consider it. Well when I did have the testing done (without therapy) it was negative and I never told her. 2 years later when I was diagnosed all she could think about was did she give this to me. She and my sister were more concerned about keeping their trip to Disney as scheduled 3 days after I came home from my mastectomy. My older brother is a medic and his wife an ER nurse who live less than 2 miles away....never a phone call in the last year. My little sister is the classic complainer about how "things are so rough, you just can't imagine" as she seems to go from vacation to vacation. The constant slaps in the face seem to sting even more because they all live within 5-10 miles of my house. I had surgery again in April and all they were worried about was "you are making the Easter candy, right"? Their reactions do not surprise me any more but what the head knows does not heal the heart. I'm sure they view me as strong so now I, like many of you, just need to be strong enough to care for ourselves.
dawn0 -
It hurtsdbs1673 said:are we related?
As I read some of these posts I'm convinced we come from the same family! Seriously, with the exception of my younger brother and his wife, my other siblings and mother are useless. My mother had breast cancer and I had asked her to have the genetic testing done 2 years before I was diagnosed. She refused and told me I need therapy if I'd consider it. Well when I did have the testing done (without therapy) it was negative and I never told her. 2 years later when I was diagnosed all she could think about was did she give this to me. She and my sister were more concerned about keeping their trip to Disney as scheduled 3 days after I came home from my mastectomy. My older brother is a medic and his wife an ER nurse who live less than 2 miles away....never a phone call in the last year. My little sister is the classic complainer about how "things are so rough, you just can't imagine" as she seems to go from vacation to vacation. The constant slaps in the face seem to sting even more because they all live within 5-10 miles of my house. I had surgery again in April and all they were worried about was "you are making the Easter candy, right"? Their reactions do not surprise me any more but what the head knows does not heal the heart. I'm sure they view me as strong so now I, like many of you, just need to be strong enough to care for ourselves.
dawn
It definitely hurts to see how many self-centered people are out there and of course it is even worse when it is family. I guess I can make excuses for those that haven't been through it because they obviously have no clue, but I cannot find any reason to explain those that have been here. (My sister had breast cancer 2 years before I was diagnosed. When she told us sisters, she actually apologized for "bringing it into our immediate family". Talk about thinking of others. Of course we told her to forget those thoughts but I too had them when I was doagnosed.) I guess many people just can't see past the nose on their faces. I'm sorry that you all have this additional hurt to deal with on top of everything else. I would love to be your sisters and show you how much you are cared about and loved! God bless you and heal your hurts!
Rita0 -
Ugh.
Jackie, I am sorry this is happening to you and that your sister cannot be more supportive. Of course, she should be. They should be be taking care of and supporting you now. You have been the family caretaker and it's your turn. I guess sometimes when you take on a certain role in the family (being the reponsible one, for example. Or, in the case of your sister, the baby of the family with no responsibilty, perhaps), it is difficult to change. Seeing you, the one who always took care of others, need care yourself is probably disorienting and scary for your sister. She might not be capable of shifting her place in the family.
Given all that, I think Rita is right on the mark. You cannot change your sister and it will hurt to even try. The best you can do is to tell her sincerely how her actions have made you feel and hope that she can find it within herself to change. If not, you must let it go. Once you give up the idea that you have control over this issue, maybe you can find some peace with it. I don't know. I can feel your pain in your posts, but maybe try to accept that this is all your sister is capable of giving, for whatever reason. That is not to say that her actions are acceptable or that you have to put up with it. You can choose to limit contact if that's the way to protect yourself, but know that her actions are HER issue, not yours. You are doing the right thing. I'm sorry this has made you feel so bad.
Mimi0 -
PSmimivac said:Ugh.
Jackie, I am sorry this is happening to you and that your sister cannot be more supportive. Of course, she should be. They should be be taking care of and supporting you now. You have been the family caretaker and it's your turn. I guess sometimes when you take on a certain role in the family (being the reponsible one, for example. Or, in the case of your sister, the baby of the family with no responsibilty, perhaps), it is difficult to change. Seeing you, the one who always took care of others, need care yourself is probably disorienting and scary for your sister. She might not be capable of shifting her place in the family.
Given all that, I think Rita is right on the mark. You cannot change your sister and it will hurt to even try. The best you can do is to tell her sincerely how her actions have made you feel and hope that she can find it within herself to change. If not, you must let it go. Once you give up the idea that you have control over this issue, maybe you can find some peace with it. I don't know. I can feel your pain in your posts, but maybe try to accept that this is all your sister is capable of giving, for whatever reason. That is not to say that her actions are acceptable or that you have to put up with it. You can choose to limit contact if that's the way to protect yourself, but know that her actions are HER issue, not yours. You are doing the right thing. I'm sorry this has made you feel so bad.
Mimi
Sorry to hijack, but what is up with all the cleansing and bleeping of posts? We're all adults here, aren't we? I can't say a "bad word" here without seeing ****? Sometimes colorful language is the best way to express how we feel. Rant over. Sorry.
Mimi0 -
Bless your heart!
Well, a couple of things come to mind here. And the amazing thing is: Pretty much we are ALL in the very same family~ just the names are interchangeable, it seems! I dare say, looking back at the things you were doing before the age of 25, your place as the loving, young, ( scared?) pregnant caregiver to your mother makes you the heart and soul of your family. This "pecking order" was established long before you were ever introduced to The Beast called cancer. Of course you have now been through more than you ever expected, physically and emotionally. Which is why you found us, and we bonded with you~ we are Kindred Spirits, speaking the same language and not needing a translator. Even the unspoken words are understood by us.
That having been said does not make you immune to frustration, hurt, and even anger. But it is because you are the dynamic, empathetic woman you are which makes you even question the "how come/why" of those who are not like you. And, if this clueless attitude of your siblings was happening with co-workers, you would groan and roll your eyes at them and probably let it go! It is FAMILY which affects us the most, and their fellow-feeling and understanding we most desire.
So, as a wise person once said to me: Don't worry about the things you cannot change~ but where you personally can do something positive, do it! The rest takes away from our joy of life~ something you have worked to hard to achieve.
I am not saying you don't have siblings worth knowing and loving~ but given what I have come to know about you, if I needed loving care, I know who I would call on...and I have an idea you would come running!
Hugs,
Claudia0 -
Hi j916 - I think it's callj916 said:So Glad
My nameis Jeanne, which matched another member on this board, so i didn't use it as my user name so it wouldn't cause confusion.
This subject is possibly the hardest part of what i've been going through with the treatments and everything. My sister, we are not close at all, when she was told of my diagnosis by my mom via email, her response was....well, that's great news for you and me, huh mom?....um, what???? I have ONE more chemo treatment to go, and i feel as if i have become Old News. I had chemo this last friday, and one person called to see how i was. I live alone, and it is very hard dealing with the ups, downs, pain, etc., while living alone, as i'm sure some of you know. Even my mom "texted" me to see how i was doing. ????? I'm hurt...i have another friend who i have considered a sister for over a decade actually tell me that she just has to live in denial because she can't handle the fact that i have this disease...again....what???? I have found out who my real friends are, which was narrowed down to basically 2, and the rest....well, i'm afraid that permenant damage has been done. I am getting rid of all negativity in my life, and looking out for me first, for the very first time in my life. Am i resentful...**** yes....and i working on letting the resentment go? Of course, but the pain is quite real.
Hi j916 - I think it's call There comes a time in our lives where we have to get rid of all the pointless drama. I think this is the time in our lives. Hang on to your 2 good friends.0 -
i have just read your
i have just read your posting and feel for you. i have had a similar situation. i am finished with my treatment so i am beginning to get over some of my cousins and their non-interest in my cancer diagnosis. just as an example, my sister in law did not call me once during my chemo or my radiation and she is a nurse! my brother called me once. yeah, it really hurts. i have come to think that they are not intentionally being jerks they just don't think or know any better. so that still makes them jerks, doesn't it? it was always interesting to me what friends and family came forward when i was sick. as one person wrote, it is their loss. it is not you, it is them. your immediate family sounds as though they have been a wonderful support to you. give yourself permission to moan and groan and carry on and get it out of your system. you are obviously a very caring and loving person and i know will continue to be a joy to your family. you obviously are not alone in this problem. love, peggy0 -
Huh
I guess I'm different. First of all, I'm an orphan (my parents are both dead) and an only child. I raised my kids to be independent and I don't hear from them on a regular basis but I call them to check on life and they call me once in a while. My in-laws in live on a different planet so I don't worry about them. A couple friends have made it plain that I can rely on them but they don't make an effort to "check" on me.
I understand being a bit frustrated with people but I don't expect anyone but the one living under my roof to be deeply concerned with the day to day stuff. Most of the others just want to know when stuff is over.
Maureen0 -
I understand Maureen....EveningStar2 said:Huh
I guess I'm different. First of all, I'm an orphan (my parents are both dead) and an only child. I raised my kids to be independent and I don't hear from them on a regular basis but I call them to check on life and they call me once in a while. My in-laws in live on a different planet so I don't worry about them. A couple friends have made it plain that I can rely on them but they don't make an effort to "check" on me.
I understand being a bit frustrated with people but I don't expect anyone but the one living under my roof to be deeply concerned with the day to day stuff. Most of the others just want to know when stuff is over.
Maureen
I understand Maureen. And I thank Heaven for my husband, my biggest cheerleader!
In my case, my sisters and I were very close, both literally and emotionally. We all live within a couple of miles from each other.
So, when the one closest in age to me, the one whose kids are closest in age to mine and who all grew up together, almost as brothers and sister, it hurts that there is no communication. It hurts that she appears to go the other way when she sees me now. And it hurts that even her emails have stopped coming.
But even though it hurts, I think that her reaction is out of fear. Fear that it could happen to anyone. I can't imagine any other reason for her reaction.
So, if and when she ever decides that she wants to re-establish that bond again, I will be here.
CR0 -
sistersCR1954 said:I understand Maureen....
I understand Maureen. And I thank Heaven for my husband, my biggest cheerleader!
In my case, my sisters and I were very close, both literally and emotionally. We all live within a couple of miles from each other.
So, when the one closest in age to me, the one whose kids are closest in age to mine and who all grew up together, almost as brothers and sister, it hurts that there is no communication. It hurts that she appears to go the other way when she sees me now. And it hurts that even her emails have stopped coming.
But even though it hurts, I think that her reaction is out of fear. Fear that it could happen to anyone. I can't imagine any other reason for her reaction.
So, if and when she ever decides that she wants to re-establish that bond again, I will be here.
CR
In my case ... I'm the one who sort of shut my sister out. She calls and wants very much to be here for me and help me out ... but honestly ... my sister is so "high maintenance" and needy ... that I just don't have the energy for her. My sister's emotions can go from giggling to crying like a baby in 2 seconds. (I honestly wonder if she's bi-polar ... but I really think it's all the medication she's on for umpteen things she's self-diagnosed herself with). Anyway ... I don't have the energy to handle HER issues ... so I've chosen to keep my distance. When she comes to town to visit ... she stays with her daughter ... instead of me. I don't need the stress.
On the other hand I have a very dear friend I've known since we were in kindergarten (we're now 65) ... and we are actually more like sisters than friends. We've been through a lot and we can be totally honest with each other. She can tell me to "straighten up" and I can tell her to "shut up." We care about each other and can be totally honest with each other ... without being concerned about hurting each other's feelings. It's a wonderful relationship and I am blessed. So ... it doesn't always have to be "family" ... as long as there's someone out there for us ... we are are very lucky. There's also 6 of us "girls" who graduated from high school together ... and we've started getting together for breakfasts and dinners ... and we are a great support group as we all go through our various trials and tribulations along the way.
Then ... there's always this wonderful group on the discussion board ... love you all ...
hugs.
teena
0 -
Hey Mimimimivac said:PS
Sorry to hijack, but what is up with all the cleansing and bleeping of posts? We're all adults here, aren't we? I can't say a "bad word" here without seeing ****? Sometimes colorful language is the best way to express how we feel. Rant over. Sorry.
Mimi
I see it as a way to exercise my brain to figure out what word it should be. It's a puzzle.0 -
Group of girlstgf said:sisters
In my case ... I'm the one who sort of shut my sister out. She calls and wants very much to be here for me and help me out ... but honestly ... my sister is so "high maintenance" and needy ... that I just don't have the energy for her. My sister's emotions can go from giggling to crying like a baby in 2 seconds. (I honestly wonder if she's bi-polar ... but I really think it's all the medication she's on for umpteen things she's self-diagnosed herself with). Anyway ... I don't have the energy to handle HER issues ... so I've chosen to keep my distance. When she comes to town to visit ... she stays with her daughter ... instead of me. I don't need the stress.
On the other hand I have a very dear friend I've known since we were in kindergarten (we're now 65) ... and we are actually more like sisters than friends. We've been through a lot and we can be totally honest with each other. She can tell me to "straighten up" and I can tell her to "shut up." We care about each other and can be totally honest with each other ... without being concerned about hurting each other's feelings. It's a wonderful relationship and I am blessed. So ... it doesn't always have to be "family" ... as long as there's someone out there for us ... we are are very lucky. There's also 6 of us "girls" who graduated from high school together ... and we've started getting together for breakfasts and dinners ... and we are a great support group as we all go through our various trials and tribulations along the way.
Then ... there's always this wonderful group on the discussion board ... love you all ...
hugs.
teena
That sounds great, Teena. I'm glad you know the people to lean on and the people to tune out right now. That in itself is crucial and hard to do.0
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