Have your views on death and dying changed?

You know, I have thought about posting a thread on mortality, but I have so far resisted, so thank you for broaching the subject.

Everyone will die, but many of us have a closer expiration date.  Before cancer, I dealt with it on a rational level, but now I have to deal with it on an emotional level.

One of the things that helps me is to consider mortality on a daily basis when I meditate.  It has taken a lot of the emotional edge off the subject.

I do not plan to linger and in all probability I will take affirmative steps to end my life when the quality of life does not justify continuing.  My state does not have physician assisted suicide, but hopefully when the time comes I will have the opportunity to move to a state that honors that right, otherwise there are messier but still effective techniques available.  

This is an interesting topic.  I look forward to reading other's comments.

Thanks, Jan.

Something I don't want to do, but will have to, one day. 

When I was going through the worst of this journey, I asked my friend in Oregon, where assisted suicide is legal, if she would host me. She said yes. I doubt I would actually put her through such a traumatic experience, but it was on my mind. 

Several of my family have had Alzheimer's, including my mum. It is wicked! To watch such a strong woman become a baby, was horrendous. I was happy when she passed away. I mourned her loss before her death, when she was alive but not living. 

I can't imagine not being alive. HA! I just want to live as long as my kids are alive, then I'll happily go.  Too bad we can't make it so. 

Tru

It's a subject that no one really wants to talk about.  I've often thought about wanting a quick accident or heart attack to not linger also.  My mom did for 14 months and it was hard to watch.  I'm sure no one wants to go through it but it is part of life and all I'm wanting is when I'm to that stage where I'm not able to handle pain anymore that they give me everything in their arsenal of medicine that is available as I'm not wanting my last stages of life to go out in pain.  I'm still afraid of death even though I'm a Christian.  I've prayed every day for my whole life and even though I'm wanting that life with Jesus - I'm still afraid.  It's hard and you've been through a lot.  I'm wishing and praying for some good thoughts ahead for you. 

Kim

JanJan63 said:

Thanks for being so

Thanks for being so forthcoming everyone! It's good to know I'm not the only one and that my thoughts and feelings aren't off the wall. It's tough having to face your own mortality. I'm grateful for every day that I'm feeling pretty well but I do not want to linger on at some point being a burden and being miserable.

Jan

The ideal way to go is in an airline crash on your way home from vacation.  It's sudden and probably painless. and your children sue the airline for a bundle.  If only!!!

How fitting to discuss this now. My sister's best friend died of breast cancer about 10 years ago. At one point she told my sister that she couldn't keep living for others. I think there's such wisdom in that statement. It touched me deeply because I am more concerned about leaving my family and not being able to keep fulfilling their needs, than I am of the process of dying. 

I have suffered quite a bit already; and I know there are pain meds to help at the end. Seeing both of my parents die of cancer, I will choose hospice when the suffering becomes too great. They make phenomenal decisions and keep patients comfortable and at peace. I can't believe I have not considered assisted suicide. Before all this I would have probably thought I'd turn to it. But that's not entered my mind. I believe it should definitely be an option, but it's not for me, at least not yet. 

I try to think of times when I've been so scared, like going into surgery...and how they gave me drugs to calm me, and I was immediately at peace. And although recovery was pretty awful at the time, I woke up smiling every day, thankful for life. 

I have always related to Jesus through his suffering. I look at this as just another episode in my life that is maybe a little closer to the suffering He experienced. 

lp1964 said:

Mortality?

When we are young and healthy it seems we will live forever and have plenty of time to do things we want to do. I was 49 when I got diagnosed and after I finished treatment I got keenly aware of my mortality. Since a had at least a perceived brush with death I have two contradicting feelings about it. For one death became kind of familiar and real. Two it has become totally real that it’s gonna happen again, it’s just a matter of time. It’s calming and unnerving at the same time. 

 

I dont know how id would react if my cancer came back soon or just got old and my life would just end naturally. Doesn’t matter I guess, I just don’t want to suffer and struggle. 

 

Thars why I chose to live life to the fullest. Nothing crazy, just make sure that by the end of each day I can say that this was an awesome day. I practice what I didn’t understand when I was younger: living one day at a time. 

I remember Jeff said it ones when he was getting to the end: we all gonna day and some people say that we can get hit by a bus tomorrow. But when you are seriously ill you see the bus coming at you full speed and and the high beams on. He was right. Cancer just made me sweet of death much more, but I worry about it when I get there. 

Woody Allen said: I’m not afraid of death, just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Lets hope we go out easy.

Laz

 

"when you are seriously ill you see the bus coming at you full speed and with the high beams on."  I like that analogy.  Or better yet, coming at full speed with no brakes, the high beams on and the horn blaring.

Even as my treatment is finished , for now, and I’m playing that awful waiting game that we all must play , will it come back or not, is that pain in my chest a tumor etc etc the thought of death is never too far away from my mind. When the time comes will I be brave and make courageous choices? I’d like to think so.  As most of you have expressed here I have no desire to linger just for the sake of staying alive.

i worry too, that I’m not always using the time I am now blessed with in living life to he fullest.  Is cleaning out my closet, cooking meals, napping, doing the ADL really living life to the fullest?   There are times that I feel I should be doing something profound.  Only I’ve never been able to hone in on what that profound might be.  Traveling no longer holds an interest for me, I don’t think I’ll be writing the great American novel, not going to be climbing the high peaks.  I guess I’ll be sticking with the daily mundane. In truth I feel most comfortable and the safest in my own home curled into my chair with a good book at hand.

Realizing that I’m just one little person out of millions, all of us in life threatening circumstances trying to make the best of it.  Sometimes feeling bold and empowered and other times Sitting feeling sorry for my self.

peace to all of us here,

pam 

I remember when I was first diagnosed; other peoples reactions were worse than mine. I had two people burst out in tears. The look of sorrow on one face was extreme, so much so that I put my hand out to her and said 'Its OK, I'm not dead yet'. I swear there were people planning my funeral. 

Once I got past the initial shock and the 'I'm going to die' stage, I decided that not only am I going to live, but I am going to live until I'm 82.  I chose 82 because at that point, our lovely friend Danker was 82, and I chose him as my hero. Now he's about to turn 86, so I've upped my goal. Of course, I plan for Dan to live to 100 at least, and I'll just keep upping the goal with each of his birthdays. 

I will happen when it happens, I just pray it doesn't happen until.......

Tru

PamRav said:

Thanks JanJan for an interesting post

Even as my treatment is finished , for now, and I’m playing that awful waiting game that we all must play , will it come back or not, is that pain in my chest a tumor etc etc the thought of death is never too far away from my mind. When the time comes will I be brave and make courageous choices? I’d like to think so.  As most of you have expressed here I have no desire to linger just for the sake of staying alive.

i worry too, that I’m not always using the time I am now blessed with in living life to he fullest.  Is cleaning out my closet, cooking meals, napping, doing the ADL really living life to the fullest?   There are times that I feel I should be doing something profound.  Only I’ve never been able to hone in on what that profound might be.  Traveling no longer holds an interest for me, I don’t think I’ll be writing the great American novel, not going to be climbing the high peaks.  I guess I’ll be sticking with the daily mundane. In truth I feel most comfortable and the safest in my own home curled into my chair with a good book at hand.

Realizing that I’m just one little person out of millions, all of us in life threatening circumstances trying to make the best of it.  Sometimes feeling bold and empowered and other times Sitting feeling sorry for my self.

peace to all of us here,

pam 

Pam:

Only you know what is right for you.  When I was first diagnosed and did not know how long I might live, I looked closely at how I was living my life and decided I might fine-tune a few things, but I would not make wholesale changes.  I continue to feel the same way.  I think attitude has a lot to do with satisfaction in life.  As long as I see the sun shine (or the rain fall), hear the birds sing, see the children play, listen to jazz, have a glass of wine and make occassional trips (I love to hike the Grand Canyon) life is good for me.