molimoli update

janh_in_ontario said:

Sad day

i was honorsd to represent you all at Molimoli's funeral. I gave her daughters your hugs, condolences and best wishes. I tried to assure them their Mom loved them and was protecting them by not telling them of her illness but I am not sure they were ready to accept yet.

It was very evident Moli had told very few people (if anyone) and there were many very sad people there with heavy hearts and some regrets.

I am mot sure Moli made the right decision - she gave me lots to ponder today.

 

More later. 

JanH

Thank you so much, Jan, for representing us at Moli's funeral.  I understand her decision about not telling her family because I have whitewashed the news to my family.  They know I have uterine cancer but I told them the surgery got it all and I just had the chemo as a precaution.  The only ones who knows it's UPSC are my husband and sister - she's way too smart to fool.  The rest believe I'm cured.  If it recurs, which I'm pretty sure it will, I'll decide at that point what to do.  My reasoning is, why have them worry about me?  What good would it do?  Would they spend more time with me; be nicer to me?  Just like Moli, I don't want pity.  I want to have as normal of a relationship with my family and friends as possible.  I love them and don't want to cause them anymore pain, guilt, grief or worry.  

Our Moli dealt with this cancer on her own terms and I admire her for that....it was right for her.  Each of us has to decide what's right for us - whether it's to go with the conventional treatment - surgery, chemo, radiation or diet, supplements, acupuncture or no treatment.  But....more importantly to me, to know when it's time to throw in the towel.  Quality of life is my top priority.

Love,

Eldri

As I spoke with her girls I believed molimoli did it her way - and we are all entitled to that.

But as I sat in the chapel and could hear the conversations around me it became very clear that there was a palpable sadness that moli didn't share her burden and didn't give her family and friends the opportunity to help carry her burden. There seemed to be some regrets as well of words not spoken and bridges not repaired, perhaps?

I just felt very sad and definitely am not judging - just not sure moli knew how many people loved her and wanted to know.

She was a beautiful lady who clearly had many friends and loved ones.

JanH

Right on - we each deal differently and that is our right! I am really sad I didn't meet moli in person. She loved to cook and I love to eat! Would have been a great friendship!

RIP molimoli

Nuff love!

Jan

Kvdyson said:

Jan - thank you. Soup - do you find that

Jan - thank you so much for representing us all at Moli's funeral. 

Soup - do you find that you friends/family try to stop you from discussing the chance of recurrence? Mine do. When I had my first scan after treatment NONE of them wanted me to acknowledge the reality that it could come back. After the 3rd time someone stopped me, I completely censored myself and stopped saying it to anyone (besides my husband and all of you, of course).

Not sure if they were trying to protect me from that thought - which is kind of sweet - or if it was just too scary for them to deal with?

I guess I can understand why Moli would also censor herself from sharing the reality of this dreaded disease with anyone outside of this group if she had experienced anything like that. Not being able to openly share your reality with those closest to you is a very lonely place to find yourself.

Although I continue to maintain a positive attitude, I think we also need to be realistic about our chances pf reoccurrence. I try to be totally honest with my son and he seems to appreciate it. Friends, however do tend to not want to hear this info. 

Most of my friends and family are understanding when I talk of possible reoccurrence or not really being done with treatment, but they also talk about being positive which I am for the most part. But if it is an acquaintance asks me how I am I say fine. When I wear my wig, put on makeup etc. I look half way normal, but of course you know I'm not. There are plenty of times that I really don't feel that great, but I put on a happy face. Tomorrow I meet with the oncologist and find out the scan results... My center schedules us for chemo thT day in case we need it. I said I didn't want to go through it without steroids which they ordered for me in case. The nurse said they wouldn't hurt me if I didn't end up getting chemo. I'm hoping that I will be clear for awhile....

Soup52 said:

Most of my friends and family

Most of my friends and family are understanding when I talk of possible reoccurrence or not really being done with treatment, but they also talk about being positive which I am for the most part. But if it is an acquaintance asks me how I am I say fine. When I wear my wig, put on makeup etc. I look half way normal, but of course you know I'm not. There are plenty of times that I really don't feel that great, but I put on a happy face. Tomorrow I meet with the oncologist and find out the scan results... My center schedules us for chemo thT day in case we need it. I said I didn't want to go through it without steroids which they ordered for me in case. The nurse said they wouldn't hurt me if I didn't end up getting chemo. I'm hoping that I will be clear for awhile....

praying for good news tomorrow.  Yes, I try to keep myself up. But starting to get annoyed by how everybody says I look great!  Maybe I shouldn't try so hard. 

CheeseQueen57 said:

Hoping for clear scan results

praying for good news tomorrow.  Yes, I try to keep myself up. But starting to get annoyed by how everybody says I look great!  Maybe I shouldn't try so hard. 

It does seem to be a double-edged sword. But, in the end, I still believe the "look good, feel good" model had a very positive effect on helping me get through frontline fairly unscathed. It sure seems to be working for you, Cheese. Keep up the good work!

CheeseQueen57 said:

Hoping for clear scan results

praying for good news tomorrow.  Yes, I try to keep myself up. But starting to get annoyed by how everybody says I look great!  Maybe I shouldn't try so hard. 

I am joining your prayers..  and will wait anxiously for good news.  

Don't be upset over the gushing over your photo..  You have a fashion sense and that hat drew all of our attention thinking of fun at the beach.  Maybe the compliments were more a response to your spirit of sunniness and happiness.  We are your biggest fans.  Love Patty

We always seem to get into other topics from the original. I believe Moli would have loved the tag ons and would have added her input right along with us! I recall a discussion on something last year that ended up with a hysterical conversation around sex and numbing stuff - Orajel to be exact that our friend blew up into something only she could have done. Nuf said dear Moli! Love and Hugs, Cindi

janh_in_ontario said:

moli

As I spoke with her girls I believed molimoli did it her way - and we are all entitled to that.

But as I sat in the chapel and could hear the conversations around me it became very clear that there was a palpable sadness that moli didn't share her burden and didn't give her family and friends the opportunity to help carry her burden. There seemed to be some regrets as well of words not spoken and bridges not repaired, perhaps?

I just felt very sad and definitely am not judging - just not sure moli knew how many people loved her and wanted to know.

She was a beautiful lady who clearly had many friends and loved ones.

JanH

Just got back in town, but I also wanted to thank you, Jan, for being there for all of us.  

Chris