molimoli update

13

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  • debrajo
    debrajo Member Posts: 1,095 Member
    #42
    Thank you Jan

    For representing all of us.  During private emails between Moli and I, she outlined why she didn't want to tell others.  I must say that I agreeded with her.  It wasn't just a "private" thing.  It was her hearts desire to complete this final act.  It wouldn't have mattered if I or anyone else agreeded...her mind and her heart were made up.  She told me that in the medical profession, she had seen too much to NOT know what she wanted.  I believe she knew what the out-come would be.  This surgery was the last effort she intended to do, of that she was adament.  I'm sure her children don't understand and maybe never will, but she did this thing called life her way...this is what SHE wanted.  Debrajo

  • EZLiving66
    EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,483 Member
    edited July 2016 #43
    janh_in_ontario said:

    Sad day

    i was honorsd to represent you all at Molimoli's funeral. I gave her daughters your hugs, condolences and best wishes. I tried to assure them their Mom loved them and was protecting them by not telling them of her illness but I am not sure they were ready to accept yet.

    It was very evident Moli had told very few people (if anyone) and there were many very sad people there with heavy hearts and some regrets.

    I am mot sure Moli made the right decision - she gave me lots to ponder today.

     

    More later. 

    JanH

    Thank you so much, Jan, for

    Thank you so much, Jan, for representing us at Moli's funeral.  I understand her decision about not telling her family because I have whitewashed the news to my family.  They know I have uterine cancer but I told them the surgery got it all and I just had the chemo as a precaution.  The only ones who knows it's UPSC are my husband and sister - she's way too smart to fool.  The rest believe I'm cured.  If it recurs, which I'm pretty sure it will, I'll decide at that point what to do.  My reasoning is, why have them worry about me?  What good would it do?  Would they spend more time with me; be nicer to me?  Just like Moli, I don't want pity.  I want to have as normal of a relationship with my family and friends as possible.  I love them and don't want to cause them anymore pain, guilt, grief or worry.  

    Our Moli dealt with this cancer on her own terms and I admire her for that....it was right for her.  Each of us has to decide what's right for us - whether it's to go with the conventional treatment - surgery, chemo, radiation or diet, supplements, acupuncture or no treatment.  But....more importantly to me, to know when it's time to throw in the towel.  Quality of life is my top priority.

    Love,

    Eldri

  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,688 Member
    #44
    Jan

    Again, my thanks for going to the funeral.

  • janh_in_ontario
    janh_in_ontario Member Posts: 151 Member
    #45
    moli

    As I spoke with her girls I believed molimoli did it her way - and we are all entitled to that.

    But as I sat in the chapel and could hear the conversations around me it became very clear that there was a palpable sadness that moli didn't share her burden and didn't give her family and friends the opportunity to help carry her burden. There seemed to be some regrets as well of words not spoken and bridges not repaired, perhaps?

    I just felt very sad and definitely am not judging - just not sure moli knew how many people loved her and wanted to know.

    She was a beautiful lady who clearly had many friends and loved ones.

    JanH

  • Soup52
    Soup52 Member Posts: 908 Member
    #46
    I guess we all have to deal

    I guess we all have to deal with this nasty cancer in our own way... As I said to my friends last night, when they were anxious in knowing my ct results as so am I, well it will be great if I'm clear and don't need more chemo right away, but I am a realist and I know there is great chance that this will reoccur if not now but in the future. Maybe Moli didn't want to deal with both friends and family's positive thoughts as well as the sympathy. Reguardless,  may she rest in peace.

  • janh_in_ontario
    janh_in_ontario Member Posts: 151 Member
    #47
    amen soup52

    Right on - we each deal differently and that is our right! I am really sad I didn't meet moli in person. She loved to cook and I love to eat! Would have been a great friendship!

    RIP molimoli

     

    Nuff love!

    Jan

  • Kvdyson
    Kvdyson Member Posts: 790 Member
    #48
    Soup52 said:

    I guess we all have to deal

    I guess we all have to deal with this nasty cancer in our own way... As I said to my friends last night, when they were anxious in knowing my ct results as so am I, well it will be great if I'm clear and don't need more chemo right away, but I am a realist and I know there is great chance that this will reoccur if not now but in the future. Maybe Moli didn't want to deal with both friends and family's positive thoughts as well as the sympathy. Reguardless,  may she rest in peace.

    Jan - thank you. Soup - do you find that

    Jan - thank you so much for representing us all at Moli's funeral. 

    Soup - do you find that you friends/family try to stop you from discussing the chance of recurrence? Mine do. When I had my first scan after treatment NONE of them wanted me to acknowledge the reality that it could come back. After the 3rd time someone stopped me, I completely censored myself and stopped saying it to anyone (besides my husband and all of you, of course).

    Not sure if they were trying to protect me from that thought - which is kind of sweet - or if it was just too scary for them to deal with?

    I guess I can understand why Moli would also censor herself from sharing the reality of this dreaded disease with anyone outside of this group if she had experienced anything like that. Not being able to openly share your reality with those closest to you is a very lonely place to find yourself.

  • CheeseQueen57
    CheeseQueen57 Member Posts: 933 Member
    #49
    Kvdyson said:

    Jan - thank you. Soup - do you find that

    Jan - thank you so much for representing us all at Moli's funeral. 

    Soup - do you find that you friends/family try to stop you from discussing the chance of recurrence? Mine do. When I had my first scan after treatment NONE of them wanted me to acknowledge the reality that it could come back. After the 3rd time someone stopped me, I completely censored myself and stopped saying it to anyone (besides my husband and all of you, of course).

    Not sure if they were trying to protect me from that thought - which is kind of sweet - or if it was just too scary for them to deal with?

    I guess I can understand why Moli would also censor herself from sharing the reality of this dreaded disease with anyone outside of this group if she had experienced anything like that. Not being able to openly share your reality with those closest to you is a very lonely place to find yourself.

    I find that to be true

    Although I continue to maintain a positive attitude, I think we also need to be realistic about our chances pf reoccurrence. I try to be totally honest with my son and he seems to appreciate it. Friends, however do tend to not want to hear this info. 

  • Hopeful162
    Hopeful162 Member Posts: 82
    #50
    janh_in_ontario said:

    amen soup52

    Right on - we each deal differently and that is our right! I am really sad I didn't meet moli in person. She loved to cook and I love to eat! Would have been a great friendship!

    RIP molimoli

     

    Nuff love!

    Jan

    Late to know

    I have just returned from a singing trip to Cuba and have been out of reach as to Internet, so I am newly stunned to learn of Molli (Betty)'s passing. She was quite a character and while I did not always agree with her, she lived life on her terms. She will indeed be missed...

  • Soup52
    Soup52 Member Posts: 908 Member
    edited July 2016 #51
    Most of my friends and family

    Most of my friends and family are understanding when I talk of possible reoccurrence or not really being done with treatment, but they also talk about being positive which I am for the most part. But if it is an acquaintance asks me how I am I say fine. When I wear my wig, put on makeup etc. I look half way normal, but of course you know I'm not. There are plenty of times that I really don't feel that great, but I put on a happy face. Tomorrow I meet with the oncologist and find out the scan results... My center schedules us for chemo thT day in case we need it. I said I didn't want to go through it without steroids which they ordered for me in case. The nurse said they wouldn't hurt me if I didn't end up getting chemo. I'm hoping that I will be clear for awhile....

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,814 Member
    #52
    Soup52 said:

    Most of my friends and family

    Most of my friends and family are understanding when I talk of possible reoccurrence or not really being done with treatment, but they also talk about being positive which I am for the most part. But if it is an acquaintance asks me how I am I say fine. When I wear my wig, put on makeup etc. I look half way normal, but of course you know I'm not. There are plenty of times that I really don't feel that great, but I put on a happy face. Tomorrow I meet with the oncologist and find out the scan results... My center schedules us for chemo thT day in case we need it. I said I didn't want to go through it without steroids which they ordered for me in case. The nurse said they wouldn't hurt me if I didn't end up getting chemo. I'm hoping that I will be clear for awhile....

    Hey Soup,

    Hey Soup,

    I hope you get dancing with NED news tomorrow and for many years to come!

    I'll be thinking of you.

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi

  • CheeseQueen57
    CheeseQueen57 Member Posts: 933 Member
    #53
    Soup52 said:

    Most of my friends and family

    Most of my friends and family are understanding when I talk of possible reoccurrence or not really being done with treatment, but they also talk about being positive which I am for the most part. But if it is an acquaintance asks me how I am I say fine. When I wear my wig, put on makeup etc. I look half way normal, but of course you know I'm not. There are plenty of times that I really don't feel that great, but I put on a happy face. Tomorrow I meet with the oncologist and find out the scan results... My center schedules us for chemo thT day in case we need it. I said I didn't want to go through it without steroids which they ordered for me in case. The nurse said they wouldn't hurt me if I didn't end up getting chemo. I'm hoping that I will be clear for awhile....

    Hoping for clear scan results

    praying for good news tomorrow.  Yes, I try to keep myself up. But starting to get annoyed by how everybody says I look great!  Maybe I shouldn't try so hard. 

  • Kvdyson
    Kvdyson Member Posts: 790 Member
    #54
    Soup52 said:

    Most of my friends and family

    Most of my friends and family are understanding when I talk of possible reoccurrence or not really being done with treatment, but they also talk about being positive which I am for the most part. But if it is an acquaintance asks me how I am I say fine. When I wear my wig, put on makeup etc. I look half way normal, but of course you know I'm not. There are plenty of times that I really don't feel that great, but I put on a happy face. Tomorrow I meet with the oncologist and find out the scan results... My center schedules us for chemo thT day in case we need it. I said I didn't want to go through it without steroids which they ordered for me in case. The nurse said they wouldn't hurt me if I didn't end up getting chemo. I'm hoping that I will be clear for awhile....

    Soup, good luck tomorrow

    Soup, good luck tomorrow. Hoping that you are all clear and dancing with NED. Please let us know how it goes. Kim

  • Kvdyson
    Kvdyson Member Posts: 790 Member
    edited July 2016 #55
    CheeseQueen57 said:

    Hoping for clear scan results

    praying for good news tomorrow.  Yes, I try to keep myself up. But starting to get annoyed by how everybody says I look great!  Maybe I shouldn't try so hard. 

    Keeping up appearances

    It does seem to be a double-edged sword. But, in the end, I still believe the "look good, feel good" model had a very positive effect on helping me get through frontline fairly unscathed. It sure seems to be working for you, Cheese. Keep up the good work!

  • BabyCoach
    BabyCoach Member Posts: 95
    #56
    Although

    I have been away from the site for a while, Moli has been on my mind. Like others, I was eager to read her posts whenever I saw that Molimoli was around. I missed her after her last message prior to her surgery and could tell from her very brief posts subsequently that she was struggling. She always spoke directly to me and often made me stop and reconsider options in front of me.  I so appreciated her take on this nasty diagnosis and her courage to define her own response. She must have been a real force in life; I wish I had know her in other contexts. I will not forget her. As Shakespeare said so eloquently, Molimoli exemplified: To thine own self be true and it shall follow, as the day to the night, that you cannot be false to any man (or something like that). Nuff now. RIP. And I mean Peace. 

  • brissance
    brissance Member Posts: 192
    #57
    CheeseQueen57 said:

    Hoping for clear scan results

    praying for good news tomorrow.  Yes, I try to keep myself up. But starting to get annoyed by how everybody says I look great!  Maybe I shouldn't try so hard. 

    Fingers Crossed

    I am joining your prayers..  and will wait anxiously for good news.  

    Don't be upset over the gushing over your photo..  You have a fashion sense and that hat drew all of our attention thinking of fun at the beach.  Maybe the compliments were more a response to your spirit of sunniness and happiness.  We are your biggest fans.  Love Patty

  • Soup52
    Soup52 Member Posts: 908 Member
    #58
    Thank you everyone for your

    Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts. I will start a new thread when I learn my verdict today. I feel badly that this conversation ended up on the moli thread. Somehow it just evolved.

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,814 Member
    edited July 2016 #59
    We always seem to get into

    We always seem to get into other topics from the original. I believe Moli would have loved the tag ons and would have added her input right along with us! I recall a discussion on something last year that ended up with a hysterical conversation around sex and numbing stuff - Orajel to be exact that our friend blew up into something only she could have done. Nuf said dear Moli! Love and Hugs, Cindi

  • EZLiving66
    EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,483 Member
    #60
    TeddyandBears_Mom said:

    We always seem to get into

    We always seem to get into other topics from the original. I believe Moli would have loved the tag ons and would have added her input right along with us! I recall a discussion on something last year that ended up with a hysterical conversation around sex and numbing stuff - Orajel to be exact that our friend blew up into something only she could have done. Nuf said dear Moli! Love and Hugs, Cindi

    Moli would have loved it!  It

    Moli would have loved it!  It's gonna take me awhile to get over her Cry  I sure hope there's a heaven because I want to meet her in "person."  Sex, orajel and thong bikinis - LOLOLOL!!

    Love,

    Eldri

  • Editgrl
    Editgrl Member Posts: 903 Member
    #61
    janh_in_ontario said:

    moli

    As I spoke with her girls I believed molimoli did it her way - and we are all entitled to that.

    But as I sat in the chapel and could hear the conversations around me it became very clear that there was a palpable sadness that moli didn't share her burden and didn't give her family and friends the opportunity to help carry her burden. There seemed to be some regrets as well of words not spoken and bridges not repaired, perhaps?

    I just felt very sad and definitely am not judging - just not sure moli knew how many people loved her and wanted to know.

    She was a beautiful lady who clearly had many friends and loved ones.

    JanH

    Thank you.

    Just got back in town, but I also wanted to thank you, Jan, for being there for all of us.  

    Chris

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