With all the hope, prayers and positive thinking, the news is really bad

serenity92

aysemari said:

I have faith in you. When I read your post it was like punch
in the stomach and tears started streaming, I actually got into
an argument with Freddy who thought "maybe" I should stay away
from the boards. How can I explain to him I thought,the bond that
we share on this board. Do you remember how we met Renee? I was
an emotional bundle and you still came to meet and drive me to my
mastectomy. You have become a permanent mark in the fabric of my
life. I thought about our little outings, when we laughed, cried,
then had another glass of wine. Or the night we spend in your back
yard staring at the endless sky above us, feeling so small and yet
connected to it all. I made you and Kevin stay up late that night,
I enjoyed your company so much that I didn't realize it was past
midnight. You have touched my life, my heart and my soul. And I
KNOW you, and I KNOW that you will find the courage, the grace and
a million and one reasons why you should put away your fears and
give it all you got. I am one of those reasons, I love you and care
for you deeply. Don't let your mind wander and waste even an ounce
of your precious energy, focus on healing. Let 3 am be a time to
recall all the people in your life who love you and send you all
their love, open your heart and take it all in. Such is our bond
that though we may not be near you in person, we are only a thought
away.

Ayse

I am keeping you in my
I am keeping you in my prayers.

Angie2U

New Flower said:

Renee,
I cannot imagine how devastated you and your family have been feeling since yesterday. Please do not loose hope. Two months ago I read a very inspirational story Long-term survivors board at our CSN site. It did help me to carry on.
Please read this inspirational thread written by stage III and IV survivors:
http://csn.cancer.org/node/221910

Sending positive thoughts and prayers for your upcoming tests. Your smiling first grandchild will make you happy every day
New Flower

Like the others, I am so
Like the others, I am so saddened to read your news. With all of our prayers, I felt that we would get better news.

I'm still praying for you Renee and sending you big hugs!



Hugs, Angie

renee616

serenity92 said:

I am keeping you in my
I am keeping you in my prayers.

Hugs & prayers!
Miss Renee,
You offered me your share of words of encouragement & helpful advice on these boards & I appreciated seeing your familiar name on here, besides the fact that I'm Renee too!
I know that the test results I was anticipating was miniscal compared to what you are facing, but non the less, I felt devastated & defeated at the possibility of doing it all again. Then I woke up the next morning & prayed, I knew that God already knew the out come of my WHOLE Life, But that its still human Nature to want Life! I decided to go alone for my results & face this thing head on again, ready to do battle if needed, I didn't really want to....but I knew I would! And this time I was goingna be mean! I walked into the waiting room, signed in, sat down & my insides were shaking so bad. I thought I was going to have a panic attack, maybe just lay right down on the floor! I decided on second thought, I did need someone maybe with me. Then I knew I wasn't alone, God was right beside me and He was going to be right beside me when they read the results & He was going to be right beside me through the outcome. Don't give up hope or give up on God ever! Get mad, scream & know that its not fair & it does suck then save your energy for the next battle. If we don't get the answer We prayed for it doesn't mean God has abandoned us. We will continue offering prayers & long distance support cheering you on! So from a small town in Sedalia Ohio, You Go Girl!

MyTurnNow

Renee, you have received excellent words of wisdom from our very fine sisters. I can hear the fear in your voice while reading your post. You have been very brave and strong through your treatments and I really do believe once you get your head around the current situation, you will again become the fighter that you are. It definately doesn't hurt to have the arrival of a new grandbaby on the horizon to allow you something positive to dwell on.

I, too, am fairly new (August '11) at the Stage IV dx, so I don't have much experience as far as that goes. I am like you in that I am a very positive person with the will to live. I still have too many things on my bucket list and so do you!!

Take care and please know that we love you and are here for you 24/7. Sending hope, love and (((hugs))) to YOU!!

Debbie

alexcc

I too am lifting you, and
I too am lifting you, and your family, up in prayer.

Tux

alexcc said:

I too am lifting you, and
I too am lifting you, and your family, up in prayer.

bad news
So sorry to hear your news. You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers. (((Hugs)))

GreeneyedGirl

Tux said:

bad news
So sorry to hear your news. You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers. (((Hugs)))

What to say?
I hope that taking time to read all these wonderful posts of love and support will bring you strength as you need it along the way. Keeping you in thought and prayer sister~
~Melanie

linpsu

So sad
Miss Renee - I am just devastated by your news. Nothing ever prepares you for hearing those words. The wisdom and encouragement offered here by the other pink sisters certainly show you how much we think of you and appreciate all that you do for us. So many prayers and hugs are encircling you right now that you must feel them. Our support for you is unending and will never waver. "God keep you in the palm of his hands", dear sister.
Hugs,
Linda

GrammyKaren

linpsu said:

So sad
Miss Renee - I am just devastated by your news. Nothing ever prepares you for hearing those words. The wisdom and encouragement offered here by the other pink sisters certainly show you how much we think of you and appreciate all that you do for us. So many prayers and hugs are encircling you right now that you must feel them. Our support for you is unending and will never waver. "God keep you in the palm of his hands", dear sister.
Hugs,
Linda

I let tears fall when I read your post. But then I thought that in this day and age there new clinical trials for bone mets and you just never know. Don't put a date stamp on yourself yet. You have not even had the pet ct scan. Have you ever traveled to MD Anderson or MSKCC or one of the others? May God Bless you with a good outcome and hope springs eternal....even when we are down.

Love,
Karen

Mitzi333

GrammyKaren said:

I let tears fall when I read your post. But then I thought that in this day and age there new clinical trials for bone mets and you just never know. Don't put a date stamp on yourself yet. You have not even had the pet ct scan. Have you ever traveled to MD Anderson or MSKCC or one of the others? May God Bless you with a good outcome and hope springs eternal....even when we are down.

Love,
Karen

You are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart goes out to you to hear this news. There's Always hope!!! Just stay positive and gear up for the next round. You may be down emotionally for a few days, BUT, you're NOT out. You're strong and a fighter and you have all of your pink sisters, YOUR family and close friends in your corner. Moreover, you trust and believe in our heavenly Father... He will carry you through it all!!! Keep the Faith!!!

God Bless YOU!!!
{{{Big Hugs}}}
Mitzi

Kylez

serenity92 said:

I am keeping you in my
I am keeping you in my prayers.

Praying
You are in my prayers Renee!


Hugs, Kylez

laughs_a_lot

It's a tough one
It's a tough one to hear for sure. You will be in my prayers.

jk1952

laughs_a_lot said:

It's a tough one
It's a tough one to hear for sure. You will be in my prayers.

Renee, I haven't been on CSN much lately, but when I heard that you had posted some news here, I had to come and read it. I am so sorry to hear this, and I too, believe that God's hand is on our shoulders as we go through the good and the bad that life brings. When we met last summer, I could feel the zest for life that you have, and I know that you will do everything possible to beat this. We'll be with you, kicking cancer to the street.

Joyce

robang13

Renee,
There isn't much I can say. I am praying for you. You don't know what is going to happen from day to day. The personal will is strong. I'm hoping that you will get some good news to give you the strength to fight this beast with all your might. Just know that we are all praying for you and sending you the biggest hugs. Keep those arms open to hold your gandchild.

Angela

Alexis F

VickiSam said:

and your family. I am sorry .. I am confused, and angry. Tears of disappointment
continue to stream down my face.

You are a pillar of strength for many here on our board. Please allow us to circle
the wagon's .. and support and comfort you, Renee. Please also note, that I have
several machine guns and amno in tow.

You have a strong support system at home with your adoring - loving husband, Son,
wonderful and pregnant daughter in law .. so much love, so much hope.

I have no words of comfort, no words of wisdom -- just disdain for breast cancer --.

I am horrified by the BEAST, and it's ugly, nasty ways. I ask our Heavenly Father ..
when will the beast cease to live amongst us mortals? Will the beast ever cooperate,
and return to 'hell' where it belongs?

Hope ... there is always hope.

Much love, Vicki Sam

Wrapping my arms around you
Wrapping my arms around you too Renee. I'm so sorry that this is the news that you got.

Besides your family, you've got the pink sisters here to help you through this.

Huge hugs,


Lex

ms.sunshine

robang13 said:

Renee,
There isn't much I can say. I am praying for you. You don't know what is going to happen from day to day. The personal will is strong. I'm hoping that you will get some good news to give you the strength to fight this beast with all your might. Just know that we are all praying for you and sending you the biggest hugs. Keep those arms open to hold your gandchild.

Angela

Miss Renee
I can't say anything more than whats been said. We all love ya.

If you haven't done this already do so. Hang pictures of people, who inspire you, who have overcome great adversity and came out victorious, all around your house. When you look at them say if they can overcome then I WILL too. Whatever gives you hope, strength, courage the determination to stay in the fight. Whatever you look at, and it stirs your spirit, put it before your eyes.

I had a picture of a beautiful bald eagle in flight taped to my dresser. I saw it first thing in the morning, and the last thing before bed. Within my spirit I said "I will soar like that beautiful eagle one day."

jnl

Mitzi333 said:

You are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart goes out to you to hear this news. There's Always hope!!! Just stay positive and gear up for the next round. You may be down emotionally for a few days, BUT, you're NOT out. You're strong and a fighter and you have all of your pink sisters, YOUR family and close friends in your corner. Moreover, you trust and believe in our heavenly Father... He will carry you through it all!!! Keep the Faith!!!

God Bless YOU!!!
{{{Big Hugs}}}
Mitzi

We love you Renee and we are
We love you Renee and we are here for you!


Prayers and hugs,


Leeza

LoveBabyJesus

ms.sunshine said:

Miss Renee
I can't say anything more than whats been said. We all love ya.

If you haven't done this already do so. Hang pictures of people, who inspire you, who have overcome great adversity and came out victorious, all around your house. When you look at them say if they can overcome then I WILL too. Whatever gives you hope, strength, courage the determination to stay in the fight. Whatever you look at, and it stirs your spirit, put it before your eyes.

I had a picture of a beautiful bald eagle in flight taped to my dresser. I saw it first thing in the morning, and the last thing before bed. Within my spirit I said "I will soar like that beautiful eagle one day."

That was nice ms. sunshine.
That was nice ms. sunshine. I like your story.

survivorbc09

linpsu said:

So sad
Miss Renee - I am just devastated by your news. Nothing ever prepares you for hearing those words. The wisdom and encouragement offered here by the other pink sisters certainly show you how much we think of you and appreciate all that you do for us. So many prayers and hugs are encircling you right now that you must feel them. Our support for you is unending and will never waver. "God keep you in the palm of his hands", dear sister.
Hugs,
Linda

I've added you to our prayer
I've added you to our prayer list Renee.


Hugs, Jan

ellenm4

Your faith, Your Love will be your strength
Renee after reading your post I cried. I feel your pain, your confussion, your anger and your fear. I am a breast cancer warrior! Left breast stage 2b grade3, dx 7/2008. Had a clean and clear bill until 7/2011. All my doctors thought it was a metastasis found on the Xray of my left lung upper lobe. Was found early and was yet very small, but they all wanted to watch it for 3 months. In Sept I had another CT/PET and it was growing now. Thorasic surgery was in the very near future. All my doctors felt take it out now since it was still very small and that would be it....what they did not count on was me getting sick with Mono and spending a week in the hospital for a week and then one Dr. not releasing me for surgery due to my system was too weak for this type of surgery. Finally getting the release on Dec 5, I was in the hospital and having the surgery on Dec. 7. Spent 3 days in ICU. When I came home I was told that I would need another surgery done called a mediastinoscopy to check the lymps and have a port installed. Dec 21 I was told that it was not a metastasis but in fact lung cancer and they found not only the one tumor but another as well. This tumor in 2 months had more than tripled in size. Dec 28 had the other surgery. I am now waiting for the results from the biospy on the lymphs.
I almost forgot what it was like to be ok one day to wondering if I am going to die. Then I remember that we all will pass from this earth one day...but I am not ready for it to be today or even tomorrow. I suddenly remember the strength that I had to reach deep down inside me. My faith of God, my faith in everything beautiful and my faith of life. My love of my children, my grandchildren and my life and most of all my love of Christ. There are days I lock myslef in my bedroom and will not come out....that is ok because I tell myself I have only this day and tomorrow is a new day that I will not miss out on. The tears, the stare, the anger it all makes us stronger and makes us GREAT WARRIORS! We are God's Angel Warriors. Saying I am a "survivor" is ok...but I like the sound of "WARRIOR" much better. Learn to stop and smell the roses, touch a tree, love on a puppy. Live everyday to the fullest that you can and live only for that day, for tomorrow is a new one filled with new adventure that you will notice. When told the "C" word and becoming warriors, we see things a little different that others. The red is more vibrant, the blues are breath taking and the greens well we can feel the coolness of the color! Well I have rambled on enough. Renee you and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. You will find the strength you need again as you have done before. Sometimes our battles get harder....but together we can do it! May God Bless you and hold you in his arms to comfort you! Please keep us informed. I post hear and on the lung cancer forum.

In Peace there is Love, in both you will find eternity!