Missing Lesley very much

THomas, I have no words of
THomas, I have no words of wisdom as I have never experienced the loss you're feeling... I have to wonder, as an adult, how my mother coped with losing my father when she was 39 years old and had 4 children under the age of 12 to raise. I guess we were 4 big reasons for her to keep going. I only wish I knew my parents when they were young and happy.

Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm wrapping my arms around you, sweet soul....
It is an experience familiar to me...after my daughter died, I still expected for the phone to ring, and to hear "Mom!" like she always said...

But, (in my typical spin doctor style), I look at it as a way of remembering her...she remains real to me thru my memories. I just counted the number of goodbye's I have had to say in the last 5 years: My daughter, my ex-hubby, my father-in-law, my mother-in-law, as well as many friends....

My heart is full with all of them.

Give yourself some time...this is a process that goes in a circle. We stay in the circle, going thru the different emotions, until the pain lessens. This is normal, and very healthy. When we finally emerge from the circle, we can remember with fondness those that have gone on, without feeling the sharp pain of loss.

As Cynthia said, I attended a grief seminar that was a big help after one of my patient partners went on ahead...

BIG hugs, Kathi

Tinabug said:

Truly sorry
Thomas, my heart breaks for you & your family. I haven't ever lost a spouse, but I did lose my mom over 20 years ago & I just lost my dad in August. Like you, I still expect to see my dad & it doesn't seem real. After my mom's death, I found that writing letters to her was a tremendous help in dealing with my grief. I pray that you can find some peace.

Hugs,
Tina

Look for signs....
I still think my dad is going to be there on holidays and it has been more than 10 years. In the beginning, the pain was unbearable at times. The grief would come in waves and I would suddenly be crying. I believe he is still with me and I often see signs that his love is all around me. Six months after his death, I went through some financial difficulty and called the bank to tell them that I would be late on my car payment. The loan officer said, "Don't worry about it. Your dad dropped off an extra payment over a year ago because he wanted to be sure that you didn't fall behind if I had money issues." He knew I was a single mom and was always worried about my finances. Isn't that a great story? I know she's with you even when you can't see her. I'm sure you still feel her love. Please try to find a bereavement support group. My sister lost her husband suddenly and we were all worried that she would die from the grief. Instead she joined a support group and has been doing fine. She still misses him terribly but she has some new friends who know exactly how she feels. I bet the American Cancer Society has bereavement services. You matter so please take good care of yourself.

Roseann

Tinabug said:

Truly sorry
Thomas, my heart breaks for you & your family. I haven't ever lost a spouse, but I did lose my mom over 20 years ago & I just lost my dad in August. Like you, I still expect to see my dad & it doesn't seem real. After my mom's death, I found that writing letters to her was a tremendous help in dealing with my grief. I pray that you can find some peace.

Hugs,
Tina

Sending hugs and prayers for
Sending hugs and prayers for you and your family.


Hugs, Debby

CypressCynthia said:

I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I haven't lost a spouse, so I don't know how it feels, but at a grief seminar that I attended, one speaker pointed out that, when a caregiver loses their patient (loved one), there is a huge void. The caregiver's life has been so focused on the patient that it is very, very hard when that focus is gone. Often, the days before a death, there is a frenzy of activity, and then, a week or two after the death, there is none.

Focus now on creating new traditions for you and your children. Be creative in changing holidays so that you honor Lesley, but you also forge ahead. This is what Lesley wants (I know because I'm a mom). Your children seem more resilient right now because they are busy, but, don't forget, you are the most important person in their lives now.

Your grief is very normal. Time will lessen the hurt but it will never erase your memories of Lesley. Consider seeing a counselor, not just for yourself, but so you can stay strong for your family.

You and your family are in my daily thoughts and prayers.

P.S.
Here is a link on coping with grief that might be helpful:

Coping with Grief and Loss

HUGS
Oh Thomas I am sure Lesley is nearby, you two shared not only a great love but also a great faith. I have lost my mom and sister to cancer and I know with all my being that at times since they have been close at hand. Your children sound so strong and supportive I am sure you are quite proud of them. All I can tell you is that with time it will get easier as I have watched my father heal over the years. We are here for you when you need us Thomas, I just wish there was more I could do to help you heal. You and your loved ones continue to be in my daily prayers.

re

carkris said:

Thomas I am sorry for your
Thomas I am sorry for your pain. I have no wise words of wisdom but want you to keep posting, and we will hear you. I will keep praying for you, to find peace and comfort.

Thomas my heart goes out to you and you're family -
especially your children. May God grant you piece of mind, the Donna is in a better place - no suffering at all.

Strength, Courage and Love ..


Vicki Sam

Aortus said:

This has already been said more than once
But Lesley has not really left you. She is in Heaven now, praying for you and the family you created and for all of those who have reached out to the two of you. She is in the happy memories which will stay with you until the day when the two of you are together again. She is in the eyes of your children, and in all the great and funny and annoying and charming and loving things they do... and even if it's only for a moment, you will look at one or another of them and see your beloved Lesley in him or her. I predict that this feeling will only grow and become more comforting as they grow into young women (I know your girls are already there) and young men. I know it would be far better for all if Lesley could be by your side, in the flesh, to share all of this with you. But please believe me when I tell you that Lesley *is* still always with you. And she always will be. As will we all, Thomas, in our thoughts and prayers for you and your family... your family here in the States and your family already in Heaven.

God Bless,
Joe and Moopy

I can't add much to all
I can't add much to all these wonderful thoughts that others have shared. But long ago I read somewhere that all the stars that twinkle in the heavens are the laughter of those we have lost. I find comfort in that and I still look up and see the stars and I feel the laughter of my mother and father and other's dear to my heart that are no longer here. Moopy and Aortus are so right about seeing your wife in your children. I see my parents in my reflection when I look in the mirror and in my daughter and her children. My prayers are with you and the family.
Stef