Im sorry for what i said

lolad
lolad Member Posts: 670
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I hope everyone can forgive me. Hubby, your post got me good. How did you find that? Thank you for all the prayers and hugs guys. I know i have to be here for my kids. I struggle everday and think about the what ifs. I still cry alot, but i pray too. Thank you all for all the support, love and hugs and words. I have to work one minute at a time. I still am very depressed and just keep praying and telling my kids how much i love them. I am staying at my moms right now because of loosing my house. My step dad overheard a conversation that my mom and i were having and even though he knew nothing about it, he came in the room and told me to get the fu** out of his house. This was a day before my surgery i had a week ago. And my mom told me the same day i had to find a babysitter for my daughter while i was in the hospital. Im tired of not having the family i need. Im tired of them treating me like im a bad person, because im not. I cant stand being here. I think that has alot to do with my depression. And now since i lost my house, my boys who i raised on my own and their sister too, for 10 years are now living with their dad who is not a good person. I talk to them, but not everyday and i miss the hugs and smiles i would get from them everday. They are hurting to and i cant be their to hug them and take away their pain like I did everday before. And Megan hurts so bad about it. I want all of them back with me. I want to just move on and it just be me and my kids, thats all i need. I cant stand to have to live somewhere and be treated with such meaness. Its everyday.
Thanks again you guys. I love you all. Would someone mind messaging me back sometime. I just want to quite crying. I cant.

laura
«13

Comments

  • cavediver
    cavediver Member Posts: 607
    #2
    please hang in there
    We all have been so worried about you. Have you been able to talk to a professional and get some help for your depression? You need to have a lifeline to help you at this time, be there for you. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult all this is for you.......but you are loved and your children do need you. When you get through this journey, you will be able to put things back in order. But for now, please be sure to keep in touch here on the board.......tell us what we can do to help you........you know we have all been praying and praying and praying for you.... seek whatever help you need to get through this and become whole again. You can do it! You are a good person and yes, you are loved! Close your eyes and feel our hugs surround you.
  • cavediver
    cavediver Member Posts: 607
    #3
    cavediver said:

    please hang in there
    We all have been so worried about you. Have you been able to talk to a professional and get some help for your depression? You need to have a lifeline to help you at this time, be there for you. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult all this is for you.......but you are loved and your children do need you. When you get through this journey, you will be able to put things back in order. But for now, please be sure to keep in touch here on the board.......tell us what we can do to help you........you know we have all been praying and praying and praying for you.... seek whatever help you need to get through this and become whole again. You can do it! You are a good person and yes, you are loved! Close your eyes and feel our hugs surround you.

    3 am and most are sleeping...
    Laura, when the morning comes, you will hear from your sisters! I think maybe you and I are the only ones awake at 3 am today........but everyone will be posting you soon....you will feel the love!
  • Cat64
    Cat64 Member Posts: 1,192
    #4
    Laura
    Our prayers have been answered! It is so good to hear from you! I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am that you have to live in the situation you are in right now. Isn't there anywhere else you can go? I can only imagine how difficult that must be on you, especially to be seperated from your boys. I know it must feel like your whole world has come crashing down on you, but please hang in there. It is only temporary. Rely on your faith to help you through, and we are all here for you, day or night. Healing yourself and gaining your strength back are most important, the rest will come at the right time. If you have to take it one minute at a time-so be it. That's 60 seconds closer to your goal of taking your life back, moving out, and having all your children back with you where they belong. I wish I could be there to give you a great big hug, or even a shoulder to cry on, whatever you need! I will continue to pray for you and I hope you are feeling better real soon. Please keep us updated.
    ♥ Cat
    I'm awake too-having them good ole' hot flashes!
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #5
    cavediver said:

    please hang in there
    We all have been so worried about you. Have you been able to talk to a professional and get some help for your depression? You need to have a lifeline to help you at this time, be there for you. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult all this is for you.......but you are loved and your children do need you. When you get through this journey, you will be able to put things back in order. But for now, please be sure to keep in touch here on the board.......tell us what we can do to help you........you know we have all been praying and praying and praying for you.... seek whatever help you need to get through this and become whole again. You can do it! You are a good person and yes, you are loved! Close your eyes and feel our hugs surround you.

    Gosh am I happy to read this
    Laura,

    you had me soo, so worried. I can see how difficulty of a situation you are in.
    But you WILL get past it.

    I am exhausted but my lovely expanders, are killing me... can't sleep.

    So you just made my night, hang in there!! We will get through this
    together somehow.

    Ayse
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #6
    Dear Laura,
    Thank you so much for posting. Everyone here was so worried about you. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time and my heart goes out to you. Hopefully, things will turn around for you and you are able to be back with your lovely children real soon. I know that has to be breaking your heart without them. Sending prayers to you and your family. Keep us posted please. Hugs, Jean
  • survives
    survives Member Posts: 254 Member
    #7
    Cat64 said:

    Laura
    Our prayers have been answered! It is so good to hear from you! I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am that you have to live in the situation you are in right now. Isn't there anywhere else you can go? I can only imagine how difficult that must be on you, especially to be seperated from your boys. I know it must feel like your whole world has come crashing down on you, but please hang in there. It is only temporary. Rely on your faith to help you through, and we are all here for you, day or night. Healing yourself and gaining your strength back are most important, the rest will come at the right time. If you have to take it one minute at a time-so be it. That's 60 seconds closer to your goal of taking your life back, moving out, and having all your children back with you where they belong. I wish I could be there to give you a great big hug, or even a shoulder to cry on, whatever you need! I will continue to pray for you and I hope you are feeling better real soon. Please keep us updated.
    ♥ Cat
    I'm awake too-having them good ole' hot flashes!

    Oh, thank goodness!
    (((((((((((Laura))))))))))))))))))))))!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm so relieved that you are ok!! Not in a good place, that's a given, but ok. Thank God and his Angels!! I'm so sorry that you don't have the family support that is needed, but once you heal, you will be better to take charge, and get control of things again.

    Talk to your doctor, who can put you intouch with a social worker maybe who can help you with your living situation. It will be just temporary, just to get your through the rough times.

    You have nothing to apologize for.....we virtually wrapped ourselves around you until you surfaced again....did you feel us?

    Heal and feel better, Laura. Please keep in touch here or send a pm when you're up to it! We are all but a keystroke away!

    Jennifer
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #8
    Glad to read your post
    Hugs to you Laura. It is so good to hear from you! Did you feel us all sending you prayers and hopes for peace? You have been hit with quadruple (at least) whammies. I'm so sorry for all the stress caused by your family situation. Please keep taking good care of yourself. I hope you are recovering well from your surgery and gathering more strength everyday. xoxoxo Lynn
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    #9
    I have been praying for you!
    Thank God you are ok. Not great, but ok. I too had no support from my family, but not like that. They should be ashamed of themselves.

    I don't remember who said it, but talk to your onc. and get with the social worker to help you out of the situation you're in. This is what they do.

    I'll be praying for you and your children. God is here. Think about this..."We have battles to fight and schedules to keep. But if we need something 'more,' it's more of God."

    Go with God and His blessing be upon you,
    Betsy
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #10
    Betsy13 said:

    I have been praying for you!
    Thank God you are ok. Not great, but ok. I too had no support from my family, but not like that. They should be ashamed of themselves.

    I don't remember who said it, but talk to your onc. and get with the social worker to help you out of the situation you're in. This is what they do.

    I'll be praying for you and your children. God is here. Think about this..."We have battles to fight and schedules to keep. But if we need something 'more,' it's more of God."

    Go with God and His blessing be upon you,
    Betsy

    I have somewhere to go and
    I have somewhere to go and my husband is breathing down my neck. But I thought "I have to check in and so glad I did!". We are so happy to hear from you. Remember the quote (I;m sorry I cant remember) that was posted when you are going through hell keep going. You are doing what you need to do to survive for a better life. grit your teeth and keep going. we will hold your hand as hard or soft as you like. Try to look down the road to a better future. when I was going through chemo I was very ill and in pain. I really didnt think I could do it but I did and am so glad I am on the other end. I do take a small amount of lexapro and it just takes the edge off. thank you so much for letting us know how you are , if you have read all the posts you will see how much people care and worried and prayed for you!!! yay so glad you are ok.
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #11
    carkris said:

    I have somewhere to go and
    I have somewhere to go and my husband is breathing down my neck. But I thought "I have to check in and so glad I did!". We are so happy to hear from you. Remember the quote (I;m sorry I cant remember) that was posted when you are going through hell keep going. You are doing what you need to do to survive for a better life. grit your teeth and keep going. we will hold your hand as hard or soft as you like. Try to look down the road to a better future. when I was going through chemo I was very ill and in pain. I really didnt think I could do it but I did and am so glad I am on the other end. I do take a small amount of lexapro and it just takes the edge off. thank you so much for letting us know how you are , if you have read all the posts you will see how much people care and worried and prayed for you!!! yay so glad you are ok.

    It was Tjjohnson who posted
    It was Tjjohnson who posted the quote.
  • MNLynn
    MNLynn Member Posts: 224
    #12
    Laura,
    My prayers are with
    Laura,

    My prayers are with you . . . so much going on in your life. Remember that you always have us as your support group - you are NOT alone in all of this. Wish I could give you a hug in person . . . but am sending some cyber-hugs to you . . . hope that you can feel all the caring from these "pink sisters" (& the guys, too!) . . . let that give you hope!

    Sending caring thoughts & prayers,

    ♥ Lynn ♥
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #13
    MNLynn said:

    Laura,
    My prayers are with
    Laura,

    My prayers are with you . . . so much going on in your life. Remember that you always have us as your support group - you are NOT alone in all of this. Wish I could give you a hug in person . . . but am sending some cyber-hugs to you . . . hope that you can feel all the caring from these "pink sisters" (& the guys, too!) . . . let that give you hope!

    Sending caring thoughts & prayers,

    ♥ Lynn ♥

    You made my day
    So very glad to hear from you. I am sorry for what is going on in your life right now. You always have us. Your not alone. Do you have a good friend that you could lean on right now. Also check with your township for services they may have to help you. Sending prayers your way.
  • meena1
    meena1 Member Posts: 1,003
    #14
    Kat11 said:

    You made my day
    So very glad to hear from you. I am sorry for what is going on in your life right now. You always have us. Your not alone. Do you have a good friend that you could lean on right now. Also check with your township for services they may have to help you. Sending prayers your way.

    I am so sorry for the
    I am so sorry for the situation you are in right now, are you taking anything for the depression? i know that the situation may seem hopeless right now, and i have no idea what is wrong with your family, you will need to be strong to get thru this. Are you able to get Social security, or any welfare?
  • mariam_11_09
    mariam_11_09 Member Posts: 691 Member
    #15
    Laura, what a relief to hear
    Laura, what a relief to hear from you. I am terribly sorry for what you are going through and the depression is really understandable. This too shall pass, all of it however it is not easy to go through it. It brings tears to my eyes to read what you are going through and you are in my heart. If there is anything I can do that will help you, even if it is words of encouragement please let me know.

    Please let yourself cry as that can violently sweep your house clean for something new and beautiful to come in. Holding back the tears adds to the depression. Even if you have to watch a sappy movie or listen to a sad song, do what you need to in order to let those tears flow.

    God Bless and much love to you
    Mariam
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #16
    YEAH LAURA!
    GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN.........!!!! What you are going through is tough, to say the least..As you have read, you have tons of prayers coming your way....I think our "sisters in pink" have stormed the gates of heaven with prayer for you. Here's a few unsolicited sages of advice.....Have you spoken with your doctors about your situation? DEMAND they give you something for your mental health!! Most cancer centers offer counseling, usually for free. And most have clergy available.....perhaps speaking with one of them may help.....perhaps they are aware of help for you, either in housing or counseling.....DON'T be afraid to tell them EXACTLY what your living situation is.....if at all possible you need to get out of that house, even if it is your mother's......IT must be hard not having your children with you,knowing they are with their father of which it sounds isn't the best possible situation for them, but don't lose sight of the fact it is a TEMPORARY situation....Try, as hard as it may be, to keep that in mind......it is temporary....This is a long journey but there is light at the end of the tunnel......hang onto that thought! When today seems dark, think of the sunshine that awaits you.....it may not be tomorrow but it will come. PLEASE feel free to send me private messages, if you think it will help you...I'm here, as are all the wonderful women on this board..May I ask, where are you located?
    One more thing........contact your local AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY and the AMERICAN RED CROSS.....explain your situation, they may be able to offer some solutions...

    Peace be with you,
    Nancy
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #17
    MAJW said:

    YEAH LAURA!
    GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN.........!!!! What you are going through is tough, to say the least..As you have read, you have tons of prayers coming your way....I think our "sisters in pink" have stormed the gates of heaven with prayer for you. Here's a few unsolicited sages of advice.....Have you spoken with your doctors about your situation? DEMAND they give you something for your mental health!! Most cancer centers offer counseling, usually for free. And most have clergy available.....perhaps speaking with one of them may help.....perhaps they are aware of help for you, either in housing or counseling.....DON'T be afraid to tell them EXACTLY what your living situation is.....if at all possible you need to get out of that house, even if it is your mother's......IT must be hard not having your children with you,knowing they are with their father of which it sounds isn't the best possible situation for them, but don't lose sight of the fact it is a TEMPORARY situation....Try, as hard as it may be, to keep that in mind......it is temporary....This is a long journey but there is light at the end of the tunnel......hang onto that thought! When today seems dark, think of the sunshine that awaits you.....it may not be tomorrow but it will come. PLEASE feel free to send me private messages, if you think it will help you...I'm here, as are all the wonderful women on this board..May I ask, where are you located?
    One more thing........contact your local AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY and the AMERICAN RED CROSS.....explain your situation, they may be able to offer some solutions...

    Peace be with you,
    Nancy

    Don't be sorry...Just get yourself well!
    My prayers have been answered! I thanked God a million times when I finally saw a post from you! I, as the others on here, have been sick worrying about you. But, all that matters is that you are alright and thank you so much for posting Laura!!!!

    You do have a LOT on your plate. I can't even begin to understand your living situation and all else that is going on in your life now. But, please have faith Laura and please seek some professional help. Call the American Cancer Society and talk to them. Talk to your oncologist, as, you might need some antidepressants or something to help you to get through this. And, he might be able to put you in touch with a counselor or therapist that could listen and help you.

    Just don't keep this inside and let it eat away at you. Come here and post, talk to someone, a friend, doctor, ACS volunteer..someone.

    You have to get yourself healthy before you can help anyone else. And, I know you can do it! I have great faith in you!

    Thanks again Laura for posting! Please take care and please get some help, as it is out there for you.

    From one of your sisters in pink that loves you,


    Sue :)
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #18
    Laura,
    I cannot add much to
    Laura,
    I cannot add much to what the others have posted. I am so glad that you found the strength to go forward. What you are going through is so rough and it may seem overwhelming (hell it is overwhelming) but you have 4 people that need you, your 2 boys, your girl and yourself. Follow the other's advice and tell your doctors exactly what you are going through and exactly how you feel. Tell them you are at the end of your rope and that your are not seeing a positive end to this. Be upfront and honest. They need to see the whole picture to get you the medicines, emotional, mental and physical help you need to continue your battle. Then see a social worker, ACS, and any other services available in your area to improve your home situation. But above all, know that you need to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time or even a minute at a time. Trying to look too far forward and seeing it through the eyes of today can be frightening and that vision is not necessarily how it will be. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. And hold tight to the love of your children. They truly need you. I have seen first hand what a decision like you were contemplating can cause and you don't want that to be the legacy you leave your kids. This isn't going to be easy but the rewards will be that you will get stronger every day and things will look up and get better. Both my hubby and I lost our jobs, our truck, and our house after my diagnosis. Our income dropped to less than a quarter of what it was and out of that we have to pay a large premium to keep me insured (he was eligible for medicare). But we got through it and we are doing okay. You will too, I just know it. I went back and reread some of your old posts and I see that strength, that courage. It's there, it's just a little deeper than before. To reach in and pull it out you need the help of others, so make contacts with groups and organizations that can help you, physically, emotionally and mentally. Support is out there and it is here too. We are all here for you. We love you and we were all so afraid for you. And we are all so glad that you are okay, back here and no one thinks any the less of you for what you felt. These were genuine feelings of despair that touched every heart on this board. You are loved nd we want only the very best for you.
    Stef
  • MomMichelle
    MomMichelle Member Posts: 93
    #19
    Glad to hear from you
    Laura,

    I have been so worried about you since I read your post on the 19th. I have been checking the boards so many times a day just hoping to see a new post. I am so glad you are alright. I know how tough it is (although it is so sad that you don't have the family support you deserve). We are here for you. Message me anytime. This whole cancer thing stinks, we all can relate. Lean on us when you need someone.

    Please keeping thinking about your kids and know that someday soon, things are bound to turn around. Keeping looking forward to that.

    Prayers and hugs your way,
    Michelle
  • 2Floridiansisters
    2Floridiansisters Member Posts: 384 Member
    #20
    aww laura you have nothing to be sorry for......
    we are all just thankful to see you back here posting, I too am sorry for the crummy family you have, some of us here are in the same situation. Me included, I really have no body, just myself and the other ladies going through this same crappy cancer mess. I am all alone, I too have been in that dark place, but somehow I found a way out, I come here to read and find hope. I wish you all the best in the future.
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175 Member
    #21
    Laura im glad you posted cuz
    Laura im glad you posted cuz everyone has been really worried about you...i hope youve been able to see someone about your depression. Im sorry about your homelife situation but it can only get better in time.
    Hang in there Laura we will be prayin for ya.

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