You OK, Sweetblood?

sweetblood22 said:

hey kids
thanks for the latest round of well wishes. I really missed this site when I had no internet service. Everyone here is so nice.

Clearblue, I want to make it clear that the dog velcros himself TO ME. Not the other way around. I got Noah (aka Nizzy) after my first dog, Kiaya died. I had her for 15 years. It was so hard to put her down. I don't think anything else hurt my heart as much as that. I was dogless for a mere three, maybe four days? My step mom was negotiating in the wings when she knew Kiaya was not going to make it. She knew I needed a dog, as I had also just left my ex husband that had cheated on me after 15 years of marriage. It was a hard time.

I loved Kiaya, she was my baby, as I have never had any kids. I found out my step mom was getting me another dog by accident. She was doing it on the DL. I fessed up to her that I knew. I remember when she said that she had a two year old Hairless Chinese Crested lined up for me. He was an ex show dog. They had several dogs, and they no longer showed him, and he was crated most of the time. That made me sad. But I remember being scared about a new dog. I remember saying to my step mom, "But what if I don't love him?". When ever he is on me sleeping, or gazing up at my face, head on my chest as happy as a clam, (which is 24/7 now) my step mom laughs and says, "But what if I don't love him?" She swears that we are a perfect fit. He is the best present I have ever gotten.

When I was working, I worked at least 48 hours a week, and Nizzy went to "nanna and pop-pop's" for doggie day care everyday. (my poor parents have no grandkids. they have almost resigned themselves to the fact that their only grandkids are furry ones. or in my case, not-so-furry ones!) They have two cresteds, a rottie, and now a huge english mastiff. It used to bother me when I worked sometimes, because he would want to go up to my parents sometimes and not want to come down with me, he spent so much time with them, and the other two cresteds. LOL. Forget that now. I can hardly leave him for two seconds. He has become really over protective of me too. Sometimes he won't let anyone near me! Nut. I swear that my dog knew something was wrong with me before I did. Once I had surgery and was not working, that was it. He was stuck to me like glue. I called him my other tumor. He was on me like a growth. LOL.

Now he does not want to go to my parents. He hates the mastiff becuase he is a big slobbering brut that tortures poor Nizzy. He also knows that if he is going up there, that more than likely, mommy is going out with out him, and he does not like that.

Clearblue, your wife sounds like a seriously strong woman. I cannot imagine trying to dialate myself. I thank you for telling me about it though. I gag and carryon just brushing my teeth. I wish I could do something like that as it is almost 5 grand for every dilatation and I have had three. I have to be put on a ventilator and it got pretty hairy. They really do not want to do it again, it has become too risky.

I hope your wife does well with the next round of erbitux.

Hi Sweet


I am very glad to see you posting again and see you are in good spirits, I spoken to Chefdaddy last night he was not doing so good they were taking him in to surgery when I called so I could not talk to him long.

Thanks and may God continue to bless and be with you

dennis318 said:

She's Back...MISSED YOU
I lost touch and now I know why? I too have just returned from an adventure, My Boss gave me a week off for a vacation finally, and came to find out i need to return for throat surgery totally wasn't expected, I bit the bullet, I was lucky I guess and they had appointment cancel Wednesday, SO MUCH FOR MY VACATION! My throat of 7 weeks of radiation and chemo, isn't healing well, i was diagnosed wrong, and the doctor put in a implant for a paraylis of the vocal chords, he cut into the tumor, which he missed over 2 months of tests, biopsys etc..then they had to remove the implant, and start into the radiation. so my new oncologist went in an cleaned up rotten radiation and resent in another segment to be looked at too see if the cancer still exists???, I came home yesterday, now, with a throat trach, something i would never thought i would see in my life, he said 10 days of wear to help heal the area and strengthen my vocals, whats left, i sat, and laid in a hopsital, not able to speak, people calling couldn't talk, and learning how to clean this tube i have now, with a cap that i can out maybe a few sentences, i thought of you, i so wanted to talk to everyone here, my computer took a dump and shorted out while i was up there, I pray my test will come back ok, but something tells me...Please keep mew in your prayers, as i will you sweetblood. i have regained some of my eating, i dropped to 139 from 202, and the last days started to eat more, and drink ensure. I will know my next Tuesday what the outcome will be, and where we will be heading to, DOES ANYONE KNOW OR HAD, ANY PROCEDURE WHERE THE ONE SIDE OF THE LARYNX WORKS, AND THE OTHER IS DEAD, AND GOT SOME VOICE BACK, I AM NOT LIVING WITH THIS TRACH, THEY SAID IT WAS COMING BACK OUT NEXT TUESDAY, PLEASE PRAY OR THINK OF ME, SWEETBLOOD AND EVERYONE THAT HAS TAKEN A BEATING WITH THIS, I AM LOSING HOPE, AND CLOSE TO THE END OF WHAT WE WILL DO, DOCTOR ALSO MENTION A COMPLETE VOCAL BOX REMOVAL, SORRY, CAN'T SEE THIS HAPPENING EITHER, I found the whole operation a pain, the doctor looks like i hope this may work, Take Care..May god lend his hand to us, for strength, my walk with this is getting weary...DENNIS

dennis, hondo and del native
Hondo, I am not sure if it was yesterday or the day before I called Mike twice and got no answer. I was pretty worried. I have not been able to get on line for two days. I wanted to know if anyone else had spoken to him. I will call him again tomorrow. I am hoping that this posts. I cannot even tell you how annoyed I get with this stupid computer.

Delnative: Yes! Get a dog. What kind would you get? I could never be without one again. I was 25 when I found my Kiaya. Someone had thrown her out of a moving car and then the car the other way ran her over! Beasts!!!! There is a special place in Hades for people who hurt animals and children. She was just a tiny puppy. Black and white, at first I thought she was a cat. Then I saw it was a puppy. She was like a border collie - husky muut mix. But sort of looked like a caanaan dog, I think they are from Isreal in a way. I looked at her and tried to talk to her. I saw her rear left leg was dangling. I coaxed her into my arms and put her in the car. Broken ribs, and two leg surgeries later........she was mine for 15 blessed years. I had never had a dog before. It was funny, when I picked her up, i did not even know what the heck I was going to do with her. My step mom and her side are crazy animal rescuing people. I say that with love. I was going to bring her there. All of a sudden I realized I was an adult and had just gotten married, and I could bring home a dog to MY HOUSE. And would not get in trouble. LOL.

I get so much greif from my best friends with Noah. They just do not like the breed. They have a great dane! Now could you see me with that? NO. This is the first time I ever got a dog from a person. I paid for him. A very very low price for a Crested. All the rest of my animals were rescued and from the pound. My husband (and me, but they were 'his' dogs) saved a golden, a black cocker spaniel, a blue healer, and a boxer pit bull cross, and about 200 cats.

DENNIS: You know I am praying for you. I don't know what to say. I know how wound up I was at the thought of having to battle cancer again. You know that we all know how hard this walk is. You can always vent to me. I only wish I could do more for you than be here to listen and offer you my support and prayers. I had a break down talking to my step mom in the car. Between the mamogram, and, The other financial thing is that the friggin hospital is suing me!!!! I cannot believe it. I have been paying them almost every month. I probably paid them $1600. over the last 10 months. They say it isn't enough. Like served me papers! I have to go in front of a judge! Anyway. I just felt like I was a punching bag for those few days. I get so pissed sometimes. Somedays, I get tired of being tired, I get tired of being sick, I get tired of doing the right thing and getting sh@t on anyway, I get tired of not being able to work, and I get tired of being alone. Somedays, I wish I could go home to a hug. But Dennis, you never know how you can touch just one person's life. One person here can read your story and benefit greatly from it. One person may be spared pain, from your experience. That is my hope anyway. We have to hold steadfast that He has a plan. I struggle daily with prayng and the concept of "thy will be done." I go in and out. I relinquish control, and then months later, I am back at it. A maniac trying to control everything she can't. Then, it came to me. In a moment in the car on the way home from the hospital. After I got my good news. It's like when you are a little kid, and your toy breaks, and you go to your father and you say, "Daddy, fix my toy." But you hang on to the toy because it's your favorite, and you clench it while he is trying to work on it. and you tug it back from him....and you don't give it to him to do the things he needs to do. Give it up to Him, and He will fix it. Now, easier said than done, I know. But everytime I feel it creeping up on me. Trying to control what I cannot. I visualize giving Him, my toy. You know I will be praying for you.

hugs,

d

dennis318 said:

She's Back...MISSED YOU
I lost touch and now I know why? I too have just returned from an adventure, My Boss gave me a week off for a vacation finally, and came to find out i need to return for throat surgery totally wasn't expected, I bit the bullet, I was lucky I guess and they had appointment cancel Wednesday, SO MUCH FOR MY VACATION! My throat of 7 weeks of radiation and chemo, isn't healing well, i was diagnosed wrong, and the doctor put in a implant for a paraylis of the vocal chords, he cut into the tumor, which he missed over 2 months of tests, biopsys etc..then they had to remove the implant, and start into the radiation. so my new oncologist went in an cleaned up rotten radiation and resent in another segment to be looked at too see if the cancer still exists???, I came home yesterday, now, with a throat trach, something i would never thought i would see in my life, he said 10 days of wear to help heal the area and strengthen my vocals, whats left, i sat, and laid in a hopsital, not able to speak, people calling couldn't talk, and learning how to clean this tube i have now, with a cap that i can out maybe a few sentences, i thought of you, i so wanted to talk to everyone here, my computer took a dump and shorted out while i was up there, I pray my test will come back ok, but something tells me...Please keep mew in your prayers, as i will you sweetblood. i have regained some of my eating, i dropped to 139 from 202, and the last days started to eat more, and drink ensure. I will know my next Tuesday what the outcome will be, and where we will be heading to, DOES ANYONE KNOW OR HAD, ANY PROCEDURE WHERE THE ONE SIDE OF THE LARYNX WORKS, AND THE OTHER IS DEAD, AND GOT SOME VOICE BACK, I AM NOT LIVING WITH THIS TRACH, THEY SAID IT WAS COMING BACK OUT NEXT TUESDAY, PLEASE PRAY OR THINK OF ME, SWEETBLOOD AND EVERYONE THAT HAS TAKEN A BEATING WITH THIS, I AM LOSING HOPE, AND CLOSE TO THE END OF WHAT WE WILL DO, DOCTOR ALSO MENTION A COMPLETE VOCAL BOX REMOVAL, SORRY, CAN'T SEE THIS HAPPENING EITHER, I found the whole operation a pain, the doctor looks like i hope this may work, Take Care..May god lend his hand to us, for strength, my walk with this is getting weary...DENNIS

So sorry...
Dennis, I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through all of this. I know the waiting is the hardest part, not knowing what the results will be can sometimes be the hardest part.

I was told twice that they may have to remove my entire larynx and like you thought NO WAY!! But then I realized that not having my voice couldn't be as bad as dying. I was fortunate that the treatment worked and I have my voice back. Please try to stay positive (easier said than done - I know)

I will say a special prayer for you everyday and hope that this will all be treatable without any further surgery.

NEVER give up the fight.

Stay strong and take care, Glenna

dennis318 said:

She's Back...MISSED YOU
I lost touch and now I know why? I too have just returned from an adventure, My Boss gave me a week off for a vacation finally, and came to find out i need to return for throat surgery totally wasn't expected, I bit the bullet, I was lucky I guess and they had appointment cancel Wednesday, SO MUCH FOR MY VACATION! My throat of 7 weeks of radiation and chemo, isn't healing well, i was diagnosed wrong, and the doctor put in a implant for a paraylis of the vocal chords, he cut into the tumor, which he missed over 2 months of tests, biopsys etc..then they had to remove the implant, and start into the radiation. so my new oncologist went in an cleaned up rotten radiation and resent in another segment to be looked at too see if the cancer still exists???, I came home yesterday, now, with a throat trach, something i would never thought i would see in my life, he said 10 days of wear to help heal the area and strengthen my vocals, whats left, i sat, and laid in a hopsital, not able to speak, people calling couldn't talk, and learning how to clean this tube i have now, with a cap that i can out maybe a few sentences, i thought of you, i so wanted to talk to everyone here, my computer took a dump and shorted out while i was up there, I pray my test will come back ok, but something tells me...Please keep mew in your prayers, as i will you sweetblood. i have regained some of my eating, i dropped to 139 from 202, and the last days started to eat more, and drink ensure. I will know my next Tuesday what the outcome will be, and where we will be heading to, DOES ANYONE KNOW OR HAD, ANY PROCEDURE WHERE THE ONE SIDE OF THE LARYNX WORKS, AND THE OTHER IS DEAD, AND GOT SOME VOICE BACK, I AM NOT LIVING WITH THIS TRACH, THEY SAID IT WAS COMING BACK OUT NEXT TUESDAY, PLEASE PRAY OR THINK OF ME, SWEETBLOOD AND EVERYONE THAT HAS TAKEN A BEATING WITH THIS, I AM LOSING HOPE, AND CLOSE TO THE END OF WHAT WE WILL DO, DOCTOR ALSO MENTION A COMPLETE VOCAL BOX REMOVAL, SORRY, CAN'T SEE THIS HAPPENING EITHER, I found the whole operation a pain, the doctor looks like i hope this may work, Take Care..May god lend his hand to us, for strength, my walk with this is getting weary...DENNIS

Dennis- Larynx and voice.
Hi Dennis
My wife had an esophagectomy and one vocal cord was permanently damaged.
Her voice went through -no voice- hoarse- highpitch , u name it.
Most doctrs recommended full larengectomy which means removeal of everything , but she is dead against it as if her voice is her life.
Dennis im not sure I understand what you mean by: “HAD, ANY PROCEDURE WHERE THE ONE SIDE OF THE LARYNX WORKS, AND THE OTHER IS DEAD” , but

Since October 2009, she's had scc recurrence in the hypopppharingial wall and has had TWO partial larengectomies and has had a trach in since October 2009. A swiis Surgeon by the name of Monier advised on this, and a French Surgeon Prof Bruneu( my spelling is probably totally wrong)performed surgery with an Israeli Dr.. She couldn’t eat for two weeks and then slowly slowly got back to eating,; liquids being the most difficult.Her voice too is back to quite strong.

I dont know what type of scarring the Rad has done and maybe the following is irrelevant, but i mentioned in a previouse post that we were given a dialator , which with practice "we" did ourselves. No balloons, just a rubber snake looking thing inserted correctly in the throat. My wife found it extremely helpful , though she did have to deal with gagging.(see post April 30, 2010 - 5:26pm)in this string of messages.

Because i just havent managed to read backwards and followup on what everyone has had, i sort of come in, say my thing and leave again; something for which i feel terrible about. SO sorry if all of this in unapplicable or irrelevant.
All posts here are heartfelt.

My wife is on erbitux only and her scalp is pretty achne full. Anyone got any ideas of what shampoo, or whatever is considered appropriate?

Sweetblood,i owe you a letter, i know.I do want u to get in touch with your friend adn Kutler.
Sincerely
Clearblue.

delnative said:

Dogs are a gift from God
Lord willing, I'll be retiring in 435 days (not that I'm counting).
On day 436 I think I'll be getting a dog.

--Jim in Delaware

Love dogs
Having a dog is one of life's blessings. I'm praying that you will get that dog on day 436
Yes you will.

sweetblood22 said:

now that i finally got rid
now that i finally got rid of my grey hair again, i had to get rid of that picture. i felt like the bride of frankenstein. there are more new pics of me and nizzy on my expressions page. on one of them he is looking into the computer, his hair all wild. he was crackin me up.

i see you changed yours. your cat reminds me of one my friend owned. her name was, "exhibit D". or "d" for short. i miss her she was a good kitty.

Sweetblood,
Your hair is
Sweetblood,
Your hair is cute! My hair at the moment, looks like a cross between an afro and a bob.
The end result is NOT a look I would recommend, which I why you have been seeing a picture of the my cat Lucy. Hopefully this can be fixed soon. The new picture is a watercolor that I made. Not that I am praying about my hair, but hey-it might be a good idea!
The reference to praying-I tend to get off topic easily is the cross in the picture!
Thanks so much to all of you..You make this time of my life so much more bearable!!
Stacey

sweetblood22 said:

my hair
It looks okay. Better than last year at this time when I was bald from six inches above my neck down. I am so glad it grew back. The part that grew back is super duper curly now. Looks bizzare if i let it dry au natrual. Half wavy and the bottom half tight curls. I liked it long. Plus it hid my scar when it was long. Not that I am embarrassed about my scar, but i do feel self concious when people stare at my scar. I can't keep it that way now. Too much maintenance. It took me an hour just to flat iron it. Too much on my left arm and my neck. I like it short like this because i literally do nothing but wash it, and it looks good 98% of the time.

Stare
Hi Sweet,

I hate it too when people stare because my first feeling is I need to respond in a kind and gentlemanly way and explain. But don't stare when I don't feel good. I might not give the answer that you want me too. And I am the same way I just can't keep mine ironed. I keep burning my head. But like I said before you look great.

Best,
Steve

staceya said:

Be careful with that
Be careful with that flatiron steve..

Steve
The vision of you trying to handle a flat iron is more than I can bear. LOL.

Clearblue said:

Dennis- Larynx and voice.
Hi Dennis
My wife had an esophagectomy and one vocal cord was permanently damaged.
Her voice went through -no voice- hoarse- highpitch , u name it.
Most doctrs recommended full larengectomy which means removeal of everything , but she is dead against it as if her voice is her life.
Dennis im not sure I understand what you mean by: “HAD, ANY PROCEDURE WHERE THE ONE SIDE OF THE LARYNX WORKS, AND THE OTHER IS DEAD” , but

Since October 2009, she's had scc recurrence in the hypopppharingial wall and has had TWO partial larengectomies and has had a trach in since October 2009. A swiis Surgeon by the name of Monier advised on this, and a French Surgeon Prof Bruneu( my spelling is probably totally wrong)performed surgery with an Israeli Dr.. She couldn’t eat for two weeks and then slowly slowly got back to eating,; liquids being the most difficult.Her voice too is back to quite strong.

I dont know what type of scarring the Rad has done and maybe the following is irrelevant, but i mentioned in a previouse post that we were given a dialator , which with practice "we" did ourselves. No balloons, just a rubber snake looking thing inserted correctly in the throat. My wife found it extremely helpful , though she did have to deal with gagging.(see post April 30, 2010 - 5:26pm)in this string of messages.

Because i just havent managed to read backwards and followup on what everyone has had, i sort of come in, say my thing and leave again; something for which i feel terrible about. SO sorry if all of this in unapplicable or irrelevant.
All posts here are heartfelt.

My wife is on erbitux only and her scalp is pretty achne full. Anyone got any ideas of what shampoo, or whatever is considered appropriate?

Sweetblood,i owe you a letter, i know.I do want u to get in touch with your friend adn Kutler.
Sincerely
Clearblue.

Shampoo for Erbitux Rash
Clearblue,

I never had Erbitux, but have read more than one person swear by Head and Shoulders shampoo for the Erbitux rash.

Good luck