What not to say to a Cancer Patient

ppurdin said:

friends that upset you.
HI,I HATE IT WHEN SOMEONE MAKES IT SOUND LIKE RADS AND CHEMO ARE NO MORE THEN NOTHING.I HAD SOMEONE TELL ME RIGHT BEFORE MY LUMPECKTOMY SURGERY THAT SHE WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO HAVE HER BREAST CUT OFF.BECAUSE THEY HURT HER BACK.THAT IS JUST HOW SHE SAID IT.aT THE TIME AND STILL DON,T KNOW IF I WILL END UP HAVING A MESECTOMY.I have a sister that has went through all this that i am going through now.she acts like it is no big deal because she has already been where i am.i remember her being scared and tired.like we all are.but she don,t seem to remember it.But then sometimes she will say something she remembers to scare me.i guess we got to love them and think they mean well.even though we wonder sometimes.good luck to you. PAT.

I think some people must sit
I think some people must sit on their brains. I would rather someone tell me I'm in their thoughts and prayers, and pray that God will help me get through this. I know it's good to keep telling yourself to be positive, but when someone else says it, you think "how do they know what you are feeling unless they also have been through it."

ppurdin said:

friends that upset you.
HI,I HATE IT WHEN SOMEONE MAKES IT SOUND LIKE RADS AND CHEMO ARE NO MORE THEN NOTHING.I HAD SOMEONE TELL ME RIGHT BEFORE MY LUMPECKTOMY SURGERY THAT SHE WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO HAVE HER BREAST CUT OFF.BECAUSE THEY HURT HER BACK.THAT IS JUST HOW SHE SAID IT.aT THE TIME AND STILL DON,T KNOW IF I WILL END UP HAVING A MESECTOMY.I have a sister that has went through all this that i am going through now.she acts like it is no big deal because she has already been where i am.i remember her being scared and tired.like we all are.but she don,t seem to remember it.But then sometimes she will say something she remembers to scare me.i guess we got to love them and think they mean well.even though we wonder sometimes.good luck to you. PAT.

Well, there's more to say about that visit...WHAT AN ONC SHOULD NOT SAY TO A CANCER PT:

I have this "bulge" under my mastectomy site that has become quite unsightly. I said, "It's almost as big as my breast..." The onc said, "Well, we know it's not a breast" (smirk).

Next comment: I said, "It's a good thing it's not cancer." The onc said, "I never said it wasn't cancer, it could be." That was gentle way to tell me, eh?

Next: The onc said, "It could be an auxiliary spleen, cancer, or a hernia...if it's a spleen [I had mine removed when ruptured after a car accident over 12 years ago] we don't want to remove it. We've already been there, done that" (smirk).

I could have ripped that smirk right off of his face but, I'm a kid from the peace-loving hippie age.

To hear insensitive comments from those who may not "know better" is one thing, but from an oncologist---you expect more from them, yes?

His lack of "bedside" manners has been on my mind all week. I finally, this morning, called a nurse at the cancer institute and told her, "I'm not one to complain and, over the past year and a 1/2, the doctors there have been wonderful [mentioning one in particular]. But, I am very upset about what happened on Monday..." I proceeded to tell her what the onc said and that I think he was trying to be funny, but I don't go to the onc to be entertained. She told me that she would report it to proper person.

I haven't dealt with the issue of not being told about the Feb CAT scan results, but I will ask for another dr next time I go in and ask them why I wasn't told EXACTLY what the report said.
dmc