What not to say to a Cancer Patient
Comments
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May I add..elm3544 said:list of things not to say to a cancer patient
Found these online and added some of my own
"You could step off the curb tomorrow and get hit by a bus" (not a good analogy, its like I already got hit by the bus and now its backing up over me)
"You gotta think positively" (ok, I'm positive I have cancer, and I'm positive it isn't fun)
"You'll be fine"
"So, your fine now right?"
"My grandmom died of that"
"nice fro"
"God gives you what you can handle"
"What's your prognosis"
"Can I see what is going on under that hat?"
"If anyone can beat it it's you"
"If it's not your time, it's not your time" (then why bother with the surgery and treatment?)
"Life is not fair" (thanks for the heads up)
"Every cloud has a silver lining"
"Its just a bump in the road" (living with a cancer diagnoses, losing your hair, getting chemo, radiation, gaining weight, having hot flashes, being depressed and anxious is not a bump in the road its a major mountain.)
"Don't worry"
"Your lucky you didn't lose weight on chemo"
'Remember Lance"
"You gotta be like Lance"
"Lance beat cancer"
"Just look at Lance"
"you're through the worst part"
"Just think, you're done" (done? I'm done?...I guess I'm done with cancer everyone. Nothing left to do. How about hormonal therapy, all the side effects, more boob surgery and worrying for the rest of my life about recurrence)
"You look good bald"
"So, was the cancer bad?" (no, I had the good kind)
"It could be alot worse"
"This is a treatable disease"
"You have a nice shaped head"
"How do you know if it's working?" (If I die it didn't work)
"You know you can eat more curry, its supposed to kill cancer cells" (great tip, thanks)
"You'll be fine, you have a great attitude" (If attitude really matters then why did I get cancer in the first place? Or does attitude only matter after you get cancer? right now my attitude about cancer is lousy. what does that mean?)
"If you really want to live, you will. Just never give up. when people give up, they die"
"Don't worry, your hair will grow back"
"We'll beat this" (we?)
I also am thinking of getting these printed on t shirts or hats:
Yes I have cancer, no you may not see my head
If you are going to stare at least smile
Just ask me
Those are great! When i started receiving similar comments, I started a list entitled...They Said WHAT???? here are a few of my favorites:
****************
My friend, mother, sister, “cousins-sisters-mothers-daughter” had breast cancer. And she’s still here THREE MONTHS later!!! Isn’t that great!!!
Think of it this way, you’ll probably lose some weight!
I have a friend that would love to talk to you…she’s a strong cancer survivor. She’s had it twice, and now it’s in her bones, and she’s in her fourth round of chemo, and she’d love to be support to you.
Your hair will probably be curly after chemo, won’t that be great!
When they map your nodes before surgery, it will be the most excruciating pain you have ever felt. I mean it, they say it may hurt a little, but it is HORRIBLE!!! It will be the absolute worst pain you will ever feel in your entire life!!!
Chemo will probably make you sick, but hey! You’ll lose weight!
Wow! Now you will have great boobs!
Hoping for “clean nodes” does no good really….if they are clear, they are clear, if they aren’t they aren’t. There isn’t anything you can do about it. I really don’t believe in the power of prayer, so just be prepared for anything that happens, that’s what I’ve found to be the best way to handle things.
Cool! You’ll have great boobs now! My friend had a mastectomy and got implants and LOVES her boobs now because she finally was able to get the implants she's always wanted!!!
“Oh great…..now we have a family history of breast cancer!!”
I have always wanted implants and have thought the only way i'll ever get them is if i have to have a mastectomy!!
And my favorite so far…
You’re so lucky, you won’t have to pay to get implants!!!0 -
All I can sayj916 said:May I add..
Those are great! When i started receiving similar comments, I started a list entitled...They Said WHAT???? here are a few of my favorites:
****************
My friend, mother, sister, “cousins-sisters-mothers-daughter” had breast cancer. And she’s still here THREE MONTHS later!!! Isn’t that great!!!
Think of it this way, you’ll probably lose some weight!
I have a friend that would love to talk to you…she’s a strong cancer survivor. She’s had it twice, and now it’s in her bones, and she’s in her fourth round of chemo, and she’d love to be support to you.
Your hair will probably be curly after chemo, won’t that be great!
When they map your nodes before surgery, it will be the most excruciating pain you have ever felt. I mean it, they say it may hurt a little, but it is HORRIBLE!!! It will be the absolute worst pain you will ever feel in your entire life!!!
Chemo will probably make you sick, but hey! You’ll lose weight!
Wow! Now you will have great boobs!
Hoping for “clean nodes” does no good really….if they are clear, they are clear, if they aren’t they aren’t. There isn’t anything you can do about it. I really don’t believe in the power of prayer, so just be prepared for anything that happens, that’s what I’ve found to be the best way to handle things.
Cool! You’ll have great boobs now! My friend had a mastectomy and got implants and LOVES her boobs now because she finally was able to get the implants she's always wanted!!!
“Oh great…..now we have a family history of breast cancer!!”
I have always wanted implants and have thought the only way i'll ever get them is if i have to have a mastectomy!!
And my favorite so far…
You’re so lucky, you won’t have to pay to get implants!!!
is WOW! Oh my word!!0 -
I LOVE THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!elm3544 said:list of things not to say to a cancer patient
Found these online and added some of my own
"You could step off the curb tomorrow and get hit by a bus" (not a good analogy, its like I already got hit by the bus and now its backing up over me)
"You gotta think positively" (ok, I'm positive I have cancer, and I'm positive it isn't fun)
"You'll be fine"
"So, your fine now right?"
"My grandmom died of that"
"nice fro"
"God gives you what you can handle"
"What's your prognosis"
"Can I see what is going on under that hat?"
"If anyone can beat it it's you"
"If it's not your time, it's not your time" (then why bother with the surgery and treatment?)
"Life is not fair" (thanks for the heads up)
"Every cloud has a silver lining"
"Its just a bump in the road" (living with a cancer diagnoses, losing your hair, getting chemo, radiation, gaining weight, having hot flashes, being depressed and anxious is not a bump in the road its a major mountain.)
"Don't worry"
"Your lucky you didn't lose weight on chemo"
'Remember Lance"
"You gotta be like Lance"
"Lance beat cancer"
"Just look at Lance"
"you're through the worst part"
"Just think, you're done" (done? I'm done?...I guess I'm done with cancer everyone. Nothing left to do. How about hormonal therapy, all the side effects, more boob surgery and worrying for the rest of my life about recurrence)
"You look good bald"
"So, was the cancer bad?" (no, I had the good kind)
"It could be alot worse"
"This is a treatable disease"
"You have a nice shaped head"
"How do you know if it's working?" (If I die it didn't work)
"You know you can eat more curry, its supposed to kill cancer cells" (great tip, thanks)
"You'll be fine, you have a great attitude" (If attitude really matters then why did I get cancer in the first place? Or does attitude only matter after you get cancer? right now my attitude about cancer is lousy. what does that mean?)
"If you really want to live, you will. Just never give up. when people give up, they die"
"Don't worry, your hair will grow back"
"We'll beat this" (we?)
I also am thinking of getting these printed on t shirts or hats:
Yes I have cancer, no you may not see my head
If you are going to stare at least smile
Just ask me
Honestly I am still laughing.......aren't people DUMB???????????? If you have T-shirts printed with these, I WANT TO BE THE FIRST TO BUY ONE! I am quite artistic, I may, with your permission, paint these on a t-shirt and wear it to my last CHEMO, next Monday. I think the one thing people say, that I HATE THE MOST is "Look at this as just a bump in the road!" My response to that has been, "Really? Let's see YOU consider it a BUMP if it happens to you!" I am turning into a total biotch when people say these stupid things! I can't help myself....haha.......... My next least favorite is "Oh, so and so died from that." Well, gee, thanks for sharing, I needed to hear that!
Then there are the people who think cancer is "contagious." By that I mean, they stay away, THEY CAN"T DEAL WITH IT! Give me a break, I have told a "friend" of 20+ years, this isn't about you and if you can't deal with me having cancer, if it's to unpleasant, then please stay away from me, I don't need it!
Okay, I've vented........got a T-shirt to work on........
LOts of love and prayers to all!
N0 -
Hey, I wantMAJW said:I LOVE THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Honestly I am still laughing.......aren't people DUMB???????????? If you have T-shirts printed with these, I WANT TO BE THE FIRST TO BUY ONE! I am quite artistic, I may, with your permission, paint these on a t-shirt and wear it to my last CHEMO, next Monday. I think the one thing people say, that I HATE THE MOST is "Look at this as just a bump in the road!" My response to that has been, "Really? Let's see YOU consider it a BUMP if it happens to you!" I am turning into a total biotch when people say these stupid things! I can't help myself....haha.......... My next least favorite is "Oh, so and so died from that." Well, gee, thanks for sharing, I needed to hear that!
Then there are the people who think cancer is "contagious." By that I mean, they stay away, THEY CAN"T DEAL WITH IT! Give me a break, I have told a "friend" of 20+ years, this isn't about you and if you can't deal with me having cancer, if it's to unpleasant, then please stay away from me, I don't need it!
Okay, I've vented........got a T-shirt to work on........
LOts of love and prayers to all!
N
one of those t-shirts-seriously!! I would be willing to donate money(some,I'm no Rockerfeller) to help make them and buy one too! I probably know of some others who might be interested also! What do you guys think?0 -
Another stupid remarkm_azingrace said:Every time I start feeling a
Every time I start feeling a little down, I come here, and find threads like this! I eat right, don't smoke, don't drink, don't have stress, I have a great attitude [everyone says so], don't gamble, jaywalk or pick my nose [not much, anyway]...and I still have BC.
Yep, we can't fix stupid, although we can hope to cure ignorance. Fortunately we have one another to bounce these things off of, laugh about them and move on. All you guys are great!
They take skin and fat from your abdomen and make a new breast...so is that like a free tummy tuck or what?
Right...like sign me up!0 -
Then there are the peoplem_azingrace said:Another stupid remark
They take skin and fat from your abdomen and make a new breast...so is that like a free tummy tuck or what?
Right...like sign me up!
Then there are the people who don't say anything, but stare at my chest, trying to figure out which one had the lump removed. I would love to have one of those water-pistol flowers for times like that!0 -
I Lovem_azingrace said:Then there are the people
Then there are the people who don't say anything, but stare at my chest, trying to figure out which one had the lump removed. I would love to have one of those water-pistol flowers for times like that!
all the comments you guys have made!!! LOL... It's great... I want a T-shirt!!! Oh I forgot I can ad another one my boss said before I had a surgery date...
"Hey do you think you can wait until after inventory before you have surgery?"
ummm sure lets all put our cancer on hold until it's more convient for everyone else's schedules!!!0 -
I'll have what she's having, please!!!m_azingrace said:Another stupid remark
They take skin and fat from your abdomen and make a new breast...so is that like a free tummy tuck or what?
Right...like sign me up!
What a concept: new boobs, a tummy tuck, curly hair and maybe, if we're really lucky, weight loss too! I'm with you, m_ ~~sign me up!
Hugs,
Claudia0 -
And then there's this one:chenheart said:I'll have what she's having, please!!!
What a concept: new boobs, a tummy tuck, curly hair and maybe, if we're really lucky, weight loss too! I'm with you, m_ ~~sign me up!
Hugs,
Claudia
"You just had breast surgery? You need a BIG HUG!" ... It hurts just thinking about it.0 -
I have a couple of my ownm_azingrace said:And then there's this one:
"You just had breast surgery? You need a BIG HUG!" ... It hurts just thinking about it.
I have a couple that have been said to me by my father's girlfriend:
1. Well if you were going to get cancer you got the right one---NO CANCER IS THE RIGHT KIND IN MY BOOK.
2. You don't look sick---I DON'T HAVE THE FLU OR A COLD.0 -
BossesCalleen said:I Love
all the comments you guys have made!!! LOL... It's great... I want a T-shirt!!! Oh I forgot I can ad another one my boss said before I had a surgery date...
"Hey do you think you can wait until after inventory before you have surgery?"
ummm sure lets all put our cancer on hold until it's more convient for everyone else's schedules!!!
Calleen,
That is nothing. My boss called a deparment meeting last Wednesday to let everyone know I would be on a leave of absence. I'm REALLY surprised he didn't tell them WHY (even though I told him I didn't want everyone to know).
Anyway..... he says "She will be gone for about six weeks and we will have to make sure everything gets done." "I'll probably get a temp in here to help out for a while - if they don't have enough to keep them busy they can work on -----(his work)."
I work in accounting as a supervisor and this comment just blew me away. You can't just "replace" me with a temp who knows nothing about our system or how things are done. I've been working on delegating everything to my staff since I knew I would be having surgery and was confident that they could handle doing a little extra work for a few weeks while I'm gone. What an idiot!
I am a recovering workaholic (quickly recovering since my bc diagnosis) so this was a HUGE upset for me. I was already worried about being replaced, and now my boss thinks he can pull someone off the streets after I'm gone and have them be helpful. All I can think of is that this temp will be a burden to the accounting manager because he will have to spend time training them. But....my boss didn't even think of this (probably). It really makes me wonder how some of these executives got the jobs they are in.
I'm done venting now. :-)0 -
I love that Elmelm3544 said:list of things not to say to a cancer patient
Found these online and added some of my own
"You could step off the curb tomorrow and get hit by a bus" (not a good analogy, its like I already got hit by the bus and now its backing up over me)
"You gotta think positively" (ok, I'm positive I have cancer, and I'm positive it isn't fun)
"You'll be fine"
"So, your fine now right?"
"My grandmom died of that"
"nice fro"
"God gives you what you can handle"
"What's your prognosis"
"Can I see what is going on under that hat?"
"If anyone can beat it it's you"
"If it's not your time, it's not your time" (then why bother with the surgery and treatment?)
"Life is not fair" (thanks for the heads up)
"Every cloud has a silver lining"
"Its just a bump in the road" (living with a cancer diagnoses, losing your hair, getting chemo, radiation, gaining weight, having hot flashes, being depressed and anxious is not a bump in the road its a major mountain.)
"Don't worry"
"Your lucky you didn't lose weight on chemo"
'Remember Lance"
"You gotta be like Lance"
"Lance beat cancer"
"Just look at Lance"
"you're through the worst part"
"Just think, you're done" (done? I'm done?...I guess I'm done with cancer everyone. Nothing left to do. How about hormonal therapy, all the side effects, more boob surgery and worrying for the rest of my life about recurrence)
"You look good bald"
"So, was the cancer bad?" (no, I had the good kind)
"It could be alot worse"
"This is a treatable disease"
"You have a nice shaped head"
"How do you know if it's working?" (If I die it didn't work)
"You know you can eat more curry, its supposed to kill cancer cells" (great tip, thanks)
"You'll be fine, you have a great attitude" (If attitude really matters then why did I get cancer in the first place? Or does attitude only matter after you get cancer? right now my attitude about cancer is lousy. what does that mean?)
"If you really want to live, you will. Just never give up. when people give up, they die"
"Don't worry, your hair will grow back"
"We'll beat this" (we?)
I also am thinking of getting these printed on t shirts or hats:
Yes I have cancer, no you may not see my head
If you are going to stare at least smile
Just ask me
ROFLMAO!0 -
After I had my double mast,
After I had my double mast, my cousin came to stay and help out. She was faffing all around me, making sure I'm warm comfortable and so on. Just as she was pushing the heater closer to me, her phone rang, she answered, puffing and swearing and pushing. The person on the other side obviously asked her what's up, so she answered: "I'm moving the heater cause my cuzzie is freezing her **** of!"
I couldn't stop laughing. I have never ever seen anyone turn that red before.0 -
Elm you made me laugh.elm3544 said:list of things not to say to a cancer patient
Found these online and added some of my own
"You could step off the curb tomorrow and get hit by a bus" (not a good analogy, its like I already got hit by the bus and now its backing up over me)
"You gotta think positively" (ok, I'm positive I have cancer, and I'm positive it isn't fun)
"You'll be fine"
"So, your fine now right?"
"My grandmom died of that"
"nice fro"
"God gives you what you can handle"
"What's your prognosis"
"Can I see what is going on under that hat?"
"If anyone can beat it it's you"
"If it's not your time, it's not your time" (then why bother with the surgery and treatment?)
"Life is not fair" (thanks for the heads up)
"Every cloud has a silver lining"
"Its just a bump in the road" (living with a cancer diagnoses, losing your hair, getting chemo, radiation, gaining weight, having hot flashes, being depressed and anxious is not a bump in the road its a major mountain.)
"Don't worry"
"Your lucky you didn't lose weight on chemo"
'Remember Lance"
"You gotta be like Lance"
"Lance beat cancer"
"Just look at Lance"
"you're through the worst part"
"Just think, you're done" (done? I'm done?...I guess I'm done with cancer everyone. Nothing left to do. How about hormonal therapy, all the side effects, more boob surgery and worrying for the rest of my life about recurrence)
"You look good bald"
"So, was the cancer bad?" (no, I had the good kind)
"It could be alot worse"
"This is a treatable disease"
"You have a nice shaped head"
"How do you know if it's working?" (If I die it didn't work)
"You know you can eat more curry, its supposed to kill cancer cells" (great tip, thanks)
"You'll be fine, you have a great attitude" (If attitude really matters then why did I get cancer in the first place? Or does attitude only matter after you get cancer? right now my attitude about cancer is lousy. what does that mean?)
"If you really want to live, you will. Just never give up. when people give up, they die"
"Don't worry, your hair will grow back"
"We'll beat this" (we?)
I also am thinking of getting these printed on t shirts or hats:
Yes I have cancer, no you may not see my head
If you are going to stare at least smile
Just ask me
I try to remember the common denominator is that people want to help even if it is in the lamest possible way. My dear elderly neighbor yelled (he's pretty deaf) as I ended a conversation and was walking away "good luck with the Big C!" I haad to laugh even though I has barely holding myself together that day. Went to a barbcue this weekend and a friend-of-a-friend who I see rarely said "how's your summer? happy to be alive?" He didn't know I had cancer. I laughed and said "you have no idea how happy I am to be alive". An idiot neighbor heard the exchange and blurts out "I heard through the grapevine. Hope you feel better". The poor man with the "lucky" comment asks why and I spent five minutes telling him why his comment was funny to me and not to apologize. He was mortified.
What gets me mad is when people you thought you mattered a lot to do nothing or very little. My best friend from childhood has only called me twice in the 2 months since diagnosis and mastectomy. The second call was to cancel a visit wtih me. She doesn't work, kids are in camp and she lives 40 minutes away. I feel like she doesn't give a damn about me and we have been friends for 45 years.0 -
Big boobsIamHope said:After I had my double mast,
After I had my double mast, my cousin came to stay and help out. She was faffing all around me, making sure I'm warm comfortable and so on. Just as she was pushing the heater closer to me, her phone rang, she answered, puffing and swearing and pushing. The person on the other side obviously asked her what's up, so she answered: "I'm moving the heater cause my cuzzie is freezing her **** of!"
I couldn't stop laughing. I have never ever seen anyone turn that red before.
So many people have asekd me if I am going to "GET BIGGER BOOBS". I was small before. I explain that the surgeon said that reconstruction is NOT A BOOB JOB! He told me that in order to make me look natural and achieve normal contours, I will probably be a little bigger. I fear that people will think I had a boob job.0 -
Another irk to curse at
All along people have told me I look great. Then I'll see them two weeks later and they'll say, "Wow, you really look great. I was worried about you a couple of weeks ago." Then I'll see them a month later, and again, "Wow! You're looking really good. Your color is back. You looked so pale and tired the last time I saw you...." And so on, and so, on and so on.0 -
LET"S TALK!!guitarmom2 said:Big boobs
So many people have asekd me if I am going to "GET BIGGER BOOBS". I was small before. I explain that the surgeon said that reconstruction is NOT A BOOB JOB! He told me that in order to make me look natural and achieve normal contours, I will probably be a little bigger. I fear that people will think I had a boob job.
God, Can I relate!!!! I used to be a small 34 A with healty boobs. My Mother (36D) and sister (36B minus some from nursing 1 child) used to always make fun a "little Dawn". My mother is a BC survivor, with a mast on one side and no reconstruction. When I was diagnosed and recommended a mast and also took the bilat and had reconstruction. I had my expanders out in April and implants put in. Unfortuanatley there are complications and rippling so I having this done again on Thursday. Yesterday, my entire family was out my house to celebrate my mother's birthday because my siblings thought it would be too expensive to go out and we should have it "at somebody's house". God punished me for agreeing especialy when my husband and kids said not to. (That could be a whole other thread). My mother asked in front of everyone, "will we finally get to see a bigger you and how much so" I firmly corrected her and said it's not the size but a complication that needs to be addressed. I liked my little healthy breasts! As my sister prepared to leave, she said "So you're surgery is Thursday...well have fun!" I too wanted reconstruction but did not want people who don't know about the BC thinking I got a boob job. People so quickly forget WHY you are doing this. Yup, folks still think I'm on a vacation......
dawn0 -
Foot in mouth syndrome
Oh my god, these are awful. I can't believe people say these things. It's like cancer is some sort of vacation where we get to relax and reconstruct our bodies the way we want. Like Claudia said, sign me up! It also kind of irks me when friends say in a firm voice, "you WILL be fine," and won't hear of anything else. I certainly like positivity around me, but sometimes you just want acknowlegment that things are sucky. Then it makes me feel like a complainer if I have anything negative to say about cancer or my experience with it.
Mimi0 -
People just don't understandmimivac said:Foot in mouth syndrome
Oh my god, these are awful. I can't believe people say these things. It's like cancer is some sort of vacation where we get to relax and reconstruct our bodies the way we want. Like Claudia said, sign me up! It also kind of irks me when friends say in a firm voice, "you WILL be fine," and won't hear of anything else. I certainly like positivity around me, but sometimes you just want acknowlegment that things are sucky. Then it makes me feel like a complainer if I have anything negative to say about cancer or my experience with it.
Mimi
I had someone say how great it was that I was cancer free now. I said, well I don't know if that is ever possible, since I was told I have an almost 20% chance of a recurrence within 10 years. Her jaw dropped and she turned around and left.0
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