unfair unfair unfair

Connie,

I had a bilateral mastectomy with no reconstruction on January 29th, and have been going flat ever since.  

I haven't worn any kind prosthetic or "foob" -- I haven't worn a bra since January 28th, and am really kind of loving the freedom of just puttting on a shirt and go.

I'm a Human Resources Manager for a "business casual" office, so admittedly I don't own a single article of clothing with darts.  I live in the San Fernando Valley in Southern California, where it's already in the 80s, and I have hot flashes from Tamoxifen, so layers or bulky, baggy clothes are out of the question.

I wear lightweight sweaters and blouses to work -- all close-fitting in my normal size, and they make no secret of the fact that I don't have boobs.

For me, how I feel, is -- so I don't have boobs, so what?  There are people in this world who don't have an arm, or a leg, and they can't hide it -- why should I be expected to hide my flat chest?  That's just how I feel, for myself.

I used the surgery as an excuse to seek out some "retail therapy" -- I bought some new sweaters in beautiful, rich colors, and some new pretty necklaces and scarves and lipsticks as some simple, low-fuss ways to get me feeling more feminine again after lying around recovering from surgery.  

I look fabulous -- the rest of the ladies in my office WISH they could look this good! 

Lastly, nearly every woman who chooses to go flat says the exact same thing:  No one notices.  Seriously.  Nobody's looking at my chest.  Really.

Hope that helps,

Traci

TraciInLA said:

Going flat after bilateral mastectomy

Connie,

I had a bilateral mastectomy with no reconstruction on January 29th, and have been going flat ever since.  

I haven't worn any kind prosthetic or "foob" -- I haven't worn a bra since January 28th, and am really kind of loving the freedom of just puttting on a shirt and go.

I'm a Human Resources Manager for a "business casual" office, so admittedly I don't own a single article of clothing with darts.  I live in the San Fernando Valley in Southern California, where it's already in the 80s, and I have hot flashes from Tamoxifen, so layers or bulky, baggy clothes are out of the question.

I wear lightweight sweaters and blouses to work -- all close-fitting in my normal size, and they make no secret of the fact that I don't have boobs.

For me, how I feel, is -- so I don't have boobs, so what?  There are people in this world who don't have an arm, or a leg, and they can't hide it -- why should I be expected to hide my flat chest?  That's just how I feel, for myself.

I used the surgery as an excuse to seek out some "retail therapy" -- I bought some new sweaters in beautiful, rich colors, and some new pretty necklaces and scarves and lipsticks as some simple, low-fuss ways to get me feeling more feminine again after lying around recovering from surgery.  

I look fabulous -- the rest of the ladies in my office WISH they could look this good! 

Lastly, nearly every woman who chooses to go flat says the exact same thing:  No one notices.  Seriously.  Nobody's looking at my chest.  Really.

Hope that helps,

Traci

Traci-

I love your way of thinking.

Connie, so sorry you're having to go through all of this, and I can certainly understand that internal battle.  I was diagnosed with Stage 3C Triple Negative on the left side, and ER+DCIS on the right side, on June 26, 2014.  I had 5 months of chemo, followed by bilateral mastectomy, followed by 33 radiation treatments which I just finished last week.  I ran into a problem with radiation during the last couple of weeks, and became way too tender to wear the puffy forms that came with my post-op cammisoles.  Since my skin has broken down because of radiation and I have some open sores, I have mostly stayed in since I don't want to increase my chance of infection.  Also, I have some places that are weeping, so I am wearing old teeshirts that I don't care if they get ruined.  Before the skin started opening, I did actually get up the nerve to "go flat" to church a couple of weeks ago.  I have actually been battling between getting "foobs" or just going flat.  I have no intention of doing reconstruction because I don't want any foreign objects in my body, and I also don't want any additional surgery.  Around the house, I will probably always go flat.  It's still a little early to say what I will do when I go out, because I am still recovering, and it will probably be a couple more months before I am healed will enough to think about it.

As far as losing you femininity, I never felt that way and I never mourned the loss of my breasts.  That may come later, but so far I have not thought of it as a loss, but rather, I did what I had to do to save my life.  Personally, I am a much stronger person than I was a year ago. 

alabama_survivor said:

Connie, so sorry you're

Connie, so sorry you're having to go through all of this, and I can certainly understand that internal battle.  I was diagnosed with Stage 3C Triple Negative on the left side, and ER+DCIS on the right side, on June 26, 2014.  I had 5 months of chemo, followed by bilateral mastectomy, followed by 33 radiation treatments which I just finished last week.  I ran into a problem with radiation during the last couple of weeks, and became way too tender to wear the puffy forms that came with my post-op cammisoles.  Since my skin has broken down because of radiation and I have some open sores, I have mostly stayed in since I don't want to increase my chance of infection.  Also, I have some places that are weeping, so I am wearing old teeshirts that I don't care if they get ruined.  Before the skin started opening, I did actually get up the nerve to "go flat" to church a couple of weeks ago.  I have actually been battling between getting "foobs" or just going flat.  I have no intention of doing reconstruction because I don't want any foreign objects in my body, and I also don't want any additional surgery.  Around the house, I will probably always go flat.  It's still a little early to say what I will do when I go out, because I am still recovering, and it will probably be a couple more months before I am healed will enough to think about it.

As far as losing you femininity, I never felt that way and I never mourned the loss of my breasts.  That may come later, but so far I have not thought of it as a loss, but rather, I did what I had to do to save my life.  Personally, I am a much stronger person than I was a year ago. 

I am one who burned very bad after rads.  The entire area irradiated burned and 'flowed' fluid.  What finally worked was Domeboro soaks to dry it.  Yes, keeping moisturized is important but sometimes drying is what works.  Talk to your Dr.

I had to wear white t shirts as it just flowed continually.  Even the large area burn dressings I was given would not stay on.

My last rad was early March and it was late June when the last scab came off.  I don't remember exactly when it was decided to do Domeboro to try to dry it but had done a lot of 'stuff' first.  Vicodin was my 'friend' during that time - thankfully my deepest burns were under arm and there is nerve damage there so didn't feel the deepest/worst area.  Have 'good scars' to prove it though.

Would I do Rads again - ya betcha.  I'd just do Domeboro sooner.

Winyan - The Power Within

Susan

Rague said:

I am one who burned very bad

I am one who burned very bad after rads.  The entire area irradiated burned and 'flowed' fluid.  What finally worked was Domeboro soaks to dry it.  Yes, keeping moisturized is important but sometimes drying is what works.  Talk to your Dr.

I had to wear white t shirts as it just flowed continually.  Even the large area burn dressings I was given would not stay on.

My last rad was early March and it was late June when the last scab came off.  I don't remember exactly when it was decided to do Domeboro to try to dry it but had done a lot of 'stuff' first.  Vicodin was my 'friend' during that time - thankfully my deepest burns were under arm and there is nerve damage there so didn't feel the deepest/worst area.  Have 'good scars' to prove it though.

Would I do Rads again - ya betcha.  I'd just do Domeboro sooner.

Winyan - The Power Within

Susan

Thanks, Susan.  The techs kept telling me that they had seen much worse.  It didn't seem like it really got bad until the last week of treatment.  I was a little concerned because one of my "wet" sores had been that way for about a week.  Today it seems I can see new skin starting to grow, and it is scabbing around the edges.  Sounds like mine is nothing compared to yours.  I found ice to be soothing, and the nurse said it was fine, but I'm wondering if that was aggrevating it.  And yes, I have made good friends with my hydrocodone.  2 things I have learned since having cancer:  1) I have access to all the narcotics I want;  2) No, I won't abuse them.  :-)

Connie, Last January 2014 I had to have a BMX by no choice. I had already decided that if I was going to lose 1, I was also going to have the other taken off. So it worked out for me anyway. I had not told none of my family my decision, then my daughter and husband told me that they did not want me to do reconstruction due to alot of people constantly having trouble afterwards and that I had already went through alot with having cancer and other surgeries. I am very happy right now by not having any breast because if cancer recures there, I can feel the lumps easily. I also was heavy busted. I feel so good not carring those big boobs around anymore. I love not wearing a bra and what others think or see of me I do not care. I feel just as feminine without boobs as I did with them. I was so happy to get rid of my slingshots. I wish I have had a bonfire with them than throwing them away and invited my neighbors over to rejoice with me.   Justed wanted to let you know what my decision was and how I felt afterwards. May you make the right decision that will satisfy yourself.  Hugs, Pixie

crselby said:

eihtak, your story makes me

eihtak, your story makes me ashamed of my whining.  You have faced far scarier health challenges, stared chemo in the face, and still come out with positive things to say.  Thank you for your contribution to this thread for all of us to benefit from!  I wish you a long and fulfilling life so that you can see your grandchildren married!

Hi Connie,

First of all I am so sorry that you are dealing with this again.  I hope that everyone's answers have provided you with some sense of security in this time of great upheaval.

Linda was right, I am very happy with my choice of reconstruction.  For me, at the age of 40, I felt it was important that I have a body that I was used to.  It is such a personal decision and I'm sure you will make the right one for you.

I had a bilateral mastectomy and insertion of expanders on the same day.  After a few weeks they started filling my expanders every other week.  I found the fill process to be painless and it took less than 5 minutes.  Then 7 months later after I finished chemo, I had the exchange surgery.  I was truly surprised to find that I went in for the exchange surgery at 7am and I was walking home with my husband at 11am the same day.  That surgery was a piece of cake!  My foobs are comfortable, and while as you say, they are not "you" and definitely not the same as real boobs, they are a pretty good approximation.  When I'm dressed I feel/look totally normal.  When I am naked, you are right, they are just mounds of flesh.  Still for me, that is good enough.  The expanders feel unnatural in your body (not painful at all, just weird).  When I returned to work, even with my new "girls" I wore scarves and statement necklaces like the other ladies here.  This gave everyone who knew I was sick a chance to sneak a glance and then to just compliment me on my necklace/scarf.   

I hope you are hanging in there right now and know that no matter what happens the people on this board will be here to support you through it.

Best,

Clementine

GlowMore said:

Hi Connie

Haven't had to face your problem (yet) but I can relate a little to feeling strange with one pointing in one direction and now it is also very perky while my other one hangs way down.  I'm probably about ten years older than you and I never thought I'd droop but oh well.   I wear scarves and vests and jackets ....

The main thing is I'm Alive.......and I bet you will do very well with whatever you decide....you will cry and feel the pain of unfairness.........but we all know about that.  THEN...you will do what has to be done and SURVIVE.....and I bet you will do it with a Smile too.  Wait and see if you don't.   Sending love and prayers for Strength & Courage....  Glo

This news must be devastating, but you have options (I think).  I think when one has lived full busted for most of her life, the concept of being flat is just not conceivable.  I know I've always liked my breasts - ever since I grew them.   One option is always to not have reconstruction, but to go ahead and get the foobs and decide how you feel about wearing them or not when you actually have them.  You chose not to have a mastectomy in 2010 I assume  because you wanted to spare your breast, so they must be important to you.  Of course, you'd rather be alive than have breasts, but we're all different in how we feel about not having any and that doesn't matter whether we're 20 or 70.  My bff says she'd have both of hers removed should she ever get cancer and I believe her.  She is also very petite.  I, too, chose a lumpectomy in 2010 and  still having both breasts is really comforting to me vs. how I think I'd feel if I'd had a mastectomy.  That being said, if I had no option but to have a mastectomy, I would do it in a heartbeat and I know that even thought is isn't fair, you probably feel the same way.  Bottom line is you don't know how you will feel breastless and whether or not prosthesis or reconstruction down the road (if that's an option for you) will be helpful.  

And, maybe you should get a second opinion before you make any decisions.

So sorry you're having to deal with this - again.  I think that also contributes to your angst over the surgery.  Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water . . .

Hugs,

Suzanne

Connie

I was diagnosed the day before I turned 54  now  I am 59.  Heck of a birthday present.   I wouldn't win a beauty contest but always had a nice figure and  great looking boobs, just a 34B cup but that were nicely shaped and quite perky.  Anyhoo looked into the reconstruction obtions and figured out quickly not the route I wanted to go.  I go flat chested and the funny thing is no one seems to notice.  Shirts with darts I have found by adding a pretty scarf drapped over my chest camoflauges beautifully. Shirts with ruffles or a strong pattern also help camoflage.

There are some fashions I can't wear but I have not regretted my decision.  Sometimes I think I am dowdy.  Recently our graduated assistant (young 24 yr old) asked me if I would go shopping with her.  Her reason?  She said I always look so nice but a bit edgy so she wanted me to help her dress professional but not stuffy or boring.