Linda P. Where are you?
Sending thoughts and prayers.....Laurie
Comments
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I guess it's time I bit the bullet & let you all know what's up.mopar said:THINKING OF YOU, LINDA
And sending lots of hugs and prayers. I know you're dealing with a lot, but update us when you can. I love seeing your smiling face!
Monika
I think each of the women who have reached this stage of their journey wonder if sharing a poor prognosis does this Discussion Board more harm than good. I remember all too well the dispair and grief that rocked our little world here when we lost Nancy, Dorian, Bonnie, Theresa, (too many others)....and my own personal reaction of sincere grief all mixed up with identification with the dying warrior's mortality and fragility. Then I think of the newbies here and the bright hope they have that I don't want to chip away at. I think that's why you see so many of our sisters here pulling away when they turn down this last path.
And it's also hard to tell it one more time when it seems like for days all I've done is try and spin this for my family and friends, one after the next, into something they can handle for now. And I know you all won't be as easy to buy into a rose-colored version. So I'll just tell you straight.
I have liver failure. All of those scans and tests showed no blackages anywhere, nothing 'fixable' anywhere. The good parts of my liver just haven't stepped up and picked up the work load of the bad parts of my liver we so successfully attacked with the radioembolism. Although my RBC, WBC, even platelets are all good and my vital signs excellent, my oncologist believes that additional treatment now would shorten my life and destroy the good quality of life I can still enjoy if I step away from the battle now. My eyes are slightly yellow with jaundice and I've gained 5 pounds with the ascites which feels HUGE to me, but apparently is considered a small amount still by my team. (We will do sonogram-guided parasentesis is I get really uncomfortable and I am taking 2 water pills daily to help with it.) I got opinions from a liver specialist and the doctor who did my radioembolism and everyone agreed. My acites sample had lots of malignant cells in it, so even if my liver kicks in I would still have new cancer to deal with. I've decided that palliative medicine can be a strategy, too, to staying alive as long as you can. I'm drinking 4 cans daily of Replete ($10/day!!) and eat whenever I have any appetite and WORK at that. I am consciously trying to make the most of every day and do a little work in the garden when it's sunny.
I met with palliative medicine yesterday and hospice is coming out tomorrow so that we can have an established relationship when the time comes that I need them. Palliative Care has already set me up on a pain management regime and bowel management regime. I never took painkillers the 3 years I've had cancer, and I am surprised to see how they can make it possible for me to do MORE, and have more fun, since I don't have the constant discomfort. I don't think of myself as in pain, just uncomfortable, but when I take those Oxicodone all that melts away. I learned something here.
I've always said I'd go down swinging, fighting it until the end, as I'm sure so many of you have. But when it doesn't make sense, choosing to conserve the beauty of the time you have left can be just as brave a choice. I hope you all can respect that. Please keep me in your prayers.0 -
My prayers are with you
Linda, thank you for your candid account of where matters stand with you. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very difficult time and be assured you have all our collective love.
Ann0 -
Linda we are with youlindaprocopio said:I guess it's time I bit the bullet & let you all know what's up.
I think each of the women who have reached this stage of their journey wonder if sharing a poor prognosis does this Discussion Board more harm than good. I remember all too well the dispair and grief that rocked our little world here when we lost Nancy, Dorian, Bonnie, Theresa, (too many others)....and my own personal reaction of sincere grief all mixed up with identification with the dying warrior's mortality and fragility. Then I think of the newbies here and the bright hope they have that I don't want to chip away at. I think that's why you see so many of our sisters here pulling away when they turn down this last path.
And it's also hard to tell it one more time when it seems like for days all I've done is try and spin this for my family and friends, one after the next, into something they can handle for now. And I know you all won't be as easy to buy into a rose-colored version. So I'll just tell you straight.
I have liver failure. All of those scans and tests showed no blackages anywhere, nothing 'fixable' anywhere. The good parts of my liver just haven't stepped up and picked up the work load of the bad parts of my liver we so successfully attacked with the radioembolism. Although my RBC, WBC, even platelets are all good and my vital signs excellent, my oncologist believes that additional treatment now would shorten my life and destroy the good quality of life I can still enjoy if I step away from the battle now. My eyes are slightly yellow with jaundice and I've gained 5 pounds with the ascites which feels HUGE to me, but apparently is considered a small amount still by my team. (We will do sonogram-guided parasentesis is I get really uncomfortable and I am taking 2 water pills daily to help with it.) I got opinions from a liver specialist and the doctor who did my radioembolism and everyone agreed. My acites sample had lots of malignant cells in it, so even if my liver kicks in I would still have new cancer to deal with. I've decided that palliative medicine can be a strategy, too, to staying alive as long as you can. I'm drinking 4 cans daily of Replete ($10/day!!) and eat whenever I have any appetite and WORK at that. I am consciously trying to make the most of every day and do a little work in the garden when it's sunny.
I met with palliative medicine yesterday and hospice is coming out tomorrow so that we can have an established relationship when the time comes that I need them. Palliative Care has already set me up on a pain management regime and bowel management regime. I never took painkillers the 3 years I've had cancer, and I am surprised to see how they can make it possible for me to do MORE, and have more fun, since I don't have the constant discomfort. I don't think of myself as in pain, just uncomfortable, but when I take those Oxicodone all that melts away. I learned something here.
I've always said I'd go down swinging, fighting it until the end, as I'm sure so many of you have. But when it doesn't make sense, choosing to conserve the beauty of the time you have left can be just as brave a choice. I hope you all can respect that. Please keep me in your prayers.
Sharing this part of the journey is just as important as other steps , we learn so much from each other. I feel a bond with you as I have never had a remission as you have not. You are a beautiful lady and any way you choose to travel this road is the right way, thank you for sharing anything that you decide to share.
Stay strong. I wish there was more I could do for you but you are in my thoughts.
Colleen0 -
Thinking of youlindaprocopio said:I guess it's time I bit the bullet & let you all know what's up.
I think each of the women who have reached this stage of their journey wonder if sharing a poor prognosis does this Discussion Board more harm than good. I remember all too well the dispair and grief that rocked our little world here when we lost Nancy, Dorian, Bonnie, Theresa, (too many others)....and my own personal reaction of sincere grief all mixed up with identification with the dying warrior's mortality and fragility. Then I think of the newbies here and the bright hope they have that I don't want to chip away at. I think that's why you see so many of our sisters here pulling away when they turn down this last path.
And it's also hard to tell it one more time when it seems like for days all I've done is try and spin this for my family and friends, one after the next, into something they can handle for now. And I know you all won't be as easy to buy into a rose-colored version. So I'll just tell you straight.
I have liver failure. All of those scans and tests showed no blackages anywhere, nothing 'fixable' anywhere. The good parts of my liver just haven't stepped up and picked up the work load of the bad parts of my liver we so successfully attacked with the radioembolism. Although my RBC, WBC, even platelets are all good and my vital signs excellent, my oncologist believes that additional treatment now would shorten my life and destroy the good quality of life I can still enjoy if I step away from the battle now. My eyes are slightly yellow with jaundice and I've gained 5 pounds with the ascites which feels HUGE to me, but apparently is considered a small amount still by my team. (We will do sonogram-guided parasentesis is I get really uncomfortable and I am taking 2 water pills daily to help with it.) I got opinions from a liver specialist and the doctor who did my radioembolism and everyone agreed. My acites sample had lots of malignant cells in it, so even if my liver kicks in I would still have new cancer to deal with. I've decided that palliative medicine can be a strategy, too, to staying alive as long as you can. I'm drinking 4 cans daily of Replete ($10/day!!) and eat whenever I have any appetite and WORK at that. I am consciously trying to make the most of every day and do a little work in the garden when it's sunny.
I met with palliative medicine yesterday and hospice is coming out tomorrow so that we can have an established relationship when the time comes that I need them. Palliative Care has already set me up on a pain management regime and bowel management regime. I never took painkillers the 3 years I've had cancer, and I am surprised to see how they can make it possible for me to do MORE, and have more fun, since I don't have the constant discomfort. I don't think of myself as in pain, just uncomfortable, but when I take those Oxicodone all that melts away. I learned something here.
I've always said I'd go down swinging, fighting it until the end, as I'm sure so many of you have. But when it doesn't make sense, choosing to conserve the beauty of the time you have left can be just as brave a choice. I hope you all can respect that. Please keep me in your prayers.
It is posts like this that are no less hard to read than it was for you to write, Linda. We get to be like family though and are ready to be here for you as much as your flesh and blood family are. Your bravery has already been well noted Linda and to choose quality over quantity of life is a as brave a choice as any. As usual, you are busy planning and taking care of details efficiently – still strong as ever! Sharing how you have and are managing all aspects of life with this heartless disease is a gift to all of us. Thank you, dear Linda.
Earlier this year, a thread was discussing whether it was okay to have an occasional glass of wine or similar ‘adult’ beverage. Nancy had posted how much she would love to be able to enjoy just one glass of wine. We only learned shortly thereafter that she was heading toward palliative care and hospice, and I had so wished she had just thrown caution to the wind to sit with family and friends and raise a glass and just for that moment be able to be ‘normal.’ So, Linda, enjoy every moment of quality you can experience from every day!
You are in my thoughts and prayers to continue to extend and to delight in your days.
Annie (aka ‘upsofloating’)0 -
Linda
It is hard to read this but it's harder when we don't know how you are, what is going on with you.. you've become such a part of our lives. When I see your smiling face I see courage, wisdom, dignity and grace. You've so generously shared your tireless research, your personal, detailed journey and your passion and zest for life is contagious. Bravery is sometimes knowing when to cut your losses, to not stay the course. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,
Big hugs,
Cindy0 -
Linda, you are in my prayersCindy Bear said:Linda
It is hard to read this but it's harder when we don't know how you are, what is going on with you.. you've become such a part of our lives. When I see your smiling face I see courage, wisdom, dignity and grace. You've so generously shared your tireless research, your personal, detailed journey and your passion and zest for life is contagious. Bravery is sometimes knowing when to cut your losses, to not stay the course. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,
Big hugs,
Cindy
everyday as are all the ladies on this board. I shared on facebook that when I see your name I know I will see a smiling face when I look to your picture. It sounds as if you are still smiling and none of us should do any less. You are choosing to face whatever comes next with strength and appreciation for each day. That is the way life should be faced with or without cancer, but I think it is a lesson we learn from this battle. Please know how special you are to this board and to each of us who are praying for you.
Karen0 -
(((HUGS))) Lindalindaprocopio said:I guess it's time I bit the bullet & let you all know what's up.
I think each of the women who have reached this stage of their journey wonder if sharing a poor prognosis does this Discussion Board more harm than good. I remember all too well the dispair and grief that rocked our little world here when we lost Nancy, Dorian, Bonnie, Theresa, (too many others)....and my own personal reaction of sincere grief all mixed up with identification with the dying warrior's mortality and fragility. Then I think of the newbies here and the bright hope they have that I don't want to chip away at. I think that's why you see so many of our sisters here pulling away when they turn down this last path.
And it's also hard to tell it one more time when it seems like for days all I've done is try and spin this for my family and friends, one after the next, into something they can handle for now. And I know you all won't be as easy to buy into a rose-colored version. So I'll just tell you straight.
I have liver failure. All of those scans and tests showed no blackages anywhere, nothing 'fixable' anywhere. The good parts of my liver just haven't stepped up and picked up the work load of the bad parts of my liver we so successfully attacked with the radioembolism. Although my RBC, WBC, even platelets are all good and my vital signs excellent, my oncologist believes that additional treatment now would shorten my life and destroy the good quality of life I can still enjoy if I step away from the battle now. My eyes are slightly yellow with jaundice and I've gained 5 pounds with the ascites which feels HUGE to me, but apparently is considered a small amount still by my team. (We will do sonogram-guided parasentesis is I get really uncomfortable and I am taking 2 water pills daily to help with it.) I got opinions from a liver specialist and the doctor who did my radioembolism and everyone agreed. My acites sample had lots of malignant cells in it, so even if my liver kicks in I would still have new cancer to deal with. I've decided that palliative medicine can be a strategy, too, to staying alive as long as you can. I'm drinking 4 cans daily of Replete ($10/day!!) and eat whenever I have any appetite and WORK at that. I am consciously trying to make the most of every day and do a little work in the garden when it's sunny.
I met with palliative medicine yesterday and hospice is coming out tomorrow so that we can have an established relationship when the time comes that I need them. Palliative Care has already set me up on a pain management regime and bowel management regime. I never took painkillers the 3 years I've had cancer, and I am surprised to see how they can make it possible for me to do MORE, and have more fun, since I don't have the constant discomfort. I don't think of myself as in pain, just uncomfortable, but when I take those Oxicodone all that melts away. I learned something here.
I've always said I'd go down swinging, fighting it until the end, as I'm sure so many of you have. But when it doesn't make sense, choosing to conserve the beauty of the time you have left can be just as brave a choice. I hope you all can respect that. Please keep me in your prayers.
Thank you so very much for sharing this with us. I endorse, applaud and respect any and all the choices you are making. Yeah for the oxicodone, the sunshine and your garden. We're here for you whenever.... you are in my thoughts, heart and prayers.
((((HUGS)))) Maria0 -
Prayers are said daily for youlindaprocopio said:I guess it's time I bit the bullet & let you all know what's up.
I think each of the women who have reached this stage of their journey wonder if sharing a poor prognosis does this Discussion Board more harm than good. I remember all too well the dispair and grief that rocked our little world here when we lost Nancy, Dorian, Bonnie, Theresa, (too many others)....and my own personal reaction of sincere grief all mixed up with identification with the dying warrior's mortality and fragility. Then I think of the newbies here and the bright hope they have that I don't want to chip away at. I think that's why you see so many of our sisters here pulling away when they turn down this last path.
And it's also hard to tell it one more time when it seems like for days all I've done is try and spin this for my family and friends, one after the next, into something they can handle for now. And I know you all won't be as easy to buy into a rose-colored version. So I'll just tell you straight.
I have liver failure. All of those scans and tests showed no blackages anywhere, nothing 'fixable' anywhere. The good parts of my liver just haven't stepped up and picked up the work load of the bad parts of my liver we so successfully attacked with the radioembolism. Although my RBC, WBC, even platelets are all good and my vital signs excellent, my oncologist believes that additional treatment now would shorten my life and destroy the good quality of life I can still enjoy if I step away from the battle now. My eyes are slightly yellow with jaundice and I've gained 5 pounds with the ascites which feels HUGE to me, but apparently is considered a small amount still by my team. (We will do sonogram-guided parasentesis is I get really uncomfortable and I am taking 2 water pills daily to help with it.) I got opinions from a liver specialist and the doctor who did my radioembolism and everyone agreed. My acites sample had lots of malignant cells in it, so even if my liver kicks in I would still have new cancer to deal with. I've decided that palliative medicine can be a strategy, too, to staying alive as long as you can. I'm drinking 4 cans daily of Replete ($10/day!!) and eat whenever I have any appetite and WORK at that. I am consciously trying to make the most of every day and do a little work in the garden when it's sunny.
I met with palliative medicine yesterday and hospice is coming out tomorrow so that we can have an established relationship when the time comes that I need them. Palliative Care has already set me up on a pain management regime and bowel management regime. I never took painkillers the 3 years I've had cancer, and I am surprised to see how they can make it possible for me to do MORE, and have more fun, since I don't have the constant discomfort. I don't think of myself as in pain, just uncomfortable, but when I take those Oxicodone all that melts away. I learned something here.
I've always said I'd go down swinging, fighting it until the end, as I'm sure so many of you have. But when it doesn't make sense, choosing to conserve the beauty of the time you have left can be just as brave a choice. I hope you all can respect that. Please keep me in your prayers.
Linda, I want you to know that all of your posts mean so much to me. I have learned so much from you. You left your mark on me. I feel like I have known you forever. I know what you mean about not posting the bad news when there are so many newbies. I do the same thing by not posting everything. But I want all the newbies to know that I think they will cure cancer. And I think it will be in their lifetime.
Please, please keep in contact with us Linda. We all love you and respect you.
Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way.
Linda0 -
Prayinglindaprocopio said:I guess it's time I bit the bullet & let you all know what's up.
I think each of the women who have reached this stage of their journey wonder if sharing a poor prognosis does this Discussion Board more harm than good. I remember all too well the dispair and grief that rocked our little world here when we lost Nancy, Dorian, Bonnie, Theresa, (too many others)....and my own personal reaction of sincere grief all mixed up with identification with the dying warrior's mortality and fragility. Then I think of the newbies here and the bright hope they have that I don't want to chip away at. I think that's why you see so many of our sisters here pulling away when they turn down this last path.
And it's also hard to tell it one more time when it seems like for days all I've done is try and spin this for my family and friends, one after the next, into something they can handle for now. And I know you all won't be as easy to buy into a rose-colored version. So I'll just tell you straight.
I have liver failure. All of those scans and tests showed no blackages anywhere, nothing 'fixable' anywhere. The good parts of my liver just haven't stepped up and picked up the work load of the bad parts of my liver we so successfully attacked with the radioembolism. Although my RBC, WBC, even platelets are all good and my vital signs excellent, my oncologist believes that additional treatment now would shorten my life and destroy the good quality of life I can still enjoy if I step away from the battle now. My eyes are slightly yellow with jaundice and I've gained 5 pounds with the ascites which feels HUGE to me, but apparently is considered a small amount still by my team. (We will do sonogram-guided parasentesis is I get really uncomfortable and I am taking 2 water pills daily to help with it.) I got opinions from a liver specialist and the doctor who did my radioembolism and everyone agreed. My acites sample had lots of malignant cells in it, so even if my liver kicks in I would still have new cancer to deal with. I've decided that palliative medicine can be a strategy, too, to staying alive as long as you can. I'm drinking 4 cans daily of Replete ($10/day!!) and eat whenever I have any appetite and WORK at that. I am consciously trying to make the most of every day and do a little work in the garden when it's sunny.
I met with palliative medicine yesterday and hospice is coming out tomorrow so that we can have an established relationship when the time comes that I need them. Palliative Care has already set me up on a pain management regime and bowel management regime. I never took painkillers the 3 years I've had cancer, and I am surprised to see how they can make it possible for me to do MORE, and have more fun, since I don't have the constant discomfort. I don't think of myself as in pain, just uncomfortable, but when I take those Oxicodone all that melts away. I learned something here.
I've always said I'd go down swinging, fighting it until the end, as I'm sure so many of you have. But when it doesn't make sense, choosing to conserve the beauty of the time you have left can be just as brave a choice. I hope you all can respect that. Please keep me in your prayers.
For you and your family Linda.0 -
You are so respectedlindaprocopio said:I guess it's time I bit the bullet & let you all know what's up.
I think each of the women who have reached this stage of their journey wonder if sharing a poor prognosis does this Discussion Board more harm than good. I remember all too well the dispair and grief that rocked our little world here when we lost Nancy, Dorian, Bonnie, Theresa, (too many others)....and my own personal reaction of sincere grief all mixed up with identification with the dying warrior's mortality and fragility. Then I think of the newbies here and the bright hope they have that I don't want to chip away at. I think that's why you see so many of our sisters here pulling away when they turn down this last path.
And it's also hard to tell it one more time when it seems like for days all I've done is try and spin this for my family and friends, one after the next, into something they can handle for now. And I know you all won't be as easy to buy into a rose-colored version. So I'll just tell you straight.
I have liver failure. All of those scans and tests showed no blackages anywhere, nothing 'fixable' anywhere. The good parts of my liver just haven't stepped up and picked up the work load of the bad parts of my liver we so successfully attacked with the radioembolism. Although my RBC, WBC, even platelets are all good and my vital signs excellent, my oncologist believes that additional treatment now would shorten my life and destroy the good quality of life I can still enjoy if I step away from the battle now. My eyes are slightly yellow with jaundice and I've gained 5 pounds with the ascites which feels HUGE to me, but apparently is considered a small amount still by my team. (We will do sonogram-guided parasentesis is I get really uncomfortable and I am taking 2 water pills daily to help with it.) I got opinions from a liver specialist and the doctor who did my radioembolism and everyone agreed. My acites sample had lots of malignant cells in it, so even if my liver kicks in I would still have new cancer to deal with. I've decided that palliative medicine can be a strategy, too, to staying alive as long as you can. I'm drinking 4 cans daily of Replete ($10/day!!) and eat whenever I have any appetite and WORK at that. I am consciously trying to make the most of every day and do a little work in the garden when it's sunny.
I met with palliative medicine yesterday and hospice is coming out tomorrow so that we can have an established relationship when the time comes that I need them. Palliative Care has already set me up on a pain management regime and bowel management regime. I never took painkillers the 3 years I've had cancer, and I am surprised to see how they can make it possible for me to do MORE, and have more fun, since I don't have the constant discomfort. I don't think of myself as in pain, just uncomfortable, but when I take those Oxicodone all that melts away. I learned something here.
I've always said I'd go down swinging, fighting it until the end, as I'm sure so many of you have. But when it doesn't make sense, choosing to conserve the beauty of the time you have left can be just as brave a choice. I hope you all can respect that. Please keep me in your prayers.
Linda you are so respected on this board and I myself have gotten so much out of your posts. We know that you have chosen this new road so you can get the most quality out of your life. I so appreciate your sincere thoughts that have been posted on this board for so long. I have been on this journey just over a year and I always look for posts from you. I will be praying that the time you have left you can enjoy all the beauty that life has to offer. I know I was very saddened by your news the other day and I respect you for posting and still teaching us new lessons. I feel that I have known you for a long time Linda because you are just that special kind of person. Love Sharon0 -
Dearest Linda,lindaprocopio said:I guess it's time I bit the bullet & let you all know what's up.
I think each of the women who have reached this stage of their journey wonder if sharing a poor prognosis does this Discussion Board more harm than good. I remember all too well the dispair and grief that rocked our little world here when we lost Nancy, Dorian, Bonnie, Theresa, (too many others)....and my own personal reaction of sincere grief all mixed up with identification with the dying warrior's mortality and fragility. Then I think of the newbies here and the bright hope they have that I don't want to chip away at. I think that's why you see so many of our sisters here pulling away when they turn down this last path.
And it's also hard to tell it one more time when it seems like for days all I've done is try and spin this for my family and friends, one after the next, into something they can handle for now. And I know you all won't be as easy to buy into a rose-colored version. So I'll just tell you straight.
I have liver failure. All of those scans and tests showed no blackages anywhere, nothing 'fixable' anywhere. The good parts of my liver just haven't stepped up and picked up the work load of the bad parts of my liver we so successfully attacked with the radioembolism. Although my RBC, WBC, even platelets are all good and my vital signs excellent, my oncologist believes that additional treatment now would shorten my life and destroy the good quality of life I can still enjoy if I step away from the battle now. My eyes are slightly yellow with jaundice and I've gained 5 pounds with the ascites which feels HUGE to me, but apparently is considered a small amount still by my team. (We will do sonogram-guided parasentesis is I get really uncomfortable and I am taking 2 water pills daily to help with it.) I got opinions from a liver specialist and the doctor who did my radioembolism and everyone agreed. My acites sample had lots of malignant cells in it, so even if my liver kicks in I would still have new cancer to deal with. I've decided that palliative medicine can be a strategy, too, to staying alive as long as you can. I'm drinking 4 cans daily of Replete ($10/day!!) and eat whenever I have any appetite and WORK at that. I am consciously trying to make the most of every day and do a little work in the garden when it's sunny.
I met with palliative medicine yesterday and hospice is coming out tomorrow so that we can have an established relationship when the time comes that I need them. Palliative Care has already set me up on a pain management regime and bowel management regime. I never took painkillers the 3 years I've had cancer, and I am surprised to see how they can make it possible for me to do MORE, and have more fun, since I don't have the constant discomfort. I don't think of myself as in pain, just uncomfortable, but when I take those Oxicodone all that melts away. I learned something here.
I've always said I'd go down swinging, fighting it until the end, as I'm sure so many of you have. But when it doesn't make sense, choosing to conserve the beauty of the time you have left can be just as brave a choice. I hope you all can respect that. Please keep me in your prayers.
I know this was a tough post for you to do, and I so appreciate you "biting the bullet" to do it. It isn't always good news, and although I do understand the tendency to want to pull away, we want to support you in the good and the bad.
I'm so very sorry to hear this, and if there were ANYTHING I could do to change your prognosis I would do it in a minute. You are the bravest most pro-active, positive woman I know and I have so much respect for you! (You do not deserve this, and part of me is mad!) I look forward to your posts of the latest research and how you have faced your battles. You give new meaning to the word "support group".
Linda, I totally support your choices at this time. You are the only one that can know what to do, and none of us know what we would do (although we have, no doubt, gone over the scenario's in our head many times) when faced with balancing QOL with treatment that could shorten your life even more.
My tears have not stopped flowing for you the last few days since your post on Teal Warriors, and neither have my prayers. My family knows all about you, and have been asking, "Have you heard how LInda is doing?" You have made such an impact on our lives! I pray that this time with you family and loved ones can continue to be meaningful and special. You are both of those things, for sure!
I love you and will continue to pray/bargain, scream and negotiate with the Lord on your behalf!
Warm hugs,
kathleen0 -
No No No!jadav1956 said:Thinking of you and praying
Thinking of you and praying !!! Please know you are in our thoughts !!!
I am reading this and crying! I know you are strong, one of the strongest on this board. Please fight. I know your in hospice, which is good, but give all you got. I. Want you to know that you inspire me so please, please don't give up0 -
prayingjbeans888 said:No No No!
I am reading this and crying! I know you are strong, one of the strongest on this board. Please fight. I know your in hospice, which is good, but give all you got. I. Want you to know that you inspire me so please, please don't give up
Linda!
please do not give up,
i am praying for you and your family!
hugs
Victoria0 -
enjoy lifelindaprocopio said:I guess it's time I bit the bullet & let you all know what's up.
I think each of the women who have reached this stage of their journey wonder if sharing a poor prognosis does this Discussion Board more harm than good. I remember all too well the dispair and grief that rocked our little world here when we lost Nancy, Dorian, Bonnie, Theresa, (too many others)....and my own personal reaction of sincere grief all mixed up with identification with the dying warrior's mortality and fragility. Then I think of the newbies here and the bright hope they have that I don't want to chip away at. I think that's why you see so many of our sisters here pulling away when they turn down this last path.
And it's also hard to tell it one more time when it seems like for days all I've done is try and spin this for my family and friends, one after the next, into something they can handle for now. And I know you all won't be as easy to buy into a rose-colored version. So I'll just tell you straight.
I have liver failure. All of those scans and tests showed no blackages anywhere, nothing 'fixable' anywhere. The good parts of my liver just haven't stepped up and picked up the work load of the bad parts of my liver we so successfully attacked with the radioembolism. Although my RBC, WBC, even platelets are all good and my vital signs excellent, my oncologist believes that additional treatment now would shorten my life and destroy the good quality of life I can still enjoy if I step away from the battle now. My eyes are slightly yellow with jaundice and I've gained 5 pounds with the ascites which feels HUGE to me, but apparently is considered a small amount still by my team. (We will do sonogram-guided parasentesis is I get really uncomfortable and I am taking 2 water pills daily to help with it.) I got opinions from a liver specialist and the doctor who did my radioembolism and everyone agreed. My acites sample had lots of malignant cells in it, so even if my liver kicks in I would still have new cancer to deal with. I've decided that palliative medicine can be a strategy, too, to staying alive as long as you can. I'm drinking 4 cans daily of Replete ($10/day!!) and eat whenever I have any appetite and WORK at that. I am consciously trying to make the most of every day and do a little work in the garden when it's sunny.
I met with palliative medicine yesterday and hospice is coming out tomorrow so that we can have an established relationship when the time comes that I need them. Palliative Care has already set me up on a pain management regime and bowel management regime. I never took painkillers the 3 years I've had cancer, and I am surprised to see how they can make it possible for me to do MORE, and have more fun, since I don't have the constant discomfort. I don't think of myself as in pain, just uncomfortable, but when I take those Oxicodone all that melts away. I learned something here.
I've always said I'd go down swinging, fighting it until the end, as I'm sure so many of you have. But when it doesn't make sense, choosing to conserve the beauty of the time you have left can be just as brave a choice. I hope you all can respect that. Please keep me in your prayers.
Enjoy what time you have left I know making the decision was not an easy one for you but you know what you need to do in fighting or finally resting so which ever you chose we are here for you. I am still kinda new to this I was just told June of this year and I still can't believe at times I have cancer. I wanted to say thank you for thinking of all the new people to the site and not wanting to scare us but think of it this way we are already there. Knowing we have cancer we know there may come a time that we have to make the same choise. Your teal sisters are her for you right now and we want to be you are in my prays and thoughts today and every day please keep us informed on how your are doing.
Love,
Anne0 -
Beautiful Lindalindaprocopio said:I guess it's time I bit the bullet & let you all know what's up.
I think each of the women who have reached this stage of their journey wonder if sharing a poor prognosis does this Discussion Board more harm than good. I remember all too well the dispair and grief that rocked our little world here when we lost Nancy, Dorian, Bonnie, Theresa, (too many others)....and my own personal reaction of sincere grief all mixed up with identification with the dying warrior's mortality and fragility. Then I think of the newbies here and the bright hope they have that I don't want to chip away at. I think that's why you see so many of our sisters here pulling away when they turn down this last path.
And it's also hard to tell it one more time when it seems like for days all I've done is try and spin this for my family and friends, one after the next, into something they can handle for now. And I know you all won't be as easy to buy into a rose-colored version. So I'll just tell you straight.
I have liver failure. All of those scans and tests showed no blackages anywhere, nothing 'fixable' anywhere. The good parts of my liver just haven't stepped up and picked up the work load of the bad parts of my liver we so successfully attacked with the radioembolism. Although my RBC, WBC, even platelets are all good and my vital signs excellent, my oncologist believes that additional treatment now would shorten my life and destroy the good quality of life I can still enjoy if I step away from the battle now. My eyes are slightly yellow with jaundice and I've gained 5 pounds with the ascites which feels HUGE to me, but apparently is considered a small amount still by my team. (We will do sonogram-guided parasentesis is I get really uncomfortable and I am taking 2 water pills daily to help with it.) I got opinions from a liver specialist and the doctor who did my radioembolism and everyone agreed. My acites sample had lots of malignant cells in it, so even if my liver kicks in I would still have new cancer to deal with. I've decided that palliative medicine can be a strategy, too, to staying alive as long as you can. I'm drinking 4 cans daily of Replete ($10/day!!) and eat whenever I have any appetite and WORK at that. I am consciously trying to make the most of every day and do a little work in the garden when it's sunny.
I met with palliative medicine yesterday and hospice is coming out tomorrow so that we can have an established relationship when the time comes that I need them. Palliative Care has already set me up on a pain management regime and bowel management regime. I never took painkillers the 3 years I've had cancer, and I am surprised to see how they can make it possible for me to do MORE, and have more fun, since I don't have the constant discomfort. I don't think of myself as in pain, just uncomfortable, but when I take those Oxicodone all that melts away. I learned something here.
I've always said I'd go down swinging, fighting it until the end, as I'm sure so many of you have. But when it doesn't make sense, choosing to conserve the beauty of the time you have left can be just as brave a choice. I hope you all can respect that. Please keep me in your prayers.
I have been thinking about you and wondering/worrying for some days now. When Laurie asked where you were, I was so grateful. (I don't feel like I've been around long enough to ask.) I'm even more grateful to KNOW, even though it's heart searing news. You DO have this spirit-lifting smile that I always love to see. And through all of this, you're still gracing everyone with the same smile and trying to make it easier for THEM. Now is the time to let everyone make it easier for YOU.
Knowing someone is facing death with dignity, grace, faith, and acceptance is a testimony to all of us, no matter what our prognosis. Your courage and calm are inspiring and very beautiful. I pray with all my heart that you have some wonderful quality time to spend with those you so dearly love. Bring on those pain pills!! You have fought the good fight, and now it's time to rest in the love all around you as you prepare to transfer out of a body into THE Love that surrounds and carries you. You still have time to truly enjoy your physical existence, for which I'm very grateful.
Just a thought, if you're interested. The discussion board for Esophogeal Cancer is amazing. That cancer is particularly aggressive, and participants on the board regularly face their imminent demise. One incredible man named Eric decided immediately that since his Stage IV was inoperable, he would do nothing but palliative care--no chemo, no radiation. He was given 3 months and is going strong after 11 months, eating well, loving his life, and taking pain cocktails regularly, even though his cancer is progressing. He is an inspiration to many, and you might learn a great deal from his posts. He goes by "chemosmoker," although he's completely open about his real name.
You will be in my daily thoughts and prayers, Linda. You have blessed me with your information, but mostly with your strength, determination, and Faith. Please keep us posted. MUCH love and BIG hugs to you, Carolyn0 -
Thank youVictoriaSF said:praying
Linda!
please do not give up,
i am praying for you and your family!
hugs
Victoria
I can only imagine how hard it was to write to us. I am grateful for your presence here. You have helped me so much, Linda.0 -
So very sorry!lindaprocopio said:I guess it's time I bit the bullet & let you all know what's up.
I think each of the women who have reached this stage of their journey wonder if sharing a poor prognosis does this Discussion Board more harm than good. I remember all too well the dispair and grief that rocked our little world here when we lost Nancy, Dorian, Bonnie, Theresa, (too many others)....and my own personal reaction of sincere grief all mixed up with identification with the dying warrior's mortality and fragility. Then I think of the newbies here and the bright hope they have that I don't want to chip away at. I think that's why you see so many of our sisters here pulling away when they turn down this last path.
And it's also hard to tell it one more time when it seems like for days all I've done is try and spin this for my family and friends, one after the next, into something they can handle for now. And I know you all won't be as easy to buy into a rose-colored version. So I'll just tell you straight.
I have liver failure. All of those scans and tests showed no blackages anywhere, nothing 'fixable' anywhere. The good parts of my liver just haven't stepped up and picked up the work load of the bad parts of my liver we so successfully attacked with the radioembolism. Although my RBC, WBC, even platelets are all good and my vital signs excellent, my oncologist believes that additional treatment now would shorten my life and destroy the good quality of life I can still enjoy if I step away from the battle now. My eyes are slightly yellow with jaundice and I've gained 5 pounds with the ascites which feels HUGE to me, but apparently is considered a small amount still by my team. (We will do sonogram-guided parasentesis is I get really uncomfortable and I am taking 2 water pills daily to help with it.) I got opinions from a liver specialist and the doctor who did my radioembolism and everyone agreed. My acites sample had lots of malignant cells in it, so even if my liver kicks in I would still have new cancer to deal with. I've decided that palliative medicine can be a strategy, too, to staying alive as long as you can. I'm drinking 4 cans daily of Replete ($10/day!!) and eat whenever I have any appetite and WORK at that. I am consciously trying to make the most of every day and do a little work in the garden when it's sunny.
I met with palliative medicine yesterday and hospice is coming out tomorrow so that we can have an established relationship when the time comes that I need them. Palliative Care has already set me up on a pain management regime and bowel management regime. I never took painkillers the 3 years I've had cancer, and I am surprised to see how they can make it possible for me to do MORE, and have more fun, since I don't have the constant discomfort. I don't think of myself as in pain, just uncomfortable, but when I take those Oxicodone all that melts away. I learned something here.
I've always said I'd go down swinging, fighting it until the end, as I'm sure so many of you have. But when it doesn't make sense, choosing to conserve the beauty of the time you have left can be just as brave a choice. I hope you all can respect that. Please keep me in your prayers.
Linda,
What a difficult post this must have been for you.I am so very sorry to hear your news. You are a source of inspiration and optimism for so many. You have generously shared the details of your experience so others can learn. You have always "had a plan" and several back-ups, "just in case" and it looks like that is what you are doing now.
I know that you will continue to make the most of each day, savor the little things in life, and cherish every moment with your family and especially those precious grandchildren...that is your style!
You are in my thoughts. Wishing you comfort and peace!
Karen0
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