How to overcome fear of losing your spouse?

Options
gauchayshunk
gauchayshunk Member Posts: 2 Member
in Kidney Cancer #1

Hi, kidney cancer family. My wife's story is a unique one. She found out about her kidney cancer in May of this year and by July she had a full nephrectomy of her right kidney. After analyzing the stage 3 tumor, the surgeon said there is no evidence of spread and that they were able to completely remove the cancer. He gives her a less than 10% chance of recurrence. So from the time we knew about the cancer to the time there is no cancer is less than two months. But those two months were hell on earth, and I spent the whole time wondering if I was going to lose my soulmate, the mother of my 3 sons, and be left alone to keep our family moving forward.

All signs now indicate that the chances of that are very small. But I can't get my brain and my heart to believe it. I am still constantly worried that my wife is going to die, and it is causing me major anxiety. I have been in to see a therapist, which has definitely been helping. But I'd like to hear from others that have gone through what I'm going through. How do you get past the anxiety of wondering if your spouse is going to die, even when it's no longer likely? My brain says that since there is a chance it will come back, that it's likely going to happen.

I am desperate for any help and solace. I can't be the husband my wife needs and the father my sons need if I'm constantly anxious about my future.

Thank you.

Comments

  • gauchayshunk
    gauchayshunk Member Posts: 2 Member
    #2
    Options

    For clarity, she was diagnosed with chromophobe renal cell carcinoma.

  • Bay Area Guy
    Bay Area Guy Member Posts: 618 Member
    #3
    Options

    Hi. Very sorry you have to be here and best wishes for your wife’s continued cancer-free life.

    My cancer was also diagnosed as chromophobe. At the time (2016), my surgeon as well as my urologic oncologist, both said that chromophobe RCC grows very slowly and rarely, if ever, spreads.

  • AliceB1950
    AliceB1950 Member Posts: 237 Member
    #4
    Options
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/327084/how-to-overcome-fear-of-losing-your-spouse

    Don't you think you're cheating both you and your wife of getting on with your normal lives by worrying this much? My nephrectomy was five years ago. I get my scans and bloodwork as scheduled, look at the results, and discuss those results with my doctor. On two occasions, those results have led to further scans, and once, a biopsy. But in between tests, which are only one or two days out of the year, I get on with my life. This was my third type of cancer (four counting lightweight skin cancers), and I'm still here. Ask yourself what practical use your worrying does - anything come to mind? And speaking as a past patient, if I knew my husband had such negative thoughts about MY life, I'd smack him.

  • Mmoses25
    Mmoses25 Member Posts: 321 Member
    #5
    Options

    Sorry you had to be here but I was scared to death when they told me I had stage 3 cancer but let me tell you it gets better with time I just went to have my scans done for my 3 and 1/2 year scan and. They came back ned doctor said he be shock to see it come back now you will get Thur this you got to be strong for your wife

Discussion Boards