If it goes south.

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darcher
darcher Member Posts: 304 Member
edited July 2017 in Colorectal Cancer #1

   We've all wondered if somehow or another we got this because we earned it.  The atheist would say no of course but others would and do use it as a means to condemn a person.  You know the type. The people with Christian symbols on their cars or minvans that go to church every sunday to wash the sins of last night away.   I've seen too many that wear crosses or other stuff and are by far the greatest of all liars and thieves.  I could write for hours on that alone. My God I can't stand those people.

  Today is a weird day.    Yesterday I had a PET scan.  A full body scan to see if there is cancer anywhere else.  I'm almost assuming there will be.  So far the doctors have been vague and not very consistent in their diagnosis.  One says it's colon, the other says it's rectal, and the biopsy says it's neither.  What a screwed up disease this is.  I don't fault the doctors but I do blame the litigious society we live in for that. No one is willing to step up and speak their mind for fear of being sued. That's really the bottom line.  I have a particular disgust of most lawyers. 

 I've got other lumps on me that have never been attended to. One on my arm that's been there for years and the other that used to pop up on my head. It would grow when I was super stressed.  About the width of a nickel and 1/4 inch high.  What did I do about that one?  Don't laugh.  I'd get a pin and pop it to let the puss out.  It would deflate and stay gone for several months and then come back.  It's been several months since my last self operation and no sign of it coming back.  I got a funny feeling I'm going to hear about that.  If it turns out to be true, I'm done with this.

  My life has been a funny one.  Grew up dirt poor and out of sheer luck I managed to do pretty decent.  However, the old adage of the more you have the more people want and the less they care is very true.   Even after I've been diagnosed I've had people hit me up for loans.  Loans I think they believe they won't have to pay back.  Ain't that a revelation of character.  My home life is crap as far as I'm concerned.  Not once has my wife gone with me to any appointments unless I had to have a driver. There was no reason. She doesn't work.  She doesn't need to.  There is quite a bit more showing how low a priority I am but I'll leave it alone for now. 

  This isn't my first walk down the aisle.  The two little ones I have now are preceeded by 4 others who are grown up with the oldest at 31.  The anamosity from the first ones towards these is quite high.  My oldest is especially bad.  He thinks he's entitled to everything being first born.  He's a druggie who's never been responsible.  The next two are lazy and want everything handed to them.  The forth at least did some college work but he screwed that up by getting into legal trouble.  A 100k I blew on his BS degree in healthcare that is now worthless.  All but the oldest are still dependent on me in one form or another.  The oldest I fired months back and sold the house he was living in.  Boy did I get told how god awful I was for that.  Long story but he absolutely earned it.  

  Maybe I did something wrong or this is how people really are, greedy little pigs who'll stab you in the back and leave you lifeless if given the chance.   I've been bugged to death about getting a will done and at this point I think I've seen everyone's true colors.  No one is getting diddly except the two youngest. 

 If the PET scan reveals anything but completely clean I'm taking a big wad of cash and heading to some remote place where I can drink, get stonned, and just have fun BY MYSELF!.  I will drop off into oblivian for a few years or how ever long it takes until the end comes.  I don't want to go through years of mysery to live a life like this knowing how people really are.  Some will be put into a trust fund for the two youngest and what's left will go to ACS.  Its when you're down and out in one form or another do you see people's real nature.  When you get few calls, no visits, demands for money, and not much else it doesn't leave a lot to guess.  The point becomes, live for yourself because you're the only one you matter to. Yeah, maybe I'll survive this but I'll sure as hell be a changed man.

   

 

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Comments

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    DANG!

    I just spent ten minutes on a post and it disappeared. Maybe it was meant to be. 

    Alas, your post makes me sad. I want you to know that we are here to support you. We ask nothing of you, and have your back.  Don't go dropping off the face of the earth quite yet. We need you here, sharing all of your experiences. 

    Chin up. You're in my thoughts and prayers. 

    Tru

  • plsletitrain
    plsletitrain Member Posts: 252 Member
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    I cried while reading your post

    I also sometimes wonder if I've done something so bad for me to given this disease.  And yes, I think people are really by nature, greedy.  Its always a matter of self-preservation, you'd be lucky to meet someone who's selfless and would think of others before themselves.

    I'm sorry to hear about people around you being insensitive and uncaring.  I also have worries about my children.  They're still so small, I just cry whenever I think of who will take care of them in case I die.  I do have a stepson who's older than them, and that's one fear I have, what if he will just leave his brothers and just think of himself? If I didn't have young kids to worry of, I may not be as worried as I am now.  The thought of them being left alone and poor really pains me.  That's my only prayer, to please just let me live until my kids have stable jobs and families already.  I have to be alive to make sure they grow with proper love and care of a mother, and send them to good schools so they can have their own degrees.

    As to your wife, I'm not the one to impose but allow me to be one now.  I think she, of all people, should be there for you.  And your adult kids too.  I mean, the least they could do is show they care.  Cancer patients already undergo so much in terms of physical health, emotional stress would only worsen the condition.  If anything, emotional support will play a very big role to be able to overcome the disease.  I understand your case, though.  I've seen unbelievable people who are more concerned on who gets the house rather than how long their parents live.

    If actual people around you don't seem to care much, well, we're here.  I'm here.  I may be just another person on the internet but I can be with you on your journey.  And hey, your biopsy revealed negative as of this time.  Here's to hoping it stays negative forever!

  • Phoenix_66
    Phoenix_66 Member Posts: 118
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    My thoughts

    Darcher, I am one of those people you described with a fish symbol on my vehicle.  I do not condemn you nor do I believe you are being punished for something by God.  I do belive however that God allows us to go through these trials to bring us closer to Him.  You did not mention in you post if you are a Christian or not but either way, we are not here to condemn you and will try to be there when you need it.  It is hard for me to relate with your description of your home life but I certainly know that this world was never designed to contend with the sin nature that each of us have to deal with on a daily basis.  I am praying for positive results on your tests and that you will find peace in your situation.  If you need to talk, we are more than happy to listen without judgement.

  • SandiaBuddy
    SandiaBuddy Member Posts: 1,381 Member
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    Clarity

    Darcher:  I have found a certain clarity in my thoughts since my diagnosis and a much lesser degree of tolerance for bologna from anyone.  In life, I have found that the only one I can control is myself, and that is often a comforting insight to me.  You should feel what you feel, and I would encourage you to not let others make you feel guilty.  My recommendation?  Be yourself.  

  • Lily Flower
    Lily Flower Member Posts: 260 Member
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    Darcher, I'm sorry to hear

    Darcher, I'm sorry to hear that your family isn't there for you. I know the feelings. I have family members are like what you have described. They're all POS to me. You have an extended family here and we're all here for you. {{{HUGS}}}

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
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    troubles

    Unfortunately, the trials we go thru do not often bring out the better side of people.  In fact many times it brings into focus major issues that already exist, as it appears is your situation.

    Pre-existing relationship issues don't respond well to crisis. 

    Making changes in those relationships may bring you some emotional relief, but should have no baring on how you deal with your health issues.  Remember, you deal with those for yourself first.  Who knows, you may beat this and go on to find that there is happiness in your future.

    Cancer and other critical diseases are NOT a punishment.  Too many innocents (particularly babies and children) die from them for that to be true.

    Wishing you the best,

    Marie who loves kitties

  • darcher
    darcher Member Posts: 304 Member
    edited July 2017 #8
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       To answer the question

       To answer the question about religion, yes I am Christian but I have a hard time with any organized faith.  I've got too many bad experiences where I've been lied to and stolen from by alleged people of faith.  

       My view is very simple.  All religions are right and they're all wrong.  I think God introduced himself to each culture in such a way as to have them best understand him.  I shouldn't say him because God is genderless.  I don't mean that in a PC way as is being shoved down our throats now.   It's people who've twisted the faith into a perverted mess that gave God a bad name.  God must be real otherwise what controls everything from the universe to the tiny blade of grass and keeps it all running so smooth.  It sure as hell isn't coincedence.  That's just plain stupid to think that things could be random and yet somehow everything came out the way it did accident.   

     Anyhow, as unexpected as it was the PET scan came back clean.  That was a real shocker.  More so than finding out I had cancer to begin with. Not that the other person in this house asked about it even though they knew the results were due today.   I guess the Las Vegas/Alaska/SouthAmerica/Europe or what ever other place it would have been run is cancelled for now.  

       The other side of this is I've done a lot for her family from renovating her mother's house to giving her sister money for their child's autism treatments.  Yet, none of them bothered to call me.  They have my cell number.  They speak to her on hers but never call me.  That's pucked up.  I just have to accept the fact that the people around me don't deserve anything I've given them and it was my own fault for helping in the first place.  Never again. Two of my adult kids that work in the business back in California I specifically told not to come out here only because someone needs to run the business there, albeit marginally.  The oldest one and the youngest of the grown ups haven't shown up.  Same goes for my own brothers and sister all of whom have benefited from me over the years but now forgot about me except my sister but that's a little different because there is some stuff going on with our mother and there is a 'money situation'.   As far as coming to see me,  what I do get is a lot of excuses from everyone.   

     Regardless, there is going to be some big changes.  My generosity spigot is off.   Perhaps God has something in store for me to do and saved my butt (figuratively speaking) this time around and what I do have is a wake up call to demonstrate I'm putting my efforts in the wrong places.   Radiation and Chemo start Monday.  That too had to be dragged out of the person living here who took the call earlier but didn't say anything until I asked after I got home and even then it turned into an argument.  She told me I was lying about chemo because the people from radiation told her they don't do that.   I called back and what he did say was chemo is a different department and they aren't part of that.  I wish it were true. That there was no chemo and I wouldn't get screwed up.  Then again, I guess all those pills I brought home the other day are actually PEZ candy.      

     

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    darcher said:

       To answer the question

       To answer the question about religion, yes I am Christian but I have a hard time with any organized faith.  I've got too many bad experiences where I've been lied to and stolen from by alleged people of faith.  

       My view is very simple.  All religions are right and they're all wrong.  I think God introduced himself to each culture in such a way as to have them best understand him.  I shouldn't say him because God is genderless.  I don't mean that in a PC way as is being shoved down our throats now.   It's people who've twisted the faith into a perverted mess that gave God a bad name.  God must be real otherwise what controls everything from the universe to the tiny blade of grass and keeps it all running so smooth.  It sure as hell isn't coincedence.  That's just plain stupid to think that things could be random and yet somehow everything came out the way it did accident.   

     Anyhow, as unexpected as it was the PET scan came back clean.  That was a real shocker.  More so than finding out I had cancer to begin with. Not that the other person in this house asked about it even though they knew the results were due today.   I guess the Las Vegas/Alaska/SouthAmerica/Europe or what ever other place it would have been run is cancelled for now.  

       The other side of this is I've done a lot for her family from renovating her mother's house to giving her sister money for their child's autism treatments.  Yet, none of them bothered to call me.  They have my cell number.  They speak to her on hers but never call me.  That's pucked up.  I just have to accept the fact that the people around me don't deserve anything I've given them and it was my own fault for helping in the first place.  Never again. Two of my adult kids that work in the business back in California I specifically told not to come out here only because someone needs to run the business there, albeit marginally.  The oldest one and the youngest of the grown ups haven't shown up.  Same goes for my own brothers and sister all of whom have benefited from me over the years but now forgot about me except my sister but that's a little different because there is some stuff going on with our mother and there is a 'money situation'.   As far as coming to see me,  what I do get is a lot of excuses from everyone.   

     Regardless, there is going to be some big changes.  My generosity spigot is off.   Perhaps God has something in store for me to do and saved my butt (figuratively speaking) this time around and what I do have is a wake up call to demonstrate I'm putting my efforts in the wrong places.   Radiation and Chemo start Monday.  That too had to be dragged out of the person living here who took the call earlier but didn't say anything until I asked after I got home and even then it turned into an argument.  She told me I was lying about chemo because the people from radiation told her they don't do that.   I called back and what he did say was chemo is a different department and they aren't part of that.  I wish it were true. That there was no chemo and I wouldn't get screwed up.  Then again, I guess all those pills I brought home the other day are actually PEZ candy.      

     

    Heartfelt concern

    I am so sorry about your family situation.  I do believe that any kindness and generosity, doesn't go amiss in the long run. They may not appreciate it now or even ever, but at the end of your days, when you're judged, your kindness and desire to help those in need, will be blessed. 

    It does seem like it is time for you to take care of number one (yourself). It is your time. Take that time. Its not being selfish. When you come to the end of treatments, and get that NED report, then you can spread yourself around, a little at a time; and maybe make decisions about your marriage and family then, when emotions aren't running as raw as they are now. 

    Oh, listen to me. Miss Marriage and family councellor. Sorry! I am just speaking from my heart, with no actual experience. Just know that we are concerned about you here, and I hope that helps, a little. 

    Tru

  • plsletitrain
    plsletitrain Member Posts: 252 Member
    edited July 2017 #10
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    I don't know what to say

    Well, the good news is you don't have cancer! I think that's reason enough to rejoice, even if people around you feel like nothing.  Sometimes I think that I've got a lonely life.  And then I read your story.   I guess you can't have everything.  I have cancer but I'm very lucky and grateful that my family are very supportive, even relatives who have less in terms of money exerted the effort of bringing food and visiting me at the hospital, and my friends constantly check on me even if I don't have facebook.  They text or email or call me every time.  But I think the most should be done by your other half.  I mean, our kids yeah they grow old and forget what we've done to them, they go on their own lives, build their own family, but I think the spouse should be the first and immediate caregiver once we're married.  My husband has been very supportive of me ever since I got sick and like Jan, I think between the two of us, it was well, I won't say I'm happy I have this, but if it were my husband who had the cancer, I don't think I will be able to do what he has done.  Even little things of making our juice, or assisting us when we need to go to the bathroom are efforts that our spouse should be able to perform, them being our other half.  We made that vow when we married.  I wish I could talk to your wife but I dunno... And why would you be undergoing chemo and rad when your PET scan is clear and your biopsy is negative??? In going through these treatments, you need a companion to assist you.  Your wife should be there in every treatment, more so that you said she's not working.  What could keep her possibly busy that she can't even spare a time going with you for your appointments.  

    Sorry I sound mad.  I don't know what your wife's reasons are but I just can't find any plausible reason for her to be uncaring and insensitive during these times when her husband is facing a trial.

    On a lighter note

    Funny my subject title is "I don't know what to say" yet I wrote two paragraphs! Hahahaha!

  • plsletitrain
    plsletitrain Member Posts: 252 Member
    edited July 2017 #11
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    I don't know what to say

    Well, the good news is you don't have cancer! I think that's reason enough to rejoice, even if people around you feel like nothing.  Sometimes I think that I've got a lonely life.  And then I read your story.   I guess you can't have everything.  I have cancer but I'm very lucky and grateful that my family are very supportive, even relatives who have less in terms of money exerted the effort of bringing food and visiting me at the hospital, and my friends constantly check on me even if I don't have facebook.  They text or email or call me every time.  But I think the most should be done by your other half.  I mean, our kids yeah they grow old and forget what we've done to them, they go on their own lives, build their own family, but I think the spouse should be the first and immediate caregiver once we're married.  My husband has been very supportive of me ever since I got sick and like Jan, I think between the two of us, it was well, I won't say I'm happy I have this, but if it were my husband who had the cancer, I don't think I will be able to do what he has done.  Even little things of making our juice, or assisting us when we need to go to the bathroom are efforts that our spouse should be able to perform, them being our other half.  We made that vow when we married.  I wish I could talk to your wife but I dunno... And why would you be undergoing chemo and rad when your PET scan is clear and your biopsy is negative??? In going through these treatments, you need a companion to assist you.  Your wife should be there in every treatment, more so that you said she's not working.  What could keep her possibly busy that she can't even spare a time going with you for your appointments.  

    Sorry I sound mad.  I don't know what your wife's reasons are but I just can't find any plausible reason for her to be uncaring and insensitive during these times when her husband is facing a trial.

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
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    Sorry

    I'm sorry to hear of your situation but times have changed.  Kids have been made to feel "entitled" to everything that anyone else works for - including all our children.  They learn this in school and I'm not trying to be political but that is what the media is telling them to do - get what you can from the rich and redistribute.  People just don't take pride in working for a living but want an easy way out.  You need support and I'm sorry that you can't even find it from your spouse.  I've been very fortunate that my husband has been supportive of me from day one in 2008. I've had many surgeries.  I'm sorry that you can't find peace going through this as it takes a lot to deal with.  Just know that you are in sympathatic ears posting here and know that we know how hard it is to deal with going through this diagnosis. 

    Kim

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,280 Member
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    It's been awhile since I

    It's been awhile since I vented at that level, but I've made peace with what people around me, mean to me, there's only a handful, and my grandkids, that matter much. The rest are fair weather folk I can enjoy or not, it just depends on what I'm feeling at the time. It's a shame that it takes something like cancer to sort out and reveal those in your life, for what they really are, but it certainly does do that. My wife was the rock solid partner in my life and cancer ride, and I was hers until she passed May, 2015. If everyone else flaked, she was enough. I'm sorry your not getting that support, no one should go through this sh*t alone. Your right that you can't go back to who you were before, but there is something more real about life after diagnosis, the way you see things, see through things. I see most folk as being afraid of feeling bad, so they limited their exposure to me and Cindy. Polite and inviting, but standoffish at the same time, keeping an emotional distance, afraid of feeling something painful or sad. And I couldn't really talk about what I felt, they like you to be John Wayne and suck it up, suffer in silence. That's mostly what drove me here, the only place I can really express my thoughts freely. As far as who's deserving, I'm at the atheistic end of things, so to me, stuff just happens, getting cancer was just being unlucky. I spent a lot of time since diagnosis, pondering meaning and have found little outside of what we assign to our lives, and I can live with that. Science has kept me alive, and gave me 6 1/2 years of time with my wife after her glioma was found[same as Sen. McCain's] so I'll believe whatever man can discover about life and the universe and hold the rest as a mystery waiting to be unraveled. My advice would be to open up to those you want in your life. If they really respond and reach out, hold them close. They're the ones that matter.........................................Dave

  • darcher
    darcher Member Posts: 304 Member
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    I think some of what I wrote

    I think some of what I wrote got taken out of context.  I do have cancer.  I just avoided an unwanted upgrade to IV from III.  No Mets as they say.  

     I don't want any pitty or what ever.  I screwd myself with this.  At least I've caught this early enough that I can do something about it and I'm not referring to the cancer.  

  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
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    My world

         I too have been married twice. The first one took my kids and the second one my house. Thats no slight on women or marriage put it down to my lousy judgement. I can't have been too bad as they both chose to retain my name. As A result I have lived alone for the past 11 years. My second wife and i still get on well she just could not stand my constant illnes.  I had stage 3c and was told that with the aggressiveness of it and the fact that it had raced thru six nodes that I would certainly die from it and that I could not expect more than 3 years. I was quite happy with that. It was an honourable way out without some one having to clean up the mess. naturally I have survived cancer free and am into my twentieth year of survival. I have no faith or religion. Never needed them , have never felt the need to blame anyone for my affliction or wanted help to get thru it. I figure that there is enough strife in the world to keep ten gods busy for a hundred lifetimes. Nor do I object in any way with the beliefs of others and I endorse their right to put voice to their beliefs when and where they like I admire their strenghth of belief. I found that I have withdrawn completely from most of the human race and I dodge most people(except the mormons , i can never seem to dodge them . might have to put one of those little spyholes in the door. )  What i have done with all that time alone is to carefully weigh up my life. I'm nice to people . I do't get into fights ,dont abuse people. I don't need or want much in my life . I have never done bad things or things I am terribly ashamed off. I care about about animals and kids. There will always b.e negative features in our lives be they situations or people . I've learned to live my life and ignore the rest.  Ron. PS I did not believe my surgeon when he told me I'd be dead in three years , my luck has never been that good.

  • plsletitrain
    plsletitrain Member Posts: 252 Member
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    darcher said:

    I think some of what I wrote

    I think some of what I wrote got taken out of context.  I do have cancer.  I just avoided an unwanted upgrade to IV from III.  No Mets as they say.  

     I don't want any pitty or what ever.  I screwd myself with this.  At least I've caught this early enough that I can do something about it and I'm not referring to the cancer.  

    Oh, I thought when you said

    Oh, I thought when you said your PET scan was clear, it was NED. Added with the fact that your biopsy was negative. Sorry, my bad.  Oh well, good luck to us! I'm also due for my chemo next week and I can't wait for this to be done and over with.  As to people around you, well, as they say, you'll see people's true colors when you're at your lowest.  I'm sorry it took cancer to awaken you on people's true colors.  I just hope you could get someone to go with you during your treatments.  

    I'm due for a CT scan next week and then chemo after.  My prayers go out to you and our group here.  God bless us all! We can do this.

  • PamRav
    PamRav Member Posts: 348 Member
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    Hi Darcher

    im so sorry for you're family situation.  cancer does have a way of putting everything in perspective, doesn't it...

    if you can get into a meditation class or even a yoga class it'd really help you in dealing with all of it.  Now don't brush these techniques off as not manly or something like that!! Lol.  Literally they can help keep you sane during these terrible stressful times.  If there aren't classes near you there's lot of online resources to guide you.  Totally non religious and totally calming.  

    Wishng you all the best.  

    Pam 

  • SandiaBuddy
    SandiaBuddy Member Posts: 1,381 Member
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    darcher said:

       To answer the question

       To answer the question about religion, yes I am Christian but I have a hard time with any organized faith.  I've got too many bad experiences where I've been lied to and stolen from by alleged people of faith.  

       My view is very simple.  All religions are right and they're all wrong.  I think God introduced himself to each culture in such a way as to have them best understand him.  I shouldn't say him because God is genderless.  I don't mean that in a PC way as is being shoved down our throats now.   It's people who've twisted the faith into a perverted mess that gave God a bad name.  God must be real otherwise what controls everything from the universe to the tiny blade of grass and keeps it all running so smooth.  It sure as hell isn't coincedence.  That's just plain stupid to think that things could be random and yet somehow everything came out the way it did accident.   

     Anyhow, as unexpected as it was the PET scan came back clean.  That was a real shocker.  More so than finding out I had cancer to begin with. Not that the other person in this house asked about it even though they knew the results were due today.   I guess the Las Vegas/Alaska/SouthAmerica/Europe or what ever other place it would have been run is cancelled for now.  

       The other side of this is I've done a lot for her family from renovating her mother's house to giving her sister money for their child's autism treatments.  Yet, none of them bothered to call me.  They have my cell number.  They speak to her on hers but never call me.  That's pucked up.  I just have to accept the fact that the people around me don't deserve anything I've given them and it was my own fault for helping in the first place.  Never again. Two of my adult kids that work in the business back in California I specifically told not to come out here only because someone needs to run the business there, albeit marginally.  The oldest one and the youngest of the grown ups haven't shown up.  Same goes for my own brothers and sister all of whom have benefited from me over the years but now forgot about me except my sister but that's a little different because there is some stuff going on with our mother and there is a 'money situation'.   As far as coming to see me,  what I do get is a lot of excuses from everyone.   

     Regardless, there is going to be some big changes.  My generosity spigot is off.   Perhaps God has something in store for me to do and saved my butt (figuratively speaking) this time around and what I do have is a wake up call to demonstrate I'm putting my efforts in the wrong places.   Radiation and Chemo start Monday.  That too had to be dragged out of the person living here who took the call earlier but didn't say anything until I asked after I got home and even then it turned into an argument.  She told me I was lying about chemo because the people from radiation told her they don't do that.   I called back and what he did say was chemo is a different department and they aren't part of that.  I wish it were true. That there was no chemo and I wouldn't get screwed up.  Then again, I guess all those pills I brought home the other day are actually PEZ candy.      

     

    Sorry

    Dude, sorry that things are not going too well at home.  It is an uneeded extra stress to compound the treatment you are facing.  But, unfortunately, we cannot always choose the times crises occurs.  If it were me, I would pull back and focus on taking care of myself in the best manner possible considering the circumstances.  You have my sympathies.  Good luck with your treatment tomorrow.

  • darcher
    darcher Member Posts: 304 Member
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    some progress

      Ron, I read through your post and the part about not being able to dodge Mormons made me laugh. 

     PamRav, absolutely right.  Cancer will unblur every nuance in a person's life.        

      I got back from my first chemo/radiation a little while ago.  I was nervous being back in that place again.  As the sign says, Cancer Center.  I was 20 minutes early and the only one in the waiting area so I wandered around looking at everything.  There was a cupboard full of books.  Looking at the titles they were more for women and of the inspirational variety.  They also had pictures hanging up on the wall.  Where it would list the artist's name instead it said they were done by people diagnosed with cancer.  It caused my eyes to water up a little bit.  That was strange and for the life of me I can't understand why it would affect me like that. They were not depressing, just the opposite, odd.            

      This past weekend had a strange set of events.  Saturday we got into the worst fight ever.  I instigated it by posting on her facebook. I was kinda snarky but she deserved it.  We're not friends on FB which is her choice but her reasoning is my other children don't like her and consequently she doesn't like them.  I can almost accept that since this is typical when a guy has a new wife and new kids that the others will feel betrayed.  However, she told me she did post something on there about me having cancer a while back.  Her computer had her FB page open so I did a search for the word cancer.   Nothing was there.  I figured I'd take care of that little oversight.  I did a quick little post listing the date of diagnosis and when treatment starts.  I added a comment that it was me who posted it and that "it must have slipped her mind".  I can be a real smart a$$.     

      Within 15 minutes she got a call about it and I instantly owned up to it.   Long story short she stormed out an hour later saying she was leaving for good.  This was about 1:30 am.  About 2 hours later she comes back in and I'm semi-asleep in bed and she walks in the room.  I was bracing to get whacked, not that she could hit me very hard being as little as she is.  Instead, she sits on the side of the bed and puts her hand on my shoulder and says, "You're right, it doesn't matter what other people think."  I can't remember the last time she admitted she was wrong...about anything!  Surprised barely covers it. 

     I didn't ask but I'm sure someone she's willing to listen to and respects saw the post and talked to her. The next day there were some dramatic changes in her daily routine and she even came to the chemo appt today.   We're not out of the woods yet, but this was definitely a step in the right direction.  I'll credit this one to God for making sure the right person saw it and talked to her.      

     

  • SandiaBuddy
    SandiaBuddy Member Posts: 1,381 Member
    edited August 2017 #20
    Options
    darcher said:

    some progress

      Ron, I read through your post and the part about not being able to dodge Mormons made me laugh. 

     PamRav, absolutely right.  Cancer will unblur every nuance in a person's life.        

      I got back from my first chemo/radiation a little while ago.  I was nervous being back in that place again.  As the sign says, Cancer Center.  I was 20 minutes early and the only one in the waiting area so I wandered around looking at everything.  There was a cupboard full of books.  Looking at the titles they were more for women and of the inspirational variety.  They also had pictures hanging up on the wall.  Where it would list the artist's name instead it said they were done by people diagnosed with cancer.  It caused my eyes to water up a little bit.  That was strange and for the life of me I can't understand why it would affect me like that. They were not depressing, just the opposite, odd.            

      This past weekend had a strange set of events.  Saturday we got into the worst fight ever.  I instigated it by posting on her facebook. I was kinda snarky but she deserved it.  We're not friends on FB which is her choice but her reasoning is my other children don't like her and consequently she doesn't like them.  I can almost accept that since this is typical when a guy has a new wife and new kids that the others will feel betrayed.  However, she told me she did post something on there about me having cancer a while back.  Her computer had her FB page open so I did a search for the word cancer.   Nothing was there.  I figured I'd take care of that little oversight.  I did a quick little post listing the date of diagnosis and when treatment starts.  I added a comment that it was me who posted it and that "it must have slipped her mind".  I can be a real smart a$$.     

      Within 15 minutes she got a call about it and I instantly owned up to it.   Long story short she stormed out an hour later saying she was leaving for good.  This was about 1:30 am.  About 2 hours later she comes back in and I'm semi-asleep in bed and she walks in the room.  I was bracing to get whacked, not that she could hit me very hard being as little as she is.  Instead, she sits on the side of the bed and puts her hand on my shoulder and says, "You're right, it doesn't matter what other people think."  I can't remember the last time she admitted she was wrong...about anything!  Surprised barely covers it. 

     I didn't ask but I'm sure someone she's willing to listen to and respects saw the post and talked to her. The next day there were some dramatic changes in her daily routine and she even came to the chemo appt today.   We're not out of the woods yet, but this was definitely a step in the right direction.  I'll credit this one to God for making sure the right person saw it and talked to her.      

     

    Progress

    Congratulations, it sounds like things are moving in the right direction.  These matters are stressful on everyone and everyone reacts differently to them.  I hope it all pans out for the best.

  • plsletitrain
    plsletitrain Member Posts: 252 Member
    edited August 2017 #21
    Options
    Progress

    I'm glad to see you and your wife are making some progress.  This is a good start and I hope to see you doing well on your treatments, complete with the support of your family.