So mad and having emotional issues right now.

JanJan63

mokomapa said:

Feel Sorry For You

Hi Jan.  Sorry to hear you are dealing with so much stress.  Stress is not a good thing to have even when you are feeling well.  I would encourage you not to take anything that will make you feel better for a short period of time but may have long term negative effects.  As far as dealing with spouses I believe we talked about this before.  Sometimes its hard for others to understand what we have to go through on a daily basis.  Your boss doesn't sound like a very nice person to work for.  Try not to let him bring you down or add to your stress.  Try to focus on all the positive things in your life like your daughter, horse, camaro, etc.  I'm not sure if you are a religious person but I truly believe in the power of prayer.  It's helped me through some pretty rough times.  Feel free to reach out to me anytime you need some help or someone to complain to.

Tom

Thank you Tom. I've been

Thank you Tom. I've been meaning to get in touch with you and see how you're doing. Well, I hope!

I am a religious person and have great faith and I never blame this on God or question why. There is a reason for everything. Having faith does not protect us from pain and heartbreak, it just gives us strength during the tough times. I saw a preview for a new show about Mennonites or somethig like that who are drug dealers or something, I'm not totally sure of the premise of the show. In the preview there was a guy saying to the pastor 'must be nice to know God is always on your side' in a sarcastic tone. The pastor replies 'must be hard... to know he's not'. I dont think I'll watch the show but I loved the response.

Talk to you soon Tom!

zx10guy

JanJan63 said:

Thanks for sharing your

Thanks for sharing your situation. It helps to know someone else can understand. I have to say that most of the time my husband is wonderful. But sometimes the burden gets to be too much and he gets like this. I just feel like if it's that hard for you, imagine how it is for me. I can't get away from it, ever.

Glad I was able to let you

Glad I was able to let you know you're not alone.  I guess it's good your husband isn't like that all the time.  Right now, I'm all alone with dealing with my health situation.  My wife hasn't asked about anything going on with me for months now.  Not even about when my next follow up appointment is.  And because she's being this way, I have chosen not to say anything about what's going on with me.  It's interesting how I've sort of morphed over the years dealing with all the baggage and issues.  I used to have anxieties about scans and blood work like most people here.  But I've found after the new primary I had last summer, that the follow up scan and blood work didn't weigh heavily in my mind.  I did do the same things I did which was schedule my scan early in the morning and got the scan report that afternoon.  And I did check periodically if my oncologist had posted my CEA numbers online.  But the anxiety wasn't really there this time.  I've almost gotten to the point where I almost don't care anymore if the news is good or bad.

Easyflip

I'm so sorry

you are having such a rough time. I think of all that you're going through the growing met is by far the most important and you should concentrate your energies there. The job and hubby will have to wait until you're done dealing with your survival. They're either on board or not but if not get out of the way and you work on getting yourself getting better. The dentist sounds like a bonehead, let his wife work on him. Your hubby sounds scared, talk about that with him. Try whatever you have to, not the time to be shy. Good luck and best wishes from me, your faith will see you through no matter what. Good luck!

JanJan63

Easyflip said:

I'm so sorry

you are having such a rough time. I think of all that you're going through the growing met is by far the most important and you should concentrate your energies there. The job and hubby will have to wait until you're done dealing with your survival. They're either on board or not but if not get out of the way and you work on getting yourself getting better. The dentist sounds like a bonehead, let his wife work on him. Your hubby sounds scared, talk about that with him. Try whatever you have to, not the time to be shy. Good luck and best wishes from me, your faith will see you through no matter what. Good luck!

Thank you for the support

Thank you for the support Richard. My husband is being much better and even my boss seems to be a bit ashamed. I suspect his wife has given him the third degree. I don't want special treatment from him, he hired me knowing I'd had cancer and I really appreciate that, I just don't want to be manipulated and lied to. And no matter how hard he is on me I'm much harder on myself so he doesn't need to make up numbers to try to make me feel badly about something that I don't have any control over. I'm doing the best job I can.

Yes, I'm focusing on myself. I went out and rode my horse today and it did wonders for my soul. I love him so much, he was his usual perfect self and he's a good boy who is cuddly and sweet. I am blessed to have the people and animals I have in my life. My dogs have been a huge emotional support as well.

Take care!

Jan

Colonchick

There's nothing better for

There's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse...Ronald Reagan

I love spending time out in the barn with my horses and my 3 year old when I'm blue....Hugs for Waldo

JanJan63

Colonchick said:

There's nothing better for

There's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse...Ronald Reagan

I love spending time out in the barn with my horses and my 3 year old when I'm blue....Hugs for Waldo

You have a horse, too! Aren't

You have a horse, too! Aren't they wonderful creatures? We're so lucky!

Jan

Colonchick

Nothing more beautiful and

Nothing more beautiful and relaxing than watching them in the evenings! What breed do you have? I have an Arabian and Quarter horse! 

JanJan63

Colonchick said:

Nothing more beautiful and

Nothing more beautiful and relaxing than watching them in the evenings! What breed do you have? I have an Arabian and Quarter horse! 

My boy is a half quarter

My boy is a half quarter horse, a quarter morgan and a quarter thoroughbred cross. He has the morgan body so he's stocky. He's a dark palomino. I adore him.

Is your horse a quarter horse/arab cross? Or do you have one of each?

Colonchick

I have one of each.  I love

I have one of each.  I love seeing the difference between them.  The arabian is full of beauty and grace, and the Quarter horse is full of power and strength.

JanJan63

Colonchick said:

I have one of each.  I love

I have one of each.  I love seeing the difference between them.  The arabian is full of beauty and grace, and the Quarter horse is full of power and strength.

Yes, they're likely very

Yes, they're likely very different personality wise. My boy is very laid back. He has this cool personality where he's very in tune with people. At least he is with us. He's like a big dog. I wish we could have a place in the country again and have him close. We've had two acrages in the past but live in town now and I have to board him. It's not the same at all. I used to do things like take a book and sit in their paddock and read. It was heaven.

Jan

Helen321

Bosses are serious idiots.

Bosses are serious idiots.  Mine weren't any better when I was sick.  They even assigned me physical labor tasks and extra projects.  I could barely function but I faked it.  It's winter too so people are less likely to go to the dentist.  I'm only going because I'm in pain or even I'd wait the weather out.  He's just a typical jerk of a boss. 

As for your husband, since he has been helpful for the most part he gets a pass but it's really just not nice.  I know you're both going through this but the truth is, you're the one going through the physical pain and others don't seem to understand that.  Hang in there my friend.  So many hard days in the cancer world.  We don't live in the regular world anymore and people who've never lived it, just don't have the slightest clue what it feels like.

JanJan63

Helen321 said:

Bosses are serious idiots.

Bosses are serious idiots.  Mine weren't any better when I was sick.  They even assigned me physical labor tasks and extra projects.  I could barely function but I faked it.  It's winter too so people are less likely to go to the dentist.  I'm only going because I'm in pain or even I'd wait the weather out.  He's just a typical jerk of a boss. 

As for your husband, since he has been helpful for the most part he gets a pass but it's really just not nice.  I know you're both going through this but the truth is, you're the one going through the physical pain and others don't seem to understand that.  Hang in there my friend.  So many hard days in the cancer world.  We don't live in the regular world anymore and people who've never lived it, just don't have the slightest clue what it feels like.

Thanks Helen. My husband has

Thanks Helen. My husband has a cold right now. He's not one of these guys that gets a man cold and acts like a baby but he's having to blow his nose a lot and is whining about that. I'm finding I'm saying things like "aw, that must be awful" just because it's the right thing to say but I actually have zero pity for him. First time he's been sick with anything in the three plus years I've been dealing with all this crap.

My boss has lightened up in the last week. It's suddenly getting busier which is normal for this time of year and he's acting like it's because of me. I'm no more responsible for it being busy now than I was for it being slow in January. Ugh.

I'm sorry your boss was a jerk. I wish some people could spend a day being me- or us- and really see what it's like. I'm getting fatigue from the new treatments and had to stop halfway through unloading the dishwasher this morning. Made me angry and I started crying. I loathe feeling helpless and depedning on others. My husband finished it without me asking and then tidied up the kitchen. This is how he usually is.