So mad and having emotional issues right now.

JanJan63

Does anybody else ever feel this way? I got the bad news about my one met doubling in size over a three months span and is now about an inch across. Or was when they did the CT scan in December so it's probably bigger now. It really scared the crap out of me. I've been in a funk ever since.

The very next day my boss decided it was a good day to have a talk with me about recalls. I work in a dental office and my boss is the centist/owner. Recalls are where we book patients who are due for their next teeth cleaning and/or check up. He has a program that send emails and texts to people to remind them but I still call them as well. The numbers are down because in Alberta we voted in a new government and it was a huge mistane and our economy is now in the toilet. People are being laid off. businesses, even larger ones, are closing, and the people who still have jobs are scared that they're next. They don't want to taek the time off rom owrk to go to the dentist in the middle of the day, they don't want to have to pay the portion that their insurance doesn't cover, and often they don't have coverage anymore at all. I was told one in five dental offices has closed their doors in the city. Our profit margin os down 4.6%. I think that's pretty good under the circumstances but my boss has decided to put it all in my lap. I must be doing something wrong if the umbers are down. I'm doing everything I ever did at every office I've been in and am on top of the recall list. I finished calling everyone for February two weeks ago. He's a nice man but he's hard headed and styubborn and if he gets an idea in his head that's it. So he thinks it's somehow my fault. He even threatened me with docking my pay for every hour the hygeinist isn't booked. So now I'm stressed at work. Three people cancelled for one day next week. How is that my fault? But I was almost in tears when the last one called to cancel. The day is only half booked now. I really don't need this stress.

I've been feeling pretty crappy and fatigued lately which the doctor said is likely because of the mets. I hurt all the time, my feet still have neuropathy, I sleep a lot, I have no energy to do anything but I force myself and then end up even more tired later. So my husband has decided that I should smoke pot to help me out. I've never smoked anything in my life. I do not intend at this point to start pulling something into my lungs- with the mets that could be irritated by smoke- and endanger my health. He doesn't smoke pot, either, so he got it from his loser dope head son and God only knows what's in it. I tried the oil a couple of years ago after my cancer surgery and hated the taste and it made me feel really funny. I don't want to try smoking it. So he got all snarky and said "well then don't come crying to me saying you're in pain if you won't even give it a try". I rarely complain about how I eel but I'm honest when he asks. I realize this is a man's stupid way of 'fixing' something like they always do. But to be so dismissive as to say what he said? I am angry beyond words. He knows what my boss is doing and is angry about that. Now I feel like my husband is kind of doing the ame thing, blaming me for something I have no control over.

He's been great through all of this for the main part. He's gotten impateint with me a few times when I don't want to do things and really gave me a blast when I was whheelchair bound after I got out of the hospital after my blood clot but I realized it was just his upset and frustration while I was in there, inappropriate as it was.

Anyway, just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything like this and your thoughts. Please don't suggest that I sit down with my boss and explain everything to him, I tried that and he won't listen. He also won;t lisetn to his accountant and his wife when they tell him the same thing. His wife is my friend.

Thanks,

Jan

RetiredNellie

Jan,

Jan,

I really dont have any useful words of advice but what I want to say is this:

You are a strong person and I've admired your strength as you have posted on this forum about yourself but mostly your posts were to help and encourage others.  I just wanted to tell you how much I admire this strength and compassion in you.

I truly pray that things are better for you very soon.  In all aspects.  Take care.

Canadian Sandy

I'm so sorry that things are

I'm so sorry that things are not going good for you right now Jan. You are such a compassionate person and I think like me you are very sensitive. I can't help to much but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. i wouldn't be able to cope with work and all the chit going on with cancer...lucky I am retired. Try to keep optimistic Jan.

zx10guy

Jan,

Jan,

While I haven't had to deal with a recurrence, only a new primary after my initial diagnosis, I can relate to everything you've said.  For the job situation, I had a previous manager who was supportive of my cancer situation in the beginning.  After I went through treatment and got married, things with him started to change for whatever reason.  I'm in IT sales as a pre sales engineer.  I have a quota I have to attain.  That year/half I was already meeting/exceeding my quota.  I had also given him bragging rights for being the first manager "involved" in selling our flagship networking switch in North America; I sold 2 out of the 4 sold world wide at product launch.  Yet he was riding my a$$ for weeks wondering what I was doing and why it didn't seem like I was trying that hard.  He didnt' like the fact I didn't pick up his phone calls immediately nor wasn't working as late.  Well, I made some lifestyle changes and decided I wasn't going to kill myself over this job; especially after having gone through cancer.  I had two very uncomfortable meetings with him.  One was over the phone where I just got 45 minutes of him berating me for not performing and one was in person.  As a reminder, I was ahead of quota numbers.  Plus a couple of years ago, I received an award from the company for the North America division for being the engineer of the half.  Yet hear we are with him beating me up.

My stress levels shot up.  I hated my job because of what my manager was doing to me.  I was (and still am) the only source of income for my household because my wife stopped working.  And the reason she stopped working was she was pregnant with our daughter.  Also to add to the stress, my wife was having a difficult pregnancy and we got into arguments because of her stress levels and mine.  Much of this has carried over to this current day where our marriage has been on the rocks as a lasting side effect of what happened those months.

Regarding your fatigue, sleep habits, and just overall feeling of crap, I'm extremely surprised your doctor hasn't brought up your mental health.  In my opinion, your exhibiting signs of depression which is understandable given your situation and what you've been through.  If at all possible, I would seek counseling and possibly a psychiatrist.  This will be infinitely more helpful than smoking pot, which to me isn't even close in helping you with your issues.  The reason why I feel you're going through depression is because I had to deal with these things and saught help.

As far as your husband is concerned, I had to deal with that dismissive attitude from my wife too.  Not sure what it is with some spouses.  I see other spouses who are caregivers on the various forums constantly looking for information to help out their spouses going through cancer.  Yet mine didn't seem to do anything extra other than just be around when I was going through treatment.  I found myself sometimes wishing I had that kind of support from those spouses on the forums seeking answers and help.

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in what you're dealing with.  Hang in there and please a find a counselor to talk about all the things weighing you down.  Or at the very least, seek out a good friend to vent to.  You need to get all these things off your chest.

JanJan63

RetiredNellie said:

Jan,

Jan,

I really dont have any useful words of advice but what I want to say is this:

You are a strong person and I've admired your strength as you have posted on this forum about yourself but mostly your posts were to help and encourage others.  I just wanted to tell you how much I admire this strength and compassion in you.

I truly pray that things are better for you very soon.  In all aspects.  Take care.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

JanJan63

Canadian Sandy said:

I'm so sorry that things are

I'm so sorry that things are not going good for you right now Jan. You are such a compassionate person and I think like me you are very sensitive. I can't help to much but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. i wouldn't be able to cope with work and all the chit going on with cancer...lucky I am retired. Try to keep optimistic Jan.

Thank you, I appreciate it.

Thank you, I appreciate it.

JanJan63

zx10guy said:

Jan,

Jan,

While I haven't had to deal with a recurrence, only a new primary after my initial diagnosis, I can relate to everything you've said.  For the job situation, I had a previous manager who was supportive of my cancer situation in the beginning.  After I went through treatment and got married, things with him started to change for whatever reason.  I'm in IT sales as a pre sales engineer.  I have a quota I have to attain.  That year/half I was already meeting/exceeding my quota.  I had also given him bragging rights for being the first manager "involved" in selling our flagship networking switch in North America; I sold 2 out of the 4 sold world wide at product launch.  Yet he was riding my a$$ for weeks wondering what I was doing and why it didn't seem like I was trying that hard.  He didnt' like the fact I didn't pick up his phone calls immediately nor wasn't working as late.  Well, I made some lifestyle changes and decided I wasn't going to kill myself over this job; especially after having gone through cancer.  I had two very uncomfortable meetings with him.  One was over the phone where I just got 45 minutes of him berating me for not performing and one was in person.  As a reminder, I was ahead of quota numbers.  Plus a couple of years ago, I received an award from the company for the North America division for being the engineer of the half.  Yet hear we are with him beating me up.

My stress levels shot up.  I hated my job because of what my manager was doing to me.  I was (and still am) the only source of income for my household because my wife stopped working.  And the reason she stopped working was she was pregnant with our daughter.  Also to add to the stress, my wife was having a difficult pregnancy and we got into arguments because of her stress levels and mine.  Much of this has carried over to this current day where our marriage has been on the rocks as a lasting side effect of what happened those months.

Regarding your fatigue, sleep habits, and just overall feeling of crap, I'm extremely surprised your doctor hasn't brought up your mental health.  In my opinion, your exhibiting signs of depression which is understandable given your situation and what you've been through.  If at all possible, I would seek counseling and possibly a psychiatrist.  This will be infinitely more helpful than smoking pot, which to me isn't even close in helping you with your issues.  The reason why I feel you're going through depression is because I had to deal with these things and saught help.

As far as your husband is concerned, I had to deal with that dismissive attitude from my wife too.  Not sure what it is with some spouses.  I see other spouses who are caregivers on the various forums constantly looking for information to help out their spouses going through cancer.  Yet mine didn't seem to do anything extra other than just be around when I was going through treatment.  I found myself sometimes wishing I had that kind of support from those spouses on the forums seeking answers and help.

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in what you're dealing with.  Hang in there and please a find a counselor to talk about all the things weighing you down.  Or at the very least, seek out a good friend to vent to.  You need to get all these things off your chest.

Thanks for sharing your

Thanks for sharing your situation. It helps to know someone else can understand. I have to say that most of the time my husband is wonderful. But sometimes the burden gets to be too much and he gets like this. I just feel like if it's that hard for you, imagine how it is for me. I can't get away from it, ever.

JanJan63

I've been having dreams the

I've been having dreams the past few days where I'm healthy and my parents are still alive. I wake up and reality sets in and it just makes everything worse. And the rash/allergic reaction I've been getting is worse. I woke up this morning with my upper lip all swollen. I've been taking allergy pills but I see my regular doctor on Monday to see about getting soething prescription strength.

I found out yesterday from my friend, my boss's wife, that he lied to me about the office numbers being down. The other office he has is the one that's down, the one I work at is actually up 2.3%. She said that's how he works, he'll lie to manipulate people and gave me examples of how he does it with her and the previous receptionist. She said he's like little Donald Trump, he believes his lies so there's no way to argue. She said the only thing I can do is ignore it and that she's spent many nights crying because he's insulted her. She's his assistant so they work together. Typical arrogant dentist. They come from money, they have no idea how it is not to have any, they don't take any kind of courses telling them how to handle staff or be business people and they just handle people like jerks. Ugh, I hate this business.

IcyMoonstone

Hugs Jan

While I am still new on here and only now had a chance to vent some of the thoughts in my head, I can tell one thing.  I can tell that you are a loving and compassionate person.  We share horses in common and being too fatigued to ride.  Which let's admit it, that is like having an extra dose of chemo to be denied of that.  Here are my recommendations for what it is worth:  Go see your horse.  Hug him.  Love him.  Teach him some new tricks.  Find something else to concentrate on when you feel good. 

Make things easier for yourself.  My tricks are to use disposable plates and table ware.  I am an environmentalist, and that makes part of me screem in horror.  However, It is so worth the less effort you need to take.  Do anything you can to make each day easier.  Whether it is small and seems stupid to the rest of the world.  Do it anyway. 

But go see that horse.    They fix it all. 

Hugs!

beaumontdave

So to summarize, you've got a

So to summarize, you've got a met growing, your boss is leaning on you and jerking you around, you've got aches and neuropathy plaguing you daily, you'd like to move but can't, and your loving hubby throws ideas at you, then gets mad if you don't embrace them. [I still hear every stupid, angry word I ever spoke at Cindy in the last couple years]. Whew, that is a load of stress right there. If I thought I'd feel better tomorrow, I'd take a Xanax, finish the stuff I had to do, go for a long walk, hit the tavern along the way, have a couple, walk home and go to bed, but that's just me. If this is how most days are going to feel for you, you probably should get some guidance about stress relievers [not just pills] and ways to cope. We throw a lot of ideas around here on the blog, but a pro might be able to nudge you in the right direction, towards something that helps. In any case, I'm sorry you have to deal with all that, I just ordered a book on Stoicism, which is somewhat about handling all the swirling emotions in our lives. I'll let you know if I think has something to offer. Hang in there......................................Dave

mozart13

Jan, what to say

It is good thing to talk about problems, helps.

You doing great, coping well with health, job , and home situation. Your husband is probablly going through crisis, we all do, some people cope better than the other, it looks like Alberta is going through recession, that puts pressure on every one.

Things will improve with approval of keystone pipe line.

Sorry to hear about your nodulle, what is the plan, chemo or operation, I just finished my treatment little ove week, off work for time being, but feel like going back to work, have been to gym couple of times.

I think what helped me to come around so fast, was taking beta glucan 1,3d before treatment, it helps to improve immune system, some studies say that it creates anti tumor cells, that people that took it before treatments have better chance of survival, my tumor shrinked from 4.5 cm to 2.2 cm, I was hopeing for for complete response, didnt happen, so not much fate in this supplemnts, they might help litlle.

You know what hellped me with energy during treatment, food, vheal or beaf, gave me boost of energy.

This deasease takes tall on every one, including family members.

Your lungs are affected, try deep breathing exercises, extra oxygen will help you, check your hemoglobin, when low people feel tired, red blood cells cary oxygen around body.

Take care Jan, wish you well!

 

LindaK.

Poop

Oh Jan, I am so sorry to read about your frustrations.  It is just not fair and I'm sorry you're feeling so down.  It makes me mad, too, how people are treating you.  Your boss sounds like a jerk, but if you need the job, you may have to tolerate it unfortunately.  Do you have Disability benefits like we do in the US?  My husband was able to get Social Security Disability very quickly after his stage 4 diagnosis.  Maybe you could qualify for something like that so you can focus on your health.  It was a nice benefit to have for a few years.  Someone I work with has been on chemo for 4 years for pancreatic cancer.  He has worked pretty much full time for 4 years, having chemo every 2 or 3 weeks for 4 years!  He takes vacations and is retiring in a few months to enjoy life.  I don't know how he does it, but he tolerates the chemo very well and comes to work after his infusions, and works probably 50 hours/week.  I admire his strength.

I had kind of the reverse situation like you're having with your husband. I would suggest foods, medicines, therapies to help my husband any way I could and he would be stubborn and usually never would try them.  He was a stubborn man and I would often leave a room and go cry somewhere else so he wouldn't see how he upset me with his words or actions.  He liked his food but he had so many issues with his digestion and diabetes and wouldn't consider changing his diet or trying different things.  I know he was sad and angry as I'm sure most people are that are fighting cancer so I would always tell myself that.  It's tough on any relationship.  I only saw my husband cry 3 times in his life. once when his ex-wife tried to keep his children from him, once when he was told he was stage 4 and once when he was told he had weeks to months left.  I know I cried many more times about his cancer.  It just stinks for everyone involved so you're allowed to be mad, sad, or whatever.  My husband's 2nd cancer center was much more concerned about his overall health and well being (and mine too)  I would also suggest counseling and possibly medication.  I have taken an anti-depressant for about 4 years myself and it helps me.

This is a good place to vent so I'm glad you can get some of your feelings out this way.

Linda

Trubrit

LindaK. said:

Poop

Oh Jan, I am so sorry to read about your frustrations.  It is just not fair and I'm sorry you're feeling so down.  It makes me mad, too, how people are treating you.  Your boss sounds like a jerk, but if you need the job, you may have to tolerate it unfortunately.  Do you have Disability benefits like we do in the US?  My husband was able to get Social Security Disability very quickly after his stage 4 diagnosis.  Maybe you could qualify for something like that so you can focus on your health.  It was a nice benefit to have for a few years.  Someone I work with has been on chemo for 4 years for pancreatic cancer.  He has worked pretty much full time for 4 years, having chemo every 2 or 3 weeks for 4 years!  He takes vacations and is retiring in a few months to enjoy life.  I don't know how he does it, but he tolerates the chemo very well and comes to work after his infusions, and works probably 50 hours/week.  I admire his strength.

I had kind of the reverse situation like you're having with your husband. I would suggest foods, medicines, therapies to help my husband any way I could and he would be stubborn and usually never would try them.  He was a stubborn man and I would often leave a room and go cry somewhere else so he wouldn't see how he upset me with his words or actions.  He liked his food but he had so many issues with his digestion and diabetes and wouldn't consider changing his diet or trying different things.  I know he was sad and angry as I'm sure most people are that are fighting cancer so I would always tell myself that.  It's tough on any relationship.  I only saw my husband cry 3 times in his life. once when his ex-wife tried to keep his children from him, once when he was told he was stage 4 and once when he was told he had weeks to months left.  I know I cried many more times about his cancer.  It just stinks for everyone involved so you're allowed to be mad, sad, or whatever.  My husband's 2nd cancer center was much more concerned about his overall health and well being (and mine too)  I would also suggest counseling and possibly medication.  I have taken an anti-depressant for about 4 years myself and it helps me.

This is a good place to vent so I'm glad you can get some of your feelings out this way.

Linda

Good to hear from you, Linda

I was just thinking about you the other day.  

I must admit, I think I know where your husband was coming from, concerning food.  For those of us who love food and have enjoyed food all of our lives, it is so very hard to change the way we eat, even when we know it could save our lives.  I work with many diabetics, being a Podiatric MA (such a terribly disease; just as bad as Cancer in my eyes). I see those who just can't resist the sweets, or large plates of food. I myself struggle daily resisting, and more times than not (if you could see me, chunky lunky) fail.

Its a joy to see you pop back to the forum, and much appreciated, knowing that your hubby has passed away. Your support and knowledge is improtant.

Cyber hugs!

TRU

LindaK.

Trubrit said:

Good to hear from you, Linda

I was just thinking about you the other day.  

I must admit, I think I know where your husband was coming from, concerning food.  For those of us who love food and have enjoyed food all of our lives, it is so very hard to change the way we eat, even when we know it could save our lives.  I work with many diabetics, being a Podiatric MA (such a terribly disease; just as bad as Cancer in my eyes). I see those who just can't resist the sweets, or large plates of food. I myself struggle daily resisting, and more times than not (if you could see me, chunky lunky) fail.

Its a joy to see you pop back to the forum, and much appreciated, knowing that your hubby has passed away. Your support and knowledge is improtant.

Cyber hugs!

TRU

Hi Sue

So kind of you to acknowledge me.  I totally understand the food issues, being a recovering sugarholic myself.  I am currently following a sugar free diet, only eating Stevia, which is a natural sweetener.  My health has greatly improved and my doctor is slowing taking me off most of my meds.  It is not easy and it is just me to cook for.  Almost every day I think my husband would have benefited from this, but I also know he most likely would never have gone along with it. 

What is Podiatric MA?  I'm not familiar with that.  Hope you are well, nice picture you've added!

Linda

Trubrit

LindaK. said:

Hi Sue

So kind of you to acknowledge me.  I totally understand the food issues, being a recovering sugarholic myself.  I am currently following a sugar free diet, only eating Stevia, which is a natural sweetener.  My health has greatly improved and my doctor is slowing taking me off most of my meds.  It is not easy and it is just me to cook for.  Almost every day I think my husband would have benefited from this, but I also know he most likely would never have gone along with it. 

What is Podiatric MA?  I'm not familiar with that.  Hope you are well, nice picture you've added!

Linda

PMA

Podiatric Medical Assistant.  I'm a (part time) foot Doctor's medical assistant.  And I LOVE IT! 

TRU

mokomapa

Feel Sorry For You

Hi Jan.  Sorry to hear you are dealing with so much stress.  Stress is not a good thing to have even when you are feeling well.  I would encourage you not to take anything that will make you feel better for a short period of time but may have long term negative effects.  As far as dealing with spouses I believe we talked about this before.  Sometimes its hard for others to understand what we have to go through on a daily basis.  Your boss doesn't sound like a very nice person to work for.  Try not to let him bring you down or add to your stress.  Try to focus on all the positive things in your life like your daughter, horse, camaro, etc.  I'm not sure if you are a religious person but I truly believe in the power of prayer.  It's helped me through some pretty rough times.  Feel free to reach out to me anytime you need some help or someone to complain to.

Tom

JanJan63

IcyMoonstone said:

Hugs Jan

While I am still new on here and only now had a chance to vent some of the thoughts in my head, I can tell one thing.  I can tell that you are a loving and compassionate person.  We share horses in common and being too fatigued to ride.  Which let's admit it, that is like having an extra dose of chemo to be denied of that.  Here are my recommendations for what it is worth:  Go see your horse.  Hug him.  Love him.  Teach him some new tricks.  Find something else to concentrate on when you feel good. 

Make things easier for yourself.  My tricks are to use disposable plates and table ware.  I am an environmentalist, and that makes part of me screem in horror.  However, It is so worth the less effort you need to take.  Do anything you can to make each day easier.  Whether it is small and seems stupid to the rest of the world.  Do it anyway. 

But go see that horse.    They fix it all. 

Hugs!

Thank you so much! I'd

Thank you so much! I'd planned to have the farrier out today but was worried about how I'd feel after so I cancelled but I'm going out to see him on Sunday. Not tomorrow because I work. And a friend of mine is seriously thinking about getting a horse and boarding where we board so I'd have another riding buddy. She and I had our first horses together when we were kids and rode all over the place.

My husband has been good about doing things around the house the last few days. He even cleaned the whole house yesterday! And he unladed the dishwasher today. And got me roses. So he's off the hook.

JanJan63

beaumontdave said:

So to summarize, you've got a

So to summarize, you've got a met growing, your boss is leaning on you and jerking you around, you've got aches and neuropathy plaguing you daily, you'd like to move but can't, and your loving hubby throws ideas at you, then gets mad if you don't embrace them. [I still hear every stupid, angry word I ever spoke at Cindy in the last couple years]. Whew, that is a load of stress right there. If I thought I'd feel better tomorrow, I'd take a Xanax, finish the stuff I had to do, go for a long walk, hit the tavern along the way, have a couple, walk home and go to bed, but that's just me. If this is how most days are going to feel for you, you probably should get some guidance about stress relievers [not just pills] and ways to cope. We throw a lot of ideas around here on the blog, but a pro might be able to nudge you in the right direction, towards something that helps. In any case, I'm sorry you have to deal with all that, I just ordered a book on Stoicism, which is somewhat about handling all the swirling emotions in our lives. I'll let you know if I think has something to offer. Hang in there......................................Dave

I read a lot so yes, please

I read a lot so yes, please let me know if the book is helpful! Thanks Dave! I've been using CBD oil for the past few days to see if that helps. I may have mentioned that already, I hate going back and reading my own posts, it's kind of embarassing for some reason. I got the number for the cancer support person/counsellor so I have someone to talk to if I need it. She's previously told me we could just talk on the phone. She's great, I just thought I could tough this out on my own.

JanJan63

mozart13 said:

Jan, what to say

It is good thing to talk about problems, helps.

You doing great, coping well with health, job , and home situation. Your husband is probablly going through crisis, we all do, some people cope better than the other, it looks like Alberta is going through recession, that puts pressure on every one.

Things will improve with approval of keystone pipe line.

Sorry to hear about your nodulle, what is the plan, chemo or operation, I just finished my treatment little ove week, off work for time being, but feel like going back to work, have been to gym couple of times.

I think what helped me to come around so fast, was taking beta glucan 1,3d before treatment, it helps to improve immune system, some studies say that it creates anti tumor cells, that people that took it before treatments have better chance of survival, my tumor shrinked from 4.5 cm to 2.2 cm, I was hopeing for for complete response, didnt happen, so not much fate in this supplemnts, they might help litlle.

You know what hellped me with energy during treatment, food, vheal or beaf, gave me boost of energy.

This deasease takes tall on every one, including family members.

Your lungs are affected, try deep breathing exercises, extra oxygen will help you, check your hemoglobin, when low people feel tired, red blood cells cary oxygen around body.

Take care Jan, wish you well!

 

Hmm, I'm going to look up

Hmm, I'm going to look up that beta glucan stuff, thank you. All this time I've been just trying to avoid doing anything additonal because it felt like I was giving in or something like that. I've always been like that, it's not just the cancer that's making me feel that way.

The plan is to try Panitumumab which is a protein that interferes with the growth and spread of cancer cells. My onc had my tumour tested and it would respond to this treatment. I had the first treatment today. It wasn't terrible. I'm glad it's over and I'm now doing something to combat this crap.

JanJan63

LindaK. said:

Poop

Oh Jan, I am so sorry to read about your frustrations.  It is just not fair and I'm sorry you're feeling so down.  It makes me mad, too, how people are treating you.  Your boss sounds like a jerk, but if you need the job, you may have to tolerate it unfortunately.  Do you have Disability benefits like we do in the US?  My husband was able to get Social Security Disability very quickly after his stage 4 diagnosis.  Maybe you could qualify for something like that so you can focus on your health.  It was a nice benefit to have for a few years.  Someone I work with has been on chemo for 4 years for pancreatic cancer.  He has worked pretty much full time for 4 years, having chemo every 2 or 3 weeks for 4 years!  He takes vacations and is retiring in a few months to enjoy life.  I don't know how he does it, but he tolerates the chemo very well and comes to work after his infusions, and works probably 50 hours/week.  I admire his strength.

I had kind of the reverse situation like you're having with your husband. I would suggest foods, medicines, therapies to help my husband any way I could and he would be stubborn and usually never would try them.  He was a stubborn man and I would often leave a room and go cry somewhere else so he wouldn't see how he upset me with his words or actions.  He liked his food but he had so many issues with his digestion and diabetes and wouldn't consider changing his diet or trying different things.  I know he was sad and angry as I'm sure most people are that are fighting cancer so I would always tell myself that.  It's tough on any relationship.  I only saw my husband cry 3 times in his life. once when his ex-wife tried to keep his children from him, once when he was told he was stage 4 and once when he was told he had weeks to months left.  I know I cried many more times about his cancer.  It just stinks for everyone involved so you're allowed to be mad, sad, or whatever.  My husband's 2nd cancer center was much more concerned about his overall health and well being (and mine too)  I would also suggest counseling and possibly medication.  I have taken an anti-depressant for about 4 years myself and it helps me.

This is a good place to vent so I'm glad you can get some of your feelings out this way.

Linda

Thanks Linda, it is a

Thanks Linda, it is a wonderful place to vent. Nobody else really knows what this is like and even if they've had cancer it usually isn't this one.

I mostly don't do things that could be detrimental to my health and I don't buy into the idea that cannabis can cure cancer. I'm certainly not going to smoke it. This cannabis thing is annoying but I did start taking the CBD oil the other day to see if that helps at all.

I am amazed at your co-worker who has been being treated for pancreatic cancer for four years! It's one of the quikest killers in the cancer gang. Good for him! I hope he lives a long time!

I'm planning to get some counselling if I need it. I was on anti-depressants when I was in the hospital for four months after the blood clot but went off of them after I got out of the hospital. I felt like I didn't need them. I felt like I'd walked though the fire and life had to be better after that. Now part of the reson I'm so upset and angry is because I feel like after all the crap I have to be done with this. I had the blood clot after the freaking chemo, that's got to be enough. But it isn't, apparently.

JanJan63

Trubrit said:

PMA

Podiatric Medical Assistant.  I'm a (part time) foot Doctor's medical assistant.  And I LOVE IT! 

TRU

Love the new picture Tru! I'm

Love the new picture Tru! I'm going to replace mine as well. Its a happy one but it doesn't quite look like me in real life. It did that day but I feel differently now.