Moli at another cross roads and mentally crying out loud.

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  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    #62
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    Abbycat2 said:

    Oh, dear Lord!

    I am more spiritual then some, less than others. I have not posted in a while- oh, no, it is for reasons that perhaps you may not realise. It is because I sometimes am too busy grieving for you among us with the heaviest burdens to cope with! My heart is just breaking and I am at a loss for words. My soul aches for you, Debra and you, Ro, and you Anne (AWK) and Molimoli and Kathy G. And my soul aches for me , as well, as I am well aware of how precarious my life is.  I only have a small inkling as to how I personally got here. With sooooo much CA in my ancestry it is not a surprise. But really, how did someone like myself - an athlete in great health - get dealt this card??!  I did everything right - great health, normal BMI- and yet here I am. And so I grieve. My onc gyne told me last week that my quality of life will remain "reasonable" for perhaps  2 years or so. OMG-THEN WHAT?? Oh, dear Lord, I am scared to death! Each day feels like  I've received both a blessing and also a curse. Each day brings me closer to my demise. Forgive me for my personal anguish . I am just not ready to lose any of you fine women to this horrible disease. And I am not ready to release my life either.

    I pray that each of you find joy in each day and quiet moments of peace.

    ((((Hugs)))) to each of you,

    Cathy

     

     

    Cathy , my tears came like rain.and my heart is bleeding.

    Cathy , my sister,In this post I read words you haven't even written,I see your troubled ,heavy laden  heart  in my minds's eyes. Dear God,  Cathy you were there for me and now I feel so helpless now that you are crying out loud .I am just hoping that your courage will be renewed by the break of day You've been in my thoughts all month,I told myself you were on a trip somewhere, it never crossed my mind that you were stumbling and so,so overwhelmed, just know that  it is ok to cry out, I have had my cleansing cry too, we understand all your questions to self that has no answer, we are behind you, also searching for answers as to how this came to be. I sometimes wonder how this particular kind of cancer picked me as recipient. My family is also cancer prone but not this DEMON  that no one alive knows how to deal with.

    I know you will dust yourself off  with the help of the creator and get from under the cloud .

    Lets also be open to the fact a scientist somewhere could change our lives at any time, therefore, we must keep hope alive.

    I am hugging, nuff love, I feel your pain.

    Thanks for your prayers.

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