Funny bonz...
Comments
-
A meal to die for...
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff."
The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."
The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll be jump'n too."
The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped.
At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't those idiots just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?"
The Irish lady said, "You think your husbands we're idiots, my husband made his own sandwiches."0 -
Tom Hanks Father
This is so great. I didn't know Tom Hanks father was the lead singer of the Diamonds.
THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.
If you were alive in 1957, and old enough to enjoy Rock and Roll, you will probably remember the group, "The Diamonds" who had just launched their super hit "Little Darlin' ".
For you that are too young to remember - it was a time when the performers were happy, enjoying themselves, respecting their fans, dressed appropriately and their lyrics could be understood.
They did not feel obligated to scream, eat the microphone, mumble inaudible lyrics or trash the set.
In 1957, The Diamonds had a hit with "Little Darlin". 47 years later, they were requested to perform at Atlantic City ...
This link leads to both performances.
Watch the first one then scroll down for the new one 47 years later.
Tom Hanks father is much better looking than Tom, and even better looking with age. You'll see a strong resemblance. In the linked videos Tom Hank's father is the lead singer on the left. He still has it! Hope you enjoy
http://www.flixxy.com/the-diamonds-little-darlin-1957-2004..htm0 -
Thank you!garym said:Tom Hanks Father
This is so great. I didn't know Tom Hanks father was the lead singer of the Diamonds.
THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.
If you were alive in 1957, and old enough to enjoy Rock and Roll, you will probably remember the group, "The Diamonds" who had just launched their super hit "Little Darlin' ".
For you that are too young to remember - it was a time when the performers were happy, enjoying themselves, respecting their fans, dressed appropriately and their lyrics could be understood.
They did not feel obligated to scream, eat the microphone, mumble inaudible lyrics or trash the set.
In 1957, The Diamonds had a hit with "Little Darlin". 47 years later, they were requested to perform at Atlantic City ...
This link leads to both performances.
Watch the first one then scroll down for the new one 47 years later.
Tom Hanks father is much better looking than Tom, and even better looking with age. You'll see a strong resemblance. In the linked videos Tom Hank's father is the lead singer on the left. He still has it! Hope you enjoy
http://www.flixxy.com/the-diamonds-little-darlin-1957-2004..htm
Totally amazing and made me feel soooo GOOD!!!!0 -
Longevity!!garym said:Tom Hanks Father
This is so great. I didn't know Tom Hanks father was the lead singer of the Diamonds.
THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.
If you were alive in 1957, and old enough to enjoy Rock and Roll, you will probably remember the group, "The Diamonds" who had just launched their super hit "Little Darlin' ".
For you that are too young to remember - it was a time when the performers were happy, enjoying themselves, respecting their fans, dressed appropriately and their lyrics could be understood.
They did not feel obligated to scream, eat the microphone, mumble inaudible lyrics or trash the set.
In 1957, The Diamonds had a hit with "Little Darlin". 47 years later, they were requested to perform at Atlantic City ...
This link leads to both performances.
Watch the first one then scroll down for the new one 47 years later.
Tom Hanks father is much better looking than Tom, and even better looking with age. You'll see a strong resemblance. In the linked videos Tom Hank's father is the lead singer on the left. He still has it! Hope you enjoy
http://www.flixxy.com/the-diamonds-little-darlin-1957-2004..htm
Thanks for that Gary - I'm still smiling as I type. I don't remember the name of the group (and it was a pretty forgettable novelty record at a time of some big characters and memorable songs) but what a bunch of fun guys and what a beautiful man Hanks's Father was and continued to be. However, the greatest delight was to see them looking and sounding so incredibly good all those years later and with the same enormous sense of fun - a real tonic!0 -
Tom Hanks father?garym said:Tom Hanks Father
This is so great. I didn't know Tom Hanks father was the lead singer of the Diamonds.
THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.
If you were alive in 1957, and old enough to enjoy Rock and Roll, you will probably remember the group, "The Diamonds" who had just launched their super hit "Little Darlin' ".
For you that are too young to remember - it was a time when the performers were happy, enjoying themselves, respecting their fans, dressed appropriately and their lyrics could be understood.
They did not feel obligated to scream, eat the microphone, mumble inaudible lyrics or trash the set.
In 1957, The Diamonds had a hit with "Little Darlin". 47 years later, they were requested to perform at Atlantic City ...
This link leads to both performances.
Watch the first one then scroll down for the new one 47 years later.
Tom Hanks father is much better looking than Tom, and even better looking with age. You'll see a strong resemblance. In the linked videos Tom Hank's father is the lead singer on the left. He still has it! Hope you enjoy
http://www.flixxy.com/the-diamonds-little-darlin-1957-2004..htm
Think you were duped Gary. But good music.
http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/celebrities/a/Was-Tom-Hanks-Father-In-The-Diamonds.htm
Analysis: Nice story, but completely false. Tom Hanks' father was never a singer, let alone a member of The Diamonds, a Canadian vocal group famous in the late fifties and early sixties for such Top 40 hits as "Little Darlin'" and "The Stroll."
The Diamonds' original lead singer was Dave Somerville, a native of Ontario, Canada with no known familial connection to Mr. Hanks. He's alive and well, and still performing as "Diamond Dave Somerville." (The other original members were Ted Kowalski, Phil Levitt, and Bill Reed, none of whom fathered Tom Hanks.)
According to Biography.com, Hanks' actual father, Amos Hanks, was a chef. The actor himself has variously described the elder Hanks as an "itinerant cook" and a restaurant owner who thought his son should follow in his footsteps. "My dad was in the restaurant business his entire life," Hanks told the New York Times in 2002, "and he honestly couldn't fathom why I didn't want to be the assistant manager of the local Jack in the Box."
Hanks also mentioned his father's profession in a 1986 interview in which he talked about what life was like after his parents divorced when he was four years old. "I lived with my dad most of the time," he told the Dallas Morning News. "He was a restaurant owner and we lived all over California, wherever he kept opening up restaurants. He remarried many times. It wasn't boring."0 -
Duped...alice124 said:Tom Hanks father?
Think you were duped Gary. But good music.
http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/celebrities/a/Was-Tom-Hanks-Father-In-The-Diamonds.htm
Analysis: Nice story, but completely false. Tom Hanks' father was never a singer, let alone a member of The Diamonds, a Canadian vocal group famous in the late fifties and early sixties for such Top 40 hits as "Little Darlin'" and "The Stroll."
The Diamonds' original lead singer was Dave Somerville, a native of Ontario, Canada with no known familial connection to Mr. Hanks. He's alive and well, and still performing as "Diamond Dave Somerville." (The other original members were Ted Kowalski, Phil Levitt, and Bill Reed, none of whom fathered Tom Hanks.)
According to Biography.com, Hanks' actual father, Amos Hanks, was a chef. The actor himself has variously described the elder Hanks as an "itinerant cook" and a restaurant owner who thought his son should follow in his footsteps. "My dad was in the restaurant business his entire life," Hanks told the New York Times in 2002, "and he honestly couldn't fathom why I didn't want to be the assistant manager of the local Jack in the Box."
Hanks also mentioned his father's profession in a 1986 interview in which he talked about what life was like after his parents divorced when he was four years old. "I lived with my dad most of the time," he told the Dallas Morning News. "He was a restaurant owner and we lived all over California, wherever he kept opening up restaurants. He remarried many times. It wasn't boring."
Hard as it may be to believe, that's not the first time this has happened to me. I'll scold my source accordingly.0 -
Very Punny!
Puns for Educated Minds
1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian ...
3.
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.0 -
The application...pjune127 said:Very Punny!
Puns for Educated Minds
1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian ...
3.
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Loved the list Paula : )
A blonde lawyer was filling out a job application when she came to the question: “Have you ever been arrested?”
She answered “no.”
The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question yes, was “why?” Nevertheless, she answered it “I never got caught.”0 -
Murphy's laws continued...
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.0 -
A man was taking his six year old—Bobby--for a walk in the park when he noticed two dogs ahead, one humping the other. He tried to steer Bobby clear of the activity to no avail. Bobby screamed “Daddy, what is that dog doing to the other dog”? His father awkwardly replied to Bobby that this is what dogs do to make puppies. Bobby looked a little bewildered but accepted his dad’s explanation.garym said:Murphy's laws continued...
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
They completed their walk and went home. That night Bobby couldn’t sleep so he went to his parents’ bedroom. To his astonishment, when he opened the door, his dad was on top of his mom making love. A startled Billy yelled, “Daddy what are you doing to mommy”? His father answered, “Mommy and me are busy making you a little brother.” Bobby--completely dumbfounded-- slowly backed out from the room pulling the door closed once again, but then suddenly pushed It back open. “Dad”, he said, “Can you turn her over? I’d rather have a puppy.”0 -
Litteringalice124 said:A man was taking his six year old—Bobby--for a walk in the park when he noticed two dogs ahead, one humping the other. He tried to steer Bobby clear of the activity to no avail. Bobby screamed “Daddy, what is that dog doing to the other dog”? His father awkwardly replied to Bobby that this is what dogs do to make puppies. Bobby looked a little bewildered but accepted his dad’s explanation.
They completed their walk and went home. That night Bobby couldn’t sleep so he went to his parents’ bedroom. To his astonishment, when he opened the door, his dad was on top of his mom making love. A startled Billy yelled, “Daddy what are you doing to mommy”? His father answered, “Mommy and me are busy making you a little brother.” Bobby--completely dumbfounded-- slowly backed out from the room pulling the door closed once again, but then suddenly pushed It back open. “Dad”, he said, “Can you turn her over? I’d rather have a puppy.”
Coming from Venus, as you do Alice, I'm surprised you're familiar with a term like humping!
Good observer that Bobby - should make a poet, or maybe a useful medical scientist.0 -
Question...alice124 said:A man was taking his six year old—Bobby--for a walk in the park when he noticed two dogs ahead, one humping the other. He tried to steer Bobby clear of the activity to no avail. Bobby screamed “Daddy, what is that dog doing to the other dog”? His father awkwardly replied to Bobby that this is what dogs do to make puppies. Bobby looked a little bewildered but accepted his dad’s explanation.
They completed their walk and went home. That night Bobby couldn’t sleep so he went to his parents’ bedroom. To his astonishment, when he opened the door, his dad was on top of his mom making love. A startled Billy yelled, “Daddy what are you doing to mommy”? His father answered, “Mommy and me are busy making you a little brother.” Bobby--completely dumbfounded-- slowly backed out from the room pulling the door closed once again, but then suddenly pushed It back open. “Dad”, he said, “Can you turn her over? I’d rather have a puppy.”
Is this that doin' it doggie story you referred to before$0 -
Mars vs. Venus...
How to treat a woman:
Wine her.
Dine her.
Call her.
Hold her.
Surprise her.
Compliment her.
Smile at her.
Listen to her.
Laugh with her.
Cry with her.
Romance her.
Encourage her.
Believe in her.
Pray with her.
Pray for her.
Cuddle with her.
Shop with her.
Give her jewelry.
Buy her flowers.
Hold her hand.
Write love letters to her.
Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.
How to treat a man:
Show up naked.
Bring chicken wings and beer.
Don't block the TV.0 -
Some of us are different, some much the samegarym said:Mars vs. Venus...
How to treat a woman:
Wine her.
Dine her.
Call her.
Hold her.
Surprise her.
Compliment her.
Smile at her.
Listen to her.
Laugh with her.
Cry with her.
Romance her.
Encourage her.
Believe in her.
Pray with her.
Pray for her.
Cuddle with her.
Shop with her.
Give her jewelry.
Buy her flowers.
Hold her hand.
Write love letters to her.
Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.
How to treat a man:
Show up naked.
Bring chicken wings and beer.
Don't block the TV.
The Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish Captain and his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish Captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, ”I don't like Chinese”..
''No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'
'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!'
'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'
“Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'
There's a few minutes of silence.
'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.
'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the Captain.
“Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.
“What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the
Captain,”It was an iceberg!'
“Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ..no mattah !!...all same to me.0 -
xmas shoppingTexas_wedge said:Some of us are different, some much the same
The Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish Captain and his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish Captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, ”I don't like Chinese”..
''No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'
'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!'
'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'
“Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'
There's a few minutes of silence.
'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.
'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the Captain.
“Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.
“What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the
Captain,”It was an iceberg!'
“Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ..no mattah !!...all same to me.
I went xmas shopping for my wife. I was looking at some gloves when the saleslady approached me. She asked if she could help me. I told her that I wanted to buy my wife some gloves but did not know her size. So she placed her hands in mine and asked, "Do they feel like these?" They did, I said yes and as she was about to ring up the right size gloves she asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you." I thought for a moment and said, "Well, I was thinking about getting her a bra but......0 -
The porch...
An attractive blonde girl wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do, "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?" "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded. The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already??" the startled husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip...
"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."0
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