breast removal last week

jnl

momof_5_withbreastcancer said:

I have tried talking to him
I have tried talking to him and I suggested he go with me to counciling and he said no way. He sends me a text every morning from work that says good morning sexy but he will never say it or show it to me. He keeps his distance. It hurts. The one person I need to be able to lean on isn't there for me. I just don't know what to do. It's like a person that's on a diet, if u keep the sugar foods out of the house then they won't want them. So some times I feel like if I break things off then he won't be around for me to want attention from him. I'm sure that sounds weird. I have no family here in Minnesota and I don't have friends cause I am always with my kids. I'm sure someone is going to tell me to find a support group or get out and meet people. I can't sit in a room and tell everyone what I'm going threw. On here u guys don't know me and we will never meet. I live in a small town and I don't want my business all over it. I don't want the 20 questions from everyone. I'm private and I like it that way. I don't want my kids being treated differently from there friends and teachers because I have cancer.

Do you think if you told him
Do you think if you told him that you two need a very serious talk that he would sit down with you? You really need to get your point across to him and he really needs to try and open up about his feelings. Maybe he is just scared to death of losing you since you got your diagnosis. That happens sometimes. Men are strange creatures..sometimes they just can't handle it when something bad happens to the woman they love.

Please try to get him to sit down and talk, please!


Leeza

Hennie

jnl said:

Do you think if you told him
Do you think if you told him that you two need a very serious talk that he would sit down with you? You really need to get your point across to him and he really needs to try and open up about his feelings. Maybe he is just scared to death of losing you since you got your diagnosis. That happens sometimes. Men are strange creatures..sometimes they just can't handle it when something bad happens to the woman they love.

Please try to get him to sit down and talk, please!


Leeza

I've been following your post
and believe me all that you are feeling is a part of this sad illness we have. I'm not as young as you, but my mind doesn't match my age. I just turned 50. I'm glad that you come here and vent. True we might never meet, so never keep anything bottled up. Your boyfriend might just be avoiding the real pain he's going thru and just can't express himself. Some men rather avoid facing the problem cause they seem helpless and/or are afraid to say the wrong thing. I do wish that he soon opens up so that both of you can vent out as needed.

Hugs
Hennie

smhackett

You're a beautiful cancer warrior!
Hi, I can feel your pain, on many levels, as I sit here with my IPad positioned just in the right place in order to type, as my arm still doesn't function properly, and my breast which was suppose to have no more feeling after my mastectomy (where 23 lymph nodes were also taken), two weeks ago, hurts. I am also crying like crazy these days and I know that the grieving is happening, and wow, is it happening. I don't know if it's because my estrogen may also be coming back, after 13 weeks of neoadjuvanct chemotherapy, that I'm so emotional, but some nights I have to stop myself because I'm not sleeping and I'm still trying to recover from my surgery in orer to get well enough for another round of chemo (if I decide to do that again, that is). Anyway, please remember that you're a beautiful cancer warrior and that really is something that gives us all more depth and wisdom. I can't imagine anything that can make you more able to enjoy life and beautiful than when death is knocking at your door but you totally beat it and get a second or sometimes third or more chance at life. I also don't like the diagonal line that goes across my chest instead of where there use to be a sexy gorgeous breast. Here is a quote I read today and perhaps you can appreciate it. It's by Deena Metzger from Tree, Essays and Pieces and My Body, My Life. The quote is on the backside of a picture of a woman who is topless who has her arms outstretched and one breast which was removed, and not reconstructed, with a tatoo over the scar. Here the quote:

I am no longer afraid of mirrors where I see the sign of the Amazon, the one who shoots arrows. There was a fine line across my chest where a knife entered, but now a branch winds about the scar and travels from art to heart. Green leaves cover the branch, grapes hang there and a bird appears. What grows in me now it vital and does not cause harm. I think the bird is signing. I have relinquished some of the scars. I have designed my chest with care given to an illuminated manuscript. I am no longer ashamed to make love. Love is a battle I can win. I have a body of a warrior who does not kill or wound. On the book of my body, I have permanently inscribed a tree."

Hope that helps! You should grieve the loss of your breasts, it's so healthy and normal. I know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and if I can keep my eye on the prize of living many more years, since I'm also 35 years young, and enjoying all the other body parts that I do still have and loving myself even with my new look. We are women and we're strong but it's also ok to be a strong cryer sometimes too. It feels good afterwards! Just give yourself some time and things will get better.

Take care and god bless you!
Susan

Angie2U

Hennie said:

I've been following your post
and believe me all that you are feeling is a part of this sad illness we have. I'm not as young as you, but my mind doesn't match my age. I just turned 50. I'm glad that you come here and vent. True we might never meet, so never keep anything bottled up. Your boyfriend might just be avoiding the real pain he's going thru and just can't express himself. Some men rather avoid facing the problem cause they seem helpless and/or are afraid to say the wrong thing. I do wish that he soon opens up so that both of you can vent out as needed.

Hugs
Hennie

Wish I could do more for
Wish I could do more for you. Looks like you've already been given a lot of good advice from the others. You need to put you first, you are most important now!

Hugs and lots of positive thoughts,


Angie