breast removal last week
Sorry for venting. I just figured since no one on here knows me then I'm safe to show my weak side. I'm burned out from having to be strong for everyone else. I'm tired of crying in the bathroom alone.
Comments
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You are not alone
You are so not alone anymore now that you've found us here. We get it here, we really do.
I'm sorry that you have occasion to be here but gladly welcome you. Come here anytime to vent, it's ok.
Going through chemo is really rough, more so for some than others. I know it's easy for me to say to try not be too very concerned right now about going down so drastically in bra size. But I think you'll be very surprised at what a good plastic surgeon can do, I know I sure was! If you haven't already, make an appointment to see a plastic surgeon. This alone will bring new hope!
Your boyfriend may just not know how he's 'supposed' to act right about now. He may be scared and/or confused. His seemingly not being attracted to you may possibly due to him not wanting to physically hurt you. Sounds silly, I know.
Being tired all the time is no fun. Have you told your doctor how exhausted you are? Maybe they can prescribe or suggest something to help. Years ago, I used to get vitamin B12 shots for an energy boost. Your mileage may vary..!
(((Hugs)))0 -
You've come to the right place....
Hating the reason you found this sight but you've come to the right place...vent away away! Without exception every woman on this board has walked in your shoes and sadly many more will follow.....so you're not alone..we can't "fix" you physically but we can help you emotionally...please keep posting.... This is a safe to vent all your anger! I think there is also a site for you younger women who have breast cancer...although we do have young mothers here...as a matter of fact, we have one precious "pink sister" who just turned 21....age doesn't matter to breast cancer...I know two personally who are just in their mid 20's......
It's okay to be angry.....you've been through a trauma, both physically and emotionally...your life has been turned upside down...we all know the feeling of being told "you have breast cancer"...it sucks! I'm on my second go round with this nasty disease....personally, I have never asked "why me"....it's a crap shoot!...I'm the only one in my family to have bc....I think bc has become epidemic .....can't talk to anyone who hasn't been touched by it...either they've had it or know someone who has...so I think it's wasted energy to keep asking why me...what is your next treatment plan? What type of bc do you have?
You saiid you don't think your boyfriend is attracted to you anymore...well, if it was just your breasts that attracted him, perhaps he isn't who you thought he was....BUT give him a chance! A cancer diagnoses hits all loved one's really hard...I really think this is harder on my husband and my grown, married kids than it is on me! Because they can't help "fix" the problem...especially men!!! It's their feeling of helplessness.....Men are geared to be problem solvers...and they can't fix this...Much as they'd like to...It's a lot to digest..they need time to come to grips with this as much as you do...everyone needs time...and again it's okay to be angry!
Take one day at a time, or minute by minute ....what ever gets you through the day...I think you'll find you're stronger than you think you are....and if you need medication for depression, please don't hesitate to speak to your doctors....nothing to be ashamed about...I would bet that the majority of the women on this board take some sort of antidepressant....I know I do!
Please keep posting...you are "safe" here....
Wishing you better days ahead...
Hugs, Nancy0 -
Its definately ok to vent
Its definately ok to vent and everyone here is awesome for support. I am 41 and had a Right side masectomy, still haven't had surgery to replace it. It is very hard for loved ones to deal with the diagnosis and everyone around me was very careful not to bump me or anything after biopsies or surgery. Now that i'm healed up its much better. Now to comlete my 13 rounds of herceptin. Keep coming back to the board for support.0 -
Welcome
Welcome to our family. Like any family, we do not choose this one but we are here, and this is one heck of a supportive family. I see you posted at 3:00am, that is often when I used to be on because I couldn't sleep. I still am sometimes, but not as much as before. I am 53yrs old and one and a half yrs out of treatment for Anal Cancer and three months since a double mastectomy for Breast Cancer. I have 5 grown kids and can not even imagine how difficult this journey would have been when they were young. I am very involved with helping to raise my grandkids (6 boys), but at the end of the day I am exhausted and most of them can go home. Please do not feel alone, come here at any time. Have you looked for a support group in your town?....although some are better than others, some even have free daycare. Just as you feel alone it is possible that is how your boyfriend is feeling also. He maybe has no friends in his boat too, yet he needs to realize you feel like your boat is sinking. Hopefully he will come around soon. I bet you will find that what you call your weak side will soon become your strength to get you through this. Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing. As always, all in my prayers.0 -
So sorryMonicalynn said:Its definately ok to vent
Its definately ok to vent and everyone here is awesome for support. I am 41 and had a Right side masectomy, still haven't had surgery to replace it. It is very hard for loved ones to deal with the diagnosis and everyone around me was very careful not to bump me or anything after biopsies or surgery. Now that i'm healed up its much better. Now to comlete my 13 rounds of herceptin. Keep coming back to the board for support.
This is the place to vent as we all do understand. So remember, you are never alone. We are here to listen, to encourage and support and to help.
Hugs, Lex0 -
I had my breasts removed
I had my breasts removed almost 2 weeks ago. I know the cancer is gone and I should be happy about that but so r my breasts and the scars r so ugly and hurt. Now I find out I have a staph infection. I just want to be normal. Have a normal life like everyone else I know. I tired of being sick. I'm tired of being alone. My poor kids have to deal with a crazy mom with days that r up and down. My boyfriend is afraid to come near me. He won't make love to me and when be has he can't finish. Not sure if that was to personal. I just want someone to hold me and tell me we will get threw this. I sit outside all night cause I don't want to wake anyone with my sobbing. And I think the masquitos r going to carry me away one night. Sometime I feel like if I take my bottle of pain killers and rid my family of this burden then they will be better off. But then I remember how much I love them and I don't want them going threw life without me. I was such a different person a year ago but this evil cancer has changed me. I hate who I have become and I'm sure everyone around me feels the same........0 -
You are my daughter's age somomof_5_withbreastcancer said:I had my breasts removed
I had my breasts removed almost 2 weeks ago. I know the cancer is gone and I should be happy about that but so r my breasts and the scars r so ugly and hurt. Now I find out I have a staph infection. I just want to be normal. Have a normal life like everyone else I know. I tired of being sick. I'm tired of being alone. My poor kids have to deal with a crazy mom with days that r up and down. My boyfriend is afraid to come near me. He won't make love to me and when be has he can't finish. Not sure if that was to personal. I just want someone to hold me and tell me we will get threw this. I sit outside all night cause I don't want to wake anyone with my sobbing. And I think the masquitos r going to carry me away one night. Sometime I feel like if I take my bottle of pain killers and rid my family of this burden then they will be better off. But then I remember how much I love them and I don't want them going threw life without me. I was such a different person a year ago but this evil cancer has changed me. I hate who I have become and I'm sure everyone around me feels the same........
I want to comfort you as I would a daughter, ok? First of all PLEASE STOP! Stop. Just stop for a bit. You are 2 weeks out from major surgery with ports I assume and pain? And you are feeling so unloved that you want your boyfriend to...We will let that go for now because my rage is rising. If you were my daughter I would say to stay absolutely still in the road right now. You are running down the wrong one. Turn around. Quietly turn around. You are not the same person that you were a year ago, and neither is anyone around you. You have gone through a very difficult time and your changes took place quickly and maybe when you look back years from now you will see that it actually saved your life.
But for now I want you to make a call to the American Cancer Society and ask for some help. Your anxiety and aloneness can be helped with others that understand what you are going through. An actual person to talk to on the phone...yes they can get that for you! Free. You are not a throw away person. You are not ugly. How many people can you think of that have a beautiful outside appearance but are very very ugly inside? MANY! Scars can't make a person ugly, or a bald head, or a tired body. Please call also your doctor, oncologist, whoever it is that you can reach and tell them about this anxiety. They can give you meds to help also. You are important and valuable my daughter.
You are very young, and are mourning the loss of that vital life you see others have. Some grief is to be expected! Crying makes all of that bottled up anger go away. And it softens your heart. And people won't remember you when life is said and done for your DDD's either. Remember, this is mom and gramma talking. I am sending love and hope your way with this post.
Rebecca0 -
To mom of 5
I am 47 so not exactly of your generation, but not way out there, either; my youngest children are 13 year old twins. I was angry at first, also, and from previous life experience, I know that anger is one of the stages of grief. After all, we have all lost something. We will never be the same, physically or mentally. But I dind't really ask why me? Like many of our sisters, breast cancer does not run in my family; it was something, acccording to the odds, I didn't need to worry about. But I don't feel that God has singled me out for this. I try to think of it as being part of a plan for me. I feel I am a better person now, in that I am more patient and tolerant and have a hell of a lot more appreciation for life. I used to lie awake at night and worry, mainly about lack of money as I am not able to work, yet, but now I look at the big picture. I opted for reconstruction immediately after surgery, got a staph infection in the side that didn't have cancer, and have to do radiation on the side that did, with the remaining implant. So it sucks! I am looking at more surgeries down the road. No, my breasts will not be the same, and they were nice, but it is what it is. I have one more round of chemo to go, so I have no hair, which was also one of my best features, but I donated it to Locks of Love and that made me feel better. I guess that's it, as I am rambling. As far as your boyfriend, maybe he doesn't know how to react. I think in some ways cancer is harder on your loved ones because there is nothing they can do. My husband said he would rather have me alive than my breasts, and if he is not attracted to me at this time, Good! Physical intimacy is the last thing on my mind until way dowm the road; he still hugs and holds me and kisses me on top of my bald head. It will get better. For me, it is turning out to be longer road than I anticpated and I am having a lot of issues healing, but again, the big picture. And although my family tells me how well I am dealing with it all, I too cry by myself. I think we all do. Good Luck!0 -
I just want to echorallendorfer said:You are my daughter's age so
I want to comfort you as I would a daughter, ok? First of all PLEASE STOP! Stop. Just stop for a bit. You are 2 weeks out from major surgery with ports I assume and pain? And you are feeling so unloved that you want your boyfriend to...We will let that go for now because my rage is rising. If you were my daughter I would say to stay absolutely still in the road right now. You are running down the wrong one. Turn around. Quietly turn around. You are not the same person that you were a year ago, and neither is anyone around you. You have gone through a very difficult time and your changes took place quickly and maybe when you look back years from now you will see that it actually saved your life.
But for now I want you to make a call to the American Cancer Society and ask for some help. Your anxiety and aloneness can be helped with others that understand what you are going through. An actual person to talk to on the phone...yes they can get that for you! Free. You are not a throw away person. You are not ugly. How many people can you think of that have a beautiful outside appearance but are very very ugly inside? MANY! Scars can't make a person ugly, or a bald head, or a tired body. Please call also your doctor, oncologist, whoever it is that you can reach and tell them about this anxiety. They can give you meds to help also. You are important and valuable my daughter.
You are very young, and are mourning the loss of that vital life you see others have. Some grief is to be expected! Crying makes all of that bottled up anger go away. And it softens your heart. And people won't remember you when life is said and done for your DDD's either. Remember, this is mom and gramma talking. I am sending love and hope your way with this post.
Rebecca
I just want to echo everything that Rebecca said. You need and can get help for accepting and even celebrating your current situation. Until you are able to accept that your life is not going to go back to the way it was before, you won't be able to move forward from this rut you are currently in.0 -
to everyonedeerello said:To mom of 5
I am 47 so not exactly of your generation, but not way out there, either; my youngest children are 13 year old twins. I was angry at first, also, and from previous life experience, I know that anger is one of the stages of grief. After all, we have all lost something. We will never be the same, physically or mentally. But I dind't really ask why me? Like many of our sisters, breast cancer does not run in my family; it was something, acccording to the odds, I didn't need to worry about. But I don't feel that God has singled me out for this. I try to think of it as being part of a plan for me. I feel I am a better person now, in that I am more patient and tolerant and have a hell of a lot more appreciation for life. I used to lie awake at night and worry, mainly about lack of money as I am not able to work, yet, but now I look at the big picture. I opted for reconstruction immediately after surgery, got a staph infection in the side that didn't have cancer, and have to do radiation on the side that did, with the remaining implant. So it sucks! I am looking at more surgeries down the road. No, my breasts will not be the same, and they were nice, but it is what it is. I have one more round of chemo to go, so I have no hair, which was also one of my best features, but I donated it to Locks of Love and that made me feel better. I guess that's it, as I am rambling. As far as your boyfriend, maybe he doesn't know how to react. I think in some ways cancer is harder on your loved ones because there is nothing they can do. My husband said he would rather have me alive than my breasts, and if he is not attracted to me at this time, Good! Physical intimacy is the last thing on my mind until way dowm the road; he still hugs and holds me and kisses me on top of my bald head. It will get better. For me, it is turning out to be longer road than I anticpated and I am having a lot of issues healing, but again, the big picture. And although my family tells me how well I am dealing with it all, I too cry by myself. I think we all do. Good Luck!
Thank u for just listening. When I wrote my first post I didn't think anyone would say anything back but I'm surprised at the responses I got. I have a lot of bad days right now and know that things have to turn around. I don't to reach out for support threw the groups in my town because my cancer is private to me and we live in a small town. So a friend told me about this website. I seem to break down more at night probably cause the house is so quiet and I'm so tired. I needed to hear the things all of u have said. Thank u again.0 -
We have been there
Hi,
We have all experienced a lot of the same things you are. I was 41 when I was first diagnosed, didn't know anyone my age either who was going through the same thing. I have three kids and only cried in the bathroom because I didn't want to upset the kids. You will be tired for a while and people will be who they are, you can't change them. Just remember you will get through this and it does get better. It takes a while but life will get back to a new "normal" in time. Vent anytime you want.
Terry0 -
Welcome to this site. It is
Welcome to this site. It is the best place to vent, find support and even friendships. I am 39 now; I was 38 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Three days before Christmas, I had a right breast mastectomy. Just about simultaneously, I was going through a divorce, and I have three children ages 11, 7, and 5. Please know you are not alone. I have been where you are,I have felt what you felt. But the best advice that I could have gotten...at least regarding my children and family is that information is power. My surgeon was the one who told me to be honest with my children; teach them the terms chemo and cancer. I checked a book out of the library that compared cancer to a garden with weeds that needed to be picked to keep it healthy. Then my friends made my kids chemo bags (activity bags) for when mommy was not feeling well. Today, I am one day (almost) away from my final chemo treatment, and I can tell you that I didn't give my children or friends enough credit. Once I educated my children about cancer, it became less scary for them. My son and daughter love to joke about the fake boob mom has, and they don't even mind the bald head too much. They know the routine with the chemo, and are pretty good at knowing that mom gets tired easily. It does get better. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please continue to come here. We welcome you with gentle hugs.
Dorene0 -
Today was a good day. MetJobi said:Welcome to this site. It is
Welcome to this site. It is the best place to vent, find support and even friendships. I am 39 now; I was 38 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Three days before Christmas, I had a right breast mastectomy. Just about simultaneously, I was going through a divorce, and I have three children ages 11, 7, and 5. Please know you are not alone. I have been where you are,I have felt what you felt. But the best advice that I could have gotten...at least regarding my children and family is that information is power. My surgeon was the one who told me to be honest with my children; teach them the terms chemo and cancer. I checked a book out of the library that compared cancer to a garden with weeds that needed to be picked to keep it healthy. Then my friends made my kids chemo bags (activity bags) for when mommy was not feeling well. Today, I am one day (almost) away from my final chemo treatment, and I can tell you that I didn't give my children or friends enough credit. Once I educated my children about cancer, it became less scary for them. My son and daughter love to joke about the fake boob mom has, and they don't even mind the bald head too much. They know the routine with the chemo, and are pretty good at knowing that mom gets tired easily. It does get better. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please continue to come here. We welcome you with gentle hugs.
Dorene
Today was a good day. Met with my plastic surgeon for my post op and then had a nice lunch with my mom. I came home and took a nap while my mom took all the kids to the lake. Boyfriend came home and we had some time to talk which was long over due. I share this website with him and the things all of u have said to me. He told me that at his lunch for the last couple weeks he has spent his time researching breast cancer and what we go threw when we loose our breasts. I was surprised. He told me some of his fears and I see now that he has been scared also but just hasn't know how to show me. He thought he had to be strong for me. After our talk we took 2 of our kids to there baseball games and then grabbed the rest of them at home and went out for dinner. We went to the gym to swim for a little while......I just watched......and then home so they could get to bed. After finishing a nice relaxing bath in quiet my boyfriend came in and washed my hair. It was very nice to have him help me like that. This is the earliest I have gotten in bed in weeks and the first day in months that I have not cried. I think I will go to sleep now. Thank u for sharing your stories and showing me I'm not alone.0 -
Wanting to welcome you tomom62 said:We have been there
Hi,
We have all experienced a lot of the same things you are. I was 41 when I was first diagnosed, didn't know anyone my age either who was going through the same thing. I have three kids and only cried in the bathroom because I didn't want to upset the kids. You will be tired for a while and people will be who they are, you can't change them. Just remember you will get through this and it does get better. It takes a while but life will get back to a new "normal" in time. Vent anytime you want.
Terry
Wanting to welcome you to the site. Venting is great as we all need a place to let our feelings out and this site is just for that. We understand and offer you our support.
Hugs,
Megan0 -
Glad to hear.....momof_5_withbreastcancer said:Today was a good day. Met
Today was a good day. Met with my plastic surgeon for my post op and then had a nice lunch with my mom. I came home and took a nap while my mom took all the kids to the lake. Boyfriend came home and we had some time to talk which was long over due. I share this website with him and the things all of u have said to me. He told me that at his lunch for the last couple weeks he has spent his time researching breast cancer and what we go threw when we loose our breasts. I was surprised. He told me some of his fears and I see now that he has been scared also but just hasn't know how to show me. He thought he had to be strong for me. After our talk we took 2 of our kids to there baseball games and then grabbed the rest of them at home and went out for dinner. We went to the gym to swim for a little while......I just watched......and then home so they could get to bed. After finishing a nice relaxing bath in quiet my boyfriend came in and washed my hair. It was very nice to have him help me like that. This is the earliest I have gotten in bed in weeks and the first day in months that I have not cried. I think I will go to sleep now. Thank u for sharing your stories and showing me I'm not alone.
....you surely deserved a good day! I will continue to pray that you have many more as you keep moving forward in this journey. Keep in touch, we are all here for you.0 -
Feel free to post as oftenmomof_5_withbreastcancer said:to everyone
Thank u for just listening. When I wrote my first post I didn't think anyone would say anything back but I'm surprised at the responses I got. I have a lot of bad days right now and know that things have to turn around. I don't to reach out for support threw the groups in my town because my cancer is private to me and we live in a small town. So a friend told me about this website. I seem to break down more at night probably cause the house is so quiet and I'm so tired. I needed to hear the things all of u have said. Thank u again.
Feel free to post as often as you need here. That's what this site is for. I am glad that what the pink sisters wrote helped you.
Hugs, Jan0 -
It is nice to read that youeihtak said:Glad to hear.....
....you surely deserved a good day! I will continue to pray that you have many more as you keep moving forward in this journey. Keep in touch, we are all here for you.
It is nice to read that you are feeling better and having a better day. Praying you have many, many more of them!
Hugs, Debby0 -
today was okDebbyM said:It is nice to read that you
It is nice to read that you are feeling better and having a better day. Praying you have many, many more of them!
Hugs, Debby
I'm laying in bed with ice backs on both breasts. This is the only thing I have found that will take the swelling down. People say I put to much on my plate. Lol. I have 5 kids, I own my own business, I do all the house work and cooking, run my kids to sport activities 5 days a week, pay all the bills alone, battle cancer, have both breasts removed 2 weeks ago and then today I decided to have a garage sale with the hell from my mom. Yes, I think I am going crazy. But with everything I did today I checked back on this site to read all the supportive words and it helped. I am a bit cranky and the boyfriend isn't talking to me because of it but that's ok. Sometimes it nice to not have to hear someone talk. So I am going to lay here for another 10 minutes and freeze my butt off and then fall asleep. I can't wait till I can sleep on my tummy again.
O, wish me luck for tomorrow. I find out if my doctor thinks I need to follow up with more chemo. I am hoping not but I hear that most everyone does after a breast removal.0 -
Good luck today. Prayingmomof_5_withbreastcancer said:today was ok
I'm laying in bed with ice backs on both breasts. This is the only thing I have found that will take the swelling down. People say I put to much on my plate. Lol. I have 5 kids, I own my own business, I do all the house work and cooking, run my kids to sport activities 5 days a week, pay all the bills alone, battle cancer, have both breasts removed 2 weeks ago and then today I decided to have a garage sale with the hell from my mom. Yes, I think I am going crazy. But with everything I did today I checked back on this site to read all the supportive words and it helped. I am a bit cranky and the boyfriend isn't talking to me because of it but that's ok. Sometimes it nice to not have to hear someone talk. So I am going to lay here for another 10 minutes and freeze my butt off and then fall asleep. I can't wait till I can sleep on my tummy again.
O, wish me luck for tomorrow. I find out if my doctor thinks I need to follow up with more chemo. I am hoping not but I hear that most everyone does after a breast removal.
Good luck today. Praying for no chemo for you!0 -
Hoping that you are feelingJobi said:Welcome to this site. It is
Welcome to this site. It is the best place to vent, find support and even friendships. I am 39 now; I was 38 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Three days before Christmas, I had a right breast mastectomy. Just about simultaneously, I was going through a divorce, and I have three children ages 11, 7, and 5. Please know you are not alone. I have been where you are,I have felt what you felt. But the best advice that I could have gotten...at least regarding my children and family is that information is power. My surgeon was the one who told me to be honest with my children; teach them the terms chemo and cancer. I checked a book out of the library that compared cancer to a garden with weeds that needed to be picked to keep it healthy. Then my friends made my kids chemo bags (activity bags) for when mommy was not feeling well. Today, I am one day (almost) away from my final chemo treatment, and I can tell you that I didn't give my children or friends enough credit. Once I educated my children about cancer, it became less scary for them. My son and daughter love to joke about the fake boob mom has, and they don't even mind the bald head too much. They know the routine with the chemo, and are pretty good at knowing that mom gets tired easily. It does get better. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please continue to come here. We welcome you with gentle hugs.
Dorene
Hoping that you are feeling much better! Keep posting if it helps. We are always open!
Lots of hugs,
Megan0
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