feel like I am going insane

dbhadra

Heatherbelle said:

i've been there too
Hi Laura *hugs*
I've gone through the same thing. I've been on anti-depressants half of my life after being diagnosed as manic depressive when i was 20. My depression and anxiety worsened AFTER my treatments stopped. It's been about 10 months since i finished chemo & im just now starting to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I've been to therapists, and that has helped. I also have been journaling & writing at night before I go to bed, it helps me to "empty out" ann the negative stuff I'm feeling. I have added another anti-depressant after I went to my Dr. last month because my zoloft just didn't seem to be doing it for me anymore. I still get anxious by all the "what-ifs" but i have just accepted that - im doing ALL that I can to fight this, i've had bilateral mastectomies, chemo, im having a complete hysterectomy next month because i've found out im BRCA1 + - i eat healthy, have made fitness a priority in my life, and i live my life with the mindset that my tomorrow is not guaranteed, so I enjoy the little things, i tell those close to me that i love them every day, i try and find joy in all that i do. I don't sweat the small stuff. It's taken me a long time to get to this point, and i still have struggles. I'm sorry you're feeling down, I have been there myself & still have my "off" days. My suggestion would be to see your Dr. about tweaking your anti-depressants. And keep seeing your counselor at your cancer center. Just getting your feelings out is so helpful. Maybe consider journaling at the end of the day? I don't have an official journal - sometimes i write in a notebook, sometimes it will be in the form of an email to a friend, or my husband (and i rarely send them-the point is to just get the feelings out of your head to keep them from clogging up your thoughts!)
Sending you lots of love & hugs
-heather

Thanks all for replies
Finally today got a prescription for effexor at the out patient mental health center ... Going there was good today though I am the old lady in the room for sure - lots of college age kids with depression and other mental health issues. I just felt that I could not wait another day for treatment, I felt that mitt only was I going nuts, but I couldn't get anyone in the health community to listen to me - and when we have already been through so much with the medical/physical side dealing with the emotional side is tough since we're already exhausted at times! So - two more days of outpatient mental health treatment for me and then on to radiation/xeloda starting moon aug 15...- and hopefully will see mood improvements between the new meeds and the intensive therapy.

Blessings,

Laura

dbhadra

Heatherbelle said:

i've been there too
Hi Laura *hugs*
I've gone through the same thing. I've been on anti-depressants half of my life after being diagnosed as manic depressive when i was 20. My depression and anxiety worsened AFTER my treatments stopped. It's been about 10 months since i finished chemo & im just now starting to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I've been to therapists, and that has helped. I also have been journaling & writing at night before I go to bed, it helps me to "empty out" ann the negative stuff I'm feeling. I have added another anti-depressant after I went to my Dr. last month because my zoloft just didn't seem to be doing it for me anymore. I still get anxious by all the "what-ifs" but i have just accepted that - im doing ALL that I can to fight this, i've had bilateral mastectomies, chemo, im having a complete hysterectomy next month because i've found out im BRCA1 + - i eat healthy, have made fitness a priority in my life, and i live my life with the mindset that my tomorrow is not guaranteed, so I enjoy the little things, i tell those close to me that i love them every day, i try and find joy in all that i do. I don't sweat the small stuff. It's taken me a long time to get to this point, and i still have struggles. I'm sorry you're feeling down, I have been there myself & still have my "off" days. My suggestion would be to see your Dr. about tweaking your anti-depressants. And keep seeing your counselor at your cancer center. Just getting your feelings out is so helpful. Maybe consider journaling at the end of the day? I don't have an official journal - sometimes i write in a notebook, sometimes it will be in the form of an email to a friend, or my husband (and i rarely send them-the point is to just get the feelings out of your head to keep them from clogging up your thoughts!)
Sending you lots of love & hugs
-heather

Thanks all for replies
Finally today got a prescription for effexor at the out patient mental health center ... Going there was good today though I am the old lady in the room for sure - lots of college age kids with depression and other mental health issues. I just felt that I could not wait another day for treatment, I felt that mitt only was I going nuts, but I couldn't get anyone in the health community to listen to me - and when we have already been through so much with the medical/physical side dealing with the emotional side is tough since we're already exhausted at times! So - two more days of outpatient mental health treatment for me and then on to radiation/xeloda starting moon aug 15...- and hopefully will see mood improvements between the new meeds and the intensive therapy.

Blessings,

Laura

dbhadra

Heatherbelle said:

i've been there too
Hi Laura *hugs*
I've gone through the same thing. I've been on anti-depressants half of my life after being diagnosed as manic depressive when i was 20. My depression and anxiety worsened AFTER my treatments stopped. It's been about 10 months since i finished chemo & im just now starting to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I've been to therapists, and that has helped. I also have been journaling & writing at night before I go to bed, it helps me to "empty out" ann the negative stuff I'm feeling. I have added another anti-depressant after I went to my Dr. last month because my zoloft just didn't seem to be doing it for me anymore. I still get anxious by all the "what-ifs" but i have just accepted that - im doing ALL that I can to fight this, i've had bilateral mastectomies, chemo, im having a complete hysterectomy next month because i've found out im BRCA1 + - i eat healthy, have made fitness a priority in my life, and i live my life with the mindset that my tomorrow is not guaranteed, so I enjoy the little things, i tell those close to me that i love them every day, i try and find joy in all that i do. I don't sweat the small stuff. It's taken me a long time to get to this point, and i still have struggles. I'm sorry you're feeling down, I have been there myself & still have my "off" days. My suggestion would be to see your Dr. about tweaking your anti-depressants. And keep seeing your counselor at your cancer center. Just getting your feelings out is so helpful. Maybe consider journaling at the end of the day? I don't have an official journal - sometimes i write in a notebook, sometimes it will be in the form of an email to a friend, or my husband (and i rarely send them-the point is to just get the feelings out of your head to keep them from clogging up your thoughts!)
Sending you lots of love & hugs
-heather

Thanks all for replies
Finally today got a prescription for effexor at the out patient mental health center ... Going there was good today though I am the old lady in the room for sure - lots of college age kids with depression and other mental health issues. I just felt that I could not wait another day for treatment, I felt that mitt only was I going nuts, but I couldn't get anyone in the health community to listen to me - and when we have already been through so much with the medical/physical side dealing with the emotional side is tough since we're already exhausted at times! So - two more days of outpatient mental health treatment for me and then on to radiation/xeloda starting moon aug 15...- and hopefully will see mood improvements between the new meeds and the intensive therapy.

Blessings,

Laura

CAchick

Special person
Laura, You are obviously such a special person. You are brave to put your thoughts and feelings out there and share them with the group here. We can all relate to some of the feelings you have been experiencing. Kudos to you for being proactive and getting some help! Hugs to you,
Sybil

lynn1950

dbhadra said:

Thanks all for replies
Finally today got a prescription for effexor at the out patient mental health center ... Going there was good today though I am the old lady in the room for sure - lots of college age kids with depression and other mental health issues. I just felt that I could not wait another day for treatment, I felt that mitt only was I going nuts, but I couldn't get anyone in the health community to listen to me - and when we have already been through so much with the medical/physical side dealing with the emotional side is tough since we're already exhausted at times! So - two more days of outpatient mental health treatment for me and then on to radiation/xeloda starting moon aug 15...- and hopefully will see mood improvements between the new meeds and the intensive therapy.

Blessings,

Laura

Hi Laura, Welcome to a
Hi Laura, Welcome to a brand new day. Here's hoping that it's a good one with a dollop of joy. xoxoxoxo Lynn

MAJW

CAchick said:

Special person
Laura, You are obviously such a special person. You are brave to put your thoughts and feelings out there and share them with the group here. We can all relate to some of the feelings you have been experiencing. Kudos to you for being proactive and getting some help! Hugs to you,
Sybil

Laura...
Hang in there sweetie! You're taking the right steps....You said you start radiation and Xeloda....I started the same two, this week.....we're on the same ride..we'll ride it together, along with support from all of our pink sisters...

Keep us posted....we care
Hugs, Nancy

cahjah75

Laura
I'm so glad you are getting the help you need with counseling and medication. I was dx with clinical depression 10 years ago by my gyn. I was not handling all the changes from menopause well. I was on Wellbutrin for 9 years and stopped just 2 months before being dx with bc. For some odd reason I seem to be handling bc better than anything else. I don't think about death. I think about living the life I've been dealt and trying the make the most of it. I still have to get my weight issues in check and then I'll truly be happy with my life. Continue to see your counselor and let someone know if you don't think your meds are helping. Wishing you positive thoughts and prayers.
{{hugs}} Char

Angie2U

lynn1950 said:

Hi Laura, Welcome to a
Hi Laura, Welcome to a brand new day. Here's hoping that it's a good one with a dollop of joy. xoxoxoxo Lynn

I am hoping and praying that
I am hoping and praying that with each new day Laura, that you will feel stronger!


Hugs, Angie

Ritzy

dbhadra said:

Thanks all for replies
Finally today got a prescription for effexor at the out patient mental health center ... Going there was good today though I am the old lady in the room for sure - lots of college age kids with depression and other mental health issues. I just felt that I could not wait another day for treatment, I felt that mitt only was I going nuts, but I couldn't get anyone in the health community to listen to me - and when we have already been through so much with the medical/physical side dealing with the emotional side is tough since we're already exhausted at times! So - two more days of outpatient mental health treatment for me and then on to radiation/xeloda starting moon aug 15...- and hopefully will see mood improvements between the new meeds and the intensive therapy.

Blessings,

Laura

So glad you went to the out
So glad you went to the out patient mental health center and got help. Praying that you will start feeling better very quickly.


And, good luck with rads and xeloda on Monday!


Sue

survivorbc09

MAJW said:

Laura...
Hang in there sweetie! You're taking the right steps....You said you start radiation and Xeloda....I started the same two, this week.....we're on the same ride..we'll ride it together, along with support from all of our pink sisters...

Keep us posted....we care
Hugs, Nancy

Hoping and praying that you
Hoping and praying that you are feeling a lot better now.


Big hugs, Jan

sinee

dbhadra said:

Thanks all for replies
Finally today got a prescription for effexor at the out patient mental health center ... Going there was good today though I am the old lady in the room for sure - lots of college age kids with depression and other mental health issues. I just felt that I could not wait another day for treatment, I felt that mitt only was I going nuts, but I couldn't get anyone in the health community to listen to me - and when we have already been through so much with the medical/physical side dealing with the emotional side is tough since we're already exhausted at times! So - two more days of outpatient mental health treatment for me and then on to radiation/xeloda starting moon aug 15...- and hopefully will see mood improvements between the new meeds and the intensive therapy.

Blessings,

Laura

Your Courage
Thank you for your courage to share what you are going through, it gives us all permission to fall apart if and when we need to. You will make it, because we are all here holding on to you too. Thanks again, you are a blessing and a treasure to us all. You are beautiful, and we love you. And when you can, look up and feel the sun on your face, because that is how you have supported all of us, now take some time for you to feel the same sun and warmth that you have given to all of us. Sinee

smalldoggroomer

I am so happy you are
I am so happy you are feeling better.. It sounds like you are on the right road now. I am in aw at how strong a person you are. You are a true inspiration. Take care darlin Kay,

dbhadra

smalldoggroomer said:

I am so happy you are
I am so happy you are feeling better.. It sounds like you are on the right road now. I am in aw at how strong a person you are. You are a true inspiration. Take care darlin Kay,

Started the radiation and xelida yesterday
Today, again at 2:30 is my second treatment. Spent three days in the outpatient program of our local hospital and it haloed me a lot to get out of my one problems and see other people had issues too, not related to cancer. I go there again tomorrow. Felling a bit anxious today as I am at hone , trying to straighten up my house but being home with no set schedule seems to set off my anxieties... If I am out and doing things I don't feel them as much.


Reminding myself continually to stay in the present moment as my anxious thoughts all relate to the future - and no one knows what the future jolts so imaging terrible outcomes is not only anxiety producing, it is useless.

Laura

dbhadra

smalldoggroomer said:

I am so happy you are
I am so happy you are feeling better.. It sounds like you are on the right road now. I am in aw at how strong a person you are. You are a true inspiration. Take care darlin Kay,

Started the radiation and xelida yesterday
Today, again at 2:30 is my second treatment. Spent three days in the outpatient program of our local hospital and it haloed me a lot to get out of my one problems and see other people had issues too, not related to cancer. I go there again tomorrow. Felling a bit anxious today as I am at hone , trying to straighten up my house but being home with no set schedule seems to set off my anxieties... If I am out and doing things I don't feel them as much.


Reminding myself continually to stay in the present moment as my anxious thoughts all relate to the future - and no one knows what the future jolts so imaging terrible outcomes is not only anxiety producing, it is useless.

Laura

Megan M

dbhadra said:

Started the radiation and xelida yesterday
Today, again at 2:30 is my second treatment. Spent three days in the outpatient program of our local hospital and it haloed me a lot to get out of my one problems and see other people had issues too, not related to cancer. I go there again tomorrow. Felling a bit anxious today as I am at hone , trying to straighten up my house but being home with no set schedule seems to set off my anxieties... If I am out and doing things I don't feel them as much.


Reminding myself continually to stay in the present moment as my anxious thoughts all relate to the future - and no one knows what the future jolts so imaging terrible outcomes is not only anxiety producing, it is useless.

Laura

You are right, none of us
You are right, none of us can predict the future Laura. Try to just enjoy the day, today and now worry about what if's.


Good luck today with your treatment. Keep us updated.


Hugs, Megan

Kylez

smalldoggroomer said:

I am so happy you are
I am so happy you are feeling better.. It sounds like you are on the right road now. I am in aw at how strong a person you are. You are a true inspiration. Take care darlin Kay,

So good to read that you are
So good to read that you are feeling so much better. I will pray that it will continue and that with each new day, you will feel stronger.


You are doing the best thing for yourself now.


Good luck,

Kylez