Is anyone else scared? After Elizabeth Edwards passing, I feel very anxious about a recurrence, and
Comments
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It's not so much me....ruthielaine said:Absolutely - feel the same
Absolutely - feel the same way - I've been doing so well lately with not dwelling on bc and actually living my life, looking for a new job, painting the house etc as if I never even had cancer and then all of a sudden this just whacked me over the head. I feel so very bad for her and her family and I hope she's in a better place. I feel extremely anxious and worried and have been searching the internet for as much info as I can find but details aren't readily available. Bottom line is we can't drive ourselves crazy with details because everyone's bc is totally unique and just as there are those like Elizabeth who have seen the worst of this disease, there are just as many that are surviving and thriving. Now I need to have that talk with myself that says just take one day at a time and after all, I could get run over by a bus tomorrow so I won't let this beast win by taking one more day away from me by drowning in my own worry.
It's not as much me as it is my friends. I was talking with a couple of girl friends last night; that don't have any cancers by the way and they were all gloom and doom. I was the only one being optimistic, I was convinced that there were more options for Elizabeth out there. Well then first thing this morning they were just announcing on the news that she had passed. I was quite frankly more p'ed off than any thing else. I Hate Cancer!
I'm still not giving up even tho stage IV myself!
Peace and Love,
Edie0 -
Had one of those down days yesterday
I felt like doing nothing. Luckily didn't have anything planned, still recovering from my surgery last Wednesday. Just felt tired & yukky all day. Then when I heard the news about Elizabeth Edwards, that was it. I cried. Again, I guess I just needed to get it out. Went to bed early just to get away from everything. Woke up today better. Yes, this all scares me, but I refuse to let this monster keep me down. He may knock me down a little, but I will get right back up fighting. Love you all, Jean0 -
Not scared just sadruthielaine said:Absolutely - feel the same
Absolutely - feel the same way - I've been doing so well lately with not dwelling on bc and actually living my life, looking for a new job, painting the house etc as if I never even had cancer and then all of a sudden this just whacked me over the head. I feel so very bad for her and her family and I hope she's in a better place. I feel extremely anxious and worried and have been searching the internet for as much info as I can find but details aren't readily available. Bottom line is we can't drive ourselves crazy with details because everyone's bc is totally unique and just as there are those like Elizabeth who have seen the worst of this disease, there are just as many that are surviving and thriving. Now I need to have that talk with myself that says just take one day at a time and after all, I could get run over by a bus tomorrow so I won't let this beast win by taking one more day away from me by drowning in my own worry.
No doubts her sudden death brings the question which is always on every survivor mind: What is cancer? I had heart to heart with my husband on the topic:” Am I cured or in remission. Is it is possible to be cured? For the first time since my diagnosis I had to explain to him that modern medicine has stopped using term “cure” and use NED because they do not know. It has been treated as chronic disease, and nobody knows what will trigger it.
My biggest question now what I am going to do with my time. Should I go back to normal life or enjoy time left? Should I have only 10 vacation days working full-time 8 hours a day or quit and travel, see places…
Many questions no answers0 -
New Flower I struggle withNew Flower said:Not scared just sad
No doubts her sudden death brings the question which is always on every survivor mind: What is cancer? I had heart to heart with my husband on the topic:” Am I cured or in remission. Is it is possible to be cured? For the first time since my diagnosis I had to explain to him that modern medicine has stopped using term “cure” and use NED because they do not know. It has been treated as chronic disease, and nobody knows what will trigger it.
My biggest question now what I am going to do with my time. Should I go back to normal life or enjoy time left? Should I have only 10 vacation days working full-time 8 hours a day or quit and travel, see places…
Many questions no answers
New Flower I struggle with the same questions. I drive myself crazy - should I go back to the work grind so I can pay my bills or should I enjoy the rest of my life and travel and go broke - Hah! Life is so short for all humans - it seems such a waste to spend it working.0 -
I have though quiet a bit about reoccurnace. In Nov, in just about a weeks time we lost 3 women from out cancer group and our group is only about 20. That really shook many of us up. The hardest one was a Beautiful 22 year-old young woman who was as beautiful inside than out.KathiM said:Maybe....deep down....
But, as you know, my fav expression is "It is what it is!"
I have had to say "goodbye" this year to 9 (!) of my fellow colon cancer warriors. I just accept the fact that it was their time, and I still have work left to do before I go on...
As far as reoccurance...well, with the new MRI for we 'high risk' breast patients, I hope that if I should face the beast again, it will be early enough to vanquish it, once again!
I think my perspective is a bit different, since I have had cancer twice....it's not a shock anymore, just makes me sad...
I put in my prayers every night that there will be an end to this torture, and cancer will be a thing of the past...
Until then, I love deeply, laugh loudly and often....it's my form of 'an apple a day'!
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Yesterday I experienced
anxiety and cried for Elizabeth. My BC was diagnosed October 15, 2010 and six weeks later I finished mammosite radiation. Six weeks from beginning to end and then started Arimidex last Friday. I try not to think of recurrence, I don't even know if I have accepted the fact that I have BC. My sister has stage IV BC and always related herself to Elizabeth. Yesterday we both took anxiety medication. We spoke on the phone several times and I found myself reminding her that the stress Elizabeth was under definitely shortened her life. Especially the fact that her divorce was going to be final soon.0 -
I am so sorry Vjcrocker.vjcrocker said:I have though quiet a bit about reoccurnace. In Nov, in just about a weeks time we lost 3 women from out cancer group and our group is only about 20. That really shook many of us up. The hardest one was a Beautiful 22 year-old young woman who was as beautiful inside than out.
I am so sorry Vjcrocker. Losing one is one too many.0 -
Yes, I have been feelingwarrrior3 said:Yesterday I experienced
anxiety and cried for Elizabeth. My BC was diagnosed October 15, 2010 and six weeks later I finished mammosite radiation. Six weeks from beginning to end and then started Arimidex last Friday. I try not to think of recurrence, I don't even know if I have accepted the fact that I have BC. My sister has stage IV BC and always related herself to Elizabeth. Yesterday we both took anxiety medication. We spoke on the phone several times and I found myself reminding her that the stress Elizabeth was under definitely shortened her life. Especially the fact that her divorce was going to be final soon.
Yes, I have been feeling anxious ever since I heard she was gravely ill. I find myself with so many questions like, did she take her 5 year pill and what Stage was she?
I read that in 2004 when diagnosed she was Stage 2 then 3 years later it metz into her bones.
I am Stage 3 (WAS) and it makes me very worried all over again.
I'm glad to know that I'm not alone with this feeling.0 -
I'm glad it wasn't just me
Diane, I appreciate your thread.
I heard about Elizabeth the day before she died. I've had a mastectomy, and ever since the initial diagnosis I've been overwhelmed. It’s been like being dropped on Mars. I’m 58, I have stage II. I’ve got a job, trying to help my son financially through college, I’m near the end of my divorce (started before I found out I had cancer.) I had also decided to move, and I’m in a relationship with a new guy, who, so far, is still with me. I am fully aware of all the stress on me, and I simply try each day to think about perhaps one thing so that the overload is manageable.
So the day I heard about Elizabeth, I had just spent 4 days getting hospital tests and talking with a new oncologist, so I already had my “fill”. That evening, when I heard about Elizabeth, you could say I lost it. I bet some of you know that feeling you get inside. It’s a deep hurt, and overwhelming frustration, a feeling of not being able to do anything, of wanting just someone to say it’s going to be ok… but no one is around. Yes, there is always fear in my brain, worry that I’m not doing the right thing, worrying that because of my BC my relationship will suffer, worry that I won’t be able to keep up with my job.
I quietly left the room so that I could go lie down just to rest, and surprising to me, BF came in shortly to hold my hand. First time he’s responded so quickly, just to listen. I have a tendency to hold things inside. Isn’t that what the whole world expects, that we’ll be brave and suck it up?
So I suspect the only place to reach out, is through a forum like this, where we can share our fears with no repercussions. It’s when we know we’re not alone in our feelings, that we feel support.0 -
I don't see anything oddchenheart said:It was indeed "odd" but no,
It was indeed "odd" but no, I am not overly frightened...probably because I am already going through it! The reason it is odd? Elizabeth and I are the exact same age, both BC, both recurrance with liver mets. The coincidences in that slapped me in the face, I admit!
That having been said, tomorrow I am headed to beautiful Palm Springs to hear my Reggie sing, and on Saturday he and I will be in equally beautiful Lake Tahoe at a Leon Russell concert. Today is all we have...I still make, and will hopefully be able to keep future plans for as long as I am able. And, Elizabeth, as far as I can tell, was a wonderful role model for doing just that.
Hugs,
Chen♥
I don't see anything odd about her death, I see it as a tragedy. She was such a brave woman, a wonderful mother and a faithful wife. She spoke to many, and, was always adored as far as I know.
Her kindness, her thoughtfulness and her bravery will be remembered always.
Elizabeth is with God now and can watch over her children from Heaven.
This kind of news shakes all of us to the core. That is normal. But, you just have to think positive, live your life to the fullest, and, not let these bad feelings of a recurrence take too much of your time.
No one is promised tomorrow, so live for today!0 -
Diane
although I'm just finishing chemo the news of Elizabeth Edwards passing definitely makes you think about recurrences in the future. I was shocked by how quickly she passed. I had such admiration for her. She showed the strength we all need. My sister who had bc 9 years ago just had a recurrence and she's done w/rads and I pray it does not come back again. You have a very supportive husband. He's a keeper. Know that you're not alone in your thoughts.
{{hugs}} Char0 -
so very sad....cahjah75 said:Diane
although I'm just finishing chemo the news of Elizabeth Edwards passing definitely makes you think about recurrences in the future. I was shocked by how quickly she passed. I had such admiration for her. She showed the strength we all need. My sister who had bc 9 years ago just had a recurrence and she's done w/rads and I pray it does not come back again. You have a very supportive husband. He's a keeper. Know that you're not alone in your thoughts.
{{hugs}} Char
my heart broke when I heard of her passing. She was such an inspiration! What an excellent attitude she possessed. I'm amazed at the stories they keep showing on the news about how she handled her disease with her family. I wish I had half her strength and courage. I'm glad to read that so many of you are scared, too. Maybe time will bring us the attitude we will need in the future.0 -
crying now
I am crying now as I write this. I wanted to post last night but no one else had at that point and I didn't want anyone to think that I felt Elizabeth's death was "all about me". This has hit me really hard. I keep wondering the details of her BC; what type she had, what her treatments were, etc., b/c I want to know if what happened to her will happen to me. That sounds so selfish, I know, but I just can't help it. I'm doing the math in my head - if she was Stage 3 in 2004 and Stage 4 in 2007 and died in 2010, then how much time do I have left? I know we are all so different and there are so many different kinds of BC, but I'm trying to figure out if she had 3 years between Stage 3 and 4, then do I only have 3 Christmases left to enjoy my newborn grandchildren? (I was Stage 1 in 2008 then had a reoccurence this year at Stage 3 - I'm triple negative). I'm embarrassed that I'm even sharing this, but I know this is a safe place to talk about my feelings. I am just amazed at all of you and your positive attitudes and uplifting messages, but I just can't accept this feeling of doom that her death has given me. All that being said, I am so incredibly sad for her family; she was such a gracious and classy lady and I can only imagine how deeply she will be missed by all who knew her. Thanks for listening; I really needed to share this. Linda0 -
I do not struggle, just wonderruthielaine said:New Flower I struggle with
New Flower I struggle with the same questions. I drive myself crazy - should I go back to the work grind so I can pay my bills or should I enjoy the rest of my life and travel and go broke - Hah! Life is so short for all humans - it seems such a waste to spend it working.
I am struggling just wondering. While I love my job, I want to have more time for family and myself.0 -
Linda, you're not alonelinpsu said:crying now
I am crying now as I write this. I wanted to post last night but no one else had at that point and I didn't want anyone to think that I felt Elizabeth's death was "all about me". This has hit me really hard. I keep wondering the details of her BC; what type she had, what her treatments were, etc., b/c I want to know if what happened to her will happen to me. That sounds so selfish, I know, but I just can't help it. I'm doing the math in my head - if she was Stage 3 in 2004 and Stage 4 in 2007 and died in 2010, then how much time do I have left? I know we are all so different and there are so many different kinds of BC, but I'm trying to figure out if she had 3 years between Stage 3 and 4, then do I only have 3 Christmases left to enjoy my newborn grandchildren? (I was Stage 1 in 2008 then had a reoccurence this year at Stage 3 - I'm triple negative). I'm embarrassed that I'm even sharing this, but I know this is a safe place to talk about my feelings. I am just amazed at all of you and your positive attitudes and uplifting messages, but I just can't accept this feeling of doom that her death has given me. All that being said, I am so incredibly sad for her family; she was such a gracious and classy lady and I can only imagine how deeply she will be missed by all who knew her. Thanks for listening; I really needed to share this. Linda
I think her passing made all of us think about ourselves. But you know, it wouldn't be fair to ourselves to stay in that mode of thinking. We all need to just enjoy today and the things that it holds. Each day, even the bad ones are "good" days for those who have experienced this because we really know just how precious each day is.
Enjoy your grandchildren, your family and your friends.
I just have to give my fear over to God and ask Him to replace it with HIS peace.
Blessings and hugs to all,
Sylvia0 -
I think it is impossible forsea60 said:Linda, you're not alone
I think her passing made all of us think about ourselves. But you know, it wouldn't be fair to ourselves to stay in that mode of thinking. We all need to just enjoy today and the things that it holds. Each day, even the bad ones are "good" days for those who have experienced this because we really know just how precious each day is.
Enjoy your grandchildren, your family and your friends.
I just have to give my fear over to God and ask Him to replace it with HIS peace.
Blessings and hugs to all,
Sylvia
I think it is impossible for each one of us to NOT be affected by this. We can all identify with her situation. Way to close to home. In order to survive we must tuck this away on some level or we could not go on. So it opens those wounds that are just beginning to heal. The reality is some people do get cured from BC and some people are in remission and some people it is a chronic illness. The cruel part is we dont know. It reacts very differently in all of our bodies.I have seen women live for a very long time after diagnosed one or more times. Hope is real!0 -
The news of Elizabeth'sNew Flower said:I do not struggle, just wonder
I am struggling just wondering. While I love my job, I want to have more time for family and myself.
The news of Elizabeth's death hit me hard too. I am usually so happy and actually so busy that I don't think about my own cancer or mortality that much anymore. But, when I heard about her death, all I could do was cry and it brought back all of the feelings I had when first diagnosed.
I also don't mean to make this about me, but, it seems from the other posts, that most of us, if not all of us, felt the same thing, and, I don't like it either.
Leeza0 -
I hope you have a safe tripcandacemc said:Kelly
I was not doing great until yesterday, it just made me worse. jeesh. I have upcoming appts. with a therapist and am joining a group in January. I don't have the supportive husband, in fact, as I read all these stories of husbands holding you, hugging you, telling you everything is going to be ok... it breaks my heart. I've never heard any of those things from mine. I can't even talk about it because I'm leaving for Houston in a bit and don't want to cry the entire drive...
I hope you have a safe trip to Houston Candace. We are here to support you always.
Leeza0 -
I pray for you every nightpinkflutterby said:to me...
To me its like a slap back to reality. Scares me but I try to stay optomistic and positive!
I pray for you every night Libby. Did you get your results yet? I thought I read where you were supposed to this week.0
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