cancer and tobacco

MelanieT
MelanieT Member Posts: 186
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I almost feel bad about asking or posting this.. There are so many of you who try and do any and everything to beat and stop your cancer but i am a little frustrated by this. Chris stopped chewing tobacco when they found his tumor and he went through all his surgeries and chemo, 8 months to be exact. He got his first clear scans in March of this yr and not even 3 weeks later started chewing again. I cant help but think that its just a matter of time before we get a bad scan again. He has been sick off and on and now has a mass like thickening on his left side. When I ask his Dr about it, he just shakes his head and says he is self destructing. I have had talk after talk with him and he says he is fine. That he has been clear since march and he is not worried. His odds of his cancer returning has got to be greater or am I just being a paranoid wife? I just worry.. Thanks for letting me vent!

Loves,
Mel
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Comments

  • Trapbear
    Trapbear Member Posts: 108 Member
    #2
    Hi Mel,
    I would leave your
    Hi Mel,
    I would leave your hubby alone. It is his life, his choice. I doubt that chewing tobacco will do anything to increase the chance that his colon cancer spreads. He has been through a lot and deserves some pleasure in his life.
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    #3
    Mel -

    Anything, and nothing, can cause cancer, so don't put so much
    weight into it.

    My mother and father both smoked three to four packs a day
    each since they were in their teens. My mother had lung cancer,
    half a lung taken out, and continued smoking for another 17 years.
    My father never got cancer of any type, at all.

    A cancer cell is just a normal cell that's been damaged and has
    managed to live on, by the fermentation process. This can happen
    to any cell in our body, when our immune system doesn't do what
    it was intended to do. Consequently, some of us will get cancer
    from damned near anything.

    If his cancer was in his mouth or throat, I could see the concern
    with chewing tobacco. Otherwise, it'd only be the disgusting habit
    of spitting in tin cans and out windows, that would be my objection.
    If I were his wife, he'd be more concerned with me killing him,
    than cancer.

    (just an opinion here.....)

    John
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #4
    John23 said:

    Mel -

    Anything, and nothing, can cause cancer, so don't put so much
    weight into it.

    My mother and father both smoked three to four packs a day
    each since they were in their teens. My mother had lung cancer,
    half a lung taken out, and continued smoking for another 17 years.
    My father never got cancer of any type, at all.

    A cancer cell is just a normal cell that's been damaged and has
    managed to live on, by the fermentation process. This can happen
    to any cell in our body, when our immune system doesn't do what
    it was intended to do. Consequently, some of us will get cancer
    from damned near anything.

    If his cancer was in his mouth or throat, I could see the concern
    with chewing tobacco. Otherwise, it'd only be the disgusting habit
    of spitting in tin cans and out windows, that would be my objection.
    If I were his wife, he'd be more concerned with me killing him,
    than cancer.

    (just an opinion here.....)

    John

    I say if you want him around, nag, nag, nag!!
    Tobacco does enter the blood stream through the mouth.

    While your immune system is busy dealing with the new nicotine toxins, it leaves any cancer cells in your body unguarded. The same holds true with alcohol and your liver.

    I have read this many times over, that is why we need to build our immune system to focus on the cancer cells.
  • Kerry S
    Kerry S Member Posts: 606 Member
    #5
    I smoke a pipe
    I gave up drinking 27 years ago. When I get up in the morning that is the best I am going to feel all day long.

    I smoke a pipe because I can’t afford the high cost of cigarettes. It seems only those on welfare can afford them. I will be damned if I will give up my smoking. If I croak from it –so be it.

    Kerry
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #6
    Kerry S said:

    I smoke a pipe
    I gave up drinking 27 years ago. When I get up in the morning that is the best I am going to feel all day long.

    I smoke a pipe because I can’t afford the high cost of cigarettes. It seems only those on welfare can afford them. I will be damned if I will give up my smoking. If I croak from it –so be it.

    Kerry

    Cancer is a difficult thing to deal with
    and some times we need some extra help ,call it pills ,tabacco or any other thing that can help you to don't be in stress , We are not talking about
    certain cancers directly related to tabacco! Despite that I'm not defending cigarets and tobacco of course the may kill but for the moment evaluate
    what's worst and don't get worked up about.
    Any way this is only my opinion probably I'm wrong !
    Best to both.
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #7
    Nana b said:

    I say if you want him around, nag, nag, nag!!
    Tobacco does enter the blood stream through the mouth.

    While your immune system is busy dealing with the new nicotine toxins, it leaves any cancer cells in your body unguarded. The same holds true with alcohol and your liver.

    I have read this many times over, that is why we need to build our immune system to focus on the cancer cells.

    Nana l don't think deal with anxiety helps
    your immune system too don't you think? not that easy l would evaluate pro and against!
    Have a big kiss !
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #8
    pepebcn said:

    Cancer is a difficult thing to deal with
    and some times we need some extra help ,call it pills ,tabacco or any other thing that can help you to don't be in stress , We are not talking about
    certain cancers directly related to tabacco! Despite that I'm not defending cigarets and tobacco of course the may kill but for the moment evaluate
    what's worst and don't get worked up about.
    Any way this is only my opinion probably I'm wrong !
    Best to both.

    I just want to live!
    Man, if you have to smoke make it MaryJane! lol

    I don't get worked up about anything.....my husband is a lucky guy! Present the facts and move on! lol


    I think I would like an anxiety pill instead, but I know they have their drawbacks too....
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    #9
    Nana b said:

    I just want to live!
    Man, if you have to smoke make it MaryJane! lol

    I don't get worked up about anything.....my husband is a lucky guy! Present the facts and move on! lol


    I think I would like an anxiety pill instead, but I know they have their drawbacks too....

    I like that new picture, but.....


    What is that woman on the right doing to that other woman's boob?
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #10
    John23 said:

    I like that new picture, but.....


    What is that woman on the right doing to that other woman's boob?

    Ha! HA!
    John, the other woman is me! lol

    4 sisters just laughing away! I wish I could remember what we were laughing about, but then that's how we are when we are together!

    I think my sister Virgie wants what Gloria has in her hand! Probably food, we were starving@
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #11
    Nana b said:

    I just want to live!
    Man, if you have to smoke make it MaryJane! lol

    I don't get worked up about anything.....my husband is a lucky guy! Present the facts and move on! lol


    I think I would like an anxiety pill instead, but I know they have their drawbacks too....

    Girl ! (nana) when l say worked up l mean Melanie not you!LOL!
    Even that may be the word was not the correct l try to mean don get too upset about that! or don't think too much about is that the meaning for worked out? take care Nena, mean Nana! hahaha!
  • MelanieT
    MelanieT Member Posts: 186
    #12
    pepebcn said:

    Girl ! (nana) when l say worked up l mean Melanie not you!LOL!
    Even that may be the word was not the correct l try to mean don get too upset about that! or don't think too much about is that the meaning for worked out? take care Nena, mean Nana! hahaha!

    thanks everyone!! I do try
    thanks everyone!! I do try to just leave it alone because it is his body and life.. But its hard to explain to our 12,13, 17 and 19 yr old daughters who look at this as what caused this.. To them he is giving up, doing things that are harmful i guess thats where my stress comes in.. thanks for all the advice.. your amazing

    Loves,
    Mel
  • Kathryn_in_MN
    Kathryn_in_MN Member Posts: 1,252 Member
    #13
    MelanieT said:

    thanks everyone!! I do try
    thanks everyone!! I do try to just leave it alone because it is his body and life.. But its hard to explain to our 12,13, 17 and 19 yr old daughters who look at this as what caused this.. To them he is giving up, doing things that are harmful i guess thats where my stress comes in.. thanks for all the advice.. your amazing

    Loves,
    Mel

    It might be
    It might be his body and his life. But he also has responsibility to his children - to set a good example. I feel differently about the subject of tobacco than many others here do. I would ask him point blank if he cares about his children and the example he is setting for them. And if he cares about you or the kids and the anxiety he is causing all of you. Is it worth it for a nasty habit that can cause cancer? It might not be related to his colon cancer, but who knows? Tobacco is proven to cause lung cancer, tongue, throat and other cancers, and to cause problems within the body to lower its ability to work as well as it should.

    Ultimately it is his decision. But I would certainly make it known how you and the kids feel. Maybe a family meeting?
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #14
    Kerry S said:

    I smoke a pipe
    I gave up drinking 27 years ago. When I get up in the morning that is the best I am going to feel all day long.

    I smoke a pipe because I can’t afford the high cost of cigarettes. It seems only those on welfare can afford them. I will be damned if I will give up my smoking. If I croak from it –so be it.

    Kerry

    Kerry
    Guess what.....I smoked before this dang cancer, not a lot but I did...but, put a alcoholic drink in my hand and the cigarette was lit up. I gave it up when I started feeling bad and never looked back. Then one day, I went to a dance, had a couple glasses of wine, came home, sat down on the front porch to unwind and BANG!! I WANT A CIGARETTE, I paced, looked at my husband's cigarettes BUTTS! BUTTS mind you....in the ash tray, picked one up, and said dang it, "I should just eat it!" lol....... I put it down, and went to bed!

    So moral of the story, I should not drink!

    You know my husband started smoking again about two months ago, and he stinks!!!! I can not stand the smell of cigarettes, couldn't before, but it was NEVER this bad...it's all in his moustache, on his clothes.......and in his car! Do I get on him? NO...oh, that sounds bad.......lmao.

    If he wants to smoke fine, but he is washing his face and his mouth out A LOT!!!!!!!!!

    Enjoy your pipe, and don't think of Nana the next time you light up!
  • alexinlv
    alexinlv Member Posts: 194 Member
    #15
    I feel your pain, Melanie.
    I feel your pain, Melanie. My husband was diagnosed last Nov., stage 3, and I keep finding hidden packs of cigarettes. I feel like he is self distructing and I try to not get on him because I don't know what the heck I would do if I were in his shoes! But it is so hard. We have 3 children too. I am way more paranoid about everything compared to him. Anytime he has an ache or pain, I'm looking it up. I guess that's why I'm on the computer this morning before work. Last night he confessed he is very tender on the right side.
  • MelanieT
    MelanieT Member Posts: 186
    #16
    alexinlv said:

    I feel your pain, Melanie.
    I feel your pain, Melanie. My husband was diagnosed last Nov., stage 3, and I keep finding hidden packs of cigarettes. I feel like he is self distructing and I try to not get on him because I don't know what the heck I would do if I were in his shoes! But it is so hard. We have 3 children too. I am way more paranoid about everything compared to him. Anytime he has an ache or pain, I'm looking it up. I guess that's why I'm on the computer this morning before work. Last night he confessed he is very tender on the right side.

    I value everyones rights and
    I value everyones rights and opinions and i no i can always come here and vent.. i love that the answers are not always what i want to hear but help me get through this. I dont think you ever think clear again once this horrible disease enters your life. I find my strength in all of you!! I love chris so much and to me what he is doing is wrong and selfish. not to me but our girls. He is there hero and now they feel like he only cares about what makes him happy. I wont get on him about this because to be honest i dont know what i would do if i were faced with this.. I just dont know how to handle the questions from the kids?? thanks again.. love you all

    Loves,
    Mel
  • Kathryn_in_MN
    Kathryn_in_MN Member Posts: 1,252 Member
    #17
    MelanieT said:

    I value everyones rights and
    I value everyones rights and opinions and i no i can always come here and vent.. i love that the answers are not always what i want to hear but help me get through this. I dont think you ever think clear again once this horrible disease enters your life. I find my strength in all of you!! I love chris so much and to me what he is doing is wrong and selfish. not to me but our girls. He is there hero and now they feel like he only cares about what makes him happy. I wont get on him about this because to be honest i dont know what i would do if i were faced with this.. I just dont know how to handle the questions from the kids?? thanks again.. love you all

    Loves,
    Mel

    simple, no nonsense approach
    Tell the kids to ask their dad themselves. He is the only one that can answer the questions they have about his behavior.

    Just because we are cancer patients, that doesn't let us off the hook for our behaviors and choices we make. As a parent we have certain responsibiities and duties - being a good role model is one.

    Maybe he might tell them that it is wrong and he doesn't want them to ever do it, but that due to all the stress he is under because of battling cancer, he just doesn't have the strength right now to fight the addiction. He might have an answer that can help them understand a little bit - even if they don't agree with it. But as their father he owes them the answers.
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #18
    Smoking
    My husband likes to blame my love for coke cola for my colon cancer, my mom wants to blame cigarettes, my daughter blames the vaccines given to cows, of whose meat I eat, my son blames God.
    So I still drink coke cola, still smoke (cut down to 2 cigarettes a day from 2 packs), eat red meat and somewhat still believe in God.
    My Onc, didn't discourage me from smoking until recently,(when I was looking at getting surgery, he recommended the stoppage of my smoking) the reason why??? Because of stress, quitting would have been so stressful for me, quitting any of my habits.
    The smoking cessation that I've started? Didn't do it because someone chastised me for it, didn't do it because all of a sudden as an adult I had to feel guilty about smoking and hiding cigarettes around the house (what kind of crapola is that? A grown arsed adult hiding cigarettes, how does anyone make you feel that you have to be sneaky as an adult? For shame!!), I'm only quitting because I chose to quit, not because I was nagged (sure fire way to keep me smoking) because I feel I can quit now, not because I was forced.
    I guess what I'm saying is, well, heck, going to come right out and say it, give him a break.
    Sure, we're all going to become "better people", after we're diagnosed with cancer, but as for me? I'm still the same me, I didn't do a .360 and become a nun. Nope, it seems I'm still me. I still love, laugh, cry, smoke, but mostly I cry more now, at what and who I will someday leave behind through NO FAULT of my own.
    That's right, I don't blame the cancer on myself, God didn't give it to me as punishment for not loving my neighbors a year ago, or for smoking, or for sinning. It's CANCER, it HAPPENS, to the rich, poor, God's little lambs and the devil advocates, to the smokers, to the NON-SMOKERS, to tobacco chewers, to NON-TOBACCO chewers.
    Don't blame the cancer victim for their cancer, exactly who would that help???
  • MelanieT
    MelanieT Member Posts: 186
    #19
    herdizziness said:

    Smoking
    My husband likes to blame my love for coke cola for my colon cancer, my mom wants to blame cigarettes, my daughter blames the vaccines given to cows, of whose meat I eat, my son blames God.
    So I still drink coke cola, still smoke (cut down to 2 cigarettes a day from 2 packs), eat red meat and somewhat still believe in God.
    My Onc, didn't discourage me from smoking until recently,(when I was looking at getting surgery, he recommended the stoppage of my smoking) the reason why??? Because of stress, quitting would have been so stressful for me, quitting any of my habits.
    The smoking cessation that I've started? Didn't do it because someone chastised me for it, didn't do it because all of a sudden as an adult I had to feel guilty about smoking and hiding cigarettes around the house (what kind of crapola is that? A grown arsed adult hiding cigarettes, how does anyone make you feel that you have to be sneaky as an adult? For shame!!), I'm only quitting because I chose to quit, not because I was nagged (sure fire way to keep me smoking) because I feel I can quit now, not because I was forced.
    I guess what I'm saying is, well, heck, going to come right out and say it, give him a break.
    Sure, we're all going to become "better people", after we're diagnosed with cancer, but as for me? I'm still the same me, I didn't do a .360 and become a nun. Nope, it seems I'm still me. I still love, laugh, cry, smoke, but mostly I cry more now, at what and who I will someday leave behind through NO FAULT of my own.
    That's right, I don't blame the cancer on myself, God didn't give it to me as punishment for not loving my neighbors a year ago, or for smoking, or for sinning. It's CANCER, it HAPPENS, to the rich, poor, God's little lambs and the devil advocates, to the smokers, to the NON-SMOKERS, to tobacco chewers, to NON-TOBACCO chewers.
    Don't blame the cancer victim for their cancer, exactly who would that help???

    very good points from
    very good points from everyone!! I have never and will never blame cancer on anyone one, its a horrible thing that some people are chosen to face... knowones fault!! I guess we just dont want to lose him any sooner than we have too... I do not nag or make any comments. I get upset behind close doors and do my share of crying. There is not right answer to this we all just hope for the best!! I did tell the girls last night when they brought it up, go talk to dad, its his addition not mine. He can better answer for you..thanks for all the feedback

    Loves,
    Mel
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    #20
    MelanieT said:

    I value everyones rights and
    I value everyones rights and opinions and i no i can always come here and vent.. i love that the answers are not always what i want to hear but help me get through this. I dont think you ever think clear again once this horrible disease enters your life. I find my strength in all of you!! I love chris so much and to me what he is doing is wrong and selfish. not to me but our girls. He is there hero and now they feel like he only cares about what makes him happy. I wont get on him about this because to be honest i dont know what i would do if i were faced with this.. I just dont know how to handle the questions from the kids?? thanks again.. love you all

    Loves,
    Mel

    Wow.


    Re:
    ".....what he is doing is wrong and selfish. not to me but our girls."

    That's what he needs..... Cancer.... AND the ultimate guilt-trip!

    I personally would try make it known to the girls, that babies
    who come from families that had never used tobacco or drank, get cancer.

    Give dad love, not criticism; he doesn't need crapola right now
    (or ever, for that matter).

    Best wishes for you all!


    John
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #21
    MelanieT said:

    very good points from
    very good points from everyone!! I have never and will never blame cancer on anyone one, its a horrible thing that some people are chosen to face... knowones fault!! I guess we just dont want to lose him any sooner than we have too... I do not nag or make any comments. I get upset behind close doors and do my share of crying. There is not right answer to this we all just hope for the best!! I did tell the girls last night when they brought it up, go talk to dad, its his addition not mine. He can better answer for you..thanks for all the feedback

    Loves,
    Mel

    There is no way I could have
    There is no way I could have continued to smoke, it would give me anxiety just thinking about seeing the smoke going down my lungs and and make away to a met in met the lungs.


    It give me anxiety every time my husband walks in smelling of smoke! We talk about it, and he wants to stop but says it calms him..... instead we can talk a walk.....he can walk the dog. We don't have a stressful home.

    Anyway, whatever shall be, shall be!

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