second try to say goodbye

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13

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  • Heatherbelle
    Heatherbelle Member Posts: 1,226 Member
    #42
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    Laura,
    I'm the queen on
    Laura,
    I'm the queen on positivity when it came to my breast cancer diagnosis. Believe me, i'm not a positive person my nature. I'm the most cynical, non trusting, bitchy & whiny person I know. But with my cancer diagnosis, i have been the opposite. I have 2 young children, both girls, ages 8 years and a 21 month old baby. They keep me going. That being said, I too have days where I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally, I'm frustrated and disappointed with myself that I can't take care of my children the way I want to, that I rarely make dinners for my family anymore, that my house-which was by no means immaculate but always clean - is in shambles. I'm pissed off that I don't look like myself anymore. My once nice big D cups with all that cleavage are gone, my hair is falling out in clumps, and now my mom, my best friend, is going through those same fears that I did while awaiting my breast biopsy results and breast cancer is just one thing that I really don't want to have in common with my mom. Today I cried when I woke up from my nap after chemo. My body is sore, and I just could not find a comfortable way to even sit on the couch, and I started bawling, asking "why me?" , "this sucks, this isn't fair" etc. We have to allow ourselves to get those bad & negative feelings out. We have to accept that yes, we do have those feelings from time to time. We can't rid ourselves of them if we don't get them out. So that's what I do- I ****, vent, cry, hell, take a xanax and go to sleep for a while. But when I'm done I feel a little better, my mind is a little bit clearer, and I can get back to being Heather - the good patient, and the good mom. Your babies need you. Let us be here for you Laura.
    *hugs*
    Heather
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #43
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    VickiSam said:

    I am sadden by all of this .. Reach deep inside of
    yourself ... and try to stay here with us. Thank of those who love you .. children first, as I always say ..

    Strength and Peace:


    Vicki Sam

    OMG, I hope you didn't do
    OMG, I hope you didn't do this. You have children Laura, what about them?


    Praying that you are alright! Please let us know.


    Hugs, Megan
  • laurissa
    laurissa Member Posts: 773
    #44
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    Been there
    Hopelessness is the worst feeling. My kids are whats keeping me here. You're young and will get through. Our reward is in heaven and that time is when the Lord chooses.
  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #45
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    Time for some outside help!
    Please call a hotline number for help. You sound very depress and in need of some wise counseling in real time.

    Wishing you the best. This journey isn't easy especially for a mom with kids. They depend on you, get help! Don't let them down.

    Sirod
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #46
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    Heatherbelle said:

    Laura,
    I'm the queen on
    Laura,
    I'm the queen on positivity when it came to my breast cancer diagnosis. Believe me, i'm not a positive person my nature. I'm the most cynical, non trusting, bitchy & whiny person I know. But with my cancer diagnosis, i have been the opposite. I have 2 young children, both girls, ages 8 years and a 21 month old baby. They keep me going. That being said, I too have days where I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally, I'm frustrated and disappointed with myself that I can't take care of my children the way I want to, that I rarely make dinners for my family anymore, that my house-which was by no means immaculate but always clean - is in shambles. I'm pissed off that I don't look like myself anymore. My once nice big D cups with all that cleavage are gone, my hair is falling out in clumps, and now my mom, my best friend, is going through those same fears that I did while awaiting my breast biopsy results and breast cancer is just one thing that I really don't want to have in common with my mom. Today I cried when I woke up from my nap after chemo. My body is sore, and I just could not find a comfortable way to even sit on the couch, and I started bawling, asking "why me?" , "this sucks, this isn't fair" etc. We have to allow ourselves to get those bad & negative feelings out. We have to accept that yes, we do have those feelings from time to time. We can't rid ourselves of them if we don't get them out. So that's what I do- I ****, vent, cry, hell, take a xanax and go to sleep for a while. But when I'm done I feel a little better, my mind is a little bit clearer, and I can get back to being Heather - the good patient, and the good mom. Your babies need you. Let us be here for you Laura.
    *hugs*
    Heather

    I pray that you contacted
    I pray that you contacted someone that helped you. I know you have had some issues with family and low self esteem, but, this is not the way to solve it Laura. You can feel good again, just seek some help please.


    Hugs, Diane
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #47
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    Jean 0609 said:

    Laura,
    Sending positive thoughts & prayers your way.

    I am praying so hard Laura
    I am praying so hard Laura that you are still here with us. Please, nothing is so bad as to take your own life. Please, call someone!
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #48
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    SIROD said:

    Time for some outside help!
    Please call a hotline number for help. You sound very depress and in need of some wise counseling in real time.

    Wishing you the best. This journey isn't easy especially for a mom with kids. They depend on you, get help! Don't let them down.

    Sirod

    I sure hope you called
    I sure hope you called someone that helped you Laura. This journey is hard, but, not so hard to do something so drastic. Hoping that you got help.

    We are here to help in anyway.
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    #49
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    pattimc said:

    Dear, dear Laura
    I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I hope you find the strength to stay here for your kids. My mother died when she was 35 (I was 11) and it forever changed my life. Like the post above she didn't get to see me graduate, get married, have kids, etc. It was extremely difficult for me to grow up without a mother. I can't even begin to tell you. I recently found out (I'm 54) that she actually took her own life. She left a 16 page note to my dad and us kids and said some of the same things that you are saying. She just felt she couldn't go on another day. But let me tell you, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to read in my life. It affects me today as it did in 1967. I will NEVER get over losing my mom.

    So, please, please, please find the help you need. Whether it is spiritual, medication, therapy and all of the above, you must be there for your kids.

    If you want to talk personally, please p.m. me anytime.

    With love and prayers,


    Patti

    I am so sad at reading that
    I am so sad at reading that you are considering this Laura. I pray that you look at your kids and find the strength to go on and to fight! There is professional help and medical help if you need it. Please read these posts and call or contact someone.


    ♥ Noel
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #50
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    Please let us know you are ok!!!
    Wow, I haven't posted in a while and this just broke my heart. Laura, while I understand
    how you must feel please, please don't let cancer fool you - Life is so worth living!!
    I am getting closer to the end of my treatment and I am almost like my old self but
    (believe it or not) in a way even better. I have so much more appreciation for everything
    in life. The colors are brighter, the sounds are clearer, and my heart is full of Joy. It's
    almost like being in love. Yeah, that's what it feels like, in love with life.

    Please, think twice, no thrice... just don't deprive yourself of the gift of life!

    I will check these boards and look for you, to come back and join us, you are fighter
    like all of us and this were you belong.

    Sending you all my love.

    Ayse
  • Pinkpower
    Pinkpower Member Posts: 437
    #51
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    aysemari said:

    Please let us know you are ok!!!
    Wow, I haven't posted in a while and this just broke my heart. Laura, while I understand
    how you must feel please, please don't let cancer fool you - Life is so worth living!!
    I am getting closer to the end of my treatment and I am almost like my old self but
    (believe it or not) in a way even better. I have so much more appreciation for everything
    in life. The colors are brighter, the sounds are clearer, and my heart is full of Joy. It's
    almost like being in love. Yeah, that's what it feels like, in love with life.

    Please, think twice, no thrice... just don't deprive yourself of the gift of life!

    I will check these boards and look for you, to come back and join us, you are fighter
    like all of us and this were you belong.

    Sending you all my love.

    Ayse

    Laura, hope after all these
    Laura, hope after all these encouraging words you're feeling better. We are here for you day or night. Please keep us posted how your doing. Hang in there sister.

    Heather - Girl I feel you. Right now I am also waiting for my mom to get thru surgery to find out what is the tumor in her stomach, cancer or not. I'm praying not.
    Lupe
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #52
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    Pinkpower said:

    Laura, hope after all these
    Laura, hope after all these encouraging words you're feeling better. We are here for you day or night. Please keep us posted how your doing. Hang in there sister.

    Heather - Girl I feel you. Right now I am also waiting for my mom to get thru surgery to find out what is the tumor in her stomach, cancer or not. I'm praying not.
    Lupe

    Praying for you Laura! Like
    Praying for you Laura! Like Lupe said, we are all here for you.


    Hugs, Debby
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #53
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    Laura!
    I am so sorry you are going through this pain and suffering. The emotional trauma of cancer goes hand-in-hand with the physical part and can be far worse, IMO. You are hopeless, I understand. You feel emotionally hollow and can't imagine that it will get better. But, Laura, can you trust us here on something? Can you trust us that it WILL get better even if you can't imagine it right now? Can you trust us that you need to be here on the Earth right now -- that the world is not done with you yet? That the world has joy in store for you yet? I know you don't believe it, but please take this on faith. We believe in you and would not lie to you. Your depression is not permanent. Your time has not come. Please stay and let life surprise you. Please check in.

    Mimi
  • sparkle1
    sparkle1 Member Posts: 242
    #54
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    Laura
    Just have FAITH!!
    Laura

    Just have FAITH!! Trust and believe with all your might that things WILL get better.

    Sparkle
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #55
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    Bella Luna said:

    Dear Laura, I know you are
    Dear Laura, I know you are tired, but please hang in there. We all go through blue spells and just want a break from it all from time to time. If need be, let the tears flow. I find I feel better after a good cry.

    You have three beautiful kids who love you like crazy. Remember them and get help. Some have posted numbers where you can get it, if you want it. You were blessed to have a wonderful relationship with your sister who is now in heaven. You know... deep down inside she would want you to Fight, Fight, Fight for yourself and for your kids, you're worth it!

    Hugs, kisses, and prayers to you dear sweet Sister.
    BL

    Laura, please post. We are
    Laura, please post. We are all so worried about you and care so much!

    Leeza
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #56
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    Hubby said:

    Old Post
    Found this post from last year:

    October 19, 2009 - 5:17pm
    My name is megan. My mom is laura or lolad. My mom told me i could talk to you for a min. My mom told me about everyone here because she is on the computer alot. I want to tell you thank you for helping my mom. She is my hero and i love her. She is a survivor and you helped her. thank you for listning to me and i love my mom.

    megan

    I hope you can find the strength to get through this. Your sister may be in heaven, but she is also here with you trying to help you through this. Look for signs of her and you will see she is here.

    Bob

    I pray that Laura read this
    I pray that Laura read this again, the letter from Megan, her daughter.


    Praying that you are ok Laura and that we hear something from you very soon.


    Hugs, Jan
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #57
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    cahjah75 said:

    Laura
    please find help immediately. We don't want to hear you say goodbye. Don't give up. Your sister is watching. Think of your children. You are a survivor! Keep reaching out....
    {{hugs}} Char

    Please don't ever give up
    Please don't ever give up Laura! You are so loved and your children need you.


    Please call someone and let them help you.


    Praying for you and sending huge hugs!
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #58
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    sparkle1 said:

    Laura
    Just have FAITH!!
    Laura

    Just have FAITH!! Trust and believe with all your might that things WILL get better.

    Sparkle

    Has anyone heard anything
    Has anyone heard anything from Greta about trying to contact Laura? I know none of us have heard from Laura herself.


    I am just so torn up about this and I don't what to do except pray my heart out for her.


    Please Laura, just come on for a second to let us know how you are!


    Sue :)
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    #59
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    Pinkpower said:

    Laura, hope after all these
    Laura, hope after all these encouraging words you're feeling better. We are here for you day or night. Please keep us posted how your doing. Hang in there sister.

    Heather - Girl I feel you. Right now I am also waiting for my mom to get thru surgery to find out what is the tumor in her stomach, cancer or not. I'm praying not.
    Lupe

    Laura
    I pray that you have read all of these posts Laura, filled with love and kindness towards you. We are always here for you!


    ♥ Noel
  • mariam_11_09
    mariam_11_09 Member Posts: 691
    #60
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    This is really sad. Laura
    This is really sad. Laura are you out there? Please let us know how you are. I have been reading your posts and understand that you have been going through a great deal. Please hang in, please talk to someone, there is help and this will all pass. Nothing stays the same forever.

    love to you
    Mariam
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #61
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    mariam_11_09 said:

    This is really sad. Laura
    This is really sad. Laura are you out there? Please let us know how you are. I have been reading your posts and understand that you have been going through a great deal. Please hang in, please talk to someone, there is help and this will all pass. Nothing stays the same forever.

    love to you
    Mariam

    I just can't get Laura out
    I just can't get Laura out of my mind. Please Laura, please, log in and let us know how you are.

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