You Might Be A Caregiver If.......

lilli1020

david54 said:

Dave’s Top ten things he
Dave’s Top ten things he gets tired of hearing as a caregiver

1. From her friends, “She looks great! Are you sure she’s that sick?” (Nah-I’ve been making this crap up the past 2 and a half years just for the hell of it)
2. From well meaning other friends, “I don’t know how I would handle life if I was in you’re situation” (Just what does that mean? Wow that makes me feel a hell of a lot better!))
3. From well meaning acquaintances, “I prayed for both of you last night. God told me she will be healed.” (Want to sign your name to that?)
4. From our beautiful daughter, “Hey dad, can you send me money for my books for next semester? By the way, how’s mom?” (Sure sweetheart, let me go out to the money tree and yank a few hundred off the branches)
5. From my wife, “Can you buy me some Ensure at Wal-Mart, paper towels at Safeway, prune juice at Rite Aide, and Odwalla at the health food store?” (By the time I finish driving all over town did I really save money on those items?)
6. From the hospital – the bill always come to our address in big bold letters so the mail man obviously knows we owe money “David _ _ _ _ you now owe $$$$$$ and we will do all we can to assist you with this financial obligation, have a nice day.” (Yea, you have a nice day too and I hope you have a hemorrhoid that flares up)
7. From anybody who doesn’t know what else to say, “You still have a lot to be grateful for, just live for today.” (Sound words of advice, but until you’re in my situation, I don’t really want to hear that, particularly when you are leaving for Hawaii tomorrow – I hope you jet sucks up volcano dust, just enough so that you have to land in Houston for a week)
8. From my wife while eating lasagna for dinner “My BM was brown last night!” (As opposed to grey when her liver is acting up – its just the timing of your comment that’s a little off sweetheart)
9. Again from well meaning friends, family, acquaintances, not always in this order but generally a heretofore newly discover juicing regimen,” Grape juice, Acai, Blueberry Juice, and bananas cured me of my ailments, it might help her”
(What it cured you of was constipation, not cancer!)
10. And last but not least-“You really need to take care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically so you can be there for your wife.” (Okay- you are right. Give me your ticket to Hawaii, Disneyworld, Italy, even Tahoe, and you stay here for 10 days and I will come back much healthier)

Thanks for this guys-venting helps.

Hahahaahaha....you made my
Hahahaahaha....you made my day!

kmathewson

miccmill said:

Thank you
I'm just entering the world of caregiver and I found this thread.

I laughed and cried. I'm scared but not as much anymore after hearing your experiences.

You've made it sound so much more human than my fears have made it out to be.

Thank you.

Ditto that
My husband is just starting round 2 of chemo. Everyone's comments made me laugh and get a little teary. I've got it EASY compared to some of these folks. I love, love, love the sense of humor through it all.

CarolinaAlice

Lifted my spirits today
My sweet husband Steve passed one month ago today. It has been a crying day but these postings have given me a little chuckle to end the day. Steve would have loved these, especially the poop references. Unless you have been there, you cannot understand the excitement of your loved one's good poop report. Thanks much for uplifting my spirits!

Alice G.

appleyellowgreen

Appearance/s
You might be a caregiver if friends you haven't seen for awhile are shocked to see how good you look! (it takes a lot of work, but after all, I owe it to the public)

You might be a caregiver if everything on your calendar is written in pencil.

You might be a caregiver if your reading CSN discussion boards is your main source of entertainment.

This is still a great topic. It never gets old. Thanks for the comraderie and humor.

Adrienne

lady4darknight

appleyellowgreen said:

Appearance/s
You might be a caregiver if friends you haven't seen for awhile are shocked to see how good you look! (it takes a lot of work, but after all, I owe it to the public)

You might be a caregiver if everything on your calendar is written in pencil.

You might be a caregiver if your reading CSN discussion boards is your main source of entertainment.

This is still a great topic. It never gets old. Thanks for the comraderie and humor.

Adrienne

Hi all
Hi All, I came on here to see what it was like. I am the one with cancer and post on the head and neck. You all made me smile and some of the stuff I read I have heard my fiance say people have said to him. Coming from the other end.. I want to say THANK YOU to all of you who have chosen to stand by us and be our caregivers. You are all beautiful in my book. I personally know that I have put Joey through hell even though I never meant for any of it to happen. But when my CT came back bad the other day and I told him I was putting off the wedding again, he told me he didn't care if I had extra parts, hair or no hair, was nauseated or what, he still wanted to marry me. I really needed a pick up like that. Without him as my caregiver I would be lost. We know it isn't easy and don't always say thank you or show it but we love everything you do for it.
As for the things you all hear...he gets this a lot...I just don't see how you can handle taking care of her every day and dealing with the trache and feeding tube. His reply..I love her duhhh..would you not take care of your husband or wife if it happened to them?
As for those who always tell him it will get better...he just says how? did they come up with a cure we didn't hear about? I know not the best answer but he says sometimes people just have no idea. I am going to have him check out your boards. He needs to know he isn't alone.
Again, thank you for being there and allowing me to add my input. You are all great.

Debbie..ps..that is his picture as we are recognizing our caregivers on the head and neck site..check it out.

kayaker01

if
you're tired of people telling you it's only $..., when you try to explain you can't participate in something you normally would

you're tired of people asking "does he smoke" upon hearing he has lung cancer

you're tired of people saying "he doesn't look sick"

you stay in bed for 4 hrs after you're awake with your head under the covers desparately trying to get some more shuteye in hopes that when you wake up you will find out it has all been a nightmare

you put on 50 + lbs eating "to go" food on all the numerous trips to and from the hospital

you feel like you're living in exile because he has alienated family and friends

99% of the time all you hear coming from his mouth is barking and growling

I LOVE this post. It so helps to relieve some of the frustration.

GOD bless you all.

junklady

kayaker01 said:

if
you're tired of people telling you it's only $..., when you try to explain you can't participate in something you normally would

you're tired of people asking "does he smoke" upon hearing he has lung cancer

you're tired of people saying "he doesn't look sick"

you stay in bed for 4 hrs after you're awake with your head under the covers desparately trying to get some more shuteye in hopes that when you wake up you will find out it has all been a nightmare

you put on 50 + lbs eating "to go" food on all the numerous trips to and from the hospital

you feel like you're living in exile because he has alienated family and friends

99% of the time all you hear coming from his mouth is barking and growling

I LOVE this post. It so helps to relieve some of the frustration.

GOD bless you all.

You might be a caregiver if
You are tired of people asking how your spouse is, you just say okay and walk away. They never ask how you are.

You have to put cucumber slices on your eyes to take the swelling down from crying all night.

You've painted everything inside and out of the house , there is nothing left paint.

Your exercise equipment needs a break.

There is not a weed left in any flower bed.

You jump at every little sound you hear in the house.

You go to the Post office at 6 am. to avoid seeing people.
Thanks, just wanted to share, makes me feel a little better.

Dotsmom

david54 said:

Dave’s Top ten things he
Dave’s Top ten things he gets tired of hearing as a caregiver

1. From her friends, “She looks great! Are you sure she’s that sick?” (Nah-I’ve been making this crap up the past 2 and a half years just for the hell of it)
2. From well meaning other friends, “I don’t know how I would handle life if I was in you’re situation” (Just what does that mean? Wow that makes me feel a hell of a lot better!))
3. From well meaning acquaintances, “I prayed for both of you last night. God told me she will be healed.” (Want to sign your name to that?)
4. From our beautiful daughter, “Hey dad, can you send me money for my books for next semester? By the way, how’s mom?” (Sure sweetheart, let me go out to the money tree and yank a few hundred off the branches)
5. From my wife, “Can you buy me some Ensure at Wal-Mart, paper towels at Safeway, prune juice at Rite Aide, and Odwalla at the health food store?” (By the time I finish driving all over town did I really save money on those items?)
6. From the hospital – the bill always come to our address in big bold letters so the mail man obviously knows we owe money “David _ _ _ _ you now owe $$$$$$ and we will do all we can to assist you with this financial obligation, have a nice day.” (Yea, you have a nice day too and I hope you have a hemorrhoid that flares up)
7. From anybody who doesn’t know what else to say, “You still have a lot to be grateful for, just live for today.” (Sound words of advice, but until you’re in my situation, I don’t really want to hear that, particularly when you are leaving for Hawaii tomorrow – I hope you jet sucks up volcano dust, just enough so that you have to land in Houston for a week)
8. From my wife while eating lasagna for dinner “My BM was brown last night!” (As opposed to grey when her liver is acting up – its just the timing of your comment that’s a little off sweetheart)
9. Again from well meaning friends, family, acquaintances, not always in this order but generally a heretofore newly discover juicing regimen,” Grape juice, Acai, Blueberry Juice, and bananas cured me of my ailments, it might help her”
(What it cured you of was constipation, not cancer!)
10. And last but not least-“You really need to take care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically so you can be there for your wife.” (Okay- you are right. Give me your ticket to Hawaii, Disneyworld, Italy, even Tahoe, and you stay here for 10 days and I will come back much healthier)

Thanks for this guys-venting helps.

That sure did hit home!
That sure did hit home! Thanks for the chuckles.

Pennymac02

pattymel said:

You might be a caregiver if:
1. The pharmacist doesn't even ask your name and knows exactly why you are there.
2. Once you get home with the medications you dole them out in a pill box to keep under your supervision so he doesn't take too much or too little.
3. You can look at a dropped pill on the floor and know exactly what it is, even if it's a white one and three of his meds are white.
4. When people tell you that you just need to have more faith (like that helps when you think of the future of Stage 4 and have two small children you will be left to raise by yourself).
5. When people tell you how strong you are, which means you can do it by yourself.
6. When you have to fight with every bureacracy involved with the treatment of your loved one to make sure nothing falls between the cracks.
7. When you fill out the same paperwork time after time after time, after time,and no a copy is not good enough.
8. The best news of the day involves the consistency and color of his poop.
9. And the saddest is when you no longer feel like you have a spouse but another child to care for and miss the intimacies you had before and dreamed of having forever.

#5. If I hear one more
#5. If I hear one more person comment on how "strong" I am...

Also, You might be a caregiver if the thought of going postal occurs everytime a clerk, cashier, or stranger inquires "How are you today?" Why do they ask that question? Sometimes I want to growl, "CANCER" in response, just because I am tired of my own story, and I'm sick of saying "fine" in response to that stupid question!

AnnaLeigh

Or............
You might be a caregiver if -

Visitors get a 30 minute briefing and orientation before you let them come over

You feel deja vu of your early years as a parent

Your comfort boundaries are always changing and you constantly hear the voice in your head saying "OK, I can learn to live with that"

vanessat

You Might Be A Caregiver If.......
You Might Be A Caregiver If You've ever been asked by a Nurse or a Doctor "are you a nurse or in the medical field?"

You Might Be A Caregiver If You've had a friend ask, "well can't someone else help you?" (as if it's THAT easy)

You Might Be A Caregiver If the only thing you don't know how to do is perform Surgery

You Might Be A Caregiver If you've wished you had a warm blanket machine at home like the ones they have in hospitals

(for the most amazing person, My grandmother) (Oct 3, 1925 - July 31, 2010)

ruthelizabeth

Pennymac02 said:

#5. If I hear one more
#5. If I hear one more person comment on how "strong" I am...

Also, You might be a caregiver if the thought of going postal occurs everytime a clerk, cashier, or stranger inquires "How are you today?" Why do they ask that question? Sometimes I want to growl, "CANCER" in response, just because I am tired of my own story, and I'm sick of saying "fine" in response to that stupid question!

How are you?
I sometimes say, Persevering or I'll pass on that today.

Pennymac02

ruthelizabeth said:

How are you?
I sometimes say, Persevering or I'll pass on that today.

Good Answer
I like them both. I think I'll try them out on the next shopping trip!

Ginx525

vanessat said:

You Might Be A Caregiver If.......
You Might Be A Caregiver If You've ever been asked by a Nurse or a Doctor "are you a nurse or in the medical field?"

You Might Be A Caregiver If You've had a friend ask, "well can't someone else help you?" (as if it's THAT easy)

You Might Be A Caregiver If the only thing you don't know how to do is perform Surgery

You Might Be A Caregiver If you've wished you had a warm blanket machine at home like the ones they have in hospitals

(for the most amazing person, My grandmother) (Oct 3, 1925 - July 31, 2010)

You might be a caregiver if...
...you know 50+ ways to may a Boost smoothie.

...you've used all your sick days up and you've not been sick in years (there went early retirement)

...you go to sleep at night listening to the sound of the baby monitor and your children are 25.

...and you wake up if you can't hear breathing.

...you want to pummel family members that should be around and helping that are not. Especially when they stroll in and say "you should have called"...I did call and you never answer.

...oh and my personal favorite...(may be TMI for some) when you find a moment and have some energy left for that "alone time" with the spouse, you make love with the baby monitor on listening to your Mom asleep and breathing in the other room...just in case she needs something.

...you go to sleep at night tired and know that you have done your best to make your loved one's day be the best it can be.

hope77

david54 said:

Dave’s Top ten things he
Dave’s Top ten things he gets tired of hearing as a caregiver

1. From her friends, “She looks great! Are you sure she’s that sick?” (Nah-I’ve been making this crap up the past 2 and a half years just for the hell of it)
2. From well meaning other friends, “I don’t know how I would handle life if I was in you’re situation” (Just what does that mean? Wow that makes me feel a hell of a lot better!))
3. From well meaning acquaintances, “I prayed for both of you last night. God told me she will be healed.” (Want to sign your name to that?)
4. From our beautiful daughter, “Hey dad, can you send me money for my books for next semester? By the way, how’s mom?” (Sure sweetheart, let me go out to the money tree and yank a few hundred off the branches)
5. From my wife, “Can you buy me some Ensure at Wal-Mart, paper towels at Safeway, prune juice at Rite Aide, and Odwalla at the health food store?” (By the time I finish driving all over town did I really save money on those items?)
6. From the hospital – the bill always come to our address in big bold letters so the mail man obviously knows we owe money “David _ _ _ _ you now owe $$$$$$ and we will do all we can to assist you with this financial obligation, have a nice day.” (Yea, you have a nice day too and I hope you have a hemorrhoid that flares up)
7. From anybody who doesn’t know what else to say, “You still have a lot to be grateful for, just live for today.” (Sound words of advice, but until you’re in my situation, I don’t really want to hear that, particularly when you are leaving for Hawaii tomorrow – I hope you jet sucks up volcano dust, just enough so that you have to land in Houston for a week)
8. From my wife while eating lasagna for dinner “My BM was brown last night!” (As opposed to grey when her liver is acting up – its just the timing of your comment that’s a little off sweetheart)
9. Again from well meaning friends, family, acquaintances, not always in this order but generally a heretofore newly discover juicing regimen,” Grape juice, Acai, Blueberry Juice, and bananas cured me of my ailments, it might help her”
(What it cured you of was constipation, not cancer!)
10. And last but not least-“You really need to take care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically so you can be there for your wife.” (Okay- you are right. Give me your ticket to Hawaii, Disneyworld, Italy, even Tahoe, and you stay here for 10 days and I will come back much healthier)

Thanks for this guys-venting helps.

You have a good sense of
You have a good sense of humor that will help see you through all the "helpful" comments. thanks for your post

kayaker01

junklady said:

You might be a caregiver if
You are tired of people asking how your spouse is, you just say okay and walk away. They never ask how you are.

You have to put cucumber slices on your eyes to take the swelling down from crying all night.

You've painted everything inside and out of the house , there is nothing left paint.

Your exercise equipment needs a break.

There is not a weed left in any flower bed.

You jump at every little sound you hear in the house.

You go to the Post office at 6 am. to avoid seeing people.
Thanks, just wanted to share, makes me feel a little better.

junklady
i can so relate to the "not a weed left in any flower bed."

RAB73

Thanks for the smile
Thanks everyone for the chuckle. I can relate to a lot of these.

menang

Pennymac02 said:

#5. If I hear one more
#5. If I hear one more person comment on how "strong" I am...

Also, You might be a caregiver if the thought of going postal occurs everytime a clerk, cashier, or stranger inquires "How are you today?" Why do they ask that question? Sometimes I want to growl, "CANCER" in response, just because I am tired of my own story, and I'm sick of saying "fine" in response to that stupid question!

Thank you - I thought I was
Thank you - I thought I was the only one who cringed when somebody told me to stay strong... I know they mean well, but really? If I had a dime (or a CURE)...

Maria

Brother of Mike, stage IV peritoneal
Wife of Dave, stage IV melanoma

menang

vanessat said:

You Might Be A Caregiver If.......
You Might Be A Caregiver If You've ever been asked by a Nurse or a Doctor "are you a nurse or in the medical field?"

You Might Be A Caregiver If You've had a friend ask, "well can't someone else help you?" (as if it's THAT easy)

You Might Be A Caregiver If the only thing you don't know how to do is perform Surgery

You Might Be A Caregiver If you've wished you had a warm blanket machine at home like the ones they have in hospitals

(for the most amazing person, My grandmother) (Oct 3, 1925 - July 31, 2010)

Lovely...
Absolutely agree with everyone of yours...couldn't have said it better...

KLScoville

RAB73 said:

Thanks for the smile
Thanks everyone for the chuckle. I can relate to a lot of these.

You might be a caregiver if....
--You have decided to start your own business to help all people with cancer and swallowing problems.

--you listen to every sound coming from the patient at all hours of the day and night putting your tv on mute.

--you are calling funeral homes for pricing (sorry this is for the pallative patients who can not be cured)

--you have a schedule of meds which may be every two hours for a 24 hour period, sleep does not seem as important as your patient being pain free.

--you cry, cry and cry some more..anytime and anywhere.

--you rush to get to the store and back...record time broken here!!!

--you are afraid to leave them in any case near the end.

--you make sure that their meds are ordered and on time...don't need any slips!

--you have taken over their responsibilities along with your own throughout the house.

--you have made arrangements, gotten all the important paperwork together.

--you sit and cry for your loved one, why did this happen to them?

--you evaulate your own life.

--you wish this was all a very bad dream!!!

--you are thankful for the next day/moment with the one you love!!!

~Kelly

PS..being a caregiver you can never ever be selfish...if you are than you shouldn't be a caregiver!!!! Hence the word "GIVE"