Tomorrow (tonight) is a bit tough....

KathiM
KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
It was 5 after midnight, I was here in Holland, 3 years ago, when the phone rang with the news my daughter had died. I still miss her, but keep her firmly in my heart. She had her moments, but also had times of joy, and the biggest smile.

I feel like turning the phones off tonight, not a single call do I want to have...my mom is elderly...I already told her she had to hang on..lol!

I got word that the settlement payout is finished. At this time, all the 'loose ends' are tied. I will send a prayer up to my dearest Miss Steph tonight, and hold her tight in my arms, and say 'Rest now, my little love'.

Thanks for letting me share...I know it's not about cancer, but it is a part of my life.

Hugs to you all, Kathi
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Comments

  • marilyndbk
    marilyndbk Member Posts: 238 Member
    Kathi.
    My thoughts and

    Kathi.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you as I read your post. Losing a child is one of the most difficult things to go through. They are all precious in his sight. Take care of yourself. Marilyn
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    Peace to you, Kathi
    You have talked about your precious daughter before, and I can't imagine the heartbreak you must feel at this anniversary. I think you have the right idea to turn off the phone and just have quiet reflection and loving memories of your daughter. We are here for you during this difficult time.

    Mimi
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    God Bless You
    And your family tonight. You will all be in my prayers.
    Hugs and Love - Pat
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    I will raise a glass to you
    I will raise a glass to you and your sweet Steph this evening; difficult as it was to put into words what your heart is no doubt feeling, it once more binds us in ways which transcend cancer~ as you rightly said, it is about a part of your life.

    Bittersweet Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    This is a time for beautiful
    This is a time for beautiful thoughts of your Miss Steph. It is bittersweet and I know you are also remembering the beautiful things.
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    Kathi, I will be thinking of
    Kathi, I will be thinking of you tonight and wishing for a quiet evening for you to remember your daughter. Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us!
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    MyTurnNow said:

    Kathi, I will be thinking of
    Kathi, I will be thinking of you tonight and wishing for a quiet evening for you to remember your daughter. Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us!

    Kathi...
    I will be thinking of you tonight. Hugs Jxx
  • newbiefromcananda
    newbiefromcananda Member Posts: 234
    my thoughts and prayers are
    my thoughts and prayers are with you and this board is not just to talk about our BC its about woman going through similar situation to talk to each other ...we are here for you ... to listen to talk and to even send you a cyber hug....((((((((((hugs)))))))))) and no I am thinking about you tonight xxxxxooo <3 Lisa
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    My heart and prayers go out
    My heart and prayers go out to you. I can feel the love in your words. It's so hard to loss those we love and to loss someone when it wasn't necessary is even harder. You know better than most that we are more than our cancers and that everything that touches us is important. Your laughter is our laughter, your tears are our tears, your joy is our joy, and your sorrow is our sorrow. It will be 7 years on the 13th since I lost my mom and 46 years on the 18th since I lost my dad. The pain is less, the memories more dear but what I wouldn't give to have them here for just a day. May your memories fill your heart tonight and ease your loss.
    Stef
  • LC815
    LC815 Member Posts: 155
    Smile
    I loved your sentence about your daughter's smile. May that vision warm your heart tonight.
    Prayers and peace to you and Miss Steph.

    Linda from Baltimore
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    LC815 said:

    Smile
    I loved your sentence about your daughter's smile. May that vision warm your heart tonight.
    Prayers and peace to you and Miss Steph.

    Linda from Baltimore

    Hold on to your memories,
    Hold on to your memories, and she will always be with you. You are in my thoughts and prayer.
    Kathy
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    Kat11 said:

    Hold on to your memories,
    Hold on to your memories, and she will always be with you. You are in my thoughts and prayer.
    Kathy

    Ditto to what everyone else has said
    I watched my 21 year old brother die of cancer and was in PAIN, but the pain was only a fraction of what I had to watch my parents endure for the next 7 years before they passed on to join him. Losing your child is the WORST thing to have to go through in life. Please open your heart and if the phone rings maybe it will be a "message" from her in a round about way. That is how I get through the losses I've had to endure. Whent he lights flash, that's my dad, when I get a good parking place, THANKS MOM! When a very special song comes on at a time when I need it, that's my brother, now I am waiting to see how my sister will reach out to me. She died Dec 14th of bc. I pray you find peace in your heart and life. FAITH....
  • LadyParvati
    LadyParvati Member Posts: 328
    Mama G said:

    Ditto to what everyone else has said
    I watched my 21 year old brother die of cancer and was in PAIN, but the pain was only a fraction of what I had to watch my parents endure for the next 7 years before they passed on to join him. Losing your child is the WORST thing to have to go through in life. Please open your heart and if the phone rings maybe it will be a "message" from her in a round about way. That is how I get through the losses I've had to endure. Whent he lights flash, that's my dad, when I get a good parking place, THANKS MOM! When a very special song comes on at a time when I need it, that's my brother, now I am waiting to see how my sister will reach out to me. She died Dec 14th of bc. I pray you find peace in your heart and life. FAITH....

    Keeping loved ones close in heart
    Kathi, I am so sorry about your loss--I can't imagine how much it must still hurt, but I agree that losing one's child must be one of the worst pains a mother could possibly have to bear. I'm sending you warm hugs.

    Mama G, I love the way you've connected your dear ones to signs from events that occur in your life--how lovely. My dad still "talks" to me in my head; though my mother doesn't still talk to me, I see her photographs every day. Both of them are still with me in my memories.

    For me, the memories of their love now have become bigger than the losses, though that certainly wasn't true at first.

    Sandy
  • ppurdin
    ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181
    Hi Kathi.
    Sounds like you need quite time to enjoy memories of your daughter.God bless you.Love and Prayers.(Pat).
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    The phone didn't ring!!! BIG hugs to my sisters in pink!!
    Thank you, everyone, for your kind and wonderful words. I have such a caring family in you all!!!

    I feel lighter today...as if you guys lifted me up....I can never repay your kindness!!!!

    All I can do is send warm wishes to you all....

    Hugs, Kathi
  • sausageroll
    sausageroll Member Posts: 415
    KathiM said:

    The phone didn't ring!!! BIG hugs to my sisters in pink!!
    Thank you, everyone, for your kind and wonderful words. I have such a caring family in you all!!!

    I feel lighter today...as if you guys lifted me up....I can never repay your kindness!!!!

    All I can do is send warm wishes to you all....

    Hugs, Kathi

    Late
    I know I am late, but my love and thoughts are heading your way. Take care.
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    KathiM said:

    The phone didn't ring!!! BIG hugs to my sisters in pink!!
    Thank you, everyone, for your kind and wonderful words. I have such a caring family in you all!!!

    I feel lighter today...as if you guys lifted me up....I can never repay your kindness!!!!

    All I can do is send warm wishes to you all....

    Hugs, Kathi

    Kathi,
    You repay the

    Kathi,
    You repay the kindness every time you reach out to another sister and uplift her. So debts are repaid all the time. Each encouragement we give pays back a moment when encouragement and support was given to us. We are all debt free.
    Stef
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    Hugs to you.

    Hugs to you.
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    KathiM said:

    The phone didn't ring!!! BIG hugs to my sisters in pink!!
    Thank you, everyone, for your kind and wonderful words. I have such a caring family in you all!!!

    I feel lighter today...as if you guys lifted me up....I can never repay your kindness!!!!

    All I can do is send warm wishes to you all....

    Hugs, Kathi

    Glad you're feeling better
    I didn't see your post until today, but am glad you got through the night and are feeling uplifted today.

    Sending you hugs,
    Cindy
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    Marcia527 said:

    Hugs to you.

    Hugs to you.

    You are in my prayers
    Hold on to all of the sweet memories. God Bless, jackie