stress doubled??.. and going thru chemo :(

newbiefromcananda
newbiefromcananda Member Posts: 234
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have my parents staying here , with me , my husband and 3 kids .... it has been a god send having my parents here to help out but everyone is getting on each others nerves..... I am going crazy... I know I am not the only one at home dealing with this but I am dealing with it and going through cancer!!! I am so sorry to vent I can't even see the keyboard for tears.... is it not Christmas time??? :(.... Lisa
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Comments

  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    and in Canada.....
    you can't go for a walk. How about shopping? Can you and your mom get out of the house for a little girl time? I'm so sorry, and i can definately relate. Been crying a lot lately. It's a time of year for happiness, and I just don't feel it right now.
    WE can just cry together, Lisa. I'm here for you.
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    Lisa...........
    You are one lovely person, and going through chemo it's normal to want to hide in a cupboard. I'm sorry things are going so stressful for you
    Don't ever be sorry to vent.............We DO understand............ Huge Hugs to you Hun........... I hope they get their act together before you have to SPELL IT OUT! Jxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Gloria09
    Gloria09 Member Posts: 190
    Lisa
    We are here for you so vent all you want. ( ( ( BIG HUGS ) ) )
  • chickad52
    chickad52 Member Posts: 497
    LISA
    I was told that tears cleanse the soul, so cry all you want. Christmas is suppose to be a happy time of year but I'm finding that very hard this year myself.Just can't seem to get into it this year. Maybe getting out more would be the answer. Sounds like you need some me time. Hugs to you, Diane
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    chickad52 said:

    LISA
    I was told that tears cleanse the soul, so cry all you want. Christmas is suppose to be a happy time of year but I'm finding that very hard this year myself.Just can't seem to get into it this year. Maybe getting out more would be the answer. Sounds like you need some me time. Hugs to you, Diane

    its hard to go through all
    its hard to go through all of this, then try to glean some happiness out of the season. particularly when you just plain dont feel well. and although grateful for the help its hard to have your home disrupted. All of this is just a big whirlwind of emotions. Be kind to yourself, you are really doing well, brave and strong hugs to you.
  • newbiefromcananda
    newbiefromcananda Member Posts: 234
    thanks everyone...I know...I
    thanks everyone...I know...I just want to cry sometimes but feel like I am not doing well if I do> weird eh? thankyou so much and I know my sisters are right here with me love, hugs & well wishes to ALL of you xoxoxoxoox Lisa
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member

    thanks everyone...I know...I
    thanks everyone...I know...I just want to cry sometimes but feel like I am not doing well if I do> weird eh? thankyou so much and I know my sisters are right here with me love, hugs & well wishes to ALL of you xoxoxoxoox Lisa

    It's okay to cry. There are
    It's okay to cry. There are so many hurdles that we have to jump and sometimes we just can't make it over them. It's get to have the family there but it can get crowded and stressful with 7 people in one house. Let everyone know that you occasionally need some me time. Crying doesn't mean you aren't doing well. It means that you need a release from tension, treatment, fear, whatever. We are all so trained that tears are bad or weak and the opposite is true. Tears can be good and allowing yourself to have these moments strengthens us. We had a song when my daughter was little that said, It's all right to cry, it might make you feel better. So hugs for you while you just let the tears flow.
    Stef
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member

    thanks everyone...I know...I
    thanks everyone...I know...I just want to cry sometimes but feel like I am not doing well if I do> weird eh? thankyou so much and I know my sisters are right here with me love, hugs & well wishes to ALL of you xoxoxoxoox Lisa

    I am so sorry Lisa, but, it
    I am so sorry Lisa, but, it is very natural to feel the way you do. We all are going thru it or have been thru it. Bc is hard and there are no set rules to follow. Our emotions are out of control. We are scared to death. So, if you want to vent, do it. If you need to be alone, see if everyone can leave for awhile, or, you leave. You just do what is best for you. You are the one now that needs to do whatever you want.

    Leeza
  • Lynda53
    Lynda53 Member Posts: 210
    O Canada! So do some crying and some venting!
    Then remember that this is about you! ALL about you.
    Yes,your family is tehre, hownice. and Yes Christams is comning.
    It is still about you.
    If everone is on nerves, either send them out together or in pairs, and you go with someone or stay home and chill.Grab your favorite blankey and curl up on the couch, and be about about you.
    I am sure they too are feeling nevres and stress and do not know quite what to do. They intend to work around how I felt on the day.
    Sorry not what I want nor what I asked for. I am choosing for everyone to what they want, and if I feel like it, then fine, if not fine. Right now I would just as soon no travelling and be home alone for how ever long. I will likely not be able to be with my Mom and brother so my roomates family just does not do it for me. There are more Christmases coming!
    I have done no shopping, money will not be in until Wednesday, and my chemo was changed to an ICU for Tuesday over night. SO be it.

    Lisa, all about you, do as you need and let it be known.
    Peace
  • TLynn0102
    TLynn0102 Member Posts: 86

    thanks everyone...I know...I
    thanks everyone...I know...I just want to cry sometimes but feel like I am not doing well if I do> weird eh? thankyou so much and I know my sisters are right here with me love, hugs & well wishes to ALL of you xoxoxoxoox Lisa

    Not doing well...same feeling
    Lisa,
    I was drawn to this site because I had a meltdown last week...I'm done with the treatments and dealing with the 'new normal' journey now; ticket bought and paid for and no retun option. I did the same thing you are doing now, holding in your feelings because we as women are strong people. (It didn't work for me) We give so much of ourselves that we feel guility when it comes time to give to ourselves. Cry girl and if that does not make you feel good, walk outside and scream, an occassional foot stomp can't hurt either. I learned all this in a week from the strong women who post on this site. It IS about you and you need to let everyone around you know that so they understand. You are not weak or not doing well, you are just like all of us...normal. :-) Your loved ones will understand and will support you. Remember you are crying for you not because you want someone to sympathise for you; think of it as cleansing your sole. If you still don't feel better after a good cry and everyone is still making you crazy and won't leave the house try the following in this order: Find a pair of earplugs, put them in. Get a good bottle of wine and a glass. Run the tub with warm water and bubble bath. Get a book and escape for an hour or so. And don't forget to LOCK THE DOOR (the earplugs will filter out the noise from people beating on the door) so they can't invade your quiet time! And remember it's ALL ABOUT YOU!!! Feel better soon! Tracey
  • LC815
    LC815 Member Posts: 155
    Could you remind the
    Could you remind the grown-ups (parents and husband) what you're going through and ask them for their best behavior? Pull out the "cancer card"!
  • Whoknowz
    Whoknowz Member Posts: 82
    Just keep the kleenex handy
    One of the problems is that so often we try to keep things normal especially at a time like Chrstmas and especially when kids are involved -- but ain't nothing normal! Everybody in the family tries to get thru this the best they can for themselves and each other. Sometimes our best is not what the other person nneeds.

    As the others said, cry when you want to, find time just for you. Do what you need to do for you. I hope the rest of the family follows your example.
  • newbiefromcananda
    newbiefromcananda Member Posts: 234
    Whoknowz said:

    Just keep the kleenex handy
    One of the problems is that so often we try to keep things normal especially at a time like Chrstmas and especially when kids are involved -- but ain't nothing normal! Everybody in the family tries to get thru this the best they can for themselves and each other. Sometimes our best is not what the other person nneeds.

    As the others said, cry when you want to, find time just for you. Do what you need to do for you. I hope the rest of the family follows your example.

    ****!!
    well things blew up... my parents left on bad terms.. my kids are upset.. my husband took his wedding ring off and told me he doesn't like me anymore... I am bald...stressed and soooo hurt.... I just want to leave ..but I have no where to go :( Iam I not suppose to be stress free... yeah right ...I know my parents were here for me but it just got to be to much... i understand... but I just feel spoooo bad :(:(
  • taleena
    taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member

    ****!!
    well things blew up... my parents left on bad terms.. my kids are upset.. my husband took his wedding ring off and told me he doesn't like me anymore... I am bald...stressed and soooo hurt.... I just want to leave ..but I have no where to go :( Iam I not suppose to be stress free... yeah right ...I know my parents were here for me but it just got to be to much... i understand... but I just feel spoooo bad :(:(

    Oh sweety... I am so sorry
    Oh sweety... I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this right now... sounds like too much for a healthy individual... let alone for someone who is in the fight for their life...

    Do you have a friend that you could call to just get you out of there for a bit... are you able to drive?? Maybe go for a nice quiet drive yourself if you can... and if all else fails maybe locking yourself in your bathroom for a long soak in a bubble bath with a few candles and the lights off... soothing...music on low... and melt into the warm water...

    I am sure that the family will work their issues out... what you need to remember is that they are "their" issues and not yours... You need to focus your energy on number one.. you... I know it hurts, and it feels so isolating... but they just don't get it...we do... and we are here for you!

    I'm sending you extra special hugs,

    ~T
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    taleena said:

    Oh sweety... I am so sorry
    Oh sweety... I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this right now... sounds like too much for a healthy individual... let alone for someone who is in the fight for their life...

    Do you have a friend that you could call to just get you out of there for a bit... are you able to drive?? Maybe go for a nice quiet drive yourself if you can... and if all else fails maybe locking yourself in your bathroom for a long soak in a bubble bath with a few candles and the lights off... soothing...music on low... and melt into the warm water...

    I am sure that the family will work their issues out... what you need to remember is that they are "their" issues and not yours... You need to focus your energy on number one.. you... I know it hurts, and it feels so isolating... but they just don't get it...we do... and we are here for you!

    I'm sending you extra special hugs,

    ~T

    Lisa.....
    I'm so annoyed at the people around you and their lack of support when you most need it (I know what THAT feels like)...Hey how far are you from Port Colborne?.... Can you cook and do you have your own cleaning materials?... Joking, But i'm here for you hun, I'm sorry things went so bad but like Taleena said, these are NOT your problems... Don't own them.
    Sending you huge Hugs and my motto

    "Don't let the B'stards Get you down!"

    (((((Lisa))))) Jzz xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • meena1
    meena1 Member Posts: 1,003

    ****!!
    well things blew up... my parents left on bad terms.. my kids are upset.. my husband took his wedding ring off and told me he doesn't like me anymore... I am bald...stressed and soooo hurt.... I just want to leave ..but I have no where to go :( Iam I not suppose to be stress free... yeah right ...I know my parents were here for me but it just got to be to much... i understand... but I just feel spoooo bad :(:(

    I can not believe that
    I can not believe that happened to you!. I swear, people only think of themselves, that is why i am here. There is no one that understands what we are going through. Maybe things will calm down abit, and your husband!! Maybe he is just upset and cannot express it, or maybe he is just being a jerk. I hope that this blows over and you are feeling better tomorrow. Take care
  • crselby
    crselby Member Posts: 441
    didn't take long
    Well,Lisa, that didn't take long, did it? I think you knew it was going to 'blow up' when you wrote the first post. Ok, so where do we go from here? Can't help the parents leaving, they're gone. So, I hope that's better now. If they come around to see how they've hurt you and made your awful situation worse, great! If not, don't let it get under your skin. Like others said, it's their issue now. When they tell their friends of this incident, their friends will be thinking, "Can't they see how much their daughter needed them to be 'the adults' in this situation? Abandoning her and her family was childish and selfish to the max!"

    Your husband... he's too close to the situation, part of it actually, to easily step up and 'be the adult' while you have a (can't help it... it's the meds, fear, anger, etc.) meltdown. He thinks you are still the precancer you. And we all know that you are now so changed. But he doesn't know that. If he can figure that out and accept it ('better or worse' is in those vows for this very reason!) you will then have someone on your side to help get you through this whole cancer thing. Tell him you need to have someone, preferably HIM, on your side in your fight against cancer.

    I also want to reiterate what others said: You must take care of you, and do it beginning right now. Don't worry about the consequences. We don't know what they'll be. As you step out of your family members lives in your usual MOM role, others will step in to fill the gap temporarily, or they will be stronger for having to step up themselves. Your focus must be on you. No one else is going to take care of you, apparently, so you need to do it. Many of us here would come do it if that was feasable, but for now, make yourself a priority. Because you deserve to be loved and cared for. We all do. And it starts with yourself, eh? I mean, right?

    Sending a deep breath in and exhale to you, dear Lisa.

    ~~Connie~~
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member

    ****!!
    well things blew up... my parents left on bad terms.. my kids are upset.. my husband took his wedding ring off and told me he doesn't like me anymore... I am bald...stressed and soooo hurt.... I just want to leave ..but I have no where to go :( Iam I not suppose to be stress free... yeah right ...I know my parents were here for me but it just got to be to much... i understand... but I just feel spoooo bad :(:(

    As a mom I think it is too
    As a mom I think it is too bad that your parents left on bad terms. They are grown ups and it is a childish way to behave. But that is their problem. Her husband taking off his wedding ring and tell you he doesn't like you anymore is so not supportive. Your kids being upset is understandable as long as they aren't upset with you. You didn't bring this on, it happened to you. I agree with the gal that said, see if you have a friend that can rescue you for the day. I know that there are times during all of this that I didn't like myself very much but it would have hurt me so much to have my husband say that. Here is what I would do. Sit down with your husband alone and tell him that you don't need to be reminded that you are different now or that he doesn't like you anymore. Tell him that being bald and sick and stressed is horrible and it has changed you and you have lost your sense of self and need him to help and support you. This is part of those vows, Better or worse, sickness and in health. We hear them at most wedding ceremonies. How many couples really understand what that entails? For your parents, write a simple note thanking them for their help and that you appreciated it but that having them there right now just got to be too much. Tell them you love them and you know they love you but you need space and hope they understand. Then it is on them. For your kids, gather them together and tell them that you understand that mom is not mom right now but that you're doing the best you can to get well and be there for them in the long haul. Tell the whole family that you love them but that things are different right now and that you NEED to be selfish right now in order to fight and be there for all of them in the future. And don't feel bad, no of this is your fault. I firmly believe that even if the one with cancer is being difficult, crabby, etc. that it's allowed. This is a horrible thing to have to deal with and we cannot be expected to be the same as we were before this. It changes us. Some of it is from treatments, some from fear, some from anger, some from the changes in our physical appearance. They might not know how to react to all of this, but for pity's sake neither do we. And we don't have the luxury of
    being the healthy one. It's happening to us. I wish I was there to wrap my motherly, chubby little arms around you and tell you that it will all be okay. But I can send cyberhugs and prayers to you that this will work out. You need peace and stability right now and it is their job to give it to you.
    Stef
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    crselby said:

    didn't take long
    Well,Lisa, that didn't take long, did it? I think you knew it was going to 'blow up' when you wrote the first post. Ok, so where do we go from here? Can't help the parents leaving, they're gone. So, I hope that's better now. If they come around to see how they've hurt you and made your awful situation worse, great! If not, don't let it get under your skin. Like others said, it's their issue now. When they tell their friends of this incident, their friends will be thinking, "Can't they see how much their daughter needed them to be 'the adults' in this situation? Abandoning her and her family was childish and selfish to the max!"

    Your husband... he's too close to the situation, part of it actually, to easily step up and 'be the adult' while you have a (can't help it... it's the meds, fear, anger, etc.) meltdown. He thinks you are still the precancer you. And we all know that you are now so changed. But he doesn't know that. If he can figure that out and accept it ('better or worse' is in those vows for this very reason!) you will then have someone on your side to help get you through this whole cancer thing. Tell him you need to have someone, preferably HIM, on your side in your fight against cancer.

    I also want to reiterate what others said: You must take care of you, and do it beginning right now. Don't worry about the consequences. We don't know what they'll be. As you step out of your family members lives in your usual MOM role, others will step in to fill the gap temporarily, or they will be stronger for having to step up themselves. Your focus must be on you. No one else is going to take care of you, apparently, so you need to do it. Many of us here would come do it if that was feasable, but for now, make yourself a priority. Because you deserve to be loved and cared for. We all do. And it starts with yourself, eh? I mean, right?

    Sending a deep breath in and exhale to you, dear Lisa.

    ~~Connie~~

    I think everyone means well,
    I think everyone means well, but sometimes they just think of themselfs and what your cancer is doing to them. They forget that your the one who has it and has to deal with it.Your husband has to deal with a lot to. When I was diagonosed I said to my husband " Are you ready for what is about to happen in our life " It is hard for the both of us in different ways. Hang in there, sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. Hugs
    Kathy
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    Kat11 said:

    I think everyone means well,
    I think everyone means well, but sometimes they just think of themselfs and what your cancer is doing to them. They forget that your the one who has it and has to deal with it.Your husband has to deal with a lot to. When I was diagonosed I said to my husband " Are you ready for what is about to happen in our life " It is hard for the both of us in different ways. Hang in there, sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. Hugs
    Kathy

    I think people get
    I think people get frightened and they try so hard to keep it the same as it always was. Even though it isn't. People dont always listen either and they want to help you in the way they think is best not the way you need. I am so sorry you are dealing with this you are an awesome person and dont need this. Once people cool off and have time to think I thn they will settle and hopefully this blowup can lead to better communication. Everyone is like a deer in the headlights, nothing teaches you how to deal with this. BIG HUGS!!!