OK.....First step.....HELP!
Comments
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Lots of good advice fromCR1954 said:An old adage........
A leopard doesn't change his spots.
He won't change. He can't change. He can pretend for a few days or weeks. But he will always be the same.
Hugs,
CR
Lots of good advice from women who have been in your shoes. We all want you to be safe and happy. And, we hope that you can find someone who loves you like the gentleman in the market today loved his wife, missing her dearly six years after her death. Hoping that the apartment is wonderful and you can't wait to move there.
Joyce0 -
Tashajk1952 said:Lots of good advice from
Lots of good advice from women who have been in your shoes. We all want you to be safe and happy. And, we hope that you can find someone who loves you like the gentleman in the market today loved his wife, missing her dearly six years after her death. Hoping that the apartment is wonderful and you can't wait to move there.
Joyce
I agree with everything everyone has said. You know in your heart you are better off without him ... so ... just listen to your heart ... and be strong. You can do this. Although you think you are being a wuss ... we all know how strong you really are. There's a new life waiting out there for you and you deserve to be treated with love and respect ... and "He" in not capable of doing that. You deserve much better.
Take care ... and you know we are all here for you.
love ya.
teena0 -
Dear J...
You fought very, very hard to gain life - Life After Cancer. You've already kicked cancer butt. An extremely difficult task - and, you did it.
Then, got a job you love - and your employers love you, too. I clearly remember you describing that you're the first non-family employee, ever. What a score. Glad they appreciate you, as they should. So knowledgeable and talented with plants you are. A perfect match.
I cannot possibly express here, with mere words, how very proud of you I am... Looking for your own place to live - another positive and huge step forward towards a better future, for sure. While scary, YOU CAN DO THIS. I'll be sincerely hoping - with both fingers and toes crossed for good luck - that the apartment you'll see tomorrow will be clean and safe.
Hugs, lots of 'em, backatcha.
Kind regards, Susan0 -
Tashatgf said:Tasha
I agree with everything everyone has said. You know in your heart you are better off without him ... so ... just listen to your heart ... and be strong. You can do this. Although you think you are being a wuss ... we all know how strong you really are. There's a new life waiting out there for you and you deserve to be treated with love and respect ... and "He" in not capable of doing that. You deserve much better.
Take care ... and you know we are all here for you.
love ya.
teena
I have been reading your post on your relationship issues and i just want to share my experience with you. Its hard to admit, but i was in your shoes not once but twice. My ex husband was an alcoholic and i was very young and put up with his verbal that turned to physical abuse for far too long. We had three children together, the last concieved with his force on me. She was six months old when i finally had the courage to leave even though i was totally going to be on my own with three children. I had to leave for them. I was on my own for a while and ended in another relationship. At first, it was heaven. Great. But soon i saw a pattern that was all too familiar and he hit me one night. I had him arrested and he kept saying he was sorry and would change. It was so hard not to go back, but i knew that he wouldnt change. Abusive men dont change, they want to keep making you think they will. Thats part of there high on getting you back. Sure its ok for a while, but the abuse always returns. It has been such a struggle to raise my children on my own. But i know that they are safe and so am i. I will never let another man control me or abuse me again. Not only do my children deserve to have nothing but love and peace, but i do to. You have to believe that for yourself. It is very hard to stick to your guns and keep saying no, but just keep thinking of all the bad and know that happiness never comes from abuse or bad. You have to know you are worth so much more and love yourself. Please try hard to believe in yourself. I know you will get very lonely and miss having someone around, but that goes away in time and in the end, you will be happy. You are definately in my prayers and know that you are not alone. Stay strong. Dont let him drag you back in. Hugs to you.
laura0 -
Tasha, please listen to what
Tasha, please listen to what everyone is telling you here and what you know is right for you. And, that is like what CR said, a leapard does not change his spots. An abuser will promise you anything, but, the abuse will return eventually. You have come too far, gone thru too much and just now when your life is finally getting right, don't take him back please. Go ahead to a bright and better future - without him!
And, Noel, kick her arse good! lol
Hugs, Kristin0 -
Fighting for your Life
Dear Julia, Susan is right: finding an apartment of your very own is not the first step. It is the latest and next step in a journey you have been traveling, a journey to self-sufficiency and to freedom to be yourself and to be cherished as you should be.
Sitting on the fence isn't living the life you fought for. Getting out of the abusive relationship is a fight for your life, just like beating bc. And you beat the beast, as Susan pointed out. Now you push through the uncertainty and fear and pain one more time--to get your arse on the right side of that fence.0 -
Tasha
All I can do is second and thrid what everyone else has said. You're doing the right thing by looking at a new appartment. I'm really praying that's it's everything you need. Safe and cozy.
After you've taken this step and got your self all moved out, just remember to stay strong, you'll love having your freedom, and you'll meet someone who is right for you. I just know it because you're a wonderful person.
God Bless and Good Luck Tomorrow
Aurora0 -
Sorry Tasha....
Somehow I missed this post last night. I guess the words of encouragement would be a little late, so I'll ask instead, did you go see the apartment? What's it like? Did you take it? Are we invited to the house warming party? Ohhhh, I can't wait to hear all about it!!!
Pammy 0 -
Apartment
I am hoping you are touring the perspective apartment! Please be sure to let us know how it went! -KC0 -
Hi Tashfaithandprayer said:Apartment
I am hoping you are touring the perspective apartment! Please be sure to let us know how it went! -KC
Just poping in to say ...time heals all wounds, the longer you are away from "him" the stronger and happier you will become. Pretty soon he will only be a vague memory, overshadowed by many new and happy memories.
Good luck with the new apt. Let us know,
hugs, jackie0 -
So they say!rjjj said:Hi Tash
Just poping in to say ...time heals all wounds, the longer you are away from "him" the stronger and happier you will become. Pretty soon he will only be a vague memory, overshadowed by many new and happy memories.
Good luck with the new apt. Let us know,
hugs, jackie
Yup, Time Heals All Wounds, and thankfully, Time Wounds all Heels, too!
Hugs,
Claudia0 -
I'm proud of you!!rjjj said:Hi Tash
Just poping in to say ...time heals all wounds, the longer you are away from "him" the stronger and happier you will become. Pretty soon he will only be a vague memory, overshadowed by many new and happy memories.
Good luck with the new apt. Let us know,
hugs, jackie
a Man who loves you won't hurt you... Remember my relationship ended after my diagnosed too.. I will never take him back... If my ex could do what he did to me during the darkest time in my life then he is not worthy of having me in his life..PERIOD!!! I feel it was truly a divine intervention!!
You are a Goddess and worthy of a real Love!! hold out for it!!! Life on your own is good.. you can shop, decorate, eat, go , enjoy life in any way YOU PLEASE!!!
Strength comes in numbers and from the posts here I think you've got it!!! When's the party!!!0 -
I DID IT!Calleen said:I'm proud of you!!
a Man who loves you won't hurt you... Remember my relationship ended after my diagnosed too.. I will never take him back... If my ex could do what he did to me during the darkest time in my life then he is not worthy of having me in his life..PERIOD!!! I feel it was truly a divine intervention!!
You are a Goddess and worthy of a real Love!! hold out for it!!! Life on your own is good.. you can shop, decorate, eat, go , enjoy life in any way YOU PLEASE!!!
Strength comes in numbers and from the posts here I think you've got it!!! When's the party!!!
Thank you all so much for your love, support and kicks up the arse... I got the apartment, it's absolutely lovely. It's what they call a Batchelor...(So eventually I guess I have to find one of them! LOL) Anyway, It's on the most exclusive street in town...Overlooking the huge Welland Canal! What a view...It's a very tourist area of quaint little shops, harbour-front and even park benches and trees to sit on/under with my morning tea.
It's very quiet, a very old building, very well maintained. Brand new kitchen, Lighting, Paint, Bathroom, Floors, Carpets and appliances.
I met the landlord (He has a great reputation in town for looking after his Tenants... that's why the shelter organisation work with him) He told me that if I had any problems, even a leaky tap, let him know and it would be dealt with immediately, No big deal!.. Nice guy, insists on vetting everyone new to make sure they don't throw wild parties or turn the place into a drug den. I PASSED!!!!!
Anyway the shelter Org. is subsidising me and I get it for $350can/Month......all inclusive.
She then marched me over the most exclusive furniture shop in town and told me pick out a sofa-bed...WOW!
She told me anything I wanted to take was fine, they'll provide the basics until I get on my feet, even food!.. Any furniture, Brand New! and all towels, bedding, cutlery, crockery, pots and pans........AND Free 1 on 1 counselling with a womens' refuge worker!
I left there to go to chat with my Boss/Friend....She hugged me and told me this was definitely the right move for me.
What REALLY made my mind up was the lovely receptionist...she was out having a fa g when we got back......(She's their resident psychic LOL) anyway, she looked straight into me and said......"I know nothing of your situation......But you are going to be very Ill....Unless you GET OUT!"
There was something about her that spooked me enough to burst into tears and say......Ok Lets do this.
I got home and explained it to him, he agreed that this was probably the best move for me (and him) at the moment, he's offered financial help, which I will accept until I no longer need to.
Again , Please accept my heartfelt thanks for everything ALL of you have done...........Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx0 -
Healtasha_111 said:I DID IT!
Thank you all so much for your love, support and kicks up the arse... I got the apartment, it's absolutely lovely. It's what they call a Batchelor...(So eventually I guess I have to find one of them! LOL) Anyway, It's on the most exclusive street in town...Overlooking the huge Welland Canal! What a view...It's a very tourist area of quaint little shops, harbour-front and even park benches and trees to sit on/under with my morning tea.
It's very quiet, a very old building, very well maintained. Brand new kitchen, Lighting, Paint, Bathroom, Floors, Carpets and appliances.
I met the landlord (He has a great reputation in town for looking after his Tenants... that's why the shelter organisation work with him) He told me that if I had any problems, even a leaky tap, let him know and it would be dealt with immediately, No big deal!.. Nice guy, insists on vetting everyone new to make sure they don't throw wild parties or turn the place into a drug den. I PASSED!!!!!
Anyway the shelter Org. is subsidising me and I get it for $350can/Month......all inclusive.
She then marched me over the most exclusive furniture shop in town and told me pick out a sofa-bed...WOW!
She told me anything I wanted to take was fine, they'll provide the basics until I get on my feet, even food!.. Any furniture, Brand New! and all towels, bedding, cutlery, crockery, pots and pans........AND Free 1 on 1 counselling with a womens' refuge worker!
I left there to go to chat with my Boss/Friend....She hugged me and told me this was definitely the right move for me.
What REALLY made my mind up was the lovely receptionist...she was out having a fa g when we got back......(She's their resident psychic LOL) anyway, she looked straight into me and said......"I know nothing of your situation......But you are going to be very Ill....Unless you GET OUT!"
There was something about her that spooked me enough to burst into tears and say......Ok Lets do this.
I got home and explained it to him, he agreed that this was probably the best move for me (and him) at the moment, he's offered financial help, which I will accept until I no longer need to.
Again , Please accept my heartfelt thanks for everything ALL of you have done...........Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
tasha,
It sounds like the most wonderful place to heal and start again. I'm so happy for you, I'm smiling at my monitor!!!
Hugs,
KC0 -
Tash,tasha_111 said:I DID IT!
Thank you all so much for your love, support and kicks up the arse... I got the apartment, it's absolutely lovely. It's what they call a Batchelor...(So eventually I guess I have to find one of them! LOL) Anyway, It's on the most exclusive street in town...Overlooking the huge Welland Canal! What a view...It's a very tourist area of quaint little shops, harbour-front and even park benches and trees to sit on/under with my morning tea.
It's very quiet, a very old building, very well maintained. Brand new kitchen, Lighting, Paint, Bathroom, Floors, Carpets and appliances.
I met the landlord (He has a great reputation in town for looking after his Tenants... that's why the shelter organisation work with him) He told me that if I had any problems, even a leaky tap, let him know and it would be dealt with immediately, No big deal!.. Nice guy, insists on vetting everyone new to make sure they don't throw wild parties or turn the place into a drug den. I PASSED!!!!!
Anyway the shelter Org. is subsidising me and I get it for $350can/Month......all inclusive.
She then marched me over the most exclusive furniture shop in town and told me pick out a sofa-bed...WOW!
She told me anything I wanted to take was fine, they'll provide the basics until I get on my feet, even food!.. Any furniture, Brand New! and all towels, bedding, cutlery, crockery, pots and pans........AND Free 1 on 1 counselling with a womens' refuge worker!
I left there to go to chat with my Boss/Friend....She hugged me and told me this was definitely the right move for me.
What REALLY made my mind up was the lovely receptionist...she was out having a fa g when we got back......(She's their resident psychic LOL) anyway, she looked straight into me and said......"I know nothing of your situation......But you are going to be very Ill....Unless you GET OUT!"
There was something about her that spooked me enough to burst into tears and say......Ok Lets do this.
I got home and explained it to him, he agreed that this was probably the best move for me (and him) at the moment, he's offered financial help, which I will accept until I no longer need to.
Again , Please accept my heartfelt thanks for everything ALL of you have done...........Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
the apartment and everything with it sounds great! I'm so happy for you! It sounds like things are definately looking up!!0 -
Yeah!!!!!!!!!!outdoorgirl said:Tash,
the apartment and everything with it sounds great! I'm so happy for you! It sounds like things are definately looking up!!
I move in next week! Thanks again you wonderful Carcinoma Kids!
Huge Hugs Jxxxxxxxxx0 -
Carcinomatasha_111 said:Yeah!!!!!!!!!!
I move in next week! Thanks again you wonderful Carcinoma Kids!
Huge Hugs Jxxxxxxxxx
Kids-I love that! Just like Dr. Charisma Bypass! Your creativity and imagination is something else,Tash.0 -
My computer mouse is dancingtasha_111 said:I DID IT!
Thank you all so much for your love, support and kicks up the arse... I got the apartment, it's absolutely lovely. It's what they call a Batchelor...(So eventually I guess I have to find one of them! LOL) Anyway, It's on the most exclusive street in town...Overlooking the huge Welland Canal! What a view...It's a very tourist area of quaint little shops, harbour-front and even park benches and trees to sit on/under with my morning tea.
It's very quiet, a very old building, very well maintained. Brand new kitchen, Lighting, Paint, Bathroom, Floors, Carpets and appliances.
I met the landlord (He has a great reputation in town for looking after his Tenants... that's why the shelter organisation work with him) He told me that if I had any problems, even a leaky tap, let him know and it would be dealt with immediately, No big deal!.. Nice guy, insists on vetting everyone new to make sure they don't throw wild parties or turn the place into a drug den. I PASSED!!!!!
Anyway the shelter Org. is subsidising me and I get it for $350can/Month......all inclusive.
She then marched me over the most exclusive furniture shop in town and told me pick out a sofa-bed...WOW!
She told me anything I wanted to take was fine, they'll provide the basics until I get on my feet, even food!.. Any furniture, Brand New! and all towels, bedding, cutlery, crockery, pots and pans........AND Free 1 on 1 counselling with a womens' refuge worker!
I left there to go to chat with my Boss/Friend....She hugged me and told me this was definitely the right move for me.
What REALLY made my mind up was the lovely receptionist...she was out having a fa g when we got back......(She's their resident psychic LOL) anyway, she looked straight into me and said......"I know nothing of your situation......But you are going to be very Ill....Unless you GET OUT!"
There was something about her that spooked me enough to burst into tears and say......Ok Lets do this.
I got home and explained it to him, he agreed that this was probably the best move for me (and him) at the moment, he's offered financial help, which I will accept until I no longer need to.
Again , Please accept my heartfelt thanks for everything ALL of you have done...........Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
for you, Tasha. I've been in your situation. I remember being afraid of being alone. Of growing up to be a bag lady...all those fears. What happened was: I joined Peace Corps, was sent to Jamaica where I met my husband of now 25+ years. All is cool, mon. xoxoxo Lynn0 -
I have tears in my eyes,outdoorgirl said:Carcinoma
Kids-I love that! Just like Dr. Charisma Bypass! Your creativity and imagination is something else,Tash.
I have tears in my eyes, thinking about how things worked out. I think you've seen a lot of signs today that this is the right thing to do. Sounds like a lovely apartment, and we're looking forward to hearing about your new bachelor, to along with the bachelor apartment!
Joyce0
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