Young *Single* Cancer Survivors

jmp123

Chemo_Princess said:

Indeed
I agree 100%. I'd also rather date a survivor because nobody else appreciates every breath of air and sunrise like we do!!
Blessings,
Natalie

Joshua M. Pace
sent me your e-mail address ok

angiecarol

ajadestar said:

I had Ganglionuroblastoma at
I had Ganglionuroblastoma at the age of two. As a result I walked on my tippy toes and the docs kept me in horrible leg braces and cast for years. (Never correcting the problem might I had.) I had very very few friends in school. Children can be so cruel. As a result I didnt have boyfriends eaither. As I grew up tho, I worked with myself, n' am now able to walk pretty normal with just a slight limp. I did not grow up with the pride of being a cancer survior. Now as an adult I have that pride. But sharing it is a different story. When I tell people they start looking at me and treating me differently. Like with pity and like I still have it and am so fragile. But its been 27 years. So I still dont really say much. But then people start asking why I limp and if Im ok. Or guys will ask about the scar I have that literally cuts my abdomen in half. I dont want a boyfriend that feels pity for me. I just want to be looked at like everyone else. Not like Im gonna fall apart at any minute.

Reading some of the comments,I can relate. A lot. I had been dating this guy for 2 months when I found out that I had cancer, I basically told him I don't blame you if you go now but if you don't, I really hope you're there for me. So much for that.
He came to a couple surgeries at first, then when I started chemo... I rarely saw him.
The day I was supposed to start chemo, I found out I was pregnant. Basically didn't have a choice, lost my baby. He wasn't there for me at all.And here I sit even now heartbroken over it. But it was either try and go on with the pregnancy and you and the baby die. not an option.
I could barely get ahold of him on the phone. I saw him off & on for the next 10 months... I knew something was going on, but I was so sick and did not want the drama. I left it alone. Turns out,he was cheating on me. Great. And I didn't even find out from him first. Read it on facebook! REALLY?!
So I ended things with him.. and he says "oh since you're all better now you don't wanna be with me?" That comment pissed me off beyond belief. I was one week into remission and I had/have a lot of work to do on myself yet. Such a ridiculous thing to say.
He did many things that are hard no matter what, but add cancer on top of that. Ugh.
2 weeks later,he gotta new GF and now shes pregnant. Imagine that.

I don't think I will be able to trust anyone for a long time.
Many of my close friends disappeared,thinking I was gonna die .. Thanks for the confidence in me. HA.

There's nothing like a survivor. It's great to be able to relate to someone.

Furr_to_Skin

angiecarol said:

Reading some of the comments,I can relate. A lot. I had been dating this guy for 2 months when I found out that I had cancer, I basically told him I don't blame you if you go now but if you don't, I really hope you're there for me. So much for that.
He came to a couple surgeries at first, then when I started chemo... I rarely saw him.
The day I was supposed to start chemo, I found out I was pregnant. Basically didn't have a choice, lost my baby. He wasn't there for me at all.And here I sit even now heartbroken over it. But it was either try and go on with the pregnancy and you and the baby die. not an option.
I could barely get ahold of him on the phone. I saw him off & on for the next 10 months... I knew something was going on, but I was so sick and did not want the drama. I left it alone. Turns out,he was cheating on me. Great. And I didn't even find out from him first. Read it on facebook! REALLY?!
So I ended things with him.. and he says "oh since you're all better now you don't wanna be with me?" That comment pissed me off beyond belief. I was one week into remission and I had/have a lot of work to do on myself yet. Such a ridiculous thing to say.
He did many things that are hard no matter what, but add cancer on top of that. Ugh.
2 weeks later,he gotta new GF and now shes pregnant. Imagine that.

I don't think I will be able to trust anyone for a long time.
Many of my close friends disappeared,thinking I was gonna die .. Thanks for the confidence in me. HA.

There's nothing like a survivor. It's great to be able to relate to someone.

That's terrible Angie..I'm
That's terrible Angie..I'm really sorry you had to go through all that crap while you were dealing with something that was already horrible by itself. And I too lost a lot of my friends. People just don't know how to react and they just stay away...then the loneliness comes in and I found it very beneficial to see a therapist while I was in remission. I was so lonely all of the time because I really didn't have the close friends and numerous acquaintances I once had. It really does make you think hard about who you judge to be a close friend or a potential life partner.

I'm very happy I found this site. I love that we are all here for eachother.

Furr_to_Skin

Joe18 said:

If might add to this, though
If might add to this, though it's more about relationships in general, I certainly know the frustration with having to drop the "c-bomb" once and awhile- taking the time dealing with people's reactions can get overwhelming. The way I think people might perceive me is often left up my own imagination. What I've learned to do is to only tell people about my experience when it's necessary, which with I'm sure you probably would agree, but also not to be afraid of it or be afraid to show people how it's actually affected you. If we can live with confidence, then maybe other people won't react with fear, uncertainty, over-bearingness, or even rejection. Cancer is part of those who are affected by it, but if we can prove to others that it isn't what defines us or what consumes us, then they can understand it to be more normal, the way we see it. Anyways I hope that doesn't sound cliche or anything. Godspeed with your treatment and recovery.

Fully agree
I totally agree with you man. Nice post. I feel the same way about dropping the c-bomb on people. The only times I ever do so is if it is absolutely necessary or if I'm getting to be good friends with someone (I think the longer you wait with a new friend, the more awkward it eventually becomes..especially since I have a large scar on the back of my head). I feel one of the main reasons I don't like telling people I've had cancer unless they are a friend or it is absolutely necessary is that I don't want to feel like the A I got on my paper was because I had cancer..or the big raise I got was because I am a survivor and they felt bad (I didn't get a raise by the way..haha I wish..just made this up as an example). I've seen people use the c-bomb to benefit themselves and to make other feel sorry for them and I think it's terrible. Keep up the good attitude. I'm very glad I found this site and everyone on here who I share this strong connection with. Good luck to you all.

LadyMuse

What a wonderful idea
I can attest to the difficult time in finding someone. Mostly because of the fact that I've survived Cancer. I think this idea would be lovely. I've heard mention of some sites specifically geared for Cancer Survivors & dating, but I don't know what they are. Admittedly I do not know much about any of it, but I do know it's difficult.

I hope everyone finds joy and fulfillment.

LadyMuse

nicolegarza

it would be nice
I agree that something like that would be great... I broke up with my bf during my whole cancer ordeal because he had a lot of things on his plate and some growing up to do and I didn't need any further stress added on me! I gotta admit it was sooo hard not having a significant other there holding my hand... other then family... I check on both of the sites others mentioned on this topic and nothing turned up on either one unless I had a typo or something... but yes it would be nice to date another survivor... they know exactly how you feel!

nic

sweet98jen

Marvusman said:

Hey Eric
After reading your post you are way better off man. Focus on you and your health in time you will meet someone much better. I personally would not date a non-survivor for that reason. People who never faced the illness often grow tired of the consistancy it has in your life. The tests, doctors appointments, scans, bloodwork and how you may feel leading up to getting your results. Do yourself a favor and meet a fellow survivor I'll guarantee you she'll get it! Every bit of it! Good luck brother and stay healthy. LIVESTRONG

Hi
I live near York, Pa...maybe you'd like to chat a bit and perhaps meet up some day...Like you said...no one really know what we go through! It'd be nice to have a cancer friend

Eric65

nicolegarza said:

it would be nice
I agree that something like that would be great... I broke up with my bf during my whole cancer ordeal because he had a lot of things on his plate and some growing up to do and I didn't need any further stress added on me! I gotta admit it was sooo hard not having a significant other there holding my hand... other then family... I check on both of the sites others mentioned on this topic and nothing turned up on either one unless I had a typo or something... but yes it would be nice to date another survivor... they know exactly how you feel!

nic

Hey all

"what a long, strange trip it's been" and still have nobody, I lived a great life but it's frealin' over now. I'm giving up...

CStar89

I was dumped after cancer, after 2yrs together

After my nervous breakdown during my 2nd round of chemo, I felt I was losing control of everything.

I lost my unit (I only spent 1 and a half weeks there before being dx'd)

 

My parents hated my ex, and I'm slowly finding out other people who hated him too.

 

Mine dumped me after I confessed to a lie about being pregnant before we started going out.
I thought our love was stronger then that.

I knew I didn't have the energy to go to his place everynight like I used to, infact I am quite scared of driving at night or going out in the everning.

I find it very hard for me to believe this happened but now I have to move on, obviously I am scared of responsibility but I miss him.

 

Has anyone elses engagement broken down life this during / after cancer?

Please tell me how you moved on and was finally able to let it go, I couldn't look after myself - he thought I was being stupid.

I couldn't make decisions for myself and still have trouble doing that.

 

He compared my operation to his father's Gall bladder removal around the same time my tumour was removed.
His friends turned against me so fast, they called me petty and immature, so I blocked them off facebook.

It's hard to live everyday now, I'm scared of travelling, has anyone else had this?

I'm scared of responsibility and get jealous of friends who are pregnant, having baby showers, weddings or getting engaged.

Has anyone else had this?

 

Thank you xo

halfwaythere

single w/facial patalysis

I was much more optimistic the first time around in 2010, but my most recent diagnosis and surgery has left me feeling pretty discouraged.

Parts of my jaw, neck, skull, trapezius and cheek were removed along with my right facial nerve. The right side of my head, neck and face are noticeably altered. Suffice it to say that I am not a ''10". 

I still have hope, but I am 31 and having a family seems like less and less of a possibility. It has to get better at some point, right? 

lynnyb323

Marvusman said:

You seem really sweet &
Though cancer hasn't changed how I feel about myself physically or emotionally it has changed what I want in a woman. I would love to date another survivor because there is no stronger common bond than having both walked down that dark flaming hallway that is cancer. It's something that can't be imagined or conveyed but must be experienced. To really love someone you have to be able to respect them and even admire them. It's unfortunate and shouldn't be this way but for me I can't look up to or admire anyone who hasn't battled for their life. I want a woman I can sit back and breathe out a deep breath of admiration for. I want to look at my partner and see warrior and only a cancer survivor can truly wear that often over-used label. I am in awe with all who have survived and prospered and I would not date anyone who hasn't. I also would want someone who ahs the same fire and zest for life I do and having battled is one way to ensure that it's present.

:-)

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you have said. I have dated a few survivors since my diagnoses and they are the ones that not only remained friends after our breakup but they understood everything I had to endure. Survivor love is the best kind! :-) 

If you're interested. I am from PA

closschumacher

I think this would be a great idea.

I am a PXA Brain Tumor Survivor (4 years next month), just earned my master's degree in education, and i have had a hard time post surgery establishing any kind of romantic relationships. I was 18 when i was diagnosed, 22 now.

After reading all of your comments, it's good to know that I'm not alone here, and that people have the same belief that it actually MAY be easier to date another survivor to have those heart to heart conversations with and know that they ACTUALLY get it. I have been really discouraged lately and on the borderline of giving up all togetther because there arent that many brain tumor survivors (that im aware of at least) that are 18-25 that also have relationship establishment issues.

You guys are more than welcome to hit me up on facebook (Cory R Los Schumacher)- just let me know you're from here, and if you need anything please reach out. I live in southern new jeresey if you need anyone to talk to/hang out with/ whatever.

Sincerely,

Cory

TY1100

young single cancer survivors

Im not young (46) but i was wondering if i  could find a way to reachout and meet someone in a similar situation as myself. Being a cancer survivor of 1 year im still having difficulties that cancer is to blame for' I get lonely sometimes and just wondered if there was an outlet

 

headunitdisplay

young survivor

ive found people act different to me when told so i just say i had a bad injury and dont like to talk about it. i also feel odd taking off my shirt now with the scars. we should start a way to hang out with nearby people in same situation. south florida here