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Diagnosed with stage IVB Endometrial cancer

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
Posts: 56
Joined: Sep 2018

I'm 42 years old. I'm overweight but otherwise have been in good health till now 

About maybe 10 weeks ago I noted my belly was getting more solid, but I am overweight and was purposly losing weight. Then I had a super heavy period for 2 weeks that left me weak for a few days but I assumed it was blood loss and took iron pills. I immediately decided to make appointment with my doctor but ended up in the ER a fews days before my appointment.

About 6 weeks ago I had a bout of septis(which I thought was food posioning for the first 12 hours) that took me to the ER having to be carried out of my house. They noticed a large grapefruit sized mass over my right ovary. Seems I had a lot of fluid in my abdomen and it messed with my kidney, some sort of infection in the fluid. Besides muscle weakness that'st getting better bounced been ok, and my kidney is fine now. 

After going to a cancer hospital and more tests over the following weeks they did remove 3.2 liters of fluid from my belly in almost felt normal. Pap smear was clear.. clear tests had to decide if it was ovarian or uterine and they decided upon Endometrial  cancer stage IVB, Metastatic adenocarcinoma. I know the cancer is all in my reproductive system and in my abdomen but I major organs are clear as of right now.

 

I started chemo 2 days ago and so far I tolerated the Taxol/Carbo well, though it's my first dose. Also taking CBD oil to help with side effects. Of course I have no idea if this chemo will work but I'm trying to hope. They are trying to chemo me first, then surgery if it goes well and then more chemo.

 

I'm terrified reading the stats I see online. I'm trying to hope beyond hope they can at least get me into remission but it don't seem so likey. I'm trying and fighting the best I can.

 

 

oldbeauty
Posts: 188
Joined: May 2012

Welcome, LadyMox.  So sorry you needed to find this cancer board, but so it goes.  Many ladies will answer your call for comfort and help.  You are early in the game and don't count yourself out.  Uterine cancer is not as well supported with research as other types of cancers and the statistics you are reading are outdated.  Ignore them.  Focus, instead, on taking good care of your health while you get thru the chemo.  It is wonderful that you were on a weight loss regimen at the time of your diagnosis.  With suitable medical support, continue to eliminate unhealthy sugar and carbohydrates from your diet and to make sure to get enough protein to rebuild your resources that chemo will challenge.  Part of your fear, perhaps, stems from the fact that you have not yet undergone surgery, where the extent of involvement and the actual pathology of your cancer will be determined.  Still, we all know the dread of a cancer diagnosis and perhaps a feeling of impending doom.  But there are many, many women here, me included, who have lived with this disease for years.  No reason you should not be one of them.  Be certain you have the best practitioner in your area that your insurance will provide access to.  That practitioner should be a gynecological oncologist, although you may also have a medical oncologist involved instead or in addition at this point in your treatment.  There are other coping strategies that your providers or area cancer support services may steer you to.  But know that you are not alone when you come here and any question you may have has probably been faced and addressed by many here.  So, try to act one day at a time and build your health and knowledge up to take on this disease for its duration.  Best wishes. Oldbeauty

Anonymous user (not verified)

Thanks for your post, oldbeauty! I needed to read this today. 

Northwoodsgirl
Posts: 519
Joined: Oct 2009

LadyMox, First I am so sorry that you have cancer! This forum is a great place to get support and ask questions.

Sounds like you have been through a lot even before your diagnosis. Please remember that you are a unique individual and the statistics are not a good predictor of your future. Try to stay focused on taking one day at a time and don’t worry or think too much ahead of where you are in your treatment plan. 

Chemo is “doable” and the best thing you can do is drink water to flush chemo out of your system and eat as healthy as you can. Also make sure to get some Miralax powder or something to keep from getting const from chemo. You can get it from the drugstore without a prescription. Also try to get a walk or some sort of physical activity every day to help with overall well being. Many of us had surgery, then chemo (carboplatin/taxol), and radiation. Having chemo then surgery is common when the cancer has spread as yours apparently has. There are women who have had stage IV cancer who are survivors and their cancer is treated like a chronic condition so there definitely is hope! 

We understand how scary cancer is. Please know there are many women on this discussion board who will answer questions and offer support. Stay strong-remember you are stronger than you think and you will experience a variety of feelings an emotions as you fight the battle of cancer. 

Keep the faith and hope, 

Lori

Armywife
Posts: 281
Joined: Feb 2018

I'm a Stage IVB patient as well, approaching my one-year mark from finishing treatment.  Hang in there!  Do the next right thing, which is rest and get through chemo.  Totally do-able - I'm living proof!  I'd recommend icepacks or mitts to put on your hands and feet during infusion - I believe it helped me immensely not to end up with neuropathy.  Don't look too far ahead.  You'll finish chemo (you will!)  and then you'll have surgery, and they'll remove all the bad stuff.  Then you'll take the next step.  In the meantime, find the joy in every day.  A nice cold glass of water?  A delicious meal?  A card from a friend?  Some sweet quiet time with Jesus?  And then be the joy - write a card, send a meal, pray for someone else.  This is really what life's about.  Much love.  We are here for you.

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NoTimeForCancer
Posts: 2572
Joined: Mar 2013

LadyMox, such good ideas already shared with you by the ladies so far.  It is all overwhelming, but try to take a breath.  Know that you are not alone and you can ask us anything.  Please let us know how it is going.

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
Posts: 56
Joined: Sep 2018

I took the chemo well the first day or two but now I'm in horrible muscle pain. Been trying to figure what might help (trying a few suggestions I've read about). I am going back to work in 2 days too which I'm not sure how exactly I'm going to pull it off, but I'll try. I was just starting to feel like a normal person after the septis and now the pain is misery from the chemo.

Armywife
Posts: 281
Joined: Feb 2018

Hopefully the pain and misery you're having right now wil literally lift in just another day or two.  At least in my experience, I felt good on infusion day and for another two days after that.  By day 4, I felt awful, and that stayed around for up to a week.  Sometime around day 10 or 11, I started feeling pretty good - great even!  And then on Day 21 it was time to go start over.  

 

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Jairoldi
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Joined: May 2017

What Armywife said is how it worked for me with carbo/taxol. When I was switched to carbo/taxotere I had an easier time of it.

MugsBugs
Posts: 103
Joined: Jan 2018

I am so sorry you are going through this.  You are so young!  I read (on this board and other places) that Claritin (over the counter allergy medicine) helped with muscle pain from chemo. It might be worth checking with your doctor.

Prayers!

 

christine8822
Posts: 38
Joined: Mar 2016

Hi LadyMox: Just remember you are not alone. All of us on this board have had one form or another of uterine cancer. We all know what you are going through, and we are all pulling for you. Keep hope alive, and let your friends and family help you through this.

cmb's picture
cmb
Posts: 354
Joined: Jan 2018

There was a thread earlier this year that discussed bone pain after chemo. You can read what I (and others) found to work/not work for this at:

https://csn.cancer.org/node/314595

Hope something suggested there helps.

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linmk
Posts: 58
Joined: Sep 2017

Cmb, interesting to hear about using Claritin for pain relief. I may try that too. LadyMox, I too have endometrial cancer stage IVB. Like you I had chemo (Taxol,carboplatin) first. To the surprise of my doctor, it successfully shrunk my tumors and my uterus turned into a calcified mass which was removed with laproscopic surgery. I don't think my doctor initially thought that the chemo would help, but I turned out to be one of the lucky ones at that time. Unfortunately three months after the hysterecomy the cancer came back. I went through two clinical trials including immunotherapy and a couple months treatment of gemzar and cisplatin chemo--none of which helped. I am now on a regime of Taxol and Avastin chemo.--jury is out on how successful this is, but I am feeling much better. Anyway,I wanted to tell you that I too have been experiencing muscle pain in my lower legs (like shin splint pain) and my left knee which is prone to arthritis has also been hurting--all due to Taxol, so I understand. Pain pills did not help me. A week ago or so I started glutamine in powder form, which I had read about in the forums. I took it to help with neuropathy but it also has helped greatly lessen the muscle pain. I'm not popping the pain pills like I did for awhile,  and I think that it has helped me from crashing on the second day after chemo. At least it did a couple of weeks ago when I had chemo. I had chemo this past Wed., so I'll know by tomorrow, Friday, if it has helped this second time.  Good luck!

 

 

 

 

 

CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
Posts: 797
Joined: Feb 2016

Is it legal in your state?  I’d consider it if it is. 

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
Posts: 56
Joined: Sep 2018

Good luck, hopefully the chemo is zapping those nasty buggers.

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
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Joined: Sep 2018

 

Seems after about a week some of the chemo symptoms are dying down, still just a week in so still have my hair. I am trying to get back to work, but only managed 3.5 hours yesterday but at least it is something.  My workplace has been very flexible with me about it thankfully and I can work as little or much as needed/wanted.

I am trying to take some gluamine in hope it helps with the next round of muscle pain.

I am just so scared, I try to be positive but the stats are daunting. just 2 months ago I was doing retirement planning (20 years in the future since I am 42). Are there survivors of this at a such late stage of 5, 10, or 15 years? I know it difficult because the tech of medicine moves forward fast and what they used even 10 years ago is different. Seems like the best chance I have is if they get this out of me, I go into remission and I get really lucky and it’s all gone for good. Though I suppose closely monitored, maybe even it coming back might be manageable.

Medical Marajuna is legal in my State (NY), I have considered it but haven't persued it. I am taking CDB oil, which is close without the trippiness which was recommened to me by a nurse I know.

cmb's picture
cmb
Posts: 354
Joined: Jan 2018

LadyMox,

In 1980, my mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I don't know her original stage since my parents didn't keep any records that showed this, nor do I remember asking. Pre-internet there wasn't much information readily available either. But I suspect that it was a later stage since she struggled with this cancer right from the beginning and for the next 7-8 years, trying different chemotherapies and having multiple surgeries as the cancer spread.

Finally she saw a different oncologist in 1987 who wanted her to try a new chemotherapy that had just been approved by the FDA. It was a rigorous regimen that had her stay in the hospital for several days every 3-4 weeks while receiving treatment.

This treatment actually worked and put her in remission for the remainder of her life. When she died several years later (she was in her mid-70s at that time) she was still cancer-free. So new therapies can indeed come along and work for seemingly intractable conditions.

I am Stage IIIB with another aggressive type of cancer (uterine carcinosarcoma or MMMT). Even two years ago when I was diagnosed, the odds for long-term survival of my type of cancer weren't very good. But about 6 months after my surgery, the FDA approved the use of immunotherapy for cancer patients like myself who have a particular genetic mutation (Lynch Syndrome) when their cancer recurs. While no guarantee, this increases the chance I can have a long period of remission, even if my cancer returns.

And just last month, the FDA granted a breakthrough therapy designation to the combination of Lenvima (lenvatinib) and Keytruda (pembrolizumab) for the treatment of patients with advanced and/or metastatic endometrial carcinoma who do not have my kind of mutation (the majority of patients) and who have progressed after at least one prior systemic therapy. See derMaus' post at https://csn.cancer.org/node/317445

More women than ever before are living with with late stage cancer as a chronic disease. But for now, just try to focus on getting through your treatments as well as you can.

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
Posts: 56
Joined: Sep 2018

I know I'm so very early in the treatment process. If I'm lucky standard stuff will work, but nice to know there is new science out there to potentially help even if no guarantees. I've read how they are working on programming nanobots to kill cancer, even if years away; As a science fiction fan, it's facinatating. 

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
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Joined: Sep 2018

My CA-125 levels have done weird things. When I was just out of the ER hospital the first time it was 1700, a few weeks later it was 1100 and my last CA-125 check just before my first chemo it was 120 (still high but better then 1700!). I do know while my tumor over my right ovary is large (grapefruit), it did shrink a little between my CAT scan at the ER and one a few weeks later at the cancer hospital (Roswell Park in Buffalo,NY).  I did have a lot of fluid in my belly so maybe that threw it off when they removed 3.2 liters of fluid, or maybe the CA 125 levels don’t mean much.

 

linmk's picture
linmk
Posts: 58
Joined: Sep 2017

The CA-125 levels mean something, but what that is is debatable. The fact that the number is decreasing is encouraging, but not definitive.  CA-125 levels can increase due to inflamation as well as cancer spread, but some people have low CA-125 levels and the cancer has still spread. If your tumor over the right ovary has shrunk that is very good news. I wish for your continued improvement.

pinky104
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

I'm one of the survivors you're trying to find. I'm just about 8 years out now.  I was initially diagnosed in the spring of 2010.  I hit the five year mark with no problems, but had a bad recurrence in the spring of last year, had surgey again, and finished chemo last September.  I was also a stage IVB originally and I had UPSC (uterine papillary serous carcinoma) which I understand is just called serous carcinoma now.  Mine was actually adenocarcinoma.  It's a very aggressive cancer and my GYN/onc. seems to think I might get it back in another 5 years or so, but for now I'm with no evidence of disease for the second time.  I'm quite a bit older than you, 69, and will be 70 next month.  It sounds like you're most likely in upstate NY, as am I, but I'm in the eastern part of the state.  UPSC can grow very fast, so if you find out after your surgery that you have this type, be sure to report any symptoms as they occur to your doctor.  I know I had a lot of sugar cravings.  I'd recommend doing hemoccult tests regularly if you can, as my second run-in with this cancer was diagnosed from having a trace of blood in one of three stool specimens on mine.  The cancer had wrapped itself around my ascending colon that time and had even made my right thigh numb from being in the muscle near my pelvic bone.  I had carboplatin and taxol after my surgery in 2010.  The second time around, I had surgery, then carboplatin and gemzar until I developed an allergy to carboplatin in my next to last round and was switched to cisplatin along with the gemzar. Good luck with everything. 

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
Posts: 56
Joined: Sep 2018

I am assuming they will be able to tell me more about my cancer when they eventually gut me. I am hoping mine is slow growing as I have had indigestion for the past 2 years , but I didn't think much of it getting into my 40's with a large belly. I am praying this means it's a slow grower but of course I have no idea.  I am indeed in upstate, NY and am being treated at Roswell Park which is supposed to be a top-knotch cancer hostipal, so if there is any chance for me they will find it hopefully.

Great to see a long term survivor. I hope you are remission is forever this time!

 

 

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
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I have a question for those who did chemo. How many rounds of chemo did it take before you were told the chemo was working or not?

pinky104
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

It was a long time ago when I had my first bout of cancer, but I vaguely remember having a CT scan partway through my six rounds of chemo which showed it was working.  I'd say it was after three or four rounds of chemo, but that's just a guess. 

Yes, Roswell Park is pretty well known for being a great place to go.  I remember their having sent me ads about getting a second opinion there.  If I hadn't trusted my GYN/onc. in Albany, I might have taken them up on their offer.

Your indigestion might just be reflux esophagitis. Your excess weight may have given you a hiatal hernia.  If you're not already taking it, ask your GP for 40 mg. of Omeprazole or some Dexilant if your insurance will cover it.  I've tried both, and they've done wonders for me.  I remember having had reflux so bad that I questioned whether or not I was having a heart attack.  I no longer have to worry about it.  I've been on the pills for years.

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derMaus
Posts: 558
Joined: Nov 2016

There's no standard answer to your question but, for the majority of women, treatment is completed then they scan for efficacy before moving onto radiation (if that's in the plan). I have some experience with this, as I completed six rounds of carbo/taxol and, afterwards, found I'd grown mets while on chemo. That was how they discovered it wasn't working - duh - and I found out my cancer was 'platinum resistant'. If I had it to do over, I would demand a scan halfway through the chemo to ensure it was actually doing what it was supposed to do. 

MAbound
Posts: 854
Joined: Jun 2016

I had blood work twice between each chemo infusion, but that was more to see what my blood levels were like when I hit nadir and just before the next infusion to determine how things were rebounding befor proceeding to the next infusion. After all was done I had a PET scan before radiation to see what there was to see after chemo. 

CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
Posts: 797
Joined: Feb 2016

I think they can test your tumor before you get chemo for which kind of chemo would work best for you. Unfortunately they didn’t do that for me. I got the standard carbo/ taxol but only could finish 14/18 because of a stroke. 8 months after finishing radiation I reoccurred so I consider the chemo a failure. Only 50/50 chance of working and I guess I was on the wrong side of 50. Fortunately Megace is working to keep reoccurence in check. But i wish I had had a little more info on the front side on which chemo might have been more effective for me and not just got the standard treatment. 

cmb's picture
cmb
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Like MAbound, I had a CT scan four weeks after I finished chemotherapy. During treatment I only had the weekly bloodwork that she describes. I did not have the tumor testing that CheeseQueen describes. I agree that this would be something to consider, especially for late stage cancer.

However, my medical oncologist recommended two phases of chemotherapy, each with different drugs. So I had four treatments of the typical Paclitaxel/Carboplatin, followed by four treatments of Ifosfamide (with Mensa)/Doxorubicin. I hope that at least one of the four drugs I got was the "right" kind for my cancer.

I was NED after chemotherapy, although I did have external radiation as a preventative measure a couple months after chemo.

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
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Joined: Sep 2018

These past few days I can't stop crying, I feel like I am already dead and it's a matter of time. I'm only 42 and I just can't stop thinking about all the years I will lose with my loving husband because of this cancer.  I'm trying to hope somehow they will get me NED  for now and maybe one of those hormone inhibitors might be able to buy me a good long time before it comes back, but it's been so hard to keep hope for a future. I don't mean to be a downer but I'm just so overwhelmed.

Armywife
Posts: 281
Joined: Feb 2018

It's a sucker punch for sure, and we have all been through the phases of hopelessness, fear, grief, anger, and wanting to run away and wake up from that bad dream.  Please know that this will ebb and flow - some days will seem possible, and some days will send you back under the covers.  Embrace them both; live them both.  They're your ilfe.  Don't waste a day of it.  You'll get through this!

cmb's picture
cmb
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Joined: Jan 2018

I think it's safe to say that anyone who receives a cancer diagnosis goes through a myriad of feelings. I know that I did when I got the news that I had cancer, especially an aggressive kind. But the intensity of my emotions did lessen over time as I continued treatment, although I still have my ups and downs.

Armywife had some excellent advice. I'd also like to suggest that you investigate what support resources your cancer center may have as well. While I didn't take advantage of the wig fitting service (as I already wore wigs before cancer) and the cancer support groups or counseling, I did participate in many of the exercise classes that were specifically geared for cancer patients and survivors.

Now I am by no means an exercise fanatic – that's why I've always found it easier to join a class rather than rely on my own initiative to walk or exercise at home. The cancer survivorship center allowed me to sign up for one or more classes a week – depending upon how I felt. And if I wasn't sure that I'd feel okay enough to go, I could wait until the day before to actually register for the next day's class. I stopped going to the classes when I was in the second phase of chemo, which was a lot tougher than the first phase. But I started up again after I finished radiation.

So there may be some activity or support service that your own cancer center offers that would help you during this period. All these services at my cancer center are free.

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
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Joined: Sep 2018

Likley a good indicator on my second chemo day. My CA-125 dropped from 120.9 to 36 between the first and second chemo. Will probably get a CAT scan to see if/how the tumor is shrinking after 1 or 2 more chemo of Taxol/Carbo.

Soup52's picture
Soup52
Posts: 900
Joined: Jan 2016

I just had blood tests throughout chemo and then I didn’t have a scan until my six rounds of chemo were done. I know you are anxious as we all were, but unfortunately I find the cancer journey to be a marathon, not a sprint. My treatments including hysterectomy, radiation internal and external took a whole year. I have been clear ever since, so that’s 3 years since diagnosis grade 3 3 C stage. Keep the faith! We are all pulling for you!

MAbound
Posts: 854
Joined: Jun 2016

I don't know how much reading of past threads you've had the time or emotional stamina to read since you've joined, but you may want to read posts written by an amazing lady on this board by the name of Takingcontrol58. She's been on this forum since about 2016, I think, so you wouldn't need to go back further than that, but you can also get to some of her posts by typing her name into the keyword box of the the search engine above.

There are a lot of us who have employed complementary medicine into our treatment with the support of our gyn-oncologists and she is a font of knowledge, first-hand experience, and expertise for metastatic endometrial adenocarcinoma strategies using complementary medicine. Her past posts can give you hope when you feel low about what you are dealing with and give you a means to keep helping yourself after you are done with the treatment plan you are on now.

The one caveat I have regarding complemetary medicine is to not do this on your own. You'd need to get the expertise of a naturopath who specializes in oncology along with the ok of your gyn-oncologist or the team treating you at Rosewell. Somewhere I have the URL for a website that helps you find a NP oncologist that our dearest Editgirl pointed me to. I'll post it if I can find it. Otherwise, maybe Rosewell has such a person available for you to work with. NY unfortunately does not regulate its naturopaths, so odds are this won't be covered by insurance. 

Another suggestion if you decide to try any of this, working with a naturopath or not, is to subscribe to consumerlab.com for guidance on which brands of supplements you can trust. It's like Consumer Reports, except it focuses on vitamins, minerals, and supplements in its testing. Without regulation, the supplement industry is not always trustworthy and this site is the most unbiased source of information I've found so far. It hasn't tested every brand on everything available out there, but it keeps building and updating its library.

I know it's hard not to let the battle you are in get you down sometimes; it gets to all of us as we go through it, but you don't have an expiration date stamped on you yet. Those down days just give you a chance to let go of some emotional baggage that's weighing you down so you can keep moving forward. Cancer these days is not the cancer that we grew up hearing stories about. The science for treating and beating it has made tremendous leaps and bounds in just recent years, so ignore out-dated statistics and focus on doing what you have to do to live with it like you would if you were diagnosed with some other chronic disease. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel because treatment seems to go on forever and it takes so much out of us, but it is doable and worth it when you reach the other side.

Best wishes

Pat (formerly of Orchard Park)

MAbound
Posts: 854
Joined: Jun 2016

I couldn't find the one from Chris(Editgirl), but here's one specific to NY naturopathic oncologists.

https://www.healthprofs.com/us/naturopaths/oncology/new-york

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
Posts: 56
Joined: Sep 2018

Thanks for all the good suggestions. I'm feeling better emotionally with the likleyhood the chemo is helping, but the proof will be in the CT scan when it happens.

From the biopsys they found mostly grade 2 with a small spot of grade 3. I'll know more once they clear me out.

Finally got my hair buzzed, that was tough since I've always had long, curly locks but hopefully it's for a good cause and it had gotten thin and patchy so it was time.

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LisaPizza
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Joined: Feb 2018

Beautiful picture! You remind me of my niece :)

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
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Joined: Sep 2018

That's my natural curly hair, but I do color it. Ok so it's gone now, I got a decent curly wig but it's not as nice as my real hair. Hopefully I'll get past this and it will grow back someday.

Wannabeatit
Posts: 97
Joined: Dec 2017

I never thought that I would like my hair short when it grew out. For over 30 years I had long blond wavy/curly hair and when my hair finally grew back I have gotten more compliments than having it long and it is so easy to manage. I think I will keep it this way for awhile. You may be pleasantly surprised. This picture is of me wearing a wig. I need to update it but it did give me a sneak peek into how I might look with it short. 

Wannabeatit
Posts: 97
Joined: Dec 2017

I never thought that I would like my hair short when it grew out. For over 30 years I had long blond wavy/curly hair and when my hair finally grew back I have gotten more compliments than having it long and it is so easy to manage. I think I will keep it this way for awhile. You may be pleasantly surprised. This picture is of me wearing a wig. I need to update it but it did give me a sneak peek into how I might look with it short. 

NoTimeForCancer's picture
NoTimeForCancer
Posts: 2572
Joined: Mar 2013

LadyMox, cancer is overwhelming, and everything you are feeling is normal.  I think all of us can remember exactly how you feel.  Take a breath.  Work that plan the doctor has set in front of you and check in with us.  You have thrown a lot of powerful chemicals at your body, so recovery from all of this takes time.  Hugs dear.

LadyMox's picture
LadyMox
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Joined: Sep 2018

Physically I am good 9 days before my 3rd chemo. Feel normal with no pain. While I am glad my CA-125 numbers are going down I am finding myself inpatient to not only get the CTscan hopefully after my 3rd chemo but for the surgery to get this tumor out of me; Mainly because I want to know all the final pathology. Or maybe I am holding out a unlikely hope that when they look at everything I will be a lesser stage then they thought, probably the best I can hope for is stage 3 but even that is unlikely.

Emotionally is more hit and miss; Some days I feel like there is hope, like when I got a good raise at work but other days all I can see is my upcoming death even though I feel fine now. I fear that my husband will have to watch me deteriote over the next months or short years. I try to be hopeful that the chemo and surgery will get me into remission, who knows for how long but I can hope for remission.  I have seen numerous ladies with my stage online get into remission for a time, I am trying to hope I can be one of them.

 

CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
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NoTimeForCancer's picture
NoTimeForCancer
Posts: 2572
Joined: Mar 2013

LadyMox, it is overwhelming, and I don't know when that goes away.  Just try to take a breath, and if you need, get an anti-anxiety med.  Similarly, the CQ post is awesome.  I won't tell you to "stay positive", because this is a journey that takes us down many different paths.  If it helps, please know that you are not alone. 

Northwoodsgirl
Posts: 519
Joined: Oct 2009

LadyMox, I am so glad you are doing OK with the chemo.

Oh yes, the emotional rollercoaster is quite an experience! Please know dear one that you will get through the mixed emotions. It is amazing how our minds can waiver from “I can do this “ to “I am sure my life is going to be cut short by this cancer“.

All anyone has is this very moment...and that is something that is so difficult for us mear mortals to comprehend. Try to practice “mindfulness” when your mind goes to that dark place. Accept the emotions and fear for what they are. Those emotions will get better with time. You are going through anticipatory grief about the uncertainties. Please remember you are not alone and we are here for you...

((Hug))

Lori

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pato58
Posts: 98
Joined: Jun 2018

Sending you positive vibes and good wishes.
Cyber Hugs too!

Armywife
Posts: 281
Joined: Feb 2018

All of us here are living proof that there's hope!  You've got some tough gals for company on this ride, girl.  You're going to be ok.  My mind went all those places too - I bet everyone here will say the same.  And here we are - and sometimes I feel like the whole experience was a bad dream - but I woke up!  One day at a time - you're already making progress.  Stay the course.

janaes
Posts: 752
Joined: May 2016

LadyMox

I havent chimed in with you yet but have been reading your posts. I just wanted to let you know i was also 42 when i rwcieved my uterine cancer diagnosis. Your not alone in that. Im 46 now. Its hard when we are so young but like the other have said you can beat this darn cancer. It sounds like you are doing great. All your feelings are normal. Dont be hard on yourself. Know you are going theough a hard thing and its not easy. I wish you the best as you go forward with all this.

Janae

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LadyMox
Posts: 56
Joined: Sep 2018

Thanks all. Physcially I feel pretty good and have 6 days to my third chemo, I am still trying hard to not freak emotionally. I switch from "I am going to beat this!" to "I will be dead in a 2 years!" pretty often. I try to split the difference and amtrying to focus on "I am going to get into remission, even if I don't know for how long!"

I got some good news, The 3.2 liters of ascites fluid I had extracted back on 8/20 from the paracentesis was tested negative for malignancy. I decided to ask my doctor, in some ways I was afraid to know but I am glad I finally asked.  While I still have a 5 inch tumor in my abdomen over/near my right ovary (last we checked, hopefully smaller with chemo), I feel better knowing at least the fluid itself was not maligant and getting everywhere.

pato58's picture
pato58
Posts: 98
Joined: Jun 2018

So relieved to hear about the ascites fluid!

I have a question, without surgery, how can they be sure about the stage of the cancer?
Are you taking any anxiety medicine in a small dose to help you deal with all this?
I take a small dose of Ativan, as needed, and when I feel overwhelmed, it really helps.
Thinking of you my dear!

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LadyMox
Posts: 56
Joined: Sep 2018

They biopsyed the mass near my ovary and my endometrial lining, but overall they are taking an educated guess.  Last they checked I had a huge tumor near my right ovary  (hopefully shrinking with chemo to make surgery easier)  that was something like 5x5x4 inches filling my lower adbomen near my ovaries. As far as they could tell oddly enough didn't spread to past that but who knows what they will find. I won't really know till surgery. I don't think it's anything isn't removal by surgery but still terriying. Still odd that it is the only visible obvious tumor when it's Endometrial cancer.

I had an appointment to see my primary doctor about anti aniexty meds but he is having surgery himself and the appointment got moved to a few weeks from now.

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