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When some stop posting!!

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1358
Joined: Oct 2015

I love you ladies (you too Red Corvette) and don't know how I would have gotten through all this without you, BUT, it just worries me so much when somebody stops posting.  I start wondering if they're ok, or they're so sick they can't post or so down-in-the-dumps (I'll try to cheer you up!) or maybe they're feeling SO good, they don't want to remember when they didn't.  They're probably just busy or maybe on vacation but still, I worry!!!

When our son went to college he had to text us by 9:00 every morning just to say he was alive.  He has T1 diabetes and when he was in high school, sometimes during the night, his blood sugar would drop too low.  For awhile we had to wake him up at 2:30 a.m. and test and then treat if necessary.  His leaving for college was really tough on us but that little text helped ease our anxiety. 

So.....maybe if any of you who are reading this and haven't checked in for awhile, could just say "hi."  Then I'd know you made it through another night?  Please.

Love,

Eldri

Editgrl's picture
Editgrl
Posts: 903
Joined: Jun 2015

I sometimes search for a member's name which takes me to their page which shows the last time they were online.  That at least lets me know they were well enough to get on the computer even if they aren't posting.  Sounds a little stalker-ish, but it's a relief to know they are still clicking!

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1358
Joined: Oct 2015

That's a good idea!!  Then I would at least know they're still alive n' kickin' - LOL!  We're not stalkers; we're worriers.

Love,

Eldri

Annabella Rose's picture
Annabella Rose
Posts: 59
Joined: Jan 2015

it will be a year since I've finished my third and final chemo treatments this month. Then I completed five rounds of internal radiation treatments.

I have been busy and concerned with my husbands health. I noticed he was detaching from me and what I was going through when I was still going through my treatments. He was all into himself and how sick he felt. The doctors and I thought he had a nervous breakdown.

I was building up a lot of resentmen toward him. I wanted him to celebrate my serviving the cancer, surgeries and treatments, but instead he was in a deep depression. All he kept talking about is his aches and pains and panic attacks. The money issues concerning how much our medical bills were adding up was eating him up.

After almost a full year of him being tested the thing they found on his MRI was that he had a few silent strokes.

He has now showing signs of dementia. I have to take over everything in running our household. I am totally exhausted. Instead of having this time of living my life fully and finding some kind of peace , I am depressed, exshusred and angry at him. And yes, I know how evil that sounds, I don't even like the sound of my own voice when I'm talking too him. He doesn't like to be left alone yet he doesn't want to go out. He gets upset with me if I sleep in longer then him. And he wakes me if I fall asleep watching tv in the afternoon. He is a completely changed man who can't take care of himself because of the dementia.

I made an appointment with my primary to ask for some help with me mentally. He prescribed Paxil. I may start taking it tomorrow.

My husband is so sick. And my reacting to him is so bad and I don't know how to stop. His doctor said for me to try to find help with our insurance company because he is going to get worse and two drowning people can't save each other. I don't have time to even deal with the thought of the cancer coming back. I think that's why I haven't been coming onto this support group. I'm sorry I hadn't let you all know what's been going on in my life.

the last three Pap smears have come back abnormal so they sent me for a pet scan which didn't show any cancer. The doctor said it's probably from the internal radaton treatments, which I'm still hurting from! Yuk!

 

Has anyone here been on Paxil for  antidepressant?

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1554
Joined: Jun 2015

So glad to hear from you and so sorry for all of the mountains you are having to climb. Frown

My sister and I took care of my Mom, who had Alzhiemer's. We rotated 2 days/nights on and off so that we could get a break from the demands. My Mom would not sleep. It was amazing how long a person can go without it. Just about killed both of us. Please do not try to care for your husband by yourself. Even a healthy person would have a hard time. You need to get some relief. We eventually had to put my Mom in an Alzhiemer's care center. But, it was very expensive. You may have to face doing something like that down the road. I'm not trying to scare you, but just giving you some insight that you can't do this alone and it is normal to feel resentment. Their needs will suck the life out of you. I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this.  And, I hope you can find some help.

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

ps - congrats on being NED! That is a great update.

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1358
Joined: Oct 2015

I've been worried about you, Annabelle, and glad you posted.  I am so sorry about your husband but understand your feelings of resentment and anger.  It's hard enough just taking care of ourselves going through cancer without having to take care of another person.  Does your state or county have some respite care available?  What about you getting some mental health counseling so you can deal better with the situation?  Does your insurance company have a nurse advocate you can contact to see what they will pay for?

(((Annabelle)))

Love,

Eldri

 

 

Editgrl's picture
Editgrl
Posts: 903
Joined: Jun 2015

When I read about your husband, I was struck by how similar his behavior sounds to a friend's husband.  I just talked with her last night and after her husband suffered a couple of heart attacks, he began exhibiting symptoms just like your husband's, including panic attacks, and not wanting to be alone, etc.  He was diagnosed with PTSD and anti-anxiety drugs have helped him immensely.  Is it possible that this could be part of your husband's situation, too?  You had mentioned in the past how hard he took your cancer diagnosis/treatment and the fact that you thought he had had a nervous breakdown.  It might be something to consider.

In any case, I can only echo with others have said about trying to get some help with caring for him.  Please explore what might be available in your area.  If you are exhausted, you can't help him or yourself, as you are aware.  I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this right now.

Chris

 

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

I am so glad that you are doing better, cancer wise, Hope you can keep dancing with NED forever .  My heart goes out o you.  Taking care of you husband has to be unbearably hard.  Try to get some help for you first.  You need your own mental Heath to be strong to help him.  This is a good place to vent,  we are here for you.  Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

Donswife48
Posts: 297
Joined: Nov 2015

First of all, how wonderful to hear of your NED!  And how sad to learn of your new duties of caregiver to your husband.  My husband had a series of health problems, first TM which left him a paraplegic at age 50, then ITP which eventually killed him with a massive cerebral hemmorage.  However, throughout it all (or most of it) he had a cheerful attitude and was very loving towards me.  I still resented the fact at times, that he had so many needs, we tried to do the best with our more limited life, and I tried not to show my frustration at times, but eventualy it did come out sometimes.  I know though, that I did the best that I COULD.  That's all we can do, and we can't beat ourselves up with guilt about how we feel about a situation.  Remember, (and I couldn't get this in my head), that you are important, and your doctor is right, stress will cause you more harm.  I wish I could help.  Hugs Nancy

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

I am fine ,no pain ,no discomfort(not even the full pelvis sensation that I felt a while back) I feel normal as  before Cancer,I hope it is because cancer has up and left me (yea right! me dreaming) since it finds that it won't be allowed to control my thoughts and movements.

I am waiting on my new date for surgery, I have been keeping busy by unpacking.Nothing new on my cancer front ( no pun intended) I will update when I get new news.

I do check in often,late night- early morning ,it helps me to unwind before going to sleep. I am a hopeless night owl.

As I checked in I noticed that we have many new sisters who are reaching out ,desperate to get opinions, and navigational tools  on their treatment,re:Chemo.  My not posting is because I have made a decision to not cause my sisters additional stress and have them second guess their decisions. Having opted out of Chemo's way 2 years ago , I am simply not qualified to offer any helpful or unbiased statement that will be beneficial to their decision making process, so I have adopted "mum" as the word. Nuff said.

To every one of you my new sisters ,a warm welcome to you , you are at the best place for info,warm understanding, courage and mental strength building. You will find that in no time you will turn into a comforter for the newbies coming behind you. In the last little while I have cried and laughed with you all but only on my own,all the time wishing and hoping that you can feel my hugs and hear me whispering hope.

I continue to pray,hope and wish that the creator will in time bestow upon you all showers of NED blessings.

Moli--Asking you to keep chins up and don't forget to remember to ' live ' in spite of Cancer.There is plenty time to make wonderful memories .

 

  

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1358
Joined: Oct 2015

Moli, I believe your viewpoint is VERY helpful!!  Your decision not to go the chemo route but using surgery instead is certainly a legitimate decision.  I just read an article that oncologists when asked if they would recommend chemo for a beloved family member OR themselves, only 19% said they would.  I for one, am extremely interested in how you're doing since I was only able to do three of the recommended six chemos.

Please keep posting!!!  I think newly diagnosed women need to hear about your decision.  When I asked my doctor about not going the chemo route, he looked at me like I had two heads as if NOBODY ever does that.

Love,

Eldri

Red Corvette
Posts: 105
Joined: Jan 2016

Good to hear from you Moli. We're all so emotionally tied with each other and this disease we get nervous when we don't hear from someone in a while. Thanks for the topic post Eldri! Since my wife's chemo for today was scrubbed due to low platelet count, we now have the weekend open! 

Take care everyone.

Red Corvette

 

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

I hope those platelet count  goes up soon so she can get this behind her quickly.

Stay strong you both.and you continue to take care as you have been doing. Nuff Love

Moli,

 

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

My sister at the rate that Chemo was driving through your system,I shudder to think of the state you would be in by now if  you had foolishly continued with it ,you were wise to say 'no' very wise indeed. Chemo is not a one size fits all jersey, It appears that it can be a pretty jersey ( according to some 'praising' sisters here) but when it's ugly it takes ugly to another level.I have had all the ugly that I can handle in this life,I really don't have time or the desire for chemo's ugly. The rest of my life will remain pretty,pretty in spite of cancer, of course with the help of the occasional  bout of denial , (which is fleeting) I am able to see just the pretty in people ,in things and my situation.

I have this amazing ability to forget to remember that I have Cancer, selective memory at it's finest, yet able to snap into a  cancer Diva mode when it comes time to protect myself from health carers who wants to convince me they know best or the ones with the  'you got two heads ' look . I just stared at those with the 2 + 2 eyes they just gave me , and they get it whose body it is. Some patients do get 'em' my sister, I dismissed those swiftly. I am now with a perfect group of brilliant and caring doctors so I am now in a win, win position.I may not win my cancer battle but I won't  lose my life to it.

Yes Eldri, in a little while I will post my Cancer journey ,giving the newbies an insight into how we all handle this crud in different ways. 

For all of you nosey parker sisters ,wondering but not asking ,I am hereby telling on myself : I still have not told anyone about my cancer, except for my one girlfriend and my doctors. Wow! I am the best secret keeper I know,It's been 2 years and 2 months since diagnosis, I should be every one's best friend, everyone deserves a friend who knows when to zip-lock a mouth. LOL.

Nuff Love , Moli

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1358
Joined: Oct 2015

(((Moli)))  I understand completely.

Love,

Eldri

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1554
Joined: Jun 2015

Any idea on a surgery date yet? I sure hope it is soon.

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

missing you but not really worried, just figured you were getting ready for surgery and all the stuff that goes with moving.  We all need to hear different veiws.  I love the way you write. You have a way of saying things that I wish I could manage.  Your words of encouragement truely do just that.  Keep writing sometimes my mind is tired and really needs your words.  Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

i found a new way to keep my mind of the "C" word.  My husband got me a new puppy last weekend and I have not had time to think of any thing except "where is Lilly now". She is a nine week old Morkie _about 2 lb and can get into almost every thin.  Now my husband is not a dog lover but last night he told me that she was to precious to leave at a dog sitter while we try to get away in July.  LOL

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1358
Joined: Oct 2015

I have my little Spunky dog - he's a Maltese and at two years old is six pounds.  Even on my worst days, that little dog snuggled next to me.  I was just thinking this morning I don't know how I would have gotten through all this without that little dog.  I know it sounds crazy since he's so little but he keeps me warm when I get so cold.  I hope you and your little Lilly have a great spring!

Love,

Eldri

CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
Posts: 815
Joined: Feb 2016

From this Sunday forward, I have declared Sunday CXXXXX free day.  There will be no mention of the "C" word in my house on Sundays!

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1554
Joined: Jun 2015

Lilly is officially a member of your family! She will give you so much love and comfort in a way that none of our human family members can do.

I'm glad she is in your life. And, I hope you are managing your new chemo with less side effects. I think about you all the time.

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

 

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

I am currently going crazy with the wait for surgery, if it doesn't happen within the next month I will be off of that list for sure, I will take my chances on my alternatives and be done with it comes what may. I need to do other things than waiting. In the mean time I am drinking my own herbal brew,Doctor me is on the case. Watch me cure or kill me. I just hope they (doctors) hurry up and rescue me from myself, really rescue me from myself by taking out these tumors before they embed themselves in my wherever  and become like a birth defect instead of an intruder, then the Cancer and I will become one and the same , I am not hugging that reality at all. I am fighting back with cancer busting brew ( maybe life busting too, we'll see eh!) or so I tell myself.Overall I am fine.

Dogs and garden does wonders for spirit, hubby is a thinker.

I wish you all NED in a hurry. moli.Nuff Love.

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1554
Joined: Jun 2015

Moli - can you call them again and push them for a date? It has been so darn long! Don't let them forget about you! You might have to park your butt in their offices...? Or maybe give up on getting the tummy tuck at the same time?

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

In fact I left a message Wed. at 4 pm so hoping for an answer tomorrow. Last time we spoke  she told me that there is an operating room space coming up on May 13 but 3 other surgeons are asking for it.but is trying hard to get it. she promised to update me but has not called, I will update as I hear from her.

Re: Tummy tuck off the table, I hate my  cancer tumors  and my soft,hanging, jiggley tummy equally, So they all must go in one scoop.I have been sucking in my gut and practicing my  'show-off' walk with brand new 'tude for a whole month now so  will wait a little while longer.Don't worry it will happen, but not knowing when the call will come  ties me down.I need to be on life's fast track like now though. Boring!!

Moli-Nuff love and hugs back.

 

 

HellieC's picture
HellieC
Posts: 524
Joined: Nov 2010

Hi Ladies

I am still here!  I don't come onto the boards quite as much but I'm still alive and kicking.  It is coming up to 18 months since my Cyberknife radiation treatment for recurrence on the pelvic sidewall.  I try not to allow myself to dwell on waiting for the "other shoe to drop" but it's there in the background all the time, I guess! 

Wishing you all well
Helen xx

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1554
Joined: Jun 2015

Helen,

So glad to hear from you! I know you do this.... Enjoy each and every day and recognize what a gift it is!

Here's to another bunch of years cancer free!

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Good to know you are doing ok. The background,way,way back is where that thought belong. Don't let it get in your way my sister.Stay encouraged and strong. Nuff blessings.

Moli- still hugging thee, my level headed sister, I have not revisited my LaLA land since you snatched me out.

Interesting , on this day you post ,on this day I got my surgery date, It's May 13th at noon.I fought long and hard for it . I don't anticipate being sorry but I am braced for anything.Thanks for your long ago but not forgotten input ,It tempered my manner and changed my expectations, In other words I was a nicer me to the hindering doctors.LOL

Moli- Love you Helen, This is our light box, come back soon. 

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1554
Joined: Jun 2015

Moli - One more month and then hopefully you will be cancer free! I hope you find some time to breathe and relax between now and your surgery day.

I'm so relieved you have a firm date now.

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Thank you ,I know you are relieved my sister ,you have all , no doubt been dizzy from my long drawn out roller coaster ride ., but hang in there ,the coin runs out on May 13th , Phew!!!

Moli-- thanking you for sharing the ride.

giggs100's picture
giggs100
Posts: 91
Joined: Oct 2015

Well as of Mar. 25th I received (hopefully) my last 6th application of chemo.  I asked the doctor if I could have a month off before I get another CT scan and to see him.   He said that would be OK.  Well didn't take my husband and I long to jump in the vehicle and get away to sunny warm Florida.  These couple of weeks have been so nice.  We have another couple of weeks here before we have to think about coming back to Wisconsin. It is like being in another world without thinking about what might lay ahead in the real world.  But I will stay positive and enjoy each day.

Hugs and love coming to all my friends on this board.

Jerri

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

That's the best way to do this Cancer thing, keep on living because you are alive.

Showers of NED blessings to you sister. Live as you please.

Enjoy your trip and family.

Moli -Nuff love

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1554
Joined: Jun 2015

Jerri - so glad you were able to spend time in FL. this is such a wonderful time of the year here....

You will be amazed at how much freedom you will feel once all of the testing is completed. And, it doesn't take long to start feeling more "normal".

It has been about 4 months since my last chemo and about 3 months since my last radiation. I'm still building my strength but I am so much closer to how I used to feel than I was.

Enjoy the rest of your trip and I wish nothing but NED when you return home.

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

giggs100's picture
giggs100
Posts: 91
Joined: Oct 2015

Thanks for your thoughts as they are always appreciated by all of us gals on this board.   I read these posts by all of you and they are always so full of comments and information from each and everyone of you ladies and red corvette you and your wife too.  Even when we think our comments are not important just able to read what someone is going through and say to ourselves "Oh ya that is happening to me also".   We are so lucky to be able to be in touch with each other.  Thanks to everyone for your strength to comment on this board.   Hugs and love to all of you !!!

Jerri 

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