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Not the Day or the Way I Wanted to Mark 9-Years:(

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

First, let me apologize in advance for being a downer after barely being able to enjoy the highest of highs for only a brief moment.

That's the story of my life...

Whenever I can 'get happy', the smile always gets knocked off my face Frown

I had a completely different post (just sitting ready to go for today) to mark the 9-year day...

So, we'll have to go with this postfor now until I can find out more...

I was in the onc's office for just a blood-lab visit on Friday...port was plugged and I had to argue with the nurse for TPA, so we didn't get blood and they sent me up to the doctor.  I kept telling her for what?  To say hello?  No blood?  Nothing to talk about with him...

When I got up there, this other nurse was up there and said your doc wants blood - and she drew it right there on the spot, she was good too:)

Anyway, the consult went good and some of the bloodwork had come back, but not much of it.....the CEA was still pending, but we talked about it.....

Last time it sat about 2.8 I believe...but, it has been trending slightly upwards in very small increments.  The doc brought this up and there was a look on his face that said CONCERN...somehow, I didn't interpret this as anything, but his expression did let me know that he was worried and conerned about what he was seeing as we moved through the cycles. 

We left with..."I'll call you if there is anything substantial with the CEA...."

It's Monday now...I just got a call a few minutes ago from my doc...and this is a guy that doesn't call to say Howdy.  He said simply..."Call me."

Oh, $hit!

I just got that sinking feeling we get in our guts; that sort of nauseous feeling that comes over you.  I thought for a minute if I should mention this to anybody at all - it may be nothing after all.  But, the doc doesn't believe it - and neither do I now.

I felt before I said anything, I should tell my wife about the possibilities...she should be the first to know....she was at a doctor's office herself and so I told her what I knew...I couldn't get a read of what she was thinking....she was quiet and I was giving her the numbers etc.  And then I let her go for her consult....I hated to say anything to her at all, but felt it was right to make her aware of possible future events.

So, now the onc wants to move the CT scan immediately up (can't argue with this) and I'm waiting on the nurse to help me get this scheduled so we can see what's going on.

CEA was 2.8 last visit.....three months later it now sits today at 9.2.

I realize that it can be many factors and I am old school with this stuff.....but it's a disturbing trend and now it's not going up in tenths of a tenth percent....

The post that I wanted to release was the marking of 9-years with a cancer diagnosis....and 2 years in a remissive state....and my theory on why I was finally staying clean....one I've been waiting to talk about for so long....oh well, perhaps another day now.

I guess I'm really not surprised if we find anything - what will puzzle me more is why it took so long for it to get her? 

If it is cancer again - that will make #4....

Feels like a sucker punch to my ribs...its amazing how quickly your mind and thoughts turn once again when confronted with the possibilities...

I'm sorry to bring you down after getting you so high.....maybe I should have waited, but I just had the air let out of my tires....and I just can't get to enjoy the things I've tried to work so hard for. 

Well, at least we're published....I'm going to go and finish up sending out the paperwork and get my mind off it - I can't change it....I'm just disappointed if it is the case, because it tells me what I've already known - and then let myself believe wouldn't happen anymore.

There will be time to talk about things....

Happy 9th!!!!   Now, do I know how to celebrate or not?

LOL!

Im

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Dearest Craig, celebrate my friend. 9 years is wonderful.

   I am at a loss for words of comfort, because I know how you feel. It is the damnable waiting, .

Know that I am praying for you as always.  

Hugs,

Judy

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