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Thoughts on recent posts/threads

tommycat's picture
tommycat
Posts: 790
Joined: Aug 2011

On this Board there is a wide variety of personalities and opinions, yet we are all united by cancer, and we're here because we want to support each other and find guidance during the darker times.
For some, cancer is active and in the front of their minds; for others, the cancer may be gone--or only hiding or sleeping.
I see no point of putting on boxing gloves when someone's opinion differs from your own, and I also see no point in popping someone's happiness balloon.
People get mad, offended, disgusted, ruffled.....
In the end we're all afraid.
Afraid that the cancer will come back. Afraid that the chemo will stop working. Afraid that our alternative path might not work after all.
So......
I for one will live each day, support you when things are tough and cheer your accomplishment.
It's my personal sword for fear.

Semira's picture
Semira
Posts: 378
Joined: Mar 2012

I often struggle with putting my german thoughts in english words but you expressed exactly what I was thinking lately.

thanks!

Cathleen Mary
Posts: 827
Joined: May 2011

Well said and a good reminder. Just yesterday, I posted something and when I later reread it thought "hmmm, I didn't mean that to sound saracastic but it does." I will now read how my words sound before hitting 'post'. Thanks.

Cathleen Mary

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4912
Joined: May 2005

Good Post Tori.
-p

Varmint5's picture
Varmint5
Posts: 384
Joined: Feb 2012

And I absolutely meant everything I said in my response to the balloon bursting attempt. Cancer is terrifying. I lost my husband to it in 2000 and now my only child, a brand new mother to what will be her only child, has it and I cannot bear thinking about what *could* happen.

We all know the realities and statistics. AND we all know that there are those who defy the odds. And I think we all know the power of a positive attitude and positive reinforcement, and the power of keeping hope alive. That's what forums like this are for - support through hard times, camaraderie, sharing and celebrating big and small victories.

My daughter has experienced some victories in this battle and tomorrow has her workup for a liver targeted therapy and our hopes are high. And I am so disappointed that I would not feel comfortable telling her to come onto this forum. Most of you are so wonderful and supportive and I know she could greatly benefit from this. But I can't bear to think what damage some comments could do to her fragile spirit right now. And as her mom, my boxing gloves are on.

I think it's wonderful that people who were once in my daughter's situation are now NED and I celebrate this with them. We all need to hear it can happen. And need to cheer on those who are continuing the battle.

Tommycat, I think you are amazing and your posts are so thoughtful and kind. I love your "personal sword for fear" and need to try to emulate your attitude.

Sandy

Calluna
Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2012

I think we all know the odds inside out, upside down, back to front and probably even sideways. We don't really need constant reminders of how bleak things are. We need those good news stories to remind us that those odds aren't always insurmountable, that people can and do survive this and that life goes on. If we don't have hope, what is everyone fighting so hard for?

I'm a realist. I understand as well as anyone that chances are I'm going to be farewelling someone I am in love with long before his time. I don't come here for reminders of that. I come here because of the amazing spirit of support and camaraderie, and because of the wealth of knowledge and information and understanding and love. It helps me to see that people don't give up. It helps me, when I'm trying so hard to be strong for someone else.

There is no such thing as false hope. Only hope.

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

Went to my support group yesterday, another burning candle, I look around and think who has died.

I agree that no such thing as false hope, I know all the things I try are gambles, they are my gambles, they give me hope and make my Days wonderful with purpose.

I so agree caluna, just hope.

Hope was a lighted sign over the portable loos at the cancer Council relay for life.

It must have been 10 meters wide, it flowed in the night brilliantly.

As I prodded along lap after lap at 4am, I focused on Hope.

Hugs,
Pete

danker
Posts: 1270
Joined: Apr 2012

I have enjoyed being married for 55 years. My wife currently has alzheimers so I am her caregiver. My hope is that we still have 10 years ahead of us-no matter what they bring. You are so right--there is only hope and love.!!!!

JayhawkDan's picture
JayhawkDan
Posts: 206
Joined: Apr 2012

I hope it goes well for your daughter tomorrow, Sandy. Keep those boxing gloves on and let us know what happens. I'll be praying for you.

And Tommycat -- thanks for the thread. We're here to support each other any way we can. This journey we're all on is difficult enough, and I appreciate all the help and information that I've received from fellow travelers on this board. Dan

plh4gail's picture
plh4gail
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

Ditto....the same things I think.

janderson1964
Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

Well said. Someone needed to start a post about this subject and I am thankful that you took the initiative.

Jeff

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

No other words to add, you said it all, Tommycat.

Tresia23's picture
Tresia23
Posts: 77
Joined: Dec 2010

Hi, Thank you for your post. You have expressed so eloquently in words what we sometimes struggle to say ourselves. That is why I come back to this board to read and to share. It is truly about the unconditional support that we give each other to deal with what comes to us each day.

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Ok I gotta ask. What started this?I thought things were going pretty well. Sometimes people need to hear they are not alone in their. Fears.must be having a sr. Moment's cause iamb lost.
judy

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Ok I gotta ask. What started this?I thought things were going pretty well. Sometimes people need to hear they are not alone in their. Fears.must be having a sr. Moment's cause iamb lost.
judy

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Ok I gotta ask. What started this?I thought things were going pretty well. Sometimes people need to hear they are not alone in their. Fears.must be having a sr. Moment's cause iamb lost.
judy

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Ok I gotta ask. What started this?I thought things were going pretty well. Sometimes people need to hear they are not alone in their. Fears.must be having a sr. Moment's cause iamb lost.
judy

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

!!!

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Ok I gotta ask. What started this?I thought things were going pretty well. Sometimes people need to hear they are not alone in their. Fears.must be having a sr. Moment's cause iamb lost.
judy

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4912
Joined: May 2005

In revisiting it.
Don't worry, it will happen again.
(and asking 6 times won't help!)
:-)

Jaylo969
Posts: 827
Joined: Jan 2010

You crack me up:)))....and you are so right. What goes around always seems to come back around and bites us in the butt once more.

I'm sure the 6 postings was because this site is so slooooooooow more often than not.

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

i was using my kindle and it kept doing weird things. i had no idea it was going through. sorry

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

OK your are right, but if I do what I am not supposed to do, then nobody can get mad, cause I didn't know I wasn't supposed to do it!
; )

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4912
Joined: May 2005

Just fight nicely
(as my Mom overheard two women say to their kids at the playground back in the 1950's)
Like what Tommycat said in her post. People will disagree but be respectful.

These are my thoughts now. Timing is real important.
Think before you post, just because you are holding a pin doesn't mean you have to burst someone's balloon.

I was busting your chops, I think everyone has posted twice for the same reason.
I know the server is often slow but you can usually see if the browser is "thinking". Having patience is key.
:-)
-phil

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

i can on the computer, but not the kindle. so i wont use that anymore. its embarrassing enough, but the typo's made it worse.
OK i still don't know who's balloon was popped, but who
ever it was I hope they are ok.
This board is amazing even when there is tension. Have a peaceful night everyone. And Lord Phil, this IS the slowest site I have ever been on.
Judy

lauragb
Posts: 370
Joined: Aug 2011

I also don't know what happened to precipitate this post, clueless as usual but I guess that's good in this instance.

Anyway, I agree completely with everything Tori said. I know I come here so that I don't feel alone in this, and I want others to know they're not alone.

Let's keep supporting each other, with advice, prayers, light, love, vibes whatever it is we believe in and can give each other. We are one in our fight.

Laura

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Very nicely said.

*hugs*
Gail

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Over the years since I found this site, there have been many, many, many heated discussions. I truly agree that it comes down to 'basic difference of opinion' in some instances, and that the passion one person feels for a subject may be the same passion for someone else, on the opposite course...

As others have said, it boils down to respecting others, and celebrating our differences....and neither making or taking offense on any one given subject.

We ARE all angry/passionate/frightened by this thing called cancer. But I feel we should spend our anger/passion focused at the beast, itself, not others...

As was already said, and my mama taught me....'Play nice'....

Love to you all!!!

Hugs, Kathi

danker
Posts: 1270
Joined: Apr 2012

You are in effect saying we are all afraid to die.. Or are we? The best thing we can say about someone is"they died and went to heaven"
Is there any way we can beat that with a stick? Even thou i'm 80 I'm in no rush, but neither am I afraid to go.

steved
Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2004

I think it is useful for people to reflect from time to time on the purpose of this site and the impact of things that are posted. The only thing we all share is the one thing we don't want- the rest is human diversity. In a group all struggling to cope, the diversity can lead to conflict but we must not allow that to undermine the true purpose of this group which is support.
Early on in this group I found some aspects very difficult though have come to in fact really enjoy the challenge that people approach managing this illness in ways that are very foreign to me. However, that reflects the fact that I am eight years on in all this and many who come to this site are still coming to terms with the early adjustment and trauma of learning they have cancer. At that stage being challenged is the last thing they need on top of the emotional turmoil they are facing.
I agree that we must all be mindful in our posts and think what the impact may be on others who may not be at the same point in this journey as ourselves or may have different outlook on their particular situation.
We can all do with a bit more mindfulness at times,
Steve (who if Kathy is the old woman of this site I run the risk of being one of the oldmen- at only 39 I'm not ready for that!)

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